Rylan Hilman wrote:
Foreword: Here starts a miniseries that, initially, was intended
to be a short spamfic to kickstart my efforts at writing fanfiction.
I actually MEANT to go on and write other things, but I kept coming
back to this. Now, since I have finally completed the last part of
the story, here is the entire saga, reposted for your enjoyment. :)
Excelent.
And so, as ye have C&Ced today (and it was good) so too shall ye be C&Ced.
It's been a peculiarly tangible day, Nabiki remarked silently
to nobody in particular as she sat on the smoothly wooden porch
of her house, gazing out at the pond in which untold aquatic
adventures, unheeded by its human landlord, progressed silently
day in and day out. It seemed, at first glance, to be a somewhat
Is that sentence intentionally so long?
standard Thursday afternoon, with the cloud layer reminding one
less of a celestial quilt of lumpiness and more of a threadbare
white flannel sheet, slightly tossed aside on the west edge. It
made Nabiki feel tired, yet oddly alert. One of the carp began
I would switch 'alert' with 'aware', as otherwise they sound
contradictory (or is that intentional, too?)
to make a swimming sprint in preparation for a quick leap through
the surface of the water, but then thought the better of it.
Her dad had taken a bath. This was one of the things he did at
times, and most people, especially in Japan, would see this as a
perfectly normal activity, except that most people, even in Japan,
don't take their baths at three in the morning and stay in there
well past four PM. Luckily, Ryoga had passed by three times, and
each time had reported to Nabiki that he "wasn't quite done washing
his hair," and "worried about lunch," which had calmed her down
considerably, except at those times when she stopped in her tracks
to think about it for a while, before continuing on with her routine.
Hehe... I like this.
After having informed the kitchen at large, even with nobody present,
Nabiki soon decided that she had been addressing the refridgerator,
refridgerator -- refrigerator
seeing as that was the most logical thing to do. She slowly edged towards
it, keeping one eye on the breakfast sitting on the table, minding its
own business quite well, and the other on the window, as she half-
expected Genma to have shifted his form once again and stuck his head
through the window, as if to nibble on some breakfast laying nearby.
She finally got to the fridge, and with one hand calmly trembling,
carefully opened the door and looked inside.
For all of its role here, we really don't know what this breakfast IS.
Nabiki, deciding that Thursday wasn't a good day for this, calmly
passed out with a fever.
Hmm. Well, I'm going to C&C as I can, but as this is the product of the
mind of Rylan Hilman, most of my comments will probably be technical.