Subject: [FFML] Re: [fusion][R1/2/Avengers] Avenging Chapter 11 Part B
From: "DB Sommer" <sommer@3rdm.net>
Date: 11/29/2002, 12:08 AM
To: "Brian Randall" <brian@azurite.org>
CC: <ffml@anifics.com>


And on to the next part:

Brian Randall wrote:


 > destroyed, fine, they were filled with nothing but gaijin anyway.
However,
 > Tokyo was different. It was his home. He knew people who lived there.
It
 > wasn't right they should be punished for the interference of a handful
of
 > their countrymen that had made the fatal error of angering the future
ruler
 > of the world.

Sheesh.

Well, it is compassion of a sort.


 > Bucky could just make out a little bit of blood matting on the tiny
girl's
 > forehead. "Yeah, you look pretty worn out. You stay here and rest while
I
 > free the others. You've done your part. And once we're all ready,
we'll make
 > that Mandarin creep pay."

Doesn't offer to carry her around? Never know when a pocket-super-hero
will come in handy.

Heh. No. Too much risk she'll end up crushed, given all the tumbling Bucky
does.


 > Iron Rose magnified her vision to make certain Wasp was not too badly
 > injured. "She's a big girl, I'm sure she can take of herself."

Heh!

^_^


on the
 > head. Had her survival instincts been in better working order, she
would
 > have tried to find a way up and out of the fortress, but she felt
certain
 > her hammer was located somewhere on the floor she was now on. She
knew the
 > delay meant risking her life, but she had to find it. Life without the
 > ability to transform into Thor was meaningless.

Hmm.

Yep. She's showing a dependency on her stick as crutch in every sense of the
word.


was a
 > carpet of jagged rock between her and the goal, and she would be
forced to
 > crawl through the tunnel the fallen rock had formed, but her
salvation was
 > not beyond her reach.

Tough girl.

Yep. Determined as well.


gave a
 > cry out in joy until she felt a wetness spread through her dress. She
knew
 > the cut was far deeper than the others, but still she soldiered on. Her
 > fingertips brushed once across the tip of the cane, and she gave a cry
of
 > delight.

Well, at this point she's committed, really. Not like she can back out.

true. but she's not even considering it anyway.


 > Hawkeye was on the point, had an arrow nocked, and was already
pointing it
 > directly in the middle of her adversaries. Bucky and Daredevil stood
 > slightly behind the archer, while Iron Rose remained in the back.

point -- pointing

I'd replace 'on point' with 'at the fore'.

Nah. Old jargon I learned at the academy calls for it to be called point.


 > Bucky spun in a circle, deflecting a fire burst from the Mandarin's
rings,
 > and left her back momentarily to the opposition. When she turned
around, her
 > shield was to the side as she thrust her chest forward, purring
seductively,
 > "Take a look at these, big boys."

That shield's pretty handy....

In every sense of the word.


 > Hawkeye, completely unmoved by the sight of a woman's chest, fired twin
 > arrows at her closest opponents. Swordsman, drooling at the sight of
Bucky's
 > bared flesh, found his arms pinned to his side by a bolo arrow.
Elektra,
 > equally as unmoved as Hawkeye, ducked under the projectile.

Handy, that.

Yep. An arrow for every occasion, except the times its convient to the plot.
:)


 > "That's all I need," Hawkeye said as the archer loosed another arrow.
With
 > his sword occupied in slicing through his bonds, the blunt tip of the
 > stunner arrow caught Swordsman right between the eyes. He fell to the
ground
 > like a marionette with its strings suddenly cut.

No wonder these people are missing so often. Nearly every attack is a
called shot for right between the eyes, and that grands a DCV bonus of
something like 12. Given an OCV of only 6....

Erm. Nevermind. Hero System. �_�

Heh.


 > "So you have extra padding in your chest. A wise precaution," Elektra
 > remarked.

Ya know... from what I hear, that's actually quite painful.

could be. I never struck a girl in the breast to find out. I bet it would be
painfully for me in any case.


 > steel that found its way there.

Last sentence is a bit awkward....

Will try to reword.


 > Crying out in pain Hawkeye backed away, blood now decorating the point
of
 > the weapon. Elektra was prevented from pressing her advantage by the
 > backfist delivered by the topless heroine. Bucky made certain to keep
her
 > body between the archer and assassin

More decorative blood....

Herb: It adds a certain something to the citadel, I think.

Hush, you.

Heh


 > the Musk would dodge six blows before trying for one of his own, and
with a
 > slightly better technique than 'Smash Opponent,' he was connecting with
 > three blows for every one the Hulk landed.

Hehe!

I thought it would be a nice touch. Hulk Ryouga is fun.


 > "Fuchsia. Because it's really dark red, but people try to confuse
Hulk and
 > call red fuchsia. Hulk hates Fuchsia!"

*snicker*

Another case of a character acting as author's spokespiece. :)


 > Speed Demon said, "Hey, did he end up where I think he did?"
 >
 > "Looks that way," Power Man said.
 >
 > The two looked at each other, then nodded their heads in agreement.
"RUN!"

A room where a Keanu Reeves look-alike with a pigtail is making fuscia
split-pea-soup?

hehehehe.


 > "- the one where we were storing the missiles we decided we didn't
need,
 > since the laser system could down any aircraft that came too close.
Wow! Are
 > those titties? Can I feel them? I promise not to pinch or anything,"
Speed
 > Demon asked as his attention became completely riveted to Bucky's
chest.

Or that.

Yep. Catastrophic structual damage coming up.


 > "I didn't offer nothin' to anyone!" Bucky shouted. "I was laying my
ass on
 > the line while you were playing rainmaker with your dumb hammer."

What happened to Bucky's "We need to work together" attitude?

Reverting to type. Changing one's stripes isn't easy. Sides, she had to
flash some tit and is irritable.


 > An animal cry of rage came from the A-bra-mination as he finally
recovered
 > enough from Thor's surprise beating to attack. He sprang up to his
hooves
 > and charged the heroes.

Hmmm. Tarou vs. Giant Man.

Nope.


 > Electricity from Thor's hammer joined the assault and leapt to the
 > A-Bra-Mination's body. This time when he went down he did not get
back up.

... or not.

It was a lot of damage dealt fairly quickly.


 > "Thanks." Bucky was actually moved by the gesture. She wrapped the cape
 > around her upper chest, tying it off so while she still showed much
of her
 > midsection, her top and all that lay there was covered. "I'll be sure
to
 > give Mandy a good right for you."

I wonder if it'll turn into a piece of Akane's jumper when Thor reverts.

Nah. Plot contrivance, I call it. :)


better
 > match for him; a hero who could compliment his fighting prowess on
the field
 > as well as off. He needed someone like Hawkeye as a partner. She had
range
 > attacks to compliment his defensive abilities. They would be a perfect
 > pairing. She'd have to drop a few hints to him the next time they met.

Since all the dropped hints LAST time didn't help.

Heh

 > chaos and anarchy for years, and it will be solely because of their
 > meddling. Everything would have been fine and there would have been
peace if
 > they hadn't stuck their noses in where they didn't belong. And now
they'll
 > pay for it!" He threw a lever. "It's done. It'll take several minutes
for
 > the canon to warm up for its premature firing, but it's over."

Is pyrrhic a proper noun?

don't think so.


by a strength no normal woman should have had. Several blows connected
with
his face. Blood poured from a split lip. A hard right into the jaw, and
several shiny white teeth flew from the mouth and bounced off the master
control panel.

... damn.

Yep. Getting graphic, I am.


A particularly strong kick sent the Mandarin skidding across the stone
several feet away. He tried to rise and fell back down, curling into a
heap.

Weren't you using meters earlier in the fic?

Oops. Will change.

many ways was as painful as if they did mock the injury. Not that she
liked
it when Ranma was rude, but on the other hand, he acted the same way
around
Nabiki when she vexed him as well. It meant he viewed her in the same
terms
as her non-handicapped sister, which was comforting, in a fashion.

Hehehehe.... Well, two out of five isn't so bad.

Yep. Agree.


Though I'm surprised she's able to keep so much attention to detail on
her being Akane, given how much she usually remembers Thor when that
kind of thing happens.

Actually she remembers everything of Akane, it's only Thor's memories that
are sketchy.


The light glowed like a small star, and a white beam began to stretch
out
from the bottom, like a giant lance pointing to the world below.

Oh, this isn't good.

Nope. Nossir, it isn't.


Bucky had no time to enjoy her victory as the Mandarin's chi blast
struck
her. She was hurled into the control panel she had destroyed, burned by
some
of the electricity, and bounced back away to the hard stone floor. She
was
left moaning on the ground, chi and electricity making breathing an
ordeal.

I imagine that quite a few people in Nerima are going to require an
extended convelescance.

Yep. In between 'books' don't you know. :)


"Told you so," Bucky said before her head slumped and she remained
motionless.

Why kill the villain, when a convenient plot device will appear to do it
for you?

I seem to remember this being a staple of comic books, though, so
spot-on, as usual.

Actually in this case it make sense. I have been mentioning the increasinly
bad shape the building is in. Likewise it serves as plot device for both
Elektra and Bucky as well.


Elektra walked painfully over to where the floor had caved in, being
extra
careful around the edge, lest she share the Mandarin's fate. The hole
went
deep. Obviously the disintegrator had sheared through multiple floors,
weakening them enough that the mass from those above each one was
sufficient
to drag the Mandarin and the tons of rubble down into the abyss with
him.
"He is disposed of," she informed Bucky.

Hahahahahahahahaha- No.

He'll be back.

Just like Oasis.

The music group? I guess anything is possible then if they are back
together. :)


tangled mass of black hair to fall freely past her shoulders and down
her
back. Her outfit was torn in several revealing spots. Not as revealing
as
Bucky's, but almost as bad. Especially the top, which had lost its
straps
and was fighting a losing battle with hiding the impressive bust that
was
holding it up.

Black hair, eh?

Yep. Dye job. The Hand didn't want her to stand out too well.


Bucky tried fighting off the darkness, but the ordeal of all the
fighting
from the last day and half proved too much. Just as she blacked out, she
thought she saw a figure looming over her.

Hmmm....

And then there was nothing.

Deja vu!

All over again.


The duo introduced themselves. Thor looked them over. The small flying
girl
was of no concern, she was the height of an insect, so what could she
really
do? The man was a bit on the slender side and seemed passive. Compared
to
the physically appealing Captain Japan or the archer with the tight buns
(and that was to say nothing of his ability to kiss), he quickly was
ranked
a distant third, and maybe even fourth on the desirability chart,
depending
on whether Daredevil acted like his usual reclusive self or not.

Ouch.

he's the 'brooding' type of the group. Every hero outfit needs one.



The Hulk looked down at the burden cradled in his arms. "Oh yes. Hulk
found
Shield Girl under some rocks. Hulk got her out before she was buried as
deep
as Hulk was. Hulk bets she hates being buried as much as he does."

Hah! That's perfect. Ryouga rescues his arch nemesis.

Irony. Gotta love it.


Once things calmed down enough for the others to listen, Bucky informed
them
what happened in the Mandarin's chamber. Thor seemed disappointed she
would
not get a chance to avenge herself. Daredevil seemed despondent over the
assassin's death.

Slightly modified, I imagine, since anything else would give away her
Jusenkyou curse.

Yep.


Wasp flitted about enthusiastically. "Oh my, that sounds good. I want to
be
a real super hero. Count me in." Her family was just going to have to
get by
cooking and cleaning on their own from time to time.

Heh.

Showing Kasumi isn't all give here.


Iron Rose said, "Not only shall I join, but I can guarantee my employer
will
be more than happy to finance the team, as well as providing a base of
operations and a modest stipend as a form of recompense for your time
and
trouble." And she was going to make it all one massive charitable
contribution and write it off her taxes.

HAHA! I like that.

She always keeps her business savvy, all right.


After all, as the unequivocal Master of Time, he still had time.

Time to kill them all.

Interesting.

The underlying plot that binds it all.


the Enchantress and Executioner, the Steel Lilly, and Happosai getting
his
hands on some gazongas. Do let me know if it sounds interesting to you.

I liked it a lot. It was a fun read, and some of the jokes were
completely priceless. The A-bra-mination... hehe....

Was great. ^_^

Good job, Mr. Sommer!

And thank you for all the C+C. I really appreciate it.

D.B. Sommer

Special thanks to
Chris Horton
Gary Ee
William Morse

--
Brian Randall
--
I write fanfiction. Too much of it. You can read it here, thanks to a
kind grant from the Larry F foundation:
http://www.rakhal.com/florestica/durandall/index.html
--
Together. Allegiance or death. BIGFIRE!
--
Haiku of my lament:

Forgive my spelling,
my U.S. education,
is the source of blame.


             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'




             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'