-----Original Message-----
From: ffml-bounce@anifics.com
[mailto:ffml-bounce@anifics.com]On Behalf
Of Michael A Chase
Sent: Monday, 30 December 2002 4:21 AM
To: ffml@anifics.com; dje@progress.com
Suggested changes: {before : after}
Once again, thanks for the large number of grammatical
nits picked.
On Sun, 29 Dec 2002 21:15:41 +1100 David Eddy
<dje@progress.com> wrote:
The ever-present sound of {Cicadas : cicadas} stilled, and there
was a creak as the gate in the surrounding fence was
opened. A large, misshapen figure slipped through the
gate and closed it before proceeding to the tatami-matted
meeting area.
I'm trying to figure out why Ranma bothered to untie Genma.
Ranma plans to demonstrate the curse, and being tied up would
very effectively remove Genma's hands. Ranma is angry, but not
cruel.
Nodoka felt her heart sink. If Ranma was correct in
his assessment, it may mean that her only son would be
forced to commit seppuku... as well as her husband,
worthless waste of flesh that he was, and herself.
Steeling herself, she said, "What is it that has
happened, Son?"
Such a serious consequense should require that she bring her
father into
the discussion before any decision is made.
Quite so.
Ranma blanched as she fell towards the Nanniichuan.
She had a baaaaaad feeling about this. Seeing that she
was going to land in the water with a pole safely out of
reach, she closed her eyes and mentally cursed herself
for her impetuousness.
And she had started out so well, actually stopping and asking
the guide about a cure instead of charging after Genma.
Yes, well, people will do some strange things under stress...
at least that's my excuse. Figuring out how to have Ranma
become doubly-cursed was something of a problem. It's difficult
working with smart characters; you may not necessarily see
everything that they do.
Cresting the pass, the small party - the {Guide : guide}, in
his Maoist uniform, and Ranma, in a ratty gi tied with a
black belt leading on a leash a massive Giant Panda which
had its forepaws securely tied with rope - saw that in
the valley below there was a village.
Definitely a smarter Ranma.
Heh. I've still got quite a bit of revealing to do on this score;
I suspect much of it will come out in part 2 when Ranma is exposed
to schooling.
'Hmm, woman righteousness tribe,' thought Ranma to
himself as he looked down at the scene below. Frowning,
he noticed that there was a large crowd in the {centre} of
the village surrounding a suspended log of some kind.
Where I've noticed, you seemed to be using US spellings earlier.
Which is your preference?
Commonwealth. If I'm using US spellings it's because I've become
desensitised to them - my bad.
In his study, Saotome Hayao blanched as he read the
secret report of his chief enforcer, Shibito. It was
still only eleven at night, and he decided that he had at
most twelve hours to make his decision before his
daughter contacted him and asked for a determination.
In the prologue you used the opposite name ordering once for Hayao.
Yes, the prologue was in error. I'm using Familyname + Givenname
for this story.
Then a thought occurred to him, and he grinned
nastily as he realised how to ensure that Genma had
passed absolutely everything on to his son.
That sounds nasty. And probably exactly what Genma deserves.
Some foreshadowing that may never end up being explained, except
elliptically.
Next time, Ranma returns to a more normal plot as he
travels to Nerima to attend high school in the company of
his would-be fiancee.
Whichever Tendou daughter you settle on is likely to have her
own thoughts
on the matter. It should be interesting.
Yes, as you say. "All sexy females are bisexual!" is arrant
nonsense, yet I have decided that... hmm, but that would be
telling.
Thanks for your comments!
- Dave Eddy
--
David Eddy - dje@progress.com
http://www.nabiki.com/deddy
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