Thank you for the review.  I will try to correct the grammar as soon as
possible.  I know how distracting poor grammar can be when your trying
to immerse yourself in a story.  My personal pet peeve is homonyms.

	"Ghost cat!  Where," Ranma shrieked eyes darting quickly around.

I have to disagree with this. I can't see Ranma getting scared at
something that's not there, that he hasn't seen with his own eyes. Even
a cat.

I have to go with my original interpretation.  Ranma started out with

a heavy load of phobia, and did indeed start, jump and react if there
was a solid reason to believe a cat was involved.  I have had much of
the edge of the phobia blunted by the meditation exercises he learned
back in...er..Part I or II (can't remember, how embarrassing).  However
after going through a marathon of battles he really isn't up to focusing
on anything.


<snip>

real bear of a man and he had not been taken unawares like the other,

unawares like the other, earlier Sunaj had been. -> unaware like the
others.

earlier Sunaj had been.  Ranma had been fortunate in taking out the 
lackey early and had routed most of the collateral damage towards the 
rear.  He had taken a beating but finally won just in time for the next

two assassins to rush inside.  These were much weaker but the constant 
battles were beginning to take their toll.

I think that is a scene that should've been shown in its whole. As a
reader, I feel a bit cheated for not having to been able to witness that
battle.

I'll think on this.  I avoided the whole gauntlet of thirty Sunaj

because...well that would be a whole Part in itself.  It would also be
really repetitious, since the Sunaj didn't have any warning or know what
did or didn't work on Ranma in previous battles they most likely did
very similar things.  The battle with the commander was the most
difficult and involved so it would probably add some meat to the
chapter.  It would make a really long chapter but I can live with that.

I'm often told myself to not use special characters when sending to the
list: �. Just go with fiancee.

I write in work and although I've long since changed the options to

stop it from autoendenting and changing ellipses '...' to special
characters it keeps changing the fianc�e to fianc�e.  I sent the
document in text (it showed up on the list as a monstrous 160k file so I
don't really know how it got bloated from the 40k or so original) so I
would be interested to know if everyone could view it properly.

<snip>

around," she paused and then shivered slightly.  "I think she spends 
too much time with the damn hammer Ranma gave her.  I'm not sure but I 
think she may talk to it."

Hammers being Akane's preferred bludgener of choice is a fanfic cliche.
She actually usually hits Ranma with whatever's closest: table, chair,
statue, flowerpot.

You are correct in saying this is clich� and she usually hits him with

whatever is handy.  However, Ranma gave her an enchanted hammer when he
got back from the palladium world.  He very much regretted this almost
immediately thereafter.  It is this hammer that Akane is talking to.
And it is a greater artifact than Ranma first assumed.

<snip>

Atlantean clans took out the wayward Sunaj, Splynncryth would be out 
another whole tier of minions that normally acted as informal bounty

Are you trying to say, 'Splynncryth would be out for another whole'?

Er...no.  I mean Splynncryth might lose the use of a whole race of

assassins that he has used for duties he didn't want to waste on his
more favored minions.

Anyway, here are some closing thoughts:

It's very difficult keeping track of what's happening. I wish rather
than the story flitting about between every character you show, that you
reign in the perspective, and show only one character's perspective per
scene.

Also, I felt Ranma was never in any danger whatsoever. He's just too
good, which is bad. He's got so many tricks at his disposal, and he's so
clever about using them, that I lost interest in what happened to him,
because I knew nothing would ever really truly happen to him.

You have a good point.  The Sunaj one on one really weren�t a

challenge.  That was whole point.  Given this I probably should go into
more detail with the fight with the Sunaj commander.  It was where
Ranma's plan started to go to hell and was really the only time he was
in real danger.

You have written a good mystery, on the other hand. I do want to know
more about Splynncryth. Who is he? What does he have planned?

Er...that's not really much of a mystery.  This is a basic Rifts RPG

crossover.  The Splugorth are a race of interdimensional despots.  When
Atlantis phased back into the earths dimension he moved in and took over
before anyone else could take advantage of it.  Sure he's got his own
plans but as to who he is...he is the 35 ton, megapowerful squid/octopus
and he and his multi billion interdimensional horde rule the continent
of Atlantis absolutely.  He is not a secret ruler, everyone knows him,
and if they don't fear him they at least respect him.  Don't expect
Ranma to go head to head with him, he's more powerful than most gods.  I
have a picture of him on my webpage along with some of the other main
characters I am using from Rifts.  Ranma is dealing with a larger issue.
He's trying to get to a goal.  There are some minor game pieces in the
way but most don't even realize what game they are playing in, let alone
what they are an obstacle to.  

I have tried to provide enough background of the Rifts characters and

locations so it is not necessary to be familiar with the game in order
to understand the story but if I haven't I would certainly like to know
so I can integrate them more.



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