Subject: [FFML] [C&C] Re: [Ranma 1/2] For the Honor of the House - Chapter One
From: Aaron E Nowack
Date: 11/16/2002, 7:37 PM

Hmm... maybe I'll do a bit of C&C... I'm not amking much progress writing
at the moment, so why not? ;)

The mighty C&C disclaimer of Doom: All the below is merely my own (not
necessarily useful, funny, or correct) opinion, and may be used or
ignored as you see fit.

And on with the show, I suppose.

On Fri, 15 Nov 2002 18:31:15 -0800 Brian Randall <>
        Also, I _think_ I've nailed down the formatting issue with 
my posts to
the FFML. Here's to hoping!

Well, it certainly looks different on my end... but then I wasn't having
any problems to begin with, so who knows?
        For the Honor of the House -- Chapter One

        Disclaimer: Takahashi owns the paint, I am, as ever, using 
my own easel
to make a new picture.

A picture of a walrus.

        Notes: Altaverse. You'll know it when you see it. Do _not_ 
expect this
fic to be accurate of the era it (loosely) portrays. It's written to 
fun, not edutainment.

Well, I guess I don't see it, then.  I thought at first it was pre-WWII,
but as I recall there's a mention of a computer, which would put it well
afterward... is it some sort of "Japan wins World War II" altaverse?


        Ranma held himself very still, his father nearby -- felt, 
but not seen.

I think you might need a verb of some sort in the "his father nearby", or
else reword it somehow.

I could be wrong, however.

        Just barely dodging the projectile, he threw himself 
backward, colliding
with the aged wooden platform, rolling onto his back and flipping 
to land in a crouch while his father burst from concealment, a ready
hand on his sword, and standing to one side. Waiting for Ranma to 
the next move, of course.

Rather odd for Genma to be giving Ranma the lead...

        His words fell on deaf ears. Ukyou had stopped listening 
once she
realized that her family once more had a title. More, they were 
from the wealthy merchants they had once been, now to be given 
lands, a
title, and honor. 

If they were wealthy merchants (and not nobles) before, why do they "once
more have a title"?  

        The ship reached port some hours after nightfall. Genma 
paced impatiently
across the bow of the vessel as it came in, muttering curses beneath 
breath. Ranma sat against the railing a short distance away, unable 
fault his father. Something was amiss, and he felt it in his bones,
though he couldn't -- for the life of him -- tell _what_ was amiss.

I'm not sure the dashes really need to be there.

        Yes, things were going to be interesting.

I think they will be,  In fact interesting is probably the one word I'd
pick to describe this fic so far.

Apologies for not having more specific comments, but I didn't catch many
errors, and failed to come up with many witty comments.

The characterizations here are... different, but they seem to be logical
results of the setting. The only thing I found slightly odd was that I
would expect this Ranma to be much more embaressed/ashamed of his curse
then he seems to be.

Looking forward to next part...

           Aaron Nowack
"Never let reality get in the way of a good hypothesis."

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