Subject: [FFML] Re: [fanfic][Ranma] The Things We Wish For... Chapter 3 [with endnote]
From: Brian Randall
Date: 11/18/2002, 3:01 PM
To: DB Sommer
CC: ffml@anifics.com


DB Sommer wrote:
Well, my first sending seems to have disappeared in the void, which is just
as well since I neglected to include part of the endnotes with it which
should head off a few questions that this chapter might create. If this
chapter shows up twice, read this version and not the first one. Also got a
few simple grammar errors cleaned up in this version as well

	I don't rememebr seeing it pass through....

 Barring something horrible happening, should be going to Otakon this
 weekend, so this might be the last post I make. If I don't reply to people
 before next week, that's the reason why

	I don't really have an excuse. Just terminally slow. Hopefully I can 
change that today....

The Things We Wish For...
Chapter 3

Any and all C+C is appreciated. You can contact me at
sommer@3rdm.net

All of my fics are stored at the following:

Larry F's new address at:
http://www.rakhal.com/florestica/

Or R+C books at:
http://dbsommer.rcbooks.org

And also Angcobra is now storing all of my fics, at
http://dbsommer.web1000.com/dbsommer.html

Standard Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to any of the Ranma 1/2
characters. They belong to Takahashi and whomever she sold the rights to.

There are some end notes which might allay some concerns you might have
after reading this chapter.


Preface: What's happened before: Akane got her hands on a wish and used it
to wish her mother had never been in a car accident and was alive in the
present. Well, her mother wasn't in an accident, and is with them in the
present, there's only the slight complications that she's there at the ripe
old age of seventeen...

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx



"But I'm her husband. Surely someone can explain to her that we were happily
married for a number of years, and that it's perfectly fine to pick up where
we left off."

	Does this warrant an exclamation point?

"If you try that, the odds of us losing a father are pretty high. And we're
fresh out of wishes to bring you back," Nabiki evaluated.

	Though that has amusing merit in its own right. Hmm....

"That's a great idea!" Akane said. "We'll start off with how you two met and
go from there."

	'Said' falls a little flat.

With the situation somewhat more sober, Soun said, "I'll do as you say, and
treat her as I would any respected visitor to our home."

	sober -- somber (I think this is what you meant -- not sure)

The girls waited for their father to pull himself together before leading
him back to the living room, where Kachiko was waiting. As they entered,
they saw Kachiko waiting, tapping her foot impatiently. Ranma and Genma were
also present, standing slightly behind her.

	Repetition of Kachiko waiting.

	I bet someone else has already pointed this out....


The only reason I'm going to
let you stay is because Ranma asked me so nicely."

"I didn't ask you that," Ranma said.

Kachiko considered that. She then grabbed Soun by the shoulders, turned him
around, and began pushing him towards the door, shouting, "Out! Out! Out!"

	Hehehe!

"No way. Favors lead to nothing but trouble."

"Out! Out! Out!" Kachiko shouted and returned to shifted so she was trying
to drag Soun out instead of pushing him.

	Remarkably insightful.

Rather than press the point with the girl, Kachiko turned to the man next to
her. Her eyes were full of tears as she sniffled and said, "Soun-chan, our
daughter's being defiant. I go away for a couple of years, and this is how
you let our children's behavior deteriorate, showing no respect for the
people that brought them forth into this world. I'm so ashamed." She cupped
her hands to her face, hiding it from view as the sounds of crying filled
the room.

A transformation seemed to overcome Soun as, for the first time in years,
his backbone stiffened and his resolve firmed. "You're absolutely right,
Kachi-chan. I've been a poor father. Nabiki, go to your room."

Nabiki's eyes were wide as she barely was able to associate the man before
her with what she knew him to be. "Daddy?"

	HAH!

Eyes quite devoid of any sorrow, Kachiko tugged up her shorts and said, "Now
that the wise ass has been taken care of, I hope things are made perfectly
clear here. I'm in charge from now on. If I say 'jump', You say 'one leg or
two'." She immediately began laughing hard enough that true tears filled her
eyes.

	You say -- you say

	I'm guessing that the references to her pulling up her shorts are due to 
having narrower hips than Akane? I think this was mentioned before....

"You probably blocked out the memories. That happens with traumatic
experiences, especially when you're young," Soun explained to her.

	... ouch.

"Twenty years later, and still no one knows a good joke when it comes up and
bites them in their rear." Kachiko grumbled as she turned to an environment
more familiar to her senses.  The house might have been physically the same,
at least as far as the structure was concerned, but it unquestionably had a
different feel than when she had lived there alone with her parents. It was
cozy, for lack of a better term. The Tendou home had been many things in
Kachiko's life, but cozy was not one of them.

	senses.  The -- extra space.

Ranma hesitated at that. Not that he thought she could hurt him -she was
just a girl-but it would look really bad if Kachiko turned up with so much
as a scratch and he was to blame. From Akane to Soun, any injury, no matter
how slight, would be returned to him a dozenfold. Even Kasumi would probably
look cross at him, for roughing up her recently returned parent. And that
made him very uneasy. "I don't know."

	girl-but -- girl- but (?)

Kachiko continued scribbling in a tiny notebook, murmuring, "Easy... to...
goad..." She tucked the notebook inside her gi, and started whistled
innocently. "Nothing. Nothing at all. Let's fight. Go ahead and warm up and
let me know when you're ready."

	goad..." -- goad...."

	Four periods in an elipses that terminates a sentence.

He shook clear of those thoughts and instead focused on more immediate
matters. It was the time for the sparring match. He meant what he had said
about going easy on her. He'd move first and try to get close to her rather
than actually punching or kicking. Maybe  he'd try to trip her and put her
on the floor, then use his superior strength to pin her down without harming
her. Yes, that seemed the best way.

	Maybe  he'd -- Maybe he'd (extra space)

	And:

	Fool! You know not what you do!

Kachiko gave a disapproving noise as she looked at the prone figure before
her. "Geez, you're gullible. What sort of idiot calls out an attack before
she makes it? It's like saying, 'I'm going to punch you in the face. See if
you can block it in time'. And I thought you were a tough martial artist."
She pulled up her pants yet again. "And I really got to get this problem
taken care of." She departed, leaving Ranma lying unconscious on the floor.

	Wow.

	I didn't think it was possible for me to like Kachiko less.

	I was wrong!

"Aside from one piece swim suits, probably not," Nabiki admitted.

	one piece -- one-piece (I believe)

Nabiki watched hungrily as Kachiko rolled the bills out of the fold, one at
a time. That was an impressive amount of money for her mother to carry
around, its size comparable to the amount Nabiki usually kept on her person.
How Kachiko had accumulated such an amount in her own past time, Nabiki was
reluctant to guess, though it did bode well. The more money Kachiko had
access to, the more money Nabiki would have access to as well.

	Swiped it when she hugged Nabiki... I see.

That made Nabiki smirk. She had won. That had been a cute little bit of
maneuvering on Kachiko's part, getting Daddy to back her against
Nabiki -that was something she hadn't thought possible- but, once again
Nabiki had asserted herself as the savviest of the people in the area.
Kachiko had shown some small promise of being a potential headache, but it
had taken a matter of moments to gain the advantage over her. One Nabiki
would not be relenting anytime soon.

And the final blow to prove her superiority was that all of the clothing
Kachiko had chosen were things Nabiki had borrowed from Akane. Oh well,
being set back to square one would be a good lesson for Kachiko in how the
pecking order worked around here. Nabiki at the top, and everyone else
somewhere below. And that including time-lost parents who thought they were
smarter than everyone else.

	These paragraphs are designed to show how thorougly Nabiki was duped, 
thus underscoring Kachiko's sneakyness.

	I think I'm starting to actually hate this character.

	She's too perfect. She beats everyone in their home court.

"So, you thought you could teach Mommy to suck eggs, did you?" Had anyone
seen Kachiko's smirk, they would have been struck by the uncanny resemblance
between her and Nabiki as she continued counting the money in her hand.
Kachiko could tell that Nabiki was hiding a kind heart behind a facade of
ice. Had the middle girl's pride allowed her to, she would have been happy
to give Kachiko the money she needed to purchase some new clothes. As it
was, in order to leave Nabiki's pride intact, Kachiko had helped herself to
what resided in Nabiki's pocket during their 'embrace.' It was a mother's
job to let her children believe certain things in order to treat them like
adults, and in her opinion, this certainly qualified as one of those moment.
And if Kachiko came out ahead financially, then it was for all the better.

	And I was right.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

End Notes: A word of concern was given to me of Kachiko being too much an
ANC, and it probably best I respond now. Yes, she is very annoying at times.
She's has to be, given the direction which the story will take. Yes, this
chapter things overall did go well for her, getting the better of Nabiki,
Ranma, and the mecha in 50K or so. It was necessary to set things up for
later, and this is the way the chapter came to me. Don't count on her having
an easy time of it in the future. That's not to say she'll start losing left
and right, just that it won't go all her way.

	I can respect that, but I can't see it in the story well enough, and in 
all honesty, that's where it needs to be visible, not the authors notes.

	Because it's not, I don't enjoy the story much. It's all about Kachiko 
more of less whomping everyone and doing what they do best... better. Of 
course, this has gone on several more chapters that I haven't read, so 
who's to say what's changed? Unfortunately, all I can really say here is 
that Kachiko put me off of the story so much that right where I cut it 
off was where I stopped.

	You're writing for a specific audience, I imagine, and it's just not me. 
Nothing wrong with that -- the jokes in the story are good, the writing 
is very good, it flows well as a story.

	I just don't Kachiko. Sorry. :/

This one had to be modified slightly, and it shows. I ended up doing
'filler' material in the second half after all. But I was having problems
with how to end things, and decided to throw that out there. Not really
satisfied with this the way I was with the panda demon part in the last
chapter, but I think the 'Mecha-Godzilla homage.' is appropriate (I must be
getting old since some of the prereaders didn't get the parodies. In my day,
everyone watched the giant monster movies ^_^) but it was all that came to
me, and there wasn't enough room remaining in the chapter to start anything
else even before that. However in this chapter I did get the ground work and
future actions for Soun in there, as well as getting a grip on Kachi's
relative martial arts skill, Ranma losing to her, and some Nabiki-Kachi
interaction. Tentative plans for next chapter are for Kachiko to finally end
up in school and meeting more of the fun loving cast at last as the others
start to adjust to her presence, and start to react to it. Should be
concentrating more on her presence in the present than what happened in the
past for a while now.

Special Thanks to:
Eternal Lost Lurker
Max. M.
Michael Chasse
Chris Horton
The Apprentice

-- Brian Randall -- I write fanfiction. Too much of it. You can read it here, thanks to a kind grant from the Larry F foundation: http://www.rakhal.com/florestica/durandall/index.html -- Together. Allegiance or death. BIGFIRE! -- Haiku of my lament: Forgive my spelling, my U.S. education, is the source of blame. .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----. | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com | | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com | | Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject | `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'