Subject: [FFML] [MST][Ranma 1/2] The World's Longest MST (1/14)
From: Red Death
Date: 11/30/2002, 1:27 AM

         <Author's Note: Back in late 1998, A-Kun McCrillis posted a 
challenge to the FFML, in which people were invited to MST his 
multiple-chapter fanfic "What an Odd, Odd World."  The challenge was issued 
with the idea in mind that it could possibly be the longest MST ever 
done.  Several people took up that gauntlet, but never got very far due to 
sheer length of the fanfic: well over 100k in text.  While it's not known 
if it would actually be the longest MST ever done, I have decided to give 
it another go.
         Keeping in mind that this fanfic is complete/dead (by the author's 
own admission) this MST is intended to be more comedic than as a way to 
improve this fanfic.  Then again if someone else can get an idea on how to 
improve their own fanfics from this, so much the better!
         No modifications have been made to this fanfic outside of 
formatting.  When I originally got this, it was one BIG block of text.  No 
paragraphs, no chapter breaks other than a brief note that said "Chapter 
X."  Grammar, misspellings, and the like have all been left as found.>

         A cold light comes on in a dark, spartan room.  A trio of rather 
ugly recliners can be seen inside facing an odd-looking wall.  What's so 
odd about it?  Well, it's glowing blue, and looks like a giant computer 
screen.  That's more than likely because it is one.  Beside each chair is a 
small table, on which rests a remote control (the really old kind that 
makes those really high-pitched sounds), a can of warm Billy Beer, and a 
bowl of something masquerading as popcorn.  Boring room, yes?
         The only door to this incredibly depressing room opens to admit 
three human-looking humans.  Their names are Dave, James, and Suzi.  With 
nothing better to do, they have come here.  They're REALLY bored.  They 
take their seats and wait.  After a time, which seems like five minutes but 
is in fact four and a half, one speaks.

James: Can we get on with this, Dave?  I've got a root canal I'd like to 
get to.
Suzi:  Dave, I hope this one's better than that last 'thing' you brought 
us.  We couldn't even post what we had to say about that little gem.
Dave:  Oh, please.  If this were any good, would you be here in the first 
place?  This time it's a little different.  The author of this little 
nugget actually *asked* people to take it apart.
James: That's a new one.
Suzi:  Really?  Is he some kinda wacko?
Dave:  Nahh. Apparently he hates this one as much as everyone else does.
James: Is that so?  This I've got to see.
Suzi:  Me too.  Load the fic, dork.
Dave:  ...

         Dave grabs a remote from the little table by his chair and hits a 
button.  The lights snap off while the wall goes black.  Time passes, 
though not much, and words begin to scroll across the wall...

  Ranma 1/2
  by A-kun the Super-fan
  What An Odd, Odd World

          This is my first Fan Fic, so please be nice.  I was inspired 
after reading

Suzi:  Thanks for the warning, dude.
Dave:  "Nice" is not in my vocabulary.
James: I'm surprised "vocabulary" is in your vocabulary, Dave.
Dave:  ...

other peoples Fan Fic.  Right off the bat, Thank you, Rumiko 
Takahashi.  And I must aplogize to the skilled author's before me, I may be 
using some of their material.  I feel compelled to explain some things in 
my story.

James: No excuses, chap.

1.  The beginning of this story starts about ten years after actual 'Ranma 
time' and starts in Texas, USA.

James: As opposed to Texas, Afghanistan.
Suzi:  Great, someplace ELSE with a language I can't understand.
Dave:  What, Texas?  Or Afghanistan?
Suzi:  Yes.

2.  The beginning also doesn't have Ranma, but trust me, he's in here.  I 
basically explain most of the events.  But, at times, I don't have time to 
write the whole boring story.  So,

Suzi:  Gods forbid the story actually SURPRISE us...
James: The new brand of Ranma fanfics: Ranma Lite!  100% Ranma-Free.

I'll have Author's notes.  Please bear with me.

Dave:  If you're gonna explain it all, why read it?
Suzi:  For its sheer laxative quality.

3.  When we finally arrive to point where Ranma finally comes in, it's
their senior year.

Suzi:  Senior year of High School?
Dave:  No, the year they qualify for senior citizen discounts.

4.  I can't express enough about how confusing this story is (In my mind, 
it all makes sense).  And hopefully, all questions will be answered in the 

Dave:  This does not bode well...
Suzi:  At least HE knows what's going on.

5.  Happosai has actually left for months when he comes in. (Author's note: 
unfortunately, I had to try to tie up as many loose ends as possible.)

James: Someone manages to tie Happosai up?
Dave:  We can hope.
Suzi:  Oooh, kinky.
Dave:  <looking sick> Then again, hope is so overrated...

6.  Alot of things may come a shock, so don't spoil things and prepare
yourselves.  It's fun.

Suzi:  I repeat myself.  Thanks for the warning.
Dave:  I've got a feeling the only shock we'll be getting is if the screen 
James: Or if this turns out to be any good.
Suzi:  I don't believe in miracles of that magnitude, Jimmy.
Dave:  I'm almost HOPING the screen explodes.  We're not even into the fic 
itself and I'm already wanna die.

7.  One more thing, anything written between { } is said in 
chinese.  Everything written between * * is in english.  + + indicates an 
ancient langauge.  Thought is between [ ].  The rest is in Japanese.

Dave:  (If you say so.)
Suzi:  *Making any sense yet?  Didn't think so.*
James: <shrugs>  +It's all Greek to me.+
Dave & Suzi: ...

8.  And one final note,  this adventure will be China, America, and Japan.
9.  This is the final note (I swear),  I really didn't research the medical 
or scientific facts presented in this Fan Fic.  Enjoy!

James: Malpractice, anyone?
Suzi:  Well, it does make perfect, you know.

10. Ranma and co. are a lot more open minded in this story.

Dave:  I thought he said that number 9 was the last note?
James: He also said number 8 was, too.
Suzi:  Open-minded?  Does this mean this fic is a lemon?
James: There's no sex, but it's sure a lemon all right...

  Ranma 1/2
  Chapter 1
  The Experiment

          A young man looked up from the piece of paper he was carrying

Suzi:  "Dear sir: Are you tired of being in quality fanfics?  Do you long 
to be the main character in a mind-numbing piece of offal?  Does your heart 
yearn to be in a canonical fanfic?  If so then have we got the fic for you!"
James: Damn, Suze...  A trifle harsh, wasn't that?
Dave:  Must be her time of the fanfic.
Suzi:  Grr....

and  stared at the huge building in front of him, then at the gate in front 
of the building.
          He was about five foot nine inches with blue eyes, brownish-black 
hair, and had a moderate build.  His black shoes, grey shirt, and blue 
jeans all showed a lot of wear and tear.  As the young man approached the 
gate, the guard asked if he could help the young man.

Suzi:  Handsome bit of text, isn't he?
Dave:  <singing> Every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed nerd..

          *"Yes, is this the university of science?"* the young man asked.

James: Is he asking the guard or telling him?
Dave:  I doubt if even the author knows.

          *"Yes."* the guard replied.
          *"I'm Orion Fleiss.  I was told to come here for a test."*  the 
young man said, getting straight to the point.

Suzi:  Son of Heidi, no doubt.
James: In that case we're already screwed.
Dave:  <groan>

          *"One moment, I've got to confirm you."* the guard told Orion.

Dave:  Catholic priest for a guard, eh?
James: He better pray for salvation from this fic, then.
Dave:  No miracle can ever be that big.

          Orion nodded as the guard went in his guard box, picked up a phone,

Suzi:  Guard box?
James: Must be a newer model guard, right out of the package.

        and punched a few buttons.  He then proceeded to describe Orion, 
nodded three times, then let Orion pass.

Suzi:  Those poor buttons.  What did they ever do to you, eh?

          ["Finally, after an entire year without a decent paycheck."] 
Orion thought.  He had spent the entire year looking for a good paying job, 
he had spent all of his money looking in almost every city in the 
mid-west.  Either he wasn't qualified, there were no openings, or it wasn't 
decent pay.

Dave:  Even McDonald's turned him down.
James: Welcome to America, son.
Suzi:  That sounds odd coming from you, Jimmy.

          But, thanks to the new animal rights movements, he was about to 
make a fortune by being a test subject.  After looking over two floors and 
three offices,

Suzi:  So many people overlook the animal lefts...
Dave:  Quite right.
Suzi:  No, left.
Dave:  ...
James: I thought the bugger was only 5'9"?
Suzi:  "Small" businesses are the wave of the future, you know.

  Orion arrived at the right room.  (No,he doesn't have the Ryoga 
complex(ability to get lost in the same building).)

Dave:  That's for clearing that up.  Wouldn't have got it 
otherwise.  Numbskull.
James: Go easy, Dave.

          A tall scientist wearing glasses walked up to Orion and asked 
*"You are Orion Fleiss, aren't you?"*

Suzi:  <as Orion> I hope so, his name's stitched onto my underwear.
Dave:  Really?  <reaches to check Suzi's panties>
Suzi:  Hey!  <smacks him upside the head with her remote>
James: Cool it, children.
Suzi & Dave:   Yes, daddy.

          *"Yes, I am."* Orion responded. A male scientist with a ponytail 
about Orion's height walked up and began questioning Orion.

James: Wow.. I've never seen a ponytail that big.

          *"You do have cancer, right?"*
          *"How long have you had it?"*
          *"About two years."*
          *"And how did you get it?"*

Dave:  Four hundred Betty Crocker points, limited time offer.

          *"Another experiment.  I had an ulcer before, a group tested a 
possible cure for an ulcer.  Something involving radiation."*
          Both present scientists raised an eyebrow.  A female scientist 
walked up

Suzi:  First a ponytail, now some eyebrows.  What is this place?!  The 
Potatohead Institute?!
Dave:  When they say "Make yourself into a whole new man" they aren't kidding.

  and said *"It shouldn't affect the results much."*
          *"So....are you guys testing a cure for cancer?"* Orion asked.

James: Actually, we're testing a new formula for Rice Krispies.  The new 
and improved Tumor Crunchies.

          *"Yes. Mister Orion, you are going to be a pioneer in medical and 
scientific research."* the thin scientist announced.

Dave:  Well, whoopdee doo.

          *"Does this involve needles?  Cause if it does, you can just find 
another pioneer."* Orion announced.

Suzi:  What's one more prick in this fic, eh?
James: Ouch.

          *"No needles.  Here's a jumpsuit.  It has remote electrodes in it 
so we don't have to bother with annoying wires."* the female scientist told 
Orion, handing him a jumpsuit.

Dave:  These Texan wires get pissy when they're annoyed.

          Orion walked into another room, dressed, then came out feeling 
rather goofy in the red and blue jumpsuit.  After signing a waver to any 
legal actions, he was told to stand in a tube that slightly resembled a can 
with half of the middle cut out.  *"Now, all I have to do is stand here, 
right?"* Orion asked, double checking.

Dave:  They can't afford full lead shielding or something?
James: Up on the screen!  It's a bird!  It's a plane!  It's Captain Fanfic!
Suzi:  Able to make leaps of logic and bad taste in a single paragraph!
Dave:  Jeez..

          A hollow intercom voice replied *"Yes, are you ready?"*

James: No, I'm British.

          Orion nodded, praying that this would work.  The scientists each 
went to three separate buttons, pushed them, then walked to three 
levers.  *"Now!"* they yelled in unison as they pulled the levers.  The two 
male scientists ran to a bunch of monitors to check if the treatment had 
destroyed the cancer, as a bright light fillled the experiment room.

Suzi:  *"Now!"*?  When?
James: Never, with any luck.
Dave:  That light is the brightest thing in that room, apparently.

As the light died, the female scientist checked to see if Orion was okay, 
then she interupted the other scientists who were trying to figure out what 
the monitors' readings meant, *"Ah, you guys.  I'm not sure, but I think we 
should try to figure something else out."*
          *"Like what?"* the pony tailed scientist asked.

James: What the point of all this twaddle was?
Dave:  Where the "DELETE" key is located?

          *"Like where our test subject is."* the female scientist responded.

James: Running far and fast from this fic, if he has any sense.
Dave:  Sense?  In a fanfic?  C'mon.

          *"What?!!"* the other two scientists said in unison, racing to 
see what could have possibly happened.
          The three frantically tried to figure out what had happened to Orion.
          *"Uh, you guys.  Maybe we should have plugged it in."* the glass 
wearing scientist said.

Suzi:  Why is he wearing a glass?
Dave:  Something to pass the time, I suppose.

They all looked at the plug that the scientist was carrying, panicked and 
ran screaming out of the room.

James: Finally, someone with the right idea!
Suzi:  Hear, hear!
Dave:  Well that's chapter 1.  Anyone ready for chapter 2?
Suzi:  What the hell, I'm numb already.
James: Lemme use the can first.  I get the feeling we'll be here a while.
Dave:  I hope not...  I'd like to live to see twenty.

<to be continued>

Red Death
Archivist, Fanfic Reviewer & Author
Proprietor, Ranma 1/2 Superhighway

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