Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Mon, 2 Dec 2002 21:40:44 -0500 Django Wexler <dwexler@andrew.cmu.edu>
wrote:
"Always." She let her bag slide from her shoulder to the {ground : floor} and
padded closer, peering down the stairs. A single wan light burned
overhead, throwing long shadows. "Come out, come out wherever you
are..."
The odd little gang headed off, deeper into the darkness. Behind
them, a long-coated figure detached itself from the deeper shadow of a
dumpster. Mary thrust her hands into her pockets and followed at a safe
distance.
Sumiko is making a very good stalking horse for Mary.
The little things were clinging to the walls, a swarm of them, and
Sumiko barely had a moment to prepare before they dropped {on all floors : to the floor : on all fours}
and scuttled towards her. Luckily, a moment to prepare was quite a long
time with her heightened reflexes, and by the time they were moving she
was already a blur, heading for one of the corners. The creature
immediately in her way made a grab for her foot, which she avoided with
a standing jump that landed neatly on top of it with a 'crack'.
While two of their number climbed onto the table, three of the nasty
creatures threw themselves along the floor and grabbed for her legs
while the last jumped off the back of one of its companions and launched
itself at her chest. Sumiko caught it in mid-air by one arm and swung
it aside, but the other three had closed the distance and wrapped their
arms around her shins. Their touch was raspy and {cold] : cold}, but she was
forced to leave them there for the moment as she ducked away from the
flying leap of the last two. Managing to catch one by the scruff of its
neck on the back-swing, she brought it down on top of one of the things
on the floor with great force. Both of them almost exploded in a spray
of gore.
Interesting that she didn't use any magical attacks. At this point it
looks like her transformation gives her some resistance to the demons'
draining ability and perhaps some physical boost, but no attack magic.
"I know that." Mary made an effort to control her temper. "But
{why] : why}?"
She shook her head frantically. [No! That's the way idiot
comic-book heroes think! Why do *I* have to do something? I'll just
get myself killed.] It was hard to fight against the clich� -- it was
typical, at this point, for the heroine to reveal her hidden powers and
waste the monsters in a spray of magic. [God *damn* it! I don't have
any hidden powers, this is not some dumb fantasy novel, and I need to
stay *put* until someone rescues us.] A few customers had gotten out at
the beginning, so the police were surely on their way. It's only a
matter of time.]
The problem with that is if no rescuer appears you are dead. That's
basically what happened on 9/11.
Before she could finished the sentence, the two black-clad agents
were gone. Robyn stood in stunned silence for a full minute before she
dug her backpack out from under the table, edged out the shattered
doorway, and ran for it.
Why would they leave her with a memory of the attack? Is she immune for
some reason? (Deus explains later.)
[I have to tell someone.] The choice of who was obvious -- this
afternoon's events aside, Robyn really only had one friend she could
trust with a secret of this magnitude. [God. Mary is going to freak.]
Not literally, of course -- she had the feeling it would take more than
this to shake Mary, who came across as genuinely unflappable. But
still. [It'll be nice to see her surprised, for once.] Robyn leaned on
her friend more than either cared to admit, and sometimes it galled.
That's far too sensible for this stage of the story, but it could also be
why she appears to be special even without any powers.
"Okay. Magic is real." Robyn let out a deep breath. "Also, your
little sister is having sex with some guy on the couch downstairs."
That's two things.
"Okay." Robyn took a deep breath and began, relating the events of
the evening as accurately as she could. Mary was nodding slowly while
she described the goblins, and gave a little hiss of breath when she got
to the fiery figure and Deus and Rin.
It wasn't obvious that the MIB knew Robyn would run straight to Mary, but
it is a likely reason for them leaving her alone.
"Basically just a toy. It helps people {how : who} aren't gifted, like us,
visualize a magical aura. Now hold still." Mary put the crystal to her
eye and looked through, the image of her face refracting oddly. She
looked Robyn up and down, carefully, then shook her head. "Nothing."
"But..." Robyn tried to parse Mary's expression. It was a little
too fierce, and a little too worried. "I mean, it can't all be useless.
You can't just expect me to forget this. Just the fact that {any] : any} of
this stuff exists means the way we think about the world is
fundamentally *wrong*."
"She will undoubtedly seek more information. All we have to do is
follow her."
Makes sense.
[I'm just nervous, and with good reason. It's been a long time
since I was worried about dying, actually afraid of anything. Now I'm
manufacturing fears out of the dark.]
[Of course we're real. I'm real.]
[Of course.]
Keep telling yourself that.