Some quick and dirty C&C.

       Sometimes, things happen. Sometimes, things don't.

       And sometimes, things don't happen as they should.

Sometimes, things should happen but they don't.
Sometimes, things happen that we think shouldn't happen, though they should.
Sometimes, we drive to Cleveland.

The elderly thought her a menace, while the young thought her to be a
symbol for women's rights.

Considering that Akane is leading this life for her family's honour, I
would tend to think that this would be reversed...the elderly would
understand her decisions as a self sacrifice for the family, while those
who are younger (and have had more Western thinking influence them) may
not.

        Tightening the red belt which hung at the waist of her gi, Akane
Tendou began the first Kata of the Master's Uncial and started what she
believed would be another long, uneventful day.

What's an Uncial?

       She was wrong.

Rather blunt.  Bluntness can be used for good effect sometimes, but I
don't believe this is one of those places.  I would just remove this line,
since the phrase 'what she believed' in the previous line already has most
readers coming to this conclusion anyway.

Even after twenty-three years on the road, the tall buildings mixed with
rural suburb felt familiar; but were a far cry from the giant trees he
had seen, and the bare wilderness that was Mainland China.

Semicolons are used between two separate but interconnected thoughts.
Rule of thumb is that if one could use a period in the place of the semi,
then the semicolon's use is valid.  Here, one could NOT use a period.  If
you really want to use semicolons, might I suggest the following sentance:

Most of the elders believed him to be a menace, the young men looked up
to him as if he were a god.

substituting the comma for a semicolon.

a rather worn gi, once white but turned yellow through use.

I COULD make the obvious joke... :p

        And he held the sign for the Tendou School in his right hand.

And exactly WHY is he holding it?  He has to know what sort of reaction it
might cause, and he has little to gain by provoking someone who he's
asking for a favour.

        Tendou-san, as it turned out, may have had no love lost for him,
but wrote extremely precise directions; using obvious landmarks as a
guide.

The half of the sentance after the semicolon is only a fragment.

On the wall near the gate there was a bronze plaque inscribed 'Saotome
Nodoka'.

Versus just 'Saotome'?

random places- cherry blossoms, he realized -,

Your - are afflicted by either bad spacing or are misprints.

She retrieved the sword from where it had fallen from her nerveless
grasp, and politely invited him in for tea. Ranma had no intention of
refusing.

This sounds like a euphimism for holding him at swordpoint. Probably not
what you intended.

So scandalous, that was back then!

So scandalous that was, back then!

bitter arguments and reeking of Sake`,

Superflous `

he left with you, I discovered many things I could have, should have!,

! denotes the end of a sentance.  Perhaps put the phrase in parens?

After he left with you, I discovered many things I could have (should
have!) done instead.

I believe that is slightly more correct, and is probably the effect you
wanted.

Nodoka is VERY long winded here. ^_^



In general:

A couple of superflous dashes.  I also had the feeling that Ranma's speech
patterns changed around the second half...no concrete examples, though.

-Natsume Ranma Ranma
-------
The sardines weren't worth the trouble.  A few more shots, then
Ryoga-san would overheat and explode.  Ducking around a corner,
I managed to lose him as I entered the ramshackle residence of
my Anime supplier.

One look at his face and I knew that I had been betrayed.  "Tell me,"
I insisted.  He refused, so I slammed him against the wall.
"Last chance.  Where can Ranma-Ranma find good fanfics?"
"Try Jason Liao," he whispered, before he slumped to the floor.
I heard the sounds of a door splintering as I left through the
window, one step ahead of Tendo Heavy Industries...



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