Suggested changes: {before : after}
You're posting from a different address than the one you give for C&C.
Will you see simple replies? I added the other address since you might not
have access to your university account over the holidays.
On Sun, 22 Dec 2002 11:19:18 -0500 "Django Wexler (khaine)"
<dwexler@andrew.cmu.edu> wrote:
Sumiko looked as though she'd fallen down the stairs; there were a
couple of heavy
bruises on her arms, and a thick white bandage above one eye. For all that,
she was
cheerful enough, bouncing in to school and collapsing in the seat next to
Robyn's.
You might check the length of lines you are creating. I find something
around 68 - 72 to work best. Any of the text formatters listed in the FFML
FAQ (http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt) can get the line lengths cleaned up
before you paste the text into the body of a message or attach the text
file to a message.
"You should see the other guy, not a mark on him." It's interesting that
the local child welfare agency doesn't get involved. If I were a teacher,
the bruises would indicate possible child abuse.
And so on. It was amazing how quickly school {went past : passed} with Sumiko
sitting next to
her, exchanging wry comments without the knowledge of anyone else in the
room. Robyn could
honestly say she hadn't had this much fun in class in years. Several times
she had to
restrain herself from telling her friend what had happened the previous
night; only the
memory of Mary's expression stopped her. [I'm not supposed to tell anyone.
Though I'm sure
Sumi can keep a secret. She barely speaks English anyway.] She smiled to
herself. [I'll
ask Mary tonight -- I'm sure she'll agree with me.]
"No problem. Wait"--Mary cursed softly--"damn. I forgot something.
Is it okay if
Lia comes along? I'm supposed to be watching her tonight."
It sounds like Mary doesn't go to school or have a job. I had the feeling
earlier that she was in her late teens, but she could be a few years older.
>From later text, it appears she was a year or two ahead of Robyn in school.
"So you tell these lunkheads that the goons are gone, and they're
going to go make
Robyn's life a living hell."
The lunkheads sound more like some local slackers than members of the
football team as they were described in Chapter 1.
Mary had been there often enough that she was on nodding terms with
the staff, and
they waved her over to Robyn's table in the corner. Her friend was already
seated, talking
animatedly to a diminutive Japanese girl with short hair and a friendly
expression. Their
conversation sounded *off*, somehow, and with a sinking feeling Mary
realized they were
speaking in a language she wasn't supposed to understand -- Japanese,
presumably -- and
meaning was being automatically rendered by the translation magic built into
one of her
bracelets. She hurriedly extended the spell to cover Lia and the girl
herself and stepped
forward, hoping to catch Robyn before she noticed.
Sumiko's bruises and bandages are probably noticable enough to be mentioned
here. That would be another clue to Mary that she and Sumiko have already
met.
The waiter -- the only one on duty tonight -- cut something of an
odd figure, so
heavily muscled his shoulders sloped almost diagonally into his neck. He
put the {plates : water glasses} on
the table, surprisingly gently for someone whose forearms Mary couldn't have
wrapped her
fingers around, and whipped out his little pad.
Since he hasn't taken their orders yet, it's a bit early to lay out plates.
"Earth to {planet nerd : Planet Nerd}!"
"Yeah, but it's so big there's places that *never* get vacuumed--"
That should be "there're" unless that's her manner of speaking.
"Wow!" Lia darted forward, catching site of a narrow set of shelves
stacked high
with plastic {games : game} cases. "Look at all this stuff!"
"And it's--" Robyn colored, and Mary raised an eyebrow.
Not quite as drunk as she thought.
We didn't see Sumiko's cat.
"Okay. Whaddya want, {boss : Boss}?"
"Look, Aku. I work alone. I always will, and you know it."
"I just don't see *why*--"
Considering all the hidden agenda all the other magical entities are
carrying around, that sounds like a very good idea. This universe doesn't
seem to have any purely good or evil groups and none of them seem to be
particularly interested in bettering the human condition.
Eternity's Queen seems more the "How to Serve Man" sort.
"But...don't you get it? Just the fact that this stuff *exists*
means there's a
whole other world we know nothing about!"
"So? Who says it's better than this one?"
Excellent point.
"Maer, I'm telling you, you got something good going with that girl.
You should let
her in on it -- we could use some backup."
She took a deep breath, with some effort. "Aku?"
"Yeah, {boss : Boss}?"
"Shut up."
"Okay, {boss : Boss}."
It's obviously wearing Mary down. One question is whether Robyn would be
any use as a backup.