--- Brian Randall <brian@azurite.org> wrote:
Also, disregard any comments you don't like/find helpful.
Nah, I'm more humane than that. I put them in a snug little newspaper-
lined shoebox, where they frolic and cavort happily through the night. :)
Genma and Soun froze, giving each other a stunned "What do you MEAN
you didn't tell them?" look. The only sound to be heard in the Tendo
house for the several awkward seconds that followed was the splashing
of some adventurous carp out in the garden pond.
each other -- one another (?)
Ah, yes, works better.
"WHAT?!?!" Soun's thunderous reaction knocked both Genma and Ranma
backwards in surprise. "SHE AND THAT KUNO BOY HAVE BEEN...?!?!"
Lots of extra punctuation.
/me throws in a few pound and dollar signs to round out the ensemble. :)
"Quite skillfully, actually. I was surprised, myself."
Flashback to Maison Ikkoku... Mitaka.
Well, he DOES look kinda like Mitaka. Just dress him up right and there
ya go.
Soun shifted back to a calm and thoughtful mood with quite astonishing
rapidity. Cupping his chin with his hand and thinking for a short while,
he mused, "Huh. Didn't see that one coming at all...." He looked back
up at Genma and grinned. "Oh well, that's all right, then. Saotome! I
have TWO daughters your son can choose from, and...."
"THE GERBIL!!!" Nabiki burst into the house, completely forgetting to
take off her shoes as she ran by the assembled families, carrying the
small orange cardboard prop tenderly in her hands. "He's on his way
HERE! Mr. Yotsuya ISN'T here!" She reached the refridgerator and tossed
the sphere in, sparing no time as she raced back through the dining room
on the way upstairs to her room. "We have to stop him! WHAT ON EARTH IS
HIS NEW PASSWORD?!"
Her father, not missing a beat, continued, "...Kasumi would make your
son an excellent wife! She's a wonderful cook, is always gentle and
kind, and is just as beautiful as her dear departed mother...." Soun
trailed off, beginning to quietly cry in a mixture of pride and sorrow.
This is a wonderful scene.
Timing! :)
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE'S HAPPI!!!"
Hehehe....
Not enough time in this scene to put in the Simpsons reference:
<Happosai> I'm Mike Wallace, I'm Morley Safer, and I'm Ed Bradley!
All this and Andy Rooney tonight on "60 Minutes"!
(Genma and Soun scream)
The Yotsuya Rowboat, emboldened by the gravity of the situation,
powered up to an energy level it had never before reached in any of
its travels with Mr. Yotsuya and blasted off back in the direction of
Nerima, leaving behind a good quarter-kilometer stretch of vaporized
snow and ice in its wake.
The Yotsuya Roboat is one of the most awe-inspiring vessels known to man.
What's next, I wonder? :)
Tossing caution to the wind, Soun stepped aside a short distance and
mirrored the other man's stance. With carefully measured steps, the
two of them moved inwards, performing the first motions of an ancient
and powerful maneuver, one which would provide the necessary strength
to defeat the old master and restore peace and justice to the land.
"FU......!!"
Ah. Okay, I missed this the first time through -- Fusion Dance?
I still don't know what the two of them combined would look like... :)
Too many periods in that elipses. Also, possibly too many exclamation
points. :p
Ow! *topples to the ground*
"BEHOLD...!!" He turned to the left, facing in the direction he
had booted Genma over the horizon. "THE PELVIC GYRATIONS...!!" He spun
on one heel in a 180-degree turn, looking off towards Soun's landing
spot. "OF MY VICTORY BOOGIE!!"
Happosai boogied.
3vi1.
True 3vi1.
3vi1 l33t, even. Megane ref in there, too. :)
Yotsuya regarded his old colleague with feigned boredom. "Come now,
Happosai, those days are decades behind us both. Times change. Worlds
change. And at the moment, I'm afraid I'm going to have to object to
your involvement with the Tendo family." Silently, he gave mental
orders to his briefcase, which began to close up and slowly rise out
of its crater.
Colleague?
Yotsuya's old as well, he just doesn't show it. He's also got his own
style of peeping.
Yotsuya shook his head in disappointment at the particular way
Nabiki was choosing to handle this crisis; although, with her sane part
detached, it was not too terribly surprising. He walked over and knocked
on her shelter, which was little more than a large overturned cardboard
box with the words "Nabiki's House" scribbled on one side.
Battle Les-- er, Battle Athletes reference, of course. ;)
Of course. :)
He sighed, slightly frustrated by Nabiki-II's absence; he really
wanted to be dealing with the sane one right at the moment. "Yes,
Nabiki, I am here, because if I WASN'T here, I wouldn't be able to
give you this." He handed her the Chocolate Orange, carefully using
both hands.
Which explains why she was given a carboard prop before.
Yeah. If he's Not Here, then Nabiki, lacking Nabiki-II, carrying it
around would be very bad indeed.
Oddly enough, in a bizarre coincidence, remarkable fascimiles of
this weapon were produced on several versions of Earth, produced
for food rather than programmed for destruction. A certain prominent
interdimensional researcher, when asked about this coincidence, gave
this comment: "They're just weird that way."
Repetition of 'produced'. I'd change the second one to 'designed'.
Or maybe the first one? Ah, I'll find something good.... :)
"COME FOOOORTH, SQUARE GUITAAAAR!!!"
Don't follow this reference, though I want to say FLCL.
Unless someone can figure out someplace that has a square guitar that I'm
only subconsciously aware of, this one's an original. Still, it is based off
the Interdictor Cruisers in X-Wing and TIE Fighter.
"IT'S OVER!! ROUKO MEKKYAKU...!!!"
This one, I also didn't catch. ^_^;;
Sakura Taisen, Ohgami's signature style for his super attacks:
"ROUKO MEKKYAKU! (insert currently used super here)!"
Shinten Douchi, which he uses only at the end of Sakura Taisen 3 and
in a battle cutscene in Sakura Taisen 4, is the big hit-everything-on-
the-map-for-big-damage super.
"Well, THAT was rather dull," the gerbil grumbled to himself, honestly
surprised that that mere human had been able to wreck his Guitar less
than two minutes after he had built it. So surprised he was, in fact,
that he didn't hear the enormous dimensional rift forming behind him
until what came out of it smashed into the back of his head.
*W*H*A*M*
Tsunami, First Tree of Jurai, the most powerful ship of her own and
many other universes, and Mr. Yotsuya's mother, burst through the rift
and sent Pereshte uncontrollably flying down the street. With the Square
Guitar destroyed, Ranma and Kasumi's signal had come in loud and clear,
and she arrived in Nerima with approximately twenty seconds to spare.
I'm suddenly reminded of Silent Mobius.
Hmm, I haven't seen that. How so?
"No...no! NO!!" He sprung to his feet, and utilizing all the power he
had absorbed from Happosai and, through him, Naga, formed a brilliantly
intense ball of energy between his paws and flung it, in beam form,
directly at the bow of Tsunami.
sprung or sprang? I got this one wrong on tests, too. :p
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=sprang
vs.
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=sprung
It seems to like both.
"Kasumi Tendo!" a vaguely familiar voice spoke up behind them. They
turned to see a woman with long blue hair and brilliantly regal robes,
which Kasumi instantly recognized from her earlier dream. "It is good
to see you here, but I'm afraid we don't have time for pleasantries."
Ah. Now we know what color her hair was. Would a mere ten-gallon cowboy
hat conceal all THAT hair?
Sure, if you tuck it tightly enough and use l33t Jurain skillz. :)
She shot him a predatory grin from across the room. "Fun and weird
INDEED...."
Wondered how that would tie in. Quite nicely, as it turned out....
Originally, it wasn't going to. Then I discovered it DID tie in quite
nicely, so I let it.
"Well," he mused, a little more contentedly, "the consolation meal's
not too bad...."
It had to tie in somehow.
Ditto.
"Sanshiro!!" Sakura, still standing in her Ouka Houshin pose, dropped
her sword and ran over. She kneeled down and asked, "Sanshiro, are you
all right? Did it work?"
kneeled, knelt... I still don't remember. :p
Dictionary.com seems to like both of these, too.
Kasunami smiled. "I know how you think; I may have changed with
this fusion, but I'm still your mother, and it IS my job to know
these things, you know."
Drat. No one else remembered any of it?
Nope. Gerbil's gone, or gone enough for it to BE gone for all practical
purposes, and aside from the Jurian-type characters, everybody's back to
normal.
Except for Ryoga and Happosai? Uhh....
All-in-all, the story was excelent. My only complaint is the possible
number of references that went over my head, otherwise it was great fun,
generally very well written, and... well, fun to read.
I look forward to seeing whatever you write next.
I've got this image of Sasami and Ryo-Ohki playing DDR to polka music and/or
My Big Fat Saiyan Wedding. Or not, I dunno. :)
--
Brian Randall
--
I write fanfiction. Too much of it. You can read it here, thanks to a
kind grant from the Larry F foundation:
http://www.rakhal.com/florestica/durandall/index.html
--
Together. Allegiance or death. BIGFIRE!
--
Haiku of my lament:
Forgive my spelling,
my U.S. education,
is the source of blame.
.---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
| Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
| Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
| Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject |
`---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'
__________________________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail Plus - Powerful. Affordable. Sign up now.
http://mailplus.yahoo.com
.---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
| Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
| Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
| Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject |
`---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'