Hi there,


Thanks for the C&C.  As always, it's very much appreciated.  Your comments
have always been most helpful.  I'll respond below.

That's actually rather close for something that big.  The waters off the
west coast of Japan aren't all that big though, especially compared to
those to the east.  West of Kyushu?  That would allow them to reach

Okinawa

without going through any straits.

Yeah, it is a little close, but there's a reason for that.  I'll explore a
little more in the next Ukyo-centric chapter.  While I'm striving for
something that is at least vaguely believable, I'm not going to stick to
entirely accurate depictions of things like submarines.  In fact, Leviathan
Spring has some attributes that are decidedly unsubmarine-like.  I've got
people recovering from having their heads chopped off; that grants me a
little artistic license in the scientific fields by default.  :)

You're right, Leviathan Spring can reach Okinawa without going through any
straits.  As is mentioned in the story, it won't take them very long to get
there.

Once her memory returns does she even realize how long she'd been alive
before Ranma killed her?  I don't see how she could have been running
around as long as she should have been and not realize that she's not
exactly normal.

No.  Ukyo's memory is a little patchy; I'm not going to explain exactly what
I mean by that because it's important to the progression of the story later
on.  Let's just say that her condition lends itself to a rather spotty
recallection of events.  Revealing exactly what she does and does not
remember would just spoil the fun.  :)

I think he's painting an unreasonably pessimistic picture.  They have
reduced dragonkin to two individuals.  Extremely dangerous individuals

it's

true, but still only two.

Oh, I would say he's being more realistic than pessimistic.  Yes, the other
dragons were wiped out, but I wouldn't say easily, and they did not have a
solid, tangible grip upon the human world as Ryujin and Ryukyu do in Akane
and Ranma.  With that link the last two dragons aren't so easily eliminated.

Not only that, but he's trying to convince Ukyo.

"I can help you kill her," the Colonel whispered, his face almost close
enough to touch hers.  "She is the key to it all.  If she dies the

dragons

die with her.  It is what you want, isn't it?"

If I understand correctly, Ukyo doesn't care about any other dragons, she
just wants to kill Ranma.  Hunter seems to be making rather light of Akane
and that's likely to bite them later.

Well caught.  Hunter let slip something there that he should not have.  He
doesn't know quite as much about Ukyo or the dragons as he thinks he does...

"No, it's not," the Colonel replied.  A calm look upon his face, he

raised

the pistol, aimed it at Ukyo's forehead, and squeezed the trigger.

A bit flashy, but I suppose it makes his point.

I like a bit of flashiness now and then.  I'll try not to get too carried
away, though.  :)

"What do you mean?" Ukyo asked, feeling a little bewildered.  The anger

she

had felt toward the Colonel had dissipated, replaced by an intense
curiosity.  She could see how this Wing could be immensely useful in
hunting down Ranma.

I can see where it would help in a fight, I don't yet see how she'd think
it would help to find Ranma.

For "hunting" read "fighting".  I should change that to make the meaning a
little more clear.

"So, you needed a trigger for your new gun," Ukyo said, eyeing Ryoga
carefully.  If what he said was true, this placed her in a very strong
bargaining position.  What good was a weapon if there was no way to use

it?

"You've already ... installed it, then?"

I don't think trigger/gun is the right analogy.  Perhaps guiana pig/toy,
pidgeon/wing, or sheath/sword.

Yeah, you're completely right there.  Guinea pig is probably a better term.
I'll have a play with this paragraph and see what sounds good.  If anything,
Ukyo is the gun and Seraph Wing is the trigger.

Ukyo, for her part, looked closely at the uniform.  It was entirely

black,

with gleaming leather combat boots, khaki pants, a loose jacket that was
opened - revealing a white undershirt beneath - a belt, a bandolier, and
thick leather gloves.

I would have expected the uniform to be laid out with the undershirt

folded

next to it.

Heh, whoops.  That was me writing down the image of the uniform in my head -
and of course, I was imagining the uniform as it would be seen whilst being
worn by someone.  Thanks for that, I'll change the description a little.

Was she in suspended animation or something for most of the last 800

years?

Otherwise, I'd have expected her to have more contact with people than she
seems to have had.

Nope, she's been trotting around after Ranma for the whole time.  No
suspended animation.  She's just so focused upon her goal that she doesn't
actually -speak- to anyone.  In fact, other than Ranma, her conversations
with Hunter, Ryoga and Yoiko are the first she's had in a very, very long
time.  It was only her disorientation and the confusing change in her
circumstances that made her break her silence.

Regards,
R. E.

========

Ten
http://ten.waxwolf.com
Perfection has a price.

========

             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'