And on to the first part:

$Onward and backwards.  Sorry so much of my C&C tends to be as late as
it is.  Oh, did you get the C&C for the latter half of this chapter?  I
realized after I had sent it that my computer clock was showing 2001
instead of 2003, it might have been put in an older section of your
mail.  That's happened to me before.

I did get it. I was addicted to Baldur's Gate. Completed it last night, and
held off on Tales of the Sword Coast so I can do emails and put out the next
chapter of Sextacular. Just need one more prereaeder to get back to me.

Bright morning sunlight streamed through the unadorned window and pried
Ranma's eyes open. Reluctantly, he gave in to the sun's wake up call. He
raised his head off his pillow and unleashed a mighty yawn, making a
face at
the funny taste in his mouth. He scratched his crotch as he waited to
fully
come around. As he took care of the itch, he noticed a bad case of
morning
wood was upon him. He'd have to do something about it.

$He's a man who really loves his morning wood.  Although it does make
peeing difficult.

Keener or someone had a TM fic that dealt hilariously with that, though only
men could appreciate the problems described in it.

As his mind started to catch up with the rest of his body, his attitude
shifted from reluctant riser to optimistic seeker of a prosperous
future.
Things were good. He was living with three attractive girls. He had a
roof
over his head. And he was an all-around great guy.

$Heh, two out of three ain't bad.

He's not that bad sort, just a tad on the desperate side.

 The signs indicated
things would get even better with a little luck and patience. He had a
lot
to look forward to.

Noticing the blanket-covered lump of his father still sleeping,

$Heh, I guess Genma's had a visit from the morning wood fairy too.

Not that sort of lump. :(

This was the start of a brand new morning, and even if he didn't score
with
the Tendou girls today, he would make major inroads at the least. Good
things took time, and all of the girls were definitely hot enough that
it
was worthwhile to take some time winning them over.

$Several chapters at least, no?

Oui.

unconcerned that his eyes were riveted to the area of her flesh that was
showing. She side-stepped him, adding, "Don't forget, we have school
today.
Me and Nabiki will show you around. Try not to take too long to get
ready."
She continued on without a backwards glance, leaving him to stare after
her
as she headed around the corner and upstairs to her room.

$No peek up the bottom of her bathrobe as she climbs the stairs?

Nah. He'll get a better bathrobe shot in a minute.

$Though, seeing

used grammar comments.

of
the throbbing going on between his legs. It was his first day of school,
and
walking around with a perpetual hard-on might make meeting people a bit
awkward.

$How is that different from how most teenage males walk around in the
first place?

Heh.

impression than that of 'Peeper' like he had with the Tendou girls.
Relieving his 'tension' would enable him to talk with a clear mind, not
make
him feel any unnecessary pressure, and make walking considerably easier.

$Whatever happened to his martial artist's focus?  I mean, anyone who
can sit around and stair at a nail on the wall until they hallucinate
lines radiating around it could surely avoid thinking about sex.

Heh.

And besides, whacking off just felt darn good.

$Hard to argue with that.

Indeed.

Nabiki's bottom half was in an equally loose state.

$That a comment about Nabiki's morals and sociosexual qualms, or lack
thereof?

No double entendre there. :)

satisfied by the two of them grinding their body against one another in
passionate sex? Or was he misreading something, and this was only a
friendly
(very friendly) gesture she used with anyone staying at the house?

$Or maybe she just want's his wallet.

Just the contents. Not the wallet itself.

him with the implication he could look at it once already.

Besides, having her outmaneuver him like that made him feel like he had
lost
a fight. And he absolutely hated that feeling.

$Especially since he got it so often.  What with the whole mindless
horniness bit, Ranma here feels more like a wuss.  That's a nice change
from the uber-Ranma, though.

Was primarily going for the change.

promising an unusually hot day for this time of Spring. He enjoyed the
weather as he walked across the slate tiles until he was directly above
where the window to the bath was. He uncoiled the rope, secured it
around a
television antenna sticking out of the roof,

$Methinks that's going to break.

Close. The not double checking the know is the tip off to it loosening.

everything
inside the bath while keeping the absolute minimum of his head showing.
It
was a difficult balance to maintain, but he was a highly trained martial
artist. He could do just about anything.

$He was a true disciple of Happosai.

More on Happi later.

discover
that viewpoint was not held by the majority of society, as evidenced by
the
number of times he was caught peeping and ended up slapped, kicked, and
maced.

$Heh, I'm assuming he was 'maced' by some chinese chick with a bonbori.

More on Shampoo later. Chapter 4.

Ranma had an ideal view of the bathroom. He watched as Nabiki, already
well
into cleaning herself, stood up from a stool and poured water over
herself,
washing away the soapy bubbles that clung to her recently scrubbed body.
Ranma's "Ooo" was drowned out by the water as it struck the tiles of the
floor.

$Most perverts want to be caught, anyway.  Adds to the thrill.

Nah. He just wants to be loved. ^_^

Making certain the last of the suds were washed away from her body,
Nabiki
walked over to the filled tub. She lifted up one of her shapely legs and
tested the water with her toe. Satisfied with the probe,

$Probably the most boring use of the word 'probe' in a lemon fanfic.

Heh.

On the downside, her bottom was now underwater, and he lost his chance
to
stare at her nether regions. The water was moving too much to get
anything
other than the most general of details.

$Something well exploited in anime.

Got that right.

Ranma eyes widened to twice their original size. This was something he
had
never actually seen a woman engage in before, outside of a few hentai
tapes
he had managed to watch.

$Porn or anime?  The distinction is important!

Porn. Had the music. He mentions it later.

 But seeing it on a television screen was one thing;
watching it actually happen before his eyes was quite another. It was
far
more sensual seeing it for real, and Nabiki's body could easily compare
with
most of the actresses he had seen. And all without that cheesy porn
music
playing in the background.

$Bwomp chika chika dum bop!

% there you have it.

As Nabiki's thumb began playing over the top of her pussy, fingers still
plunging in and out, she removed one hand and began playing with her
breast.
She moaned out loud, almost pleading as she said, "Oh yes, Ranma. That's
it.
Work it in."

$Heh.  Okay, I can see where this is going.

Cool. Hope it was still fun anyway. It's all the 'genuine' lemon content
you'll get.

Ranma's eyes nearly fell out of his head and his mouth was agape. Even
his
hand stopped working up and down his shaft. She was fantasizing about
him?
It was too good to be true.

$Which is why it isn't.  Heh.

Yep. Too easy to get this far by the second chapter.

Besides, he could proposition Nabiki later if she was this hot for him.
No
need to rush in now and make a mistake.

$Not to mention he would last almost two seconds.  If that long.

True.

Nabiki's mouth poised before his cock and open and waiting for his
sperm-filled load. And then his climax hit. He grunted, bursting with
powerful spurts; over a week's worth of cum stored in his sack. He
sprayed
the wall of the house with each jet

$Hehehe.

He's just house painting. Really.

on
his shirt rather than his pants. Why, a person might have thought it was
some other guy that came on him, rather than it being a result of his
own
actions.

$Nah, I think most people would immediately jump to the appropriate
conclusions.

Heh

Nabiki slid the window open to confront Ranma. Rather than being
offended,
she seemed amused. She smiled coyly and said, "Like what you saw?"

Ranma was stupefied. This was an ideal situation to be labeled a pervert
and
end up hammered through the air. It had happened often enough that he
couldn't think past it. "Um, well, ah."

$Critique her performance!

Superstud would have. Here Ranma's just surprised. I would be too. Not that
I'm a peeper or anything.

She looked above him to see his cock still in his hand, and the results
of
his 'handiwork' on the wall. "I guess you did. Want a kiss?"

$If either of them crosses that threshold, something's going to drip on
them.

True. Nabby wouldn't care, though. Blow jobs are one of her favorite ways of
keeping her boyfriends on a short leash.

Nabiki shrugged. "Okay. In that case it'll be five thousand yen."

$Ten with the kiss, eh?

6, actually

 Hell, 5k yen don't sound like a bad deal.

No, actually it isn't. Nabiki knows he isn't loaded and technically Ranma is
right, he didn't ask for the show. She knows better than to press her luck
here.

Nabiki sighed. "Surely you don't think I masturbate like that if someone
isn't watching."

$Not sure, but I think that should have a question mark.

Prolly right.

your
name? Please." Nabiki scoffed. "If I'm doing it for my pleasure, it's
fast
and efficient. Just simple in and out until I'm done. As soon as I'm
finished I move right on to other things. I spotted you when you poked
your
head in the window. I put that on just for you."

$"Hey, thanks!"

Not a bad response, but he's a little deflated now.

Nabiki's amusement disappeared. She turned her head towards the inside
of
the house, and began to shout, "Daddy! Ranma's peeping on me while I'm
in
the-" She stopped abruptly as she saw the silencing gestures Ranma was
making with his free hand. "Did you have something to say?"

$Take a check?

Heh.

Suddenly put on the spot, Ranma winced. He had barely enough resolve to
look
down and see the speaker. Below him was a group of men. They wore
identical
uniforms, consisting of black pants with beige tops and badges pinned to
their chests.

$Genu-wine imported Texas troopers, eh?

Kansai, but in that vein. Redneck Japanese Police. I intend to have fun with
them.

One of the policemen, a man with a big gut that hung out over his
equipment
belt, said, "Well, Son. We dun got a call about some pre-vert, peeping
in a
house. And lo and behold, we dun found one."

$Ranma: Oh, come on.  You can't tell me you've never polished _your_
nightstick before.

Not out in public, no.

with

three stun guns. His body jerked so much from the electricity that the
knot
around his waist came undone and he fell to the ground, landing on his
head.

$Finally.

It was the perfect place for it to happen.

The group fell upon Ranma enthusiastically.

$Heh.

You'll be seeing them later, to be sure.

"I can handle it," Akane said.

$Ranma: Well, if you really want...  I mean, no way!

Heh

"Of course I am. I don't want people to think I'm a freak." It would be
impossible to pick up girls if that was the case. Men, on the other
hand,
were horny little bastards and just might think he was dateable
material.
The whole idea of guys hitting on him gave him the creeps.

$Having read the next chapter....  Heheh.

Yep. Not a good day out of the gate. But an interesting one, to be sure.

number of chairs spaced around the room. In the center was a large table
with a number of magazines, containing innocuous titles, spread out on
the
top. Several charts and diagrams of human anatomy hung on the wall

$Some of which Ranma wanted to take home for a closer inspection.

Nah. He's not that hard up.

Ranma-chan got as far as putting her hand on his elbow when she felt him
tap
a point at the base of her skull, and her whole body below the neck went
limp.

$I guess when you're totally limp you can be forced into more unusual
positions.

Yep.

The end of the implement, filled with its liquid payload, seemed to
shine in
the doctor's hands as brightly as his glasses. "Don't worry, Akane-chan.
This won't hurt a bit. And once we're done with your examination, we can
move on to mine."

$Aww, I bet you say that to all the girls.

Heh

"I don't want no enema!" Ranma-chan declared, her eyes crossing at the
intruder making its way into the tight ring of muscle. "And at least you
could use some lube!"

$There's always time for lube!

One would hope.

Tofu's gleaming glasses tore themselves away from Ranma-chan's backside.
"Kasumi-chan and Nabiki-chan?"

$His hands clenched convusively.  ^_^

Nah. Ranma has it bad enough. He doesn't need an enema as well.

for
a response, Tofu ran out of the office and out the building, shouting,
"Betty-chan, you naughty girl. Bring back Kasumi-chan and Nabiki-chan!
I'll
let you help examine them too!"

$Guy/girl/skeleton porn.  Okay, that's one that never crossed my mind.
Unfortunatly, I bet there's a website devoted to it somewhere.

You're probably right. *Shudder*

The gender switch took only a moment. Ranma found he was able to stand
up
after the dousing, soggy, but with some degree of motor control. Using
that
newfound motion, he made a fist and pointed it in the direction the
doctor
had taken. "That guy's going to pay for sticking that thing up my ass."

$Heh.  I could easily see this turning into something similar to the
joke about the hunter and the bear.

Heh.

discovered it was the truth, she thought she'd help him get over his
infatuation by... well, let's just say one thing led to another.
Unfortunately instead of curing him, after every time she'd stop by,
he'd be
out of it for the whole day instead of when she was in his line of
sight."

$Behind them, little old missus Tanaka hobbled up to the clinic door
with her walked.  Just as she opened the door, however,
"Why there you are, Kasumi!"
and she was dragged into the clinic without time for a word of protest.

Hehehehe. Not the imagery I'm going for, though.

Akane turned slightly red. "I couldn't help myself. Dr. Tofu was one of
the
kindest, nicest men I even knew.

$And besides, it wasn't fair for my sisters to have all the fun.

She's not quite that petty. She had the crush here to. It's just she did
something about it, and now it's over with, not living up to her
expectations, which is what happens to many crushes.

There are lots of places I'd like to bite you, he made sure not to say
to
her.

$Heh heh.  A quick tongue needs to be paired with quicker teeth.  Got
to bite back some of those comments before they run amok.

Yep. Ranma doesn't let his tongue slip in that manner often. He does have
some sense of tact.

The proclamation had an immediate effect as the horde surged forward in
a
wave, heading for the same spot right on the inside of the gates. As
one,
they cried out, "Akane Tendou, in order to have our way with you,

$AGAIN! called out some random boy.

Nah. You'll understand why in a minute.

stretched across the entire length of the front of the crowd. It cut
right
into them, taking out the first line of the group and sending bodies
flying
everywhere.

$Sure, other schools may have sailor suited warriors of justice, and
others have half alien superbeings, and still others have magicians,
gods, mystical beings, and undercover cops, but I'll bet that, on
average, Furinkan has to have the toughest general student body in any
anime.

Hmm. Hard to say. They would  be up there, though.

in
the dirt. How dare you foul creatures try to force your attentions on a
woman by force of arms! Truly only the lowest of worms would act in such
a
bestial manner. Have you no shame? No dignity? No honor?"

$No pussy, either!

Heh. Cute

He leveled his bokken at the boys once again. "But no, such thinking is
beyond your ilk. Instead, you seek to force your passions on them by
prying
open their legs and satisfying your urges. You disgust me to the lowest
portion of my being. You do not have the right to call yourself men.

$Yeah, Kuno, you tell'em.  To think, lusting after members of the
opposite sex when clearly only men will do.  For shame!

Got that right.

All the girls in the schoolyard gave a thunderous cheer as the youth
approached Akane. Ranma overheard the girls saying, "He's so dreamy."
"No
one is as handsome as Kunou." "He's the only real man in this entire
school."

$True, Kuno is definitely a man among men.

Heh.

And then Kunou's eyes fully turned on Ranma, taking him in for he first
time. Instantly he was before Ranma, easily violating his personal
space.

$Hah!  Doesn't quite have the same effect the second go around, but
this was great.

Glad it worked. It was one of the base images in my mind when forming this
fic on FFIRC.

Ranma took a half step back, unprepared for the kendoist's quickness.

Kunou bowed and smiled warmly. "You are absolutely correct. They were
little
more than an afterthought for a man of your obvious talents.

$Ah, I nearly choked when I first read this.

Yeah, it kind of hits you right there what's really going on. I thought it
would be a nice change of pace.

very
best of... friends." Kunou gave an enigmatic smile, and departed. The
moment
he left, a gaggle of schoolgirls flocked to his side, cooing about his
willingness to stand up for a girl's honor with no expectation of
receiving
anything in return.

$Nor willingness to accept anything in return.

True.

Ranma scratched his head in confusion. "Further with him? What's that
supposed to mean? He just walked up and said 'Hi,' and shook my hand.
Except
he didn't really get to the shaking part." Ranma looked at his hand
curiously.

$Strange, you'd think his wrists would be really strong from swinging
that sword around.  Must not be as good an exercise as I thought.

Heh.

Nabiki looked askance at Ranma. "Um, you do understand that Kunou was
coming
on to you there, didn't you? He couldn't have made it more obvious if he
reached down and started stroking your cock."

$Sure he could have.  He could have grabbed his ass instead.

Well, there is that.

"He's gay?!" Ranma shouted, looking at his hand as though he had been
informed he had just handled a bag full of leprosy.

$Hah!

Not the best metaphor I have come up with, but it was all that came to me.

 "Does anyone else know
about it?"

$No, Ranma, just you.

Heheeh. That one struck me as particularly amusing. My saracstic streak
approves.

Nabiki shrugged. "He is the most suave, handsome, noble, virtuous guy
around. He'll go out of his way to help any girl in need and do it on
principle rather than as a way of trying to impress them and get into
their
panties. That he's openly unavailable makes him even more irresistible
to
some girls. It's not that surprising. Why do you think bishonen guys are
so
popular with girls?"

$All the good ones are gay.

You'd think it from the way so many women do throw themselves at gay guys.
:(

visualize the sort of action Nabiki was saying on top of that.

Akane said, "I'm sure he's at least bi-sexual and doesn't realize it
yet.
I'm just helping him realize his full potential."

$Ranma's the buy-sexual today.

Ouch. Bad one. I approve.

"What was he said last week? Ah, yes." Nabiki's posture shifted as she
took
in a more haughty air. Her voice deepened as she pontificated, "'A man
find
comfort in a woman? Such foolishness and naivet�. Only a man can truly
understand what another man suffers through on this arduous path that be
known as life. It is only in the company of men, lying in the arms of
another man, that true peace and happiness can be obtained'."

$Saw a badly dubbed Samurai movie to that effect once.

Don't want to know.

Ranma nodded his head. "That makes sense. I sort of figured something
was up
since she could have handled those guys pretty easily."

$Akane doesn't even preen at the acomplishment?

No. Or do you mean compliment?

Akane and listening to her views on life, Yuka abandoned that lifestyle
lot of girls in similar situations: acting like a child allowed to run
loose
in a candy store for the first time and wanting to sample every 'treat'
there was. Akane hoped the girl slowed down soon. She was either going
to
burn herself or every male in their school out before too long.

$Yuka: But that's just THIS school!  There are dozens of schools in
Tokyo alone!

Akane's exxagerating, but it gets the point across.

Nabiki started to say something, but then gained a mischievous look to
her
eye. Ranma's attention was too wrapped up with the girls for him to
notice
the shift.

$Cute.  Keeping the tension alive.

Yep. Also shows Nabiki sadistic playful side. :)

nice and sweetness, like she's interested in you. But it's just that; an
act. The moment she gets you alone and gets your pants around your
ankles,
she'll starting hitting you in the balls and not stopping until you're
nearly dead."

$Ranma could stop that, though, really.

Yep, but the idea makes him wince. Doesn't it you?

going to have to keep hitting on her no matter how hopeless it seems.
Eventually she'll give in, and then it's all the pussy you can handle
and
then some."

$Hmm.  I wonder about the neko-ken thing here.  All these pussy
references.

No comment.

"Oh, I assure you the pleasure's all mine," Nabiki said with an amused
grin.
She was definitely finding playing with Ranma amusing to no end.


$Yeah, this is fun.  Definitely enjoying this series.  Ranma's losing a
lot of sympathy from me, but the other characters, Kuno especially, make
this a great read.  Very clean, too.  Not much for me to point out.

It uses changes I hadn't seen before and thought could be worked in an
amusing way while still relating to the original source material, like the
morning attacks and Kunou's love/hate relationship with Ranma's cursed
forms.. More tournabouts I don't recall seeing before either that hopefully
will prove amusing.

Thanks again for the C+C. It's been very helpful.

D.B. Sommer

-Ragun





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