Lurker, of course I agree with most of this. The labels especially. Perhaps 
this author could have spent a wee bit more time using your namesake, and 
lurking on the list. It's not really that hard to detect the pattern.

5. Try not to confuse "random brainfart" with "fanfiction". What you have
here is more akin to a random brainfart than a fanfic. The proper place for
a random brainfart is a blog or instant message to a friend. Please attempt
to keep this in mind in the future.

As for the fic itself, it still *is* a fanfic, even if not a very good one. 
Besides, as you yourself have seen, it could have been much, much worse. 
There are things much closer to actual farts than this piece of, er, 
artistry. In fact, to Kitsune's credit, I did find myself giving a small 
outloud chuckle. More in a sense of wonderment than any actual comedy value 
of the fanfic, but I laughed just the same.

Kitsune, I would warn you that there are many, many people harsher than 
myself on this list, and quite a few harsher than our favorite Mr. Lurker, 
so be advised. It isn't wise to just post *anything* here, even if it is 
technically a fanfic. Yes, we are here to help you. We are here to improve 
your writing, but still primarily to improve our own. Don't abuse our 
generousity by sending in something that sucks. If you do, we'll doo our 
job, as we're doing now, and telling you in no uncertain terms: This sucks.

Even as a joke, this was very poorly constructed. Even if we're supposed to 
throw actual characterization right out the window while reading your 
spamfic, you are simply asking too much. Luna is not gay, and we know the 
reason why she follows Usagi. Mainly because while Usagi may have good 
intentions, she is still an idiot and needs looking after. If you want us to 
believe Luna is gay, you need some better evidence. Or rather, 
circumstantial evidence than when read the right way might suggest that 
particular leaning. You do not have this, nor do you give us any reason in 
the beginning to think of the characters in any other light but what the 
original series dictates. While not as unclear as Lurker's Japanese golfer 
joke allusion (having never heard the joke, I have no clue. Lurker, you'll 
have to tell it to me sometime) the punchline is still as ineffective.

If I were writing this spamfic, assuming I ever would have such an idea, I 
would probably pay attention mostly to Luna's "odd" viewings. The shower was 
the only good touch. The others can be explained. If you had managed to 
attain a list such as shower, dressing and undressing, and even Usagi 
perhaps pleasuring herself, the punchline would make much more sense since 
there would be far more evidence of the reason for Luna's viewings. In fact, 
a description of Luna's apparent state of mind during these viewings would 
also help... And I cannot believe I went this far into the mechanics of a 
spamfic. Point is, don't post crap, consider what you're doing, edit on your 
own, then post to the list.

Kevin Callahan
"Was that longer than the fic?"

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