Need C&C on this....

Available at http://briefcase.yahoo.com/rolfwind

 That way, for you, I can fall and fall again

Here I am waiting in your room
Presently escaping from your detection
Lurking within the shadows
This darkened corner helpfully provides

Alone I prepare my words
Which were once thoughts eventually taking form
Swirling lazily into shape
Begging release from the mind
So it can flow from my mouth
But this tongue is the river's delta
Announcing how I feel is not the norm

It'll take more than these mere moments
To truly show how I feel
To fully open my heart
And reveal my bared soul
Naked and vulnerable before
The one who took me eternities to find

Ready to say it, I was once so sure
But the set time has come and passed
And I curse my locked jaw
Useless are those rusted hinges
That flapped before normally so free
Now they only refuse to budge this reluctant maw
A cursed condition that came so abruptly
Warning me the place and time I foresaw
To show my true colors is not here and not now

Reminding myself of your sleepy state
I gather those few shreds of courage
Like autumn leaves they are strewn about my being
And rake them into a loose pile
A disheveled heap that can endure the fiercest foes
Yet no matter how tightly compacted
The jumble will scatter readily, interspersing among
the breeze
At the merest portent of the whirlwind
Which are your erubescent eyes

That normally hold such a gentle demeanor
But the tranquil surface is only a disguise
A veneer that readily fooled many in simple passing
How I exalt in seeing those crimson lakes ripple so
often now
Shimmering waves which only partly belie
The true depth of your soul, so independent and fierce
Whose pure essence will haunt me until my demise
The hidden amazon within, a fiery being
Whose searing spirit has branded me for eternity

How could I have known such an awesome change
Would so suddenly befall me
That in you I would observe a quiet smoldering beauty
Not even your half-brother had ever bothered fully
seeing
My little princess you were my love at first sight

Before it seemed I was stuck emotionless in time
A cold frozen shell oblivious on what was missing
Neither truly alive nor contentedly dead
Only asininely going through the motions
Daily life's constant repetitions numbing my mind
For so long my head was devoid of any new notions

Living lifelessly installed these stubborn icy
barriers in place
In turn protecting me from this unknown new feeling
A defensive armor I immediately donned
Its tight restrictions unconsciously designed
I could not be hurt at first when within it encased
Enveloped in my frosty barrier I started dying
deathlessly
Stubbornly keeping those shields properly placed

But relentlessy that cloaked fervent spirit of yours
Passed on its masked passion into me unceasing
Newly discovered urges taunting my imagination
Tempting me to gravitate toward what I secretly
desired
Those movements so sudden kept increasing
Chafing against and wearing away
My emotional chain mail of permafrost links

The battle against the inevitable had hit a ceiling
Stressing me past any normal endurance
Yet I had to keep working out my mental kinks
Culling out the confusion that still manages to have
me reeling
Despite this powerful storm raging against my
instincts
Going against the coldness I knew, every step feeling
like a sin
I knew I had to press forward so I can hold onto this
feeling
And win the war within

I loved you in secret for so long now
Captivated by the multi-faceted sides of your
personality
Kept watch during your most unguarded moments
Just to see you act free from the protocols of royalty
If only for a short while
But those memories echo in my heart for an eternity
In that time transformed but always a princess
Priceless mementos to keep close when I needed to
smile

You will always be my Lady
In every re-incarnation of my life
A title of prince may be attributed to me now
However, I'm no liege but for you always a willing
vassal
A knight ready to defend defiantly
Against anybody who attacks you or your castle
Whether with raucous force
Or the devious machinations of those who plot silently

Oh..... I see that my little princess is fully asleep
in this frame of time
I take those long-awaited soundless steps
Away from the shadowed alcove
To start my short shift
Standing watch directly over you if only for a few
minutes
I hope this trespass isn't an unforgivable crime

Ah....., there you are, finally resting in front of me
How often have I done this, in awe quietly staring
Such habits unneccessary for my recollection anyway
For you are always in my mind's eye
So why is it that I wait with such anticipation
For these moments, forgive me, when upon you I spy
I know it's not proper, perhaps my need makes me
beyond caring
Please don't take offense at these breaches of your
privacy
I want only to be insured about your safety, not to
pry

My lips curve upward gently
It is not a smile but a frown upside-down
You are totally unaware
Of me creeping closer to your form
I should be pleased with this
Effortlessly maintaining the status quo
So that everything remains the norm

May I touch you just this once? Do I dare
Right now, as I am here, next to you
These scant inches are in surreality a gaping chasm
Will there always be obstacles between us two
The knight searching out in desperation for his maiden
The maiden waiting to hear from her silent knight
I know this arrangement isn't fair
But neither can I rectify this situation before my
final fight

Did those pale lids just twitch
Nearly threatening to come apart
Please don't draw back those ivory curtains
Or I would instantly crash in mid-flight
And plummet into the depths
Of those innocent scarlet orbs
So clear yet sparkling with an innate mystery
My breath would cease to exist at the sight
That swirling crimson is my weakness
And deeper and deeper I would be drawn in
Yet the descent could never be my plight
And as I partake of my one remaining pleasures
I wonder how it is I landed in this mess
When all I really want is to fall and fall again

Let me try to keep you safe
I'll gladly take all the mounting risks
Because the fear within me for myself is barely
perceptible
Compared to the resonating drumbeat
I hear when you are in harm's way
If I have to
I'll beg and I'll beseech you while kneeled at your
feet
That with me you have to stay

Let me wager your answer would be a yes
Here my confidence may seem complete
But yet I need to confess
When it comes to you my uncertainties rule and at my
core they eat
I'm not a man, I'm a mess!

I should think before I speak of guarding your life
Always it seems I'm the one in middle of eternal
strife
As time passes, the perils become ever more rife
I'm sad I can't show you my affection
To cast it out like the stars their light
Always I find myself
Acting not as a lover, rather perfectly portraying a
stranger
Be glad for one thing
Remembering you makes me brave all the danger

Struggling against the tide
These eternal waves pushing me back towards the shore
Your sweet smile seems as far away as the horizon
Yet the sun cannot begin to hope to outshine it
At times distant but I swear it's oh so near
Of you I won't get enough, I want more

My heart holds onto you most dear
While the remembered sparkle from your eyes uplifts it
I hope you remain asleep, so that with bated breath
I alone may watch your chest rise and fall
That precise movement single-handedly exciting me more
and more
Yet it spites me as well, accurately counting off the
seconds
A cruel reminder of the sands of time diminishing
Passing as a torrent through the hourglass
While I waste away loathing this constant cycle of
lonely one-sided rendevous
That still I can't help but await
I would pray again, but time is something not even
gods can stop
So I will treasure these last few minutes together
Fruitlessly trying to slake a thirst an eternity
together wouldn't sate
Please stay still my little princess
Until your eternal sentinal is done pondering your
fate

The past, present, and future is a colorful tapestry
Our destinies are its individual threads
Yet fate's pattern is not yet set
So I will pray and pray again
That our cords are intertwined tightly

Despite knowing otherwise to my increasing sorrow
Can I not hope that the morrow
Is the day I start to hold you nightly
The thought of that itself is enough for now I know

I tremble at the serene vision
Your hair being released from those restraints
While you lay on me bare, chest to chest
My heart would be constantly aflutter
Yet finally at rest
Our love would keep our spirits warm
And our bodies will be covered
With your sea of cascading purple strands
A plum river of never ending flow
How I long to brush it for you
And help bring forth the natural sheen
Framing the delicate face of which I am much more than
keen
But now my time to leave is coming, and knowing that
Brings nothing but a bitter taste to my mouth
As if I indulged in tea allowed too long to seep
So I turn away with utmost reverence and unmitigated
reluctance
I always wanted to believe you are my north star
Why is it that I constantly travel south?

My eyes have now peeled away from your beautiful
visage
Never will the memory of your profile fade from me
As I walk out the door, forgive me yet again
For I have a castle to protect and I'm the gaurd of
this Keep
One day, hopefully, you will know how much I love you
Now instead, I leave quietly and wish you a good
night's sleep

Hoping that I'll find it within my power soon to
approach you for real
Gaze into your eyes and manage to say what I truly
feel
Because all I want is to lose myself in your crimson
orbs
Speak the words that would stop my life's current
descent
A fast paced freefall it just won't relent
This change in me has been the greatest present
And my inexperienced instinct told me to make a
downturn
First it was a dip, then a short dive, finally
graduating into a full plummet
If only this once I can look into your soul unbared
So my yearning heart can be uplifted back to the
summit
That way, for you, I can fall and fall again


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