Hi, my name's Troy. Here are a few suggestions...

<snip>

     Ranma could feel it; a twisting, nervous sensation in his
gut, a sixth sense almost.  It wasn't the same other-sense that
he used as a martial artist, the sense he'd developed that
forewarned him of a sneak-attack or an opponent's moves during
battle.  It was more of a....

     Damn.  He couldn't put his finger on it.  It was... a vague
sense of foreboding.  A sense that something was seriously out of
place.  A feeling like, any moment now, the world would turn
itself inside out.

'Sense' is repeated in these two paragraphs five times (or six times, if counting sensation). Can instead use premonition, intuition, suspicion, or aprehension.

     He glanced at the sky as he ran, his feet not missing a
beat as they instinctively found the narrow length of fence
piping beneath him.  Not a cloud in sight.  It was bright, dewy
morning in Nerima.  The heady scent of cherry blossoms and
sizzling breakfasts filled the spring air.

It was bright, dewy morning -> It was a bright, dewy morning

<snip>

     He didn't realize he had stopped running until Akane yelled
back at him.  "Ranma, you dummy, what are you doing?  Do you want
to make us even more late than we are already?  Don't just stand
there, come on!"

"Ranma, you dummy, what are you doing? -> "Ranma, you dummy! What are you doing?
I suggest this, as one flows better than the other.

<snip>

     As a matter of fact, Shampoo *was* in China.

     She stood trembling at the entrance of a huge gaping black
cave at the top of a jagged mountain, her body tensed in a ready
stance, her hands clutching her bonbouri.  Her body was covered
with purpling bruises and scrapes.  There was a bleeding gash on
her right cheek just below her eye.  Her mass of violet hair was
a tangled, matted mess.

her body tensed -> her body tense
Substituting 'muscles' for 'body' and cutting 'in a ready stance' may allow for a more flowing description.
her body tensed in a ready stance, her -> her muscles tense, her

     She hesitated on the edge of the cave.  It was so dark
inside that it seemed as though light could not penetrate the
entrance.  Shampoo reached into the bodice of her torn, soiled
blouse and pulled out a small, ancient scroll that hung from a
gold chain around her neck.  Carefully, she unrolled it, her eyes
scanning up and down rapidly as she it read one last time.

penetrate the entrance. -> penetrate beyond the entrance.

<snip>

     She glared at him.  "I was being sarcastic, you dope.  It's
probably the teachers talking about how we were late yet once
again.  We'll be lucky if Hinako-sensei doesn't show up with her
5 yen piece in a few minutes."  Akane almost smiled, seeing Ranma
grimace and roll his eyes at the prospect of facing the
hyper-active Hinako-sensei and her plethora of ki-draining
circular objects, but she covered it with a mask of seriousness
when Ranma turned to her.

5 yen -> five yen

<snip>

       *Ah, man, that's all I need.*  Ranma stared at his feet
glumly and twisted the pail in his hand making the water surge
and swirl in the bucket.  He immediately stopped, letting the
water settle.  His luck with water had never been good since the
curse.  Water was almost like a sentient thing around him,
actively seeking him out to turn him female at the most
inconvenient moments and make his life miserable.  He certainly
didn't need to have an "accident" with his pail in the middle of
the school hall right now.  And on top of everything else that
had gone wrong today, he still couldn't shake the feeling that
something really bad was going to happen.  Soon.  Something a
heck of a lot worse than getting drained by Hinako-sensei or
facing Tendo-san's demon head.  Ranma shook his head, trying to
clear it.  *Man, why can't I shake this feeling?  It's creeping
me out!*

letting the water settle. -> letting it settle.
Water was almost like -> It was almost like
I suggest these substitutions, as it'll cut down the repitition of water twice (on the other hand, it'll increase the repitition of it twice).

<snip>

     Yet... if she had a chance to do it over, she wouldn't have
done it differently.  Shampoo had never killed anyone before.
She knew she had it in her to do it, but deep inside her soul, in
a place she didn't like to admit existed, she didn't want to.
For an Amazon, these pangs of... mercy..? were an unforgivable
weakness.

The agreement's messed up: 
she wouldn't have done it differently. -> she wouldn't do (it) differently.

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