Wee> Only over two months late with this one:

Between the muggy heat and the hot summer rain, Inu-Yasha was fairly sure
this was the worst summer ever. The clouds blotted out the sun, but the
rain did not give one a cool shower; even when the sun was blocked, rain
fell in hot, thick sheets from the clouds, providing no relief for the
homeless hanyou

add period. And I know that sort of rain all too well

Inu-Yasha stood waist-deep in cool water, finding it helped abate the
heat's affects.

effects

It wriggled in his hand, thick tail batting against his wrist, but he held
it aloft triumphantly. So what if 'mighty barehanded fisherman' wasn't as
impressive a title as Sesshoumaru's 'Lord of the Western Lands'; it kept
food in his belly, where Sesshoumaru could hardly eat a lordship.

Heh. But people that serve the lord can get the food for him, so it does pay
for itself. :)

For a moment, he didn't under stand

understand

"But that's why I'm here," she said. "We are not so near the coast that we
must greatly fear typhoon, but still, the rainy season is fierce this
year."

She was coming to something he wouldn't like, he was sure of it.

Heh. Quite the opposite, methinks.

That was not what he expected. He was so stunned he nearly slid from his
seat, only catching himself leaning to far forward at the last moment.

Finally, he found words.

"Did you just ask me to come and stay at the temple?" he

He

Inu-Yasha flushed again, this time with guilt. He'd gone and compared
Kikyou to Sesshoumaru in his heart! How could he have compared the kind,
lovely miko to the cold-hearted youkai?

Instincts.

...When had she become kind and lovely?!

Heh. Cute. And all by chapter 2 as well.

No one had touched him so tenderly in his life. Her callused thumb
caressed over

can drop 'over'

 his cheekbone in a way he was certain was intentional, and

caused heat to flood his face. His heart clenched again and for a moment,
he wasn't sure if he was looking into her eyes or into the night sky.

"Inu-Yasha?" her voice penetrated the haze, and he blinked his eyes,
staring into her own. She was so close; he could smell that sweetness that
was her, and it was stronger then

than

the water, or the wood, or the fish

getting cold

Actually I think the fish would be getting warm, not cold. :)

He gathered up his fish and headed away. The rocky hills were seeded with
many caves and hiding places, and he'd claimed one overlooking the lake
for his 'den' while he was living here. Far enough from the village that
the Shikon was not a constant temptation, and close enough to the lake
that he could boat across if the whim took him at any time. There he began
to prepare his fish as he heard the storm rumble over head.

overhead

 The mouth was

low, while there were natural vents for air above. He'd created a small
nest for himself from the tanned hides of his prey, and while it was
hardly luxury, it was home for now.

It the

drop it and capitalize 'the'

Not very far, he surmised, when he saw the second boat capsized, midway to
the other side.

Capsized.

He'll go after her.

Her head was tilted back, her face white, but she breathed. Luck had saved
the miko of the Shikon no Tama, for her sleeve was caught upon the lip of
the boat, keeping her head above water. But her brow was bloodied, and he
was unsure how to move her.

Finally, he cut her sleeve free of the jagged lip of the boat, and took in
one arm. He'd never swam anywhere with a weight, so this would certainly
be different. He kept her under one arm, and then pushed the boat with
them, swimming back the way he came blindly. Occasionally he had to stop,
lift the boat and see that they were on the right track, but he kept going
forward, making himself stay on course.

Nice way to do it and keep her safe at the same time.

When he finally saw the bank, he took a gulp of breath, covered Kikyou's
mouth and nose with his hand, and dove beneath the water again, carrying
her with him. A moment later, they surface

surfaced

 and he plowed up the bank,

carrying her with him, shifting her weight in his arms.

He didn't grab his haori

hatori

Then he realized he had to get her out of those wet clothes. He did not
hesitate at first, opening her kimomo and carefully drawing her limbs free
of it, but when he found her torso wrap, he didn't know what to make of
it. Of course she'd wrap and bind her breasts, like any woman, but.

but....

He found where they tied, and propped her body in his arms; his shook from
the cold and the wet, but he ignored it, removing it in haste. It was only
once she was laid back down that he stopped and looked at her.

He'd never seen a woman bared.

Those bumps on their chests looked kind of icky. And he had to be careful.
He heard girls had cooties. he didn't know what a cootie was, only that he
didn't want anything to do with them.

"Kikyou," he breathed, "Kikyou, Kikyou." Her name was called gently,
through chattering teeth, and he finished with her clothes without another
pause. The rest of her was just as fascinating and mysterious as the
first, but there was a wrongness to seeing her inert body as anything
other then damaged. He couldn't admire her beauty when she was nearly
drowned and frozen to death in the cold waters of the lake

Yes. Being mostly drowned is generally a turn off. :)

.. He wrung out

her hair, and he hung up her clothing, but still, she was pale as death.

Once he

Only after he had (perhaps?)

He was still, however, freezing. Parts of him shriveled, the rest of him
shook. Finally, he gave in. Kikyou would simply have to share her
nakedness, warmth and the bed of furs with her savior.

Heh. He sure does move fast.

However, Inu-Yasha knew he couldn't lay idle forever; there was a fire to
be tended, their clothes to be dried. While Kikyou still slept, he dragged
himself free grudgingly. He staggered over to check his clothes; the fire-
rat skins always dried quickly, and his other clothes seemed dry enough,
so he dressed while he could. Kikyou's clothes were also nicely dried, but
he allowed them to remain hanging till she woke.

Heh. A more devious person would dress her and pretend all she had was a
hallucination. :)

"Are you." What was the word? "Decent?"

"Yes," she finally said, and rose as he turned too look at her. Her
clothing was rumpled and stained from it's

its

long soak and it's

its

His voice hitched in his chest, but then she was on her toes, her hand
sliding from his cheek into his hair, his hands were sliding over her
arms, to her back, holding her like he'd never held anyone before, clumsy
and unsure. But she was guiding him to her, like he was as simply bent to
her purpose as one of her arrows was cocked

nocked, actually, unless you are going for a double entrendre. :)

Love.

Love was the forbidden thing.

For who, indeed, would love a hanyou?

Tsk. He already knows the answer.

He broke away with sudden fear, his eyes wild and bright. His heart
wouldn't start

stop (I think you mean)

He didn't know where he was going. He just knew he had to get away. Away
from that thing she was offering, that he couldn't have.

How could a miko teach a hanyou to love?

How could anyone?

Heh. He'll discover it the hard way.

Very, very nice work, here, as a possible way the romance between the two
formed. IY is much pitiful here in being so uncertain of both himself, his
feelings, and the world around  him and how it works. Prose flowed well,
being a bit sparce at times, but a necessity to convey the mood. The third
part is out, and I'll try to get to it at some point. Sorry this took so
long to do. But it was worth the wait.

D.B. Sommer

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