You wrote:

I don't know why I always post to FFNet first, then the FFML months later;

I

guess I'm more afraid of your opinions because I know there'll be biting
criticism if I screw up;

But, there will be actually some hope of receiving useful C+C beyond 'Nice
work, look forward to seeing more'

        He was of average height for a man of the region and time. His
face was a bit delicate, but nonetheless definitely masculine and
weather-hardened from years on the road. The clothes he wore were
nothing exceptional: well-made cotton pants and jacket, sandals, a
necklace made of beads and claws, and a faded red cloak made of what was
unmistakably wool. The color of his hair and eyes were unremarkable as
well, the one being a shiny black and the other a nondescript brown.
There was something off about those eyes, though, that an observer could
not identify, and his hair was long, longer even than was the fashion in
ladies of the emperor's court. These qualities could be easily explained
away, however, once one knew the reason for the man's wanderings.
        He was a storyteller.

Interesting enough opening. Not great, but enough to perk interest and get a
frame of reference for character and time.

        Now, every storyteller has to have a specialty.

I wouldn't use this voice and tense. Keep it third person omnicient and
don't address the audiance this way for this piece. Feels off especially
after the intro paragraph, at least IMO.

freedom of the road. He had been a wanderer for far too long to give up
such a life. However, the stories he knew best, those that he could tell
so vividly that it almost seemed as if he had been there, were the
legends of the great half-demon Inu Yasha.

8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*8*

End of a Legend
An "Inu Yasha" fanfic
By Dendarin

Takahashi: You're cancelling the series?

Editor: The book just isn't selling like it was.

Takahashi: I guess that signifies the end of the legendary Inu-Yasha
legend...

Nah, too real. Let's go for something more epic.

^_^

        The children gathered around the stranger as he entered the
village. He smiled at them and joked, flowing through the main street
with his entourage like a festival day parade. The parade ended as the
stranger approached the temple in the center of the village with the
elderly priestess standing on the porch.

Bit awkward. perhaps something along the lines of 'center of the village.
Waiting for him was an elderly priestess standing on the porch.

Or somethign along those lines.

        "Kaede? _The_ Kaede? Younger sister of Kikyo, guardian of the
Shikon Jewel? The one who tamed Inu-Yasha?"
        "Ha! Inu-Yasha was never tamed by my hand. I only gave the
proper tools to the one who could."
        The storyteller shook his head in disbelief. "Whatever you did,
this is amazing! This is the very village that Inu-Yasha destroyed so
many years ago, is it not? This is where my legends start, for I tell of
the greatest of half-demons of all time, Inu-Yasha!"

Except these people probably know the tales from one of the sources, so he
might want to tell different stories.

helper. He though, instead, of the story he would have to tell, and of
Kaede's comment.

I have no idea what you were saying there.

        After the meal, the storyteller and the priestess moved outside,
he to the porch, and she to the front of the small audience that had
gathered there. "All right, gather

two 'gather's close together. Might want to change one.

        "This continued for a long time. It became almost routine, and
Inu-Yasha would worry if Kikyo was not in place to be attacked and Kikyo
if Inu-Yasha did not attack. They became so comfortable in the routine
that they began to talk during their battles, first to hurl insults,
then to catch up on the news, and even, eventually, simply to speak to
one another.

Making it not much of a battle, actually.

        The entire village was silent for minutes more, until Kaede, the
priestess, spoke. "Well, I am impressed, young man. I knew that story
already and it moved me. I imagine it was quite an experience for
everyone else, especially the young ones. You may stay in the temple
tonight, if you wish, and eat with me once again."

Well, his plan worked for now.

        "However, there's something about him that I can't quite
place..." Kaede nodded. She had felt so as well, and she had noticed
that Kagome's feelings on such matters were even more accurate than her
own. "I want to try something. After he tells his story, I want to tell
one of my own. Make sure he doesn't leave."
        "What do you have in mind?"
        "I'm not completely sure yet.

But it'll work. whatever it is. The story is a one shot. :)

        "You see, every half-demon has a time when they lose all powers
and become simply human.

It's called moonstration. :)

the Jewel to make myself a full demon or to increase my powers.' Knowing
that this was a vow that even Inu-Yasha would not break, Kagome
reluctantly gave him the Jewel.

Then he stood back, jumping up and down and chanting 'Nyaa, nyaa. Fooled
you."

        "Inu-Yasha took it, and he held it in his hand, and he told it
to make him human. The power of the Jewel flowed through him, and for a
moment he felt the incredible power of it,

felt its incredible power (would be better)

        "When the Shikon Jewel was destroyed, Kagome went back to her
world to settle all accounts so that she could live in this one with the
one she loved. Unfortunately, fate had other plans, and she found her
love had disappeared in her absence. She searched in vain for over a
year before returning to her time. She lived in both worlds, balancing
the comforts of home with memories of her time with Inu-Yasha, and
always searching for the half-demon who could make her forget all
others.

Suspected as much.

        "For seven years she searched, never giving up hope."

Kaede: She was stupid that way.

 The

storyteller had finally managed to break away from Kaede and was trying
to run around back of the temple. "But now, the search is finally over -
_SIT_!" the storyteller fell to the ground and the woman grinned, "and
I've found him."
        "I can't believe this thing still works,"

Heh. Me either.

        Just a little something I thought up. Yes, I know I'm missing some
characters (especially Sango); I'm only on the sixth VIZgraphic novel
translation, so I couldn't use them.

Nice work. Not very familiar with IY myself, but it certainly worked for me.

D.B. Sommer

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