----- Original Message -----
From: "Richard Lawson" <nouma@msn.com>
To: <ffml@anifics.com>
Sent: Monday, January 13, 2003 4:48 PM
Subject: [FFML] Re: [Ranma] Diary of a Mature Child: Entry #1

Well, comments...

Technically, very well written with just a couple of minor quibbles that
others have pointed out.  An easy-to-read style, which is so important.

An old, extremely-worn Ranma fanfic idea:  let's start the series over,

but

with something different.  A tall, polite Ranma?  Hmm.

It seems you missed the "prologue": A Child's Prayer. Going by that, there's
more going on than meets the eye.

Also, it's been around for at least a while. Was anything changed from the
website version I read this summer?

Can't really say whether the story idea is worthwhile, since you've
developed little of the plot.  But this is a nice, pleasant to read

snippet,

which is enough to compel me to read the next entry, when it comes out.
We'll see how you do then.

Good start.  Write more.

No disagreement from me.

SP



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