I promised other people C&C, but I had to do this one first.  Not many
Yokohama Shopping Diary fics out there.

It is a pacific world

While technically correct, I think you'll get a lot of people thinking
Ocean World or something similar.  How about "It is a passive world,
devoid..."?

What *does* fill the room, however, is the sunlight of the morning, and

Emphasis seems unnecessary.

Because this is Cafe Alpha, the coffeehouse at the end of the world.

Have you ever read Ender's Game?  I'm getting strange visions by reading
this line.  :p

There may be very little reason to mark the days one by one, and yet,
the seasons continue to change in this world, just as they have in the
past, marking the changes within the years.  Children, in particular,
continue to age and grow, marking the changes of each passing year.

Too many repetitions of 'mark'.

There may be very little reason to mark the days one by one anymore, and
yet, the seasons continue to change, just as they have in the past,
showing the changes within each year.  It is the growing children, more
than anything else, that emphasizes the passing of the years.

I've taken frightful liberties with the structure of your second sentance,
but it was already extremely similar to the second phrase of the first
sentance.  I hope my recommendation accurately mirrors the concept you
were trying to express.

So perhaps it should come as a comfort that humanity will eventually
develop robotic lifeforms not only capable of sentience (or at least as
capable of it as the average human), but capable of sensations of
discomfort - and the ability to adjust their surroundings to alleviate
said discomfort.

Three uses of the word 'capable' in one line.  Actually, lots of
repetition of words in general.

Inverting the rake, and using it as a balancing staff,

Balancing staff?  Not familiar with the term, and it sounds like she's
balancing on top of it...not likely what you meant.

"Sure!  I've got a whole bunch more!  And to think, just this morning, I
didn't know I even had *one*."

At this point, I suddenly remembered the sunflower chapter. ^_^

"So why isn't he be here too?  To show you how to toast it?"

Second sentance should end with a period.  I think (I know some people
will typically pronounce the second phrase as if it were a question as
well, but it still doesn't look right to me).

"If you don't like the burnt parts, just peel the skin off.  It'll taste
just fine, you'll see."

The burnt parts are carcinogenic(sp?) ^_^

This piece probably ought to seal my reputation as a patron of neglected
series;

Good.  I'll wait for you to write a Uchu Shonen Solan fic sometime. :p

In general, I liked it.  I usually recommend that people use past tense
when writing, but it works here.  I can see how the series is probably
extremely difficult to write to, since there's no conflict (Not even vs.
Nature, really, since apocalyptic aftermath is really qualifies more as
setting, the way the story's told).

-Natsume Ranma Ranma
-------
The sardines weren't worth the trouble.  A few more shots, then
Ryoga-san would overheat and explode.  Ducking around a corner,
I managed to lose him as I entered the ramshackle residence of
my Anime supplier.

One look at his face and I knew that I had been betrayed.  "Tell me,"
I insisted.  He refused, so I slammed him against the wall.
"Last chance.  Where can Ranma-Ranma find good fanfics?"
"Try Jason Liao," he whispered, before he slumped to the floor.
I heard the sounds of a door splintering as I left through the
window, one step ahead of Tendo Heavy Industries...


             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'