Wherever there is someone screwing up, or being screwed over, there will
be someone to laugh at them. 

Even in Heaven. 

"Hehehehe... Mr Tendo is a spineless moron!," Urd laughed. 

"What, you think that you could do better?," Toltiir asked silkily. 

Urd backpedalled quickly. "Nope, I wouldn't do it for all the tea in
China. However... what if Genma talked to Soun at the start of the
Trip?" 

Toltiir's catty grin increased in size. 

* * * 

"Soun, old friend, pull yourself together! Think of the Art!," Genma
said. 

He had come to see his old buddy at the start of his training trip with
his son; the ink on the Seppuku Contract was still wet. And what did he
find? Soun's wife fresh dead, Soun as much use as a glass hammer, and
his kids emotional as hell. 

Soun's eyes dried slightly. "Yes, Saotome, we must train our heirs hard!
Make my wife proud of our daughters!" 

His eyes returned to normal liquidity. "My poor wife... WAAAAAAH!" 

Genma pinched the bridge of his nose. "Would your wife want you to be
weeping over her, or trying to get over her death?" 

Soun thought of his wife... he had thought her a weak female when first
he met her, but the beauty had quickly disavowed that knowledge,
reinforcing the message with her katana. 

Her and Nodoka had been similar, like that. 

"Akane! Nabiki! Kasumi!" 

The three little girl emerged. Their eyes were red from tears. 

"We are going to make your mother proud of us, and train hard in the
Art, okay?," Soun asked. 

The three girls nodded hesitantly. 

"How about we make a promise to return here once your youngest is
sixteen to unite the schools of the Anything Goes, Soun?," Genma
proposed. He couldn't live off the sweat of the two heirs if he couldn't
find one of them, could he? 

Soun swiftly agreed. Sadly, he had already drunk all of the sake in his
misery, so there would be no celebratory drinks. 

Genma, satisfied that Soun's heir would now be supporting him as well in
his old age, left at that point. After pointing out the girls, and
putting the idea into Ranma's head that living with one of them would be
something his mother would like, of course. It never hurt to have a
backup plan or twelve. 

He had heard of a legendary training ground in northern Japan... 

* * * 

Akane left on a training trip with Soun, learning the Tendo School of
the Anything Goes Martial Arts. 

Nabiki, Soun sent to his dear wife's relatives in the mountains, to
learn under Grampa Hokage. 

Kasumi, well, Soun realised that Kasumi was a gentle soul. So he left
Kasumi with Saotome Nodoka. 

* * * 

Soun knew that his good friend Genma was better in the Art than him, so
he trailed behind him on his training trip with Akane, taking time off
each year to visit his two other daughters. 

The room of moving blades was very good for Akane, as was the swamp with
wolves... he was so lucky to have a good friend like Saotome! 

His darling Akane, though, didn't seem to realise this. Oh, the
sacrifices one must make for the sake of the Art! 

Soun had thought about releasing the Master to train his Akane, but
stopped when he realised the danger this would pose to the world's
panties. 

He also drew the line at the Cat Fist. But this Dog Fist sounded like a
good idea... 

* * * 

Nabiki... well, she learnt what she knew in Canon, except more so. 

Her Grampa knew *so much*! 

She was resolved to be a master of the Hokage Ninjitsu, and make her
father and mother proud of her! She would even beat her sisters! 

Once her bruises from sparring with Ishijima-jiisan healed, that is. And
her light burns from Recca-shihan. And her cuts from Mikagami-jiisan. 

Well, at least Fuuko-baasan didn't bruise her or anything. And Granma
healed her each night. 

* * * 

Meanwhile, Tendo Kasumi was learning the arts of womanhood from Nodoka,
learning how to keep a house, live frugally as a martial artist's wife,
and how to kill a man in two thousand ways with a katana. 

And, of course, how a man should be Manly. This Happosai sounded like a
manly man. Kasumi hoped to meet him one day. 

* * * 

All of which did not affect Ranma in the slightest, until his sixteenth
birthday. 

He was being dragged to the Tendo Dojo by his father. This was somewhat
mitigated by the fact that he was a girl, and so no one would recognise
him. A necessary evil, to preserve his dignity. Even if he was a weird
looking girl. And his father was a fat, ugly panda. 

"Oooh! This must be my old friend now! Saotome!," he heard. 

Genma tromped into the old house, carrying his recalcitrant offspring
like a sack of potatoes. Ranma struggled to get down, eventually popping
him a good one in the eye. 

"Ha! Stupid old fart!," she crowed. Ranma turned around to see... 

A dog, a c-c-c-one of those things, and two pretty girls. 

"Hi, I'm Saotome Ranma. I'm... sorry about this," the darkskinned girl
with white hair apologised. 

Nabiki looked at the newcomer hard. He looked cute, but... her trained
eye looked harder. It was hard to hide tits like those, even behind a
thick silk shirt. 

She copped a quick feel, just to be sure, then turned to the dog. 

"Dad, Ranma's a girl! And a weird looking girl at that!," she scolded.
The dog whined, until Kasumi poured hot water on the canine. 

Soun quickly dressed, ignoring the blushes of everyone present. 

Ranma, scowling, retaliated. "It's a curse, dammit! A-and could someone
get r-rid of the c-c-c-feline?" 

Kasumi obliged. The two non-Tendo men got a good show, until they
stopped at old man Tendo's glaring. 

Akane, who had just been peeped at by two *MEN*, held up a tightly
clenched fist. "Listen up, hentai! I am *NOT* marrying you!" 

Ranma shrugged. Soun looked at the anatomy that... moved, when she did
that, until old man Saotome glared at him. 

"I don't care. The chick in black is hotter, and seems nicer to me." 

Genma, who didn't really care *who* married Ranma as long as it was a
Tendo and thus someone he could live off, immediately chipped in with
his two cents. 

"Done! Ranma, you and... Nabiki are engaged to be married!," he happily
said. The boy had indicated interest, after all, and he was right. The
girl *was* hot. 

Tendo looked puzzled at this. "Saotome, are you sure that..." 

Genma dragged his friend into a corner to quickly talk. 

"I'm sure you trained your girl Akane well enough to support a dojo in
her own right, my friend?," Genma asked, after a rare flash of
inspiration. 

Teary eyed, Soun replied, "Of course, my old friend!" 

Genma nodded wisely. "Your girl Nabiki looks to need Ranma's support
more than Akane, so it would be most kind to all involved if Ranma
married Nabiki. A barehanded fighter, and a weapons user. It is meant to
be!" 

Overcome at this thought of all his girls happy, Soun agreed whole
heartedly, then turned back to the children. 

"Girls, Nabiki is engaged to be married to Ranma, according to an
ancient promise made by myself and Saotome Genma!" 

/Phew,/ Genma thought. /I don't feel like dragging the boy to marry that
violent tomboy, and if he was with the Kasumi girl, then Nodoka might
find us./ 

Soun had caught up with them and trained with him and Ranma at some
points during the trip. The violence that the Tendo girl had displayed
convinced Genma that Ranma would not be marrying /that/ Tendo. It wasn't
good if the wife was almost as strong as the husband; people would laugh
at him. 

He briefly shuddered at the thought of seppuku, then resolved to never
make a promise like that again. And to avoid Nodoka, until he managed to
burn that contract or something. 

Now, where did that pouch of chemical insurance get to? The boy was too
stubborn to marry immediately, and Genma knew that the boy's inflated
sense of honour would stop him from marrying anyone once he learnt of
the other... arrangements. 

The only way was to make the boy marry immediately, and the only way to
do that was through the girl getting pregnant. 

Genma pulled out a pair of ratty old sneakers. Now, what were these
again... Oh yeah! Those magical shoes, to give him a good head start
once Tendo found out. 

Hopefully, the Kasumi girl wouldn't notice Genma... spicing up Nabiki
and Ranma's meals. 

* * * 

Nabiki sniffed her tea, then pushed it to the floor. She pushed Ranma's,
as well. 

"Hey! What gives?," Ranma demanded. How dare she deny him food! Even if
she was his fiance, and a nice piece of ass, how dare she take away his
rice and pickles?! 

"This food has been drugged. A common Chinese aphrodisiac, to be
precise," Nabiki replied. "Kasumi, who did this?" 

The gentle girl looked shocked at this news. "Mr Saotome was the only
person to come into the kitchen today, imouto-chan." 

Mr Tendo threw a Demonhead at his old buddy. "Saotome... how dare you
try and drug my baby!" 

Nabiki blushed at this, while Ranma cadged some drug free food from
Kasumi. 

Genma got up from the table quickly. He knew going panda wouldn't save
him, the only thing that would was... 

"Saotome School of Anything Goes Secret Technique: Run Away!" 

And he legged it. For about six feet, until he reached the door. 

"Now, why would you do an aweful thing like that, Mr Panda?," Nabiki
smirked. She pulled out some more shuriken to replace the ones quivering
in the door not more than an inch from the Cursed One's hands. 

Genma started sweating. This could be painful. 

"It was for the good of the Anything Goes, to make sure that you two..."
Genma stopped, as his danger sense started going off the scale. 

"YOU.... PERVERT!" 

Soun, knowing what was coming up, grabbed his food from the table. The
rest of the diners lost their tea, as Akane smashed the table and the
bowls over Genma's head. Poor, poor panda. 

* * * 

Saotome Ranma was facing one of his worst opponents yet. The fighter was
wily, and willing to use any advantage they had. 

But the prize riding on this fight was enough to move Ranma to try his
best. (Besides the fact that the old man wouldn't let him live it down
if he lost, of course.) 

"Nabiki! That wasn't honorable!" 

Nabiki smirked at her new fiance as she pulled her black gi top back up.

"What? You can't take a little flesh? I bet you can't even take a
woman!" 

Ranma realised what she was doing; he did the same thing often, too.
Make the other guy mad as hell so he would make mistakes, then strike at
his weak points remorselessly. 

Anything Goes, after all. 

He dodged the small explosive balls thrown at him, then lunged at
Nabiki, bouncing off a wall and putting her into a restraining hold. 

He grinned. 

"Yield?," he asked. 

Nabiki wriggled her bottom against Ranma's groin, feeling him 'rise' to
the invitation. His arms lost strength in confusion for half a moment,
but that was all she needed. 

The kunoichi pulled her arms loose, then slammed Ranma's head with an
overhead kick. She then slammed both fists against opposite sides of his
head while he was groggy, dazing him further. 

"Yield?," she asked. 

Ranma shook his head slowly, so she punched him in the head again,
knocking him out. 

[AN: Evidence supporting this scene? Rui, the female Flame Dragon. And,
of course, my inner ecchi.] 

* * * 

A splash of cold water woke Ranma up. It was followed by hot water. 

"Did... I lose?," he asked. 

"Sure thing, dear fiance," Nabiki said. 

Ranma scowled. "You fight dirty, Nabiki." 

"I fight to win," she said. "Not to look pretty, like you." 

"Does this mean I don't get a goodnight kiss from you?," Ranma asked. 

"What do you think?" 

--
Alan Podjursky			ICQ 24423014

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