Robert Haynie Jr. wrote:
A true sign of... affection.
Both turned to the sight of an intensely complaining Kiima being
offered to Akane by a female Neko-Ranma, who had both... paws? No,
still hands after all, pressing her down, and meowing happily, as the
princess MaoMaoShi repeated...
"She's not fondling ANYONE, Akane-san! She just bought the bird
to you because she LIKES you!"
"Stop calling me a bird," grumbled Kiima.
Too much buildup for too-little payoff, in terms of humor. You put in a
lot of background that doesn't help a fic like this, because it has
nothing to do with the joke. You could carry the joke off just as easily
with far less text by having Kiima in Japan (perhaps Saffron wants Ranma
monitored -- I've seen it in enough fanfiction to expect it to be
believed) and Ranma in the Neko-ken.
Rather than exposition on a race of cat-people who don't add to the
punchline, or Saffron (who, for the record, I wouldn't consider a
martial artist -- powerful, yes, martial artist, no -- but that's just
me, and everyone's free to ignore me), Cologne, and Herb trading notes
on how powerful Ranma is, or most of the rest of the background....
You would be better served by having Ranma drag Kiima to the Tendo dojo
at some point, and use that space to explain what she's doing in Japan,
and how Ranma got into the Neko-ken, finishing with Kasumi's explanation
of what's going on.
For me, this fic didn't work, because it had too much irrelevant
exposition. I love a good shaggy-dog story, but didn't find this funny
enough to warrant all the reading I put into it.