Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Fri, 20 Dec 2002 22:34:31 -0700 Krista Perry <krista.perry@attbi.com>
wrote:
First off, thanks to all who gave feedback on the chapter 1, namely LaShawn,
KaraOhki, T.H. Tiger, Nidoking, Michael Chase, Oximoron El Grande, Troy Thomas,
and Harold Ancell. Many of you caught the typos and inconsitencies that slipped
by me, and I appreciate it. ^_^ The final version of the chapter can now be
found on my website at http://www.akane.org/heartsofice. Also, for the morbidly
curious, the original version is still on the Hearts of Ice story page, if you
want to do a comparison.
Comparing the two versions was interesting. There weren't really all that
many changes, though that may change as you get further along.
Genma paused in stuffing his face to meet Ranma's attack,
but was too slow. His female son grabbed him by the back of his
gi and sent {his : her} father flying to his furry fate.
Nabiki looked out the patio door where a voluptuous
red-head and a panda with a pair of glasses dangling from its ear
were grappling in a mid-air battle over the lawn, and sighed.
"Some things you *never* get used to, {sis : Sis}."
The battle ended abruptly when the panda left an opening,
allowing Ranma to land a powerful kick to {his : her} father's face. The
kick sent him on an unconscious flight into the wall that
surrounded the house.
Ranma landed lightly on her feet and made a show of dusting
off her hands. "Stupid old man," {he : she} muttered. "What is he
thinking, stealing my food?"
Ranma stood dripping on the grass, looking at Akane and the
kettle with a strange look on her face; a combination of
expectation and apprehension. Akane sighed. At least {he : she} was
waiting to change back into a guy before taking off his shirt to
wring it out. She walked over and upended half the contents of
the kettle over his head, then turned to walk over to the
unconscious panda.
I'm not sure this really needs to change since it's Akane's thoughts.
She turned to Kasumi. The mother figure, the one who
always knew how to handle any crisis, no matter how bizarre. She
almost smiled as she saw her older sister gain physical and
mental control of herself so that she could take control of the
situation. "We need some medical attention here, {sis : Sis}," she told
her in a surprisingly steady voice.