Subject: [FFML] Re: [C&C][Ranma][Darkish][Violence] Assassination of Nabiki Tendou - Chapt 4
From: "noirchloe" <noirchloe@nyc.rr.com>
Date: 11/24/2002, 3:55 PM
To: "Michael A Chase" <mchase@ix.netcom.com>, <ffml@anifics.com>


Responses follow^^
----- Original Message -----
From: "Michael A Chase" <mchase@ix.netcom.com>
To: <ffml@anifics.com>; "noirchloe" <noirchloe@nyc.rr.com>
Sent: Sunday, November 24, 2002 11:03 AM
Subject: [C&C][FFML] [Ranma][Darkish][Violence] Assassination of Nabiki
Tendou - Chapt 4


On Sat, 23 Nov 2002 23:42:12 -0500 noirchloe <noirchloe@nyc.rr.com> wrote:




"NO," Kiyoshi blurted as he jumped to his feet as quickly as possible.
Unfortunately, this had the unintended effect of flipping the woman's
skirt up again, giving all around a view of her {precious box :
underwear}.


KP:  I like 'precious box!' -_-;;





The weight that was pressing down on Ukyou was removed and she
scurried away as she turned and caught sight of Nabiki standing in front
of the study door, a sad smile on her face and another person.  She
softly muttered, "Ranma," before her vision became blurred and she
{feinted : fainted}.

I think that's a real faint, not a feint.

KP:  Yup>_<  comes from righting two stories at once... I was writing a
fight scene
just before I gave up on it and worked some more on this.  -_-





Ukyou took a deep breath.  Water could be seen trickling from the
corners of her eyes.  She sniffled, "when we entered that warehouse, we
were jumped.  We fought, but there were about a dozen of them.  I got
knocked around a bit and Konatsu was trying to protect me.  They
{: were} dressed in black, and the room was dark.  When it was over,
someone
had me pinned to ground, and Konatsu was on his back, unconscious."

KP:  I wanted her speaking now to be a bit choppy, without overdoing the
sobs, or actual narrative for it.



"Let's go.  He was the last of them," she turned to see Kiyoshi offering
her a hand up.  She took it with little thought and stood.

I guess that means Kiyoshi killed the woman that killed Ukyou.  I wonder if
he even tried to stop her before she killed Ukyou.  If he had, he might at
least have been able to pump Ukyou for more honest answers.  He might have
been too late to save Nabiki then though.




KP:  Konatsu(Beta) killed Ukyou.  He didn't have enough time to save Ukyou
at all.  When they
were on the street having the conversation, Ukyou was being murdered.

I'm trying to make the audience -- for the most part -- experience things
through Nabiki's eyes.
So I want to create a little confusion about what's going on, so when
Nabiki's confused, the readers
can believe it.  Maybe I wasn't clear enough.  But this set's up when Nabiki
finds out about Ukyou's
death, her wondering back to this night, what Kiyoshi was doing.


--
Mac :})
Give a hobbit a fish and he eats fish for a day.
Give a hobbit a ring and he eats fish for an age.






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