This fic is a continuation from the original Evangelion series, and will
most likely spoil just about everything important in the series. As far
as NRE is concerned, the events in the movies did NOT happen, although I
do draw some facts from the movies where appropriate. Special thanks to
my prereaders, without whom this chapter would have made about as much
sense as the series itself did. (Some, but you really have to work to
figure it all out.)


    It is just after the turn of the century. The world has been saved
from imminent annihilation at the hands of the Angels. Instrumentality
has opened the hearts of those who experienced it, and to them, the
world is an even better place than they ever thought possible.
    Here it begins.

NEON REVELATIONS EVANGELION

    "Hey."
    Shinji Ikari looked up from his lunch at the unexpected greeting.
Asuka Langley Soryuu stood over him, for once not smiling as if at some
private joke at his expense. Her voice had seemed a bit distant today,
as if her mind were somewhere else. But her eyes seemed fixed on him,
making him only slightly uncomfortable. The past few weeks had given him
time to get used to being at the center of attention, and he usually
dealt with other people much better since he had participated in the
Instrumentality Project. Yet Asuka alone had remained distant from him
over that time, and her approach now had to have a purpose. Probably one
that meant bad things for him. But Shinji was determined to prove that
he was a new man. "Hello," he returned her greeting, avoiding her gaze
by taking another bite of his onigiri.
    "We haven't seen much of each other recently, have we?" asked Asuka,
sitting on the curb next to him without waiting to be invited.
    "I've been busy," replied Shinji. "Hikari had that party last week,
and Kensuke's been helping me catch up on my homework. Plus, I've been
to the hospital to visit Toji a few times. They say he'll be back on his
feet in less than a week, you know."
    "Yeah," agreed Asuka with a sad sigh. "You've been doing a lot
without me."
    "Where have you been all this time?" Shinji asked. "I haven't seen
you much, and you've missed a lot of class."
    "Yeah, well...." Asuka shuffled her feet involuntarily. "I've been
pretty busy myself, getting things organized."
    "Organized?" Shinji asked around a mouthful of rice and fish.
    "For my trip."
    "Oh. Taking a vacation?"
    "Not really," said Asuka, her eyes dropping to the ground. "It's a
one-way trip."
    Shinji spat out the food in his mouth. "You're leaving?"
    "I'm not needed here anymore," she replied, her voice beginning to
crack with an emotion that reminded Shinji painfully of himself. "I just
got the message last week. I'm going back to Germany."
    The half-eaten rice ball fell from Shinji's hand. "Back to Germany?!
You mean..."
    Asuka nodded. "I'll be moving back home. I'll be back with all of my
friends, and people who speak my own language...."
    "You don't sound too happy about it," observed Shinji.
    "Of course I'm not happy, you dimwit!" shouted Asuka, turning to
face Shinji for the first time. Seeing the shock on his face, she
quickly calmed down. "Sorry. I'm just a little surprised myself. It's
all happening so fast...."
    "I know! I wish you'd told me sooner," said Shinji. "We'll have to
organize a going-away party for you! Hikari will invite everyone, and
the snacks.... How long do we have to get everything ready?"
    "I don't want a going-away party!" snapped Asuka. "Don't you get it?
I don't want to go back!"
    Shinji was dumbfounded. "Y-yeah, you said that. But I thought you
hated it here in Japan!"
    Asuka turned her face back to the ground. "I have a lot of bad
memories of home."
    "Oh." Come to think of it, Asuka had never talked about her home
life, had she? "But you don't have a choice, do you?"
    "No. NERV's German branch needs me back to help with the clean-up
effort."
    "Clean-up?"
    "You know, the demilitarization!" explained Asuka, almost seeming to
brighten up now that she and Shinji were starting to slip back into
their respective roles. "Don't you remember the memo?"
    "Oh, right." It had come by private courier the week before, in a
laminated envelope marked confidential and sealed with the official NERV
seal in wax that had taken a chisel to get through. "NERV's dismantling
all of the Evas and closing down the facility now that the Angel threat
is over. We're all supposed to help...." His face fell as he realized
why Asuka was so upset. "You didn't get one, did you?"
    "Bingo," Asuka said glumly. "They already got word from Germany that
I got pulled back. My plane leaves tonight. I don't even have time to
say goodbye to anyone."
    "You're saying goodbye to me," Shinji pointed out, regretting the
words as soon as they'd left his mouth.
    "Yeah, it's the highlight of my life in Japan," Asuka returned, her
voice dripping with sarcasm. "The moment I got to say goodbye to you."
    "Sorry," Shinji apologized. Asuka's mood seemed to be bringing out
everything he'd given up after Instrumentality. But perhaps on such an
unusual occasion, he could forgive himself a brief regression.
    "Look, I didn't come over here to make you feel bad," Asuka quickly
interjected, feeling the moment slipping away. "I'm actually not
supposed to tell anyone that I'm leaving. The only ones who know are the
chiefs of NERV, and Misato. And now you."
    Shinji picked up his thermos lid, deciding to risk a sip even if
another outburst from Asuka would cause him to spill it down his shirt.
"I'm honored, but are you sure you should be telling me?"
    "Not if you're going to be this thick-headed about it," Asuka
murmured angrily. "Don't tell me you don't know why I came over here to
talk to you!" Her eyes shot daggers at Shinji as he drank his tea,
keeping his eyes on her the whole time. "Hey! Put that down while I'm
talking to you!"
    Shinji choked on a mouthful of tea. "Sorry," he said between coughs.
"I don't know why you wanted to tell me, unless it's because you didn't
want to just disappear without anybody knowing what happened to you."
    "That's not the point!" snapped Asuka. "Why do you think I told
YOU?"
    "Because I'm the one sitting here?" Shinji asked naively.
    "That's not what I meant! There's fifty other people in this school
I could have told. Why do you think I picked you over any of them?"
    "I don't know!" Shinji shouted in a panic. "What are you trying to
say?"
    "Stupid!" Shinji cringed from an anticipated smack in the face, but
Asuka's hands stayed in her lap. "Why can't you understand something so
simple?"
    "Everything seems simple once you know it!" Shinji protested, his
voice taking on a dangerous edge as years of suppressed anger found an
outlet. "God, why do girls always have to be so complicated? You always
hide everything behind a layer of secrecy and expect everyone else to
know what's going on!"
    Asuka shrank from Shinji's tirade. He certainly had grown a backbone
since she'd last seen him. Maybe she'd taught him something after all. A
smile crossed her lips. "Fine. Then maybe this will help you figure it
out." Before he could think to react, she grabbed the sides of his head
and pushed her lips against his. Shinji's arms flailed as he tried to
escape, but Asuka had the advantage of leverage. He couldn't break her
grip without touching her in a sensitive place, and that was about the
furthest thing from his mind.
    His breath was tickling her lip, but Asuka ignored that annoying
detail. The last time she'd kissed him, she'd pinched his nose shut; but
that had just been a tease to alleviate her boredom. This time, she was
kissing him for a different reason. Hopefully, he'd get it. She moved
her hands down to his back, pleased to notice that he didn't pull his
face away as she hugged him. But he wasn't responding to the kiss
either. Frustrated, she tried changing the tilt of her head, moving her
lips against his, but he remained still as a statue and just as
passionate. Finally, she broke off and leaned back, glowering at him.
"Well? Didn't that do anything for you?"
    Shinji's lips finally moved, spitting out stuttered syllables that
she could barely make out. "Th-thermal expa-a-a...." A trickle of blood
ran from his nose, and he quickly covered it with his hands, his eyes
staring guiltily downward. Asuka couldn't help but glance in that
direction, where she saw what had expanded, just before Shinji could
turn away so that his body hid it from view. At least the kiss had done
SOMETHING for him... he wasn't such a rock after all. But he was still
hopeless.
    His voice cut through her reverie. "Do you have to tease me like
that all the time?" he snapped. "Why not just hit me or something like a
normal bully?"
    Asuka sighed. He really didn't get it. But she couldn't just blurt
it out, could she? The last time she'd said those words.... She stood up
so he couldn't see the tears in her eyes. She could do it, just this
once. She'd have to forget about the future and pretend this was the
last moment - which wasn't far from the truth. "Shinji... Ich will nicht
nach Deutchland gehen, weil ich dich verfehlen w�rde." God... what had
she done? Shinji would think she was a sentimental wimp! She couldn't
face him now! Her legs wobbled as if the ground under her was moving,
and for a moment she wished it would swallow her whole and never spit
her out. That very thought... the fact that she was embarrassed was as
embarrassing as what she was supposed to be embarrassed about. Her heart
felt like it was in two pieces. But at least she'd finally told him what
was on her mind... the thought of never seeing him again.
    But he was already saying something. "Was?" she asked, afraid to
hear what he had to say.
    "Asuka, I can't understand you when you speak in German," Shinji
repeated apologetically.
    German? Of all times...! After she'd finally managed to work up the
guts to tell him, he couldn't understand! She was already embarrassed
enough to crawl under a bed and die, her face felt like it was on fire,
and he didn't even know why? Couldn't he at least figure it out by her
tone?
    She felt his eyes on her and looked down at him, to see her beet-red
face reflected in his cowed eyes. She couldn't let him see her like
this! It was mortifying! Before she could stop to think, her arm swung
down to backhand him in the face. "Dummkopf!" she shouted before
stomping away, as angry at herself as at Shinji.
    Shinji rubbed the mark on his face. "Well, at least she's the Asuka
I remember," he said. He didn't need a translation of her last
epithet... she'd used that same tone to shout "Baka!" more times than he
could count. And he still had no idea what she was so pissed about...
maybe he really was an idiot. "Asuka, wait!" he shouted after her, far
too late. She left the schoolyard without turning back. Shinji stood up
to run after her, but the school bell rang before he could take a step,
and it was time to return to class and let Asuka vanish, having left her
final word behind.
    And it was still the last word he had heard her say as he silently
watched her private plane take off from the airport that night.
*************************************************

NEON REVELATIONS EVANGELION
EPISODE 1: SECRETS

*************************************************
    Shinji slid the front door of Misato's apartment open and shuffled
through, his head low. Misato poked her head around the corner, forcing
an obviously fake smile. "Hey, Shinji! Why the long face? You haven't
been this down since you saved the world!"
    Shinji sighed. "Misato, why didn't you tell me that Asuka was going
home?"
    Misato's smile vanished. "Oh. She told you."
    "Of course she did! Was she really supposed to just up and vanish
without telling anyone?"
    Misato's face took on an even more serious tone. "Commander Ikari
felt it would be best if nobody found out for as long as possible."
    "What?" Shinji kicked off his shoes, threw his backpack to the
floor, and stalked into the apartment to confront Misato face to face.
"Why did he try to hide something important like this?"
    "I'm not authorized to tell you that," Misato said calmly.
    "Dammit, I'm a member of NERV!" Shinji shouted, pounding the wall
with his fist. "Why am I always the last to find out about everything
important?"
    "Calm down!" warned Misato, backing away from Shinji's newfound
rage. "You can't afford to lose your temper now!"
    "Don't tell me what I can't afford to do!" yelled Shinji. "I'm sick
of all these lies and secrets! I want to know what the hell's going on!"
    Misato swallowed. She'd never seen Shinji like this before, so it
was a bit of a shock. Fortunately, Commander Ikari had briefed her
thoroughly on the possibility of just such a change in his personality,
including what she was to do when the time came - although it was still
several days earlier than when he'd told her to expect it. "Shinji,
listen to me," she said, staring him in the eye with a glare that she
hoped Gendo Ikari would have been proud of. "Getting angry at me won't
solve any of your problems. It won't prevent Asuka from leaving."
    Surprisingly, that didn't placate Shinji at all. "I don't care about
preventing Asuka from leaving! This is about me! This is about
everything you and my father try to keep from me!" He reached for
Misato's shoulder, narrowly missing as she dodged backwards. He
continued his rant undaunted. "What's next? Hikari is really a Russian
spy? Kensuke died in a car accident and you've replaced him with a clone
like Rei? Or maybe it's something about me! I'm getting shipped off to
Alaska and won't find out about it until I wake up an icicle!"
    "Shinji, none of that's true..." Misato began.
    "And how am I supposed to know that?" screamed Shinji. "If it was
true, you'd say exactly the same thing!"
    Misato fell silent for longer than she felt safe, but Shinji seemed
to be waiting for her reply before letting loose any more of his temper.
Having caught his stare with a purpose in mind, she found herself unable
to pull her eyes away from his now. But she had to stand up to him
somehow, had to say something. "I can't answer that, Shinji. All I can
do is ask you to trust me. There's a reason for everything that's
happened recently, and if everything goes according to the plan, I
promise that when it's all over, you'll understand everything."
    "Everything?" repeated Shinji skeptically. "Do you know everything,
Misato? Do you understand every little detail in this master plan of my
father's?"
    "Well, not EVERYTHING," Misato grudgingly admitted. "There are
things that NERV keeps from me as well." She hoped that knowing he
wasn't the only one in the dark might appease his anger, but instead, a
strange smile appeared on his face.
    "Then you can't make that promise, can you?" he asked, his lip
twitching. "You don't know how everything will end!"
    "Maybe not," agreed Misato, "but at least I'M willing to believe."
    "That's because you're easy to manipulate," said Shinji. "I used to
be like that too, but now I can speak for myself. I'm not going to be a
pawn in my father's plan any more!"
    Misato couldn't contain her shock any more. "What's come over you,
Shinji?"
    "The truth," he replied simply. With that, he turned his back on
Misato and walked back to the front door, slipping his feet into his
shoes.
    "Shinji, wait!" shouted Misato as she realized that he was walking
away from the argument while he had the upper hand. "Where are you
going?"
    "Out," he answered curtly. He stepped out of the apartment and
slammed the door behind him.
    Misato stared at the unmoving door, briefly entertaining thoughts of
chasing after him. But she knew it wouldn't do her any good. He'd have
to come to terms with his situation on his own, and until he did,
nothing Misato said could possibly get through to him. "Oh, Shinji..."
she moaned softly. "When did I lose you?"
*************************************************
    Shinji knocked on the familiar door, not really expecting an answer
but not feeling right about barging in without knocking. He would be
going in anyway, of course, and he knew exactly what situation he would
find his host in. He could swear that she was psychic and could predict
exactly when he was coming to visit her; even though this was only his
fourth time visiting her, and the first time for a reason other than
school or work, the trend had already established itself as a
fundamental property of the Universe, as certain as gravity or thermal
expansion. After a few moments of silence, he pushed the door open,
expecting to have to shove a huge pile of mail out of the door's way,
but surprisingly, not a single letter had been left on the floor. That
was a shock. Maybe things had changed since he'd last been here.
    "Hello?" he called as he made his way to the bedroom. He almost
didn't recognize the apartment. Everything was so tidy: the picture of
his father was hanging straight, every drawer of the dresser was closed,
the rugs lay flat on the floor, and there was not a piece of garbage or
article of clothing to be seen except for the single uniform lying next
to the closed bathroom door in a heap. Even the formerly omnipresent
layer of dust was absent. Before he could decide that he'd stepped into
the wrong apartment, however, the bathroom door opened and Rei Ayanami
stepped out, wearing nothing but a towel that covered most of her body
and drying her hair with a second towel. She froze as she saw Shinji
staring at her.
    Five minutes later, Shinji broke the silence. "I came here to talk
to you."
    Rei blinked for the first time since she'd spotted him. "I was
expecting an apology."
    Shinji's eyes traced up and down her body. "Well, I, uh...."
    "No," she corrected him. "I'm glad you didn't offer one."
    "Well, I, uh...." Then his brain caught up with his ears. "What?"
    A faint smile crossed Rei's face. "You've changed, Shinji Ikari."
    "So have you," he retorted, glad to finally be talking about
something he understood. "What happened to this place? It looks so...
clean!"
    "I was tired of living in my own filth," Rei replied, folding her
hair-towel in half to hang it on the towel rod in the bathroom. "I'd
prefer it if you looked away for a few minutes while I get dressed."
    A hot blush covered Shinji's face as he turned around. "You've done
a great job cleaning up. It looks like someone else's apartment now. I
can't understand how you could stand to live in this place before."
    "I didn't care about much back then," Rei answered over the quiet
rustle of her clothes as she searched through them for her underwear. "I
was accustomed to those conditions, and that was the way my life became
when I failed to take care of it. Now, I have discovered that I enjoy
living in a clean place."
    "That makes sense," said Shinji, his eyes tracing the opposite wall
as he tried not to think about the girl behind him. Then, he discovered
a new ornament that had apparently been covered the last few times he'd
been there... a small mirror that hung beside the bed. And from where he
was standing, it was giving him a perfect view of Rei as she bent down
to slip her feet through the holes in her panties and drew them up to
her waist. He quickly looked down at the bed, but the image remained
burned in his mind.
    "I'm sure you've discovered similar changes in the way you prefer to
live," Rei continued. Shinji absently nodded. He couldn't stop his eyes
from tracing their way back up to the mirror. Rei had turned toward him,
and had the straps of her brassiere looped around her arms, the cups
dangling just below the organs they had been designed to cover. She
raised her arms over her head, pulling the bra into place and lifting
her breasts into a rather provocative position, then lowered her arms
and reached behind her back to fasten the hooks. Shinji looked away
again just before Rei's eyes would have met his in the mirror, hoping
that she couldn't see the blood rushing to his face.
    Uncomfortably, Shinji realized that the silence was stretching, and
that it was his turn to talk. But what had Rei just said? Oh, right. His
lifestyle. "Yeah... I talk to people a lot more now."
    "Is that all?" Rei sounded disappointed. "I think you've changed
more than that."
    "What do you mean?" he asked. She had already put on her shirt, he
noted with some chagrin, and was slipping her overall skirt over her
head.
    "Haven't you been much more free with your emotions recently?" she
asked in return. "And you're less timid in conversation... and in other
pursuits."
    Damn thermal expansion. "Yeah... I guess. I suppose I do talk a
little differently now."
    "It's all right to look now," she announced. Shinji already knew
that she was presentable, but he turned around as if expecting to see
her wearing a bit less. She scooped up her socks and walked across the
room to sit on the bed. "I don't think you understand what
Instrumentality has done to us."
    He was even staring at her legs as she pulled on her socks. What a
loser. "Well, it's given us confidence in ourselves, right?"
    "In simplest terms, yes," she agreed, "but you're understating its
effects. Self-confidence is what lets us express our true selves.
Without it, we are emotionless husks."
    "You were kind of cold back then," Shinji said without thinking.
    "And you were incredibly submissive," countered Rei. "But you seem
like a different person now. You don't apologize at every turn, nor
blindly follow instructions without considering your own needs."
    "Is that really better?" asked Shinji. "I did that stuff because I
didn't want to hurt people. Now, I might hurt people all the time, and
if I don't say I'm sorry...."
    "Do you think you never hurt anyone before, Shinji?"
    "Huh?" He looked up into her face, hoping to make out what she was
thinking, but it was as blank as ever, if a little warmer.
    "You've always hurt people, Shinji. It's part of being human." She
leaned back, arching her back to make her breasts stand out. "You've
just learned not to blame yourself for it. That's what's changed about
you, Shinji."
    Had Rei always been such an exhibitionist? Was that part of the new
Rei? "And what about you?"
    She sat up again, allowing Shinji to breathe. "Myself? I've learned
how to express the emotions I feel. More than hiding what I felt from
others, I was hiding it from myself. I was scared of what my feelings
would be, scared of what it meant to be created rather than born.
Perhaps I was even ashamed of the base emotions that I felt. I wanted to
be above anger, above hate... but that placed me above happiness and
love as well."
    Anger and hate... it was a familiar world to Shinji. But he'd always
felt those things about himself more than anyone else. To become angry
at another was wrong, so he turned all of it on himself. His unworthy
self. But anger was only human. That was why he allowed himself to
become angry now. Especially at Misato... and at his father....
    "Why did you come here?" she asked suddenly, as if she'd heard his
thoughts. "Did you have something you wanted to talk about?"
    "I just found out today that Asuka's leaving," he said. "My father
and Misato... everyone... they've been hiding it from us."
    "You want to express something to her before she leaves?" Rei
guessed.
    "That's not it," replied Shinji, although he wasn't sure whether or
not it was true. "But I wish I'd been told sooner. My father keeps so
many things hidden from me, including himself. I used to only care about
making him proud of me, but now I know that he's always proud of me and
just doesn't show it. Why is that, Rei? Why does he hide from me? Why
are there so many secrets?"
    "This is the real world, Shinji. There are secrets everywhere. You
know more of them than most people do, having fought Angel with your own
hands." She turned to face him and leaned forward so that she was
looking up into his face. "Why are you so concerned now, at this time
when Asuka is leaving you? Has this never bothered you before?"
    "Of course it's bothered me!" said Shinji, doing his best to keep
his eyes focused on her face and failing miserably. "But Asuka's my
friend! This isn't like some giant government conspiracy to cover up
Angel attacks from civilians... this is someone I know leaving for
Germany forever! This is a secret I really care about!"
    "Then what you're upset about is not that there are secrets, but
that Asuka's departure was kept secret."
    "I'm pissed off about all the secrets!" snapped Shinji, scaring Rei
back into her former position. "I'm pissed off that they're manipulating
me, and it means they have to hide such important things from me! Misato
admitted it herself!"
    It took Rei a few seconds to recover from Shinji's outburst. "Have
you told Asuka how you feel about this?" she asked.
    "I don't know where she is," he admitted. "She hasn't been back to
Misato's apartment for over a week, and she stopped going to school
about the same time. I guess she's staying with my father or something."
    "Your father's not in Japan right now," said Rei. "He went to
investigate something off the African coast."
    Shinji's entire body slumped. "So you knew about it... you probably
knew everything. He tells YOU everything as if you were his own
daughter."
    "I am, in a way, you know," she reminded him. "The personality I
have, and part of this body as well, came from your mother. That is why
Commander Ikari feels so open with me."
    "I don't get it," Shinji continued as if ignoring Rei's words,
although he hadn't. "This is the first thing I've felt bad about since
Instrumentality. I thought Instrumentality was supposed to make
everything better, but for the first time, it's failing."
    "Instrumentality can't solve your problems for you," said Rei. "It
was merely a way of helping you deal with them on your own. But there
are some problems that are too large to face alone, and when faced with
one of them, you are wise to seek help from others."
    Shinji took the hint. "What should I do?"
    "Can you believe that there are some things you are better off not
knowing?" asked Rei, folding her arms across her chest and pushing her
breasts up slightly. Shinji wasn't sure whether that was meant to be a
cue to the answer or not.
    "Not that I can think of," replied Shinji. "I want to know
everything that will affect me. I hate surprises."
    "Misato has a crush on you," Rei said suddenly.
    Shinji blushed a whole new shade of red. "You... you... what...
you... she... I... what?"
    "She wants your body," Rei continued seductively. "Every night, she
dreams about sneaking into your room while you sleep, tying you to the
bed, and having her way with you."
    "That's sick!" said Shinji. Whether it was appealing or not was
beside the point. But then again.... His eyes narrowed. "How would you
know something like that?"
    "It leads to a lot of sexual frustration," replied Rei, "and she has
to let it off somehow. But it's not easy for a woman to do that alone,
so she asks for... assistance. And there's only one person she trusts
not to react strangely to such a request - the one with no emotions."
    "Gah!" screamed Shinji, covering his face with his hands. "I did NOT
need to know that!"
    "Now do you admit that there are some things better left unknown?"
Rei asked slyly.
    Shinji opened his eyes to see a broad smile on Rei's face, as she
did her best to restrain her laughter. "You were joking?"
    "I needed to make a point. Knowledge of some things can be harmful."
    "I see what you mean," agreed Shinji, wiping sweat off his forehead.
    "Then understand that the secrets your father keeps from you are
also for your own good."
    "How?" retorted Shinji. "How is it for my own good not to tell me
that Asuka's leaving?"
    "Suppose you had known about it several days in advance," Rei
posited. "Then you might have decided to argue the situation and done
whatever you could to keep her here in Japan. But everything that you
did would fail, and in the end, you would feel like a betrayer for not
having been able to change what had to happen."
    "But I didn't even have a proper chance to say goodbye!"
    "Saying goodbye is one of the most depressing things one can do,"
said Rei. "It's best that she just disappears from your life rather than
dragging out your separation."
    Shinji's face fell. "I guess that makes sense...."
    "You really are beginning to miss Asuka, aren't you?" asked Rei,
turning to look up at Shinji again.
    "That's not the point," Shinji said yet again.
    "Does she know how you feel?"
    "No!" Then, realizing his mistake, he quickly amended his statement.
"What's there to know?"
    "You're still hiding some of your feelings from yourself," said Rei.
"It's natural, but you need to be honest with yourself before you can be
honest with anyone else."
    "I am honest with myself!"
    Rei shook her head sadly. "And you wonder why people keep secrets
from you...."
    Frustrated, Shinji grasped at the nearest conversational straw.
"Well, what about you? Are you perfectly happy now, without a care in
the world or a feeling you don't know about?"
    Rei sighed. "Not really, but I don't try to fool myself into
believing that I'm happy when I'm truly not."
    "Then what are you unhappy about?"
    "I kept my feelings bottled up for so long that I have alienated
myself from everyone who could be my friend," she replied. "Even though
my situation has changed, I still cannot approach those who knew me
before because of their preconceptions of me."
    "Well, you just have to give them a chance to get to know the new
you," said Shinji. "Don't expect people to talk to you right away. Just
hang out for a while and listen, and if you think of something to add to
the conversation, say it. You'd be surprised at how quickly people will
start to involve you in what they're doing."
    "Is that how you approached people after Instrumentality?"
    "Well, sure! I mean, I talked to people sometimes before, which
helped, but I'm sure it would work for you too!"
    Rei's eyes fell to the floor. Shinji watched her uncomfortably,
wondering whether it was still his turn to do something. Fortunately,
Rei spoke again before he had to decide what to do. "I've been alone for
so long that I don't know how to make friends."
    "It's not really that hard," Shinji began, but Rei cut him off.
    "It's not something people think about when they decide we need to
be happy, is it? Our depression gives us focus in the quest for
happiness that we know we can never obtain. Once we have that happiness,
it does us little good because we don't know how to live happily. We
sink back into depression because that's what's comfortable for us."
    Shinji shook his head adamantly. "I'm not going back. I'm enjoying
spending time with my friends and not feeling sorry for myself."
    Rei sighed. "Then it seems that I'm still alone."
    The pain that Shinji felt at seeing Rei lapse into such a sour mood
after having been so happy before was almost physical. "You're not
alone," he assured her. "I'll always be your friend."
    Rei looked up into his eyes once again, blinking away a few tears.
"Thank you."
    Shinji wasn't sure what to say to that. It was one of the awkward
parts of actually relating to people - there always came a time when the
conversation ground to a halt, but he could never figure out how to end
it satisfactorily. Rei seemed to be waiting for something from him, but
darned if he could figure out what she wanted. He examined her expectant
smile as he slowly, carefully leaned forward, not even noticing how
close he was to her as he continued to close the gap between them....
    For some reason he couldn't fathom, even though his eyes felt like
they wanted to close, he kept them open as his lips pressed against
hers. Therefore, he saw every twitch of her facial muscles as her eyes
widened in shock. She made no move to push him away... but her lips
didn't respond to the kiss, either. She was, for all intents and
purposes, a statue.
    Finally, frustrated, Shinji pulled back, looking at Rei's face in
hopes of seeing some sign of a reaction. For the most part, her face was
as stoic as it had ever been, but her eyes seemed to be on the verge of
shedding tears. Then, as he watched, her lips drew tight and her eyes
darkened with anger. In a flash, her arm flew across the front of her
body, her palm smacking his cheek in a blow so swift that he didn't even
feel it until her motion had ended and she froze, glaring at him. Not
quite the reaction he'd expected....
    Realizing that it was his turn to react, Shinji raised his hand to
his aching cheek and rubbed it, almost as an afterthought. "Why is it,"
he wondered aloud, "that whether I kiss the girl or the girl kisses me,
I'm always the one who gets smacked?"
    "Just because you no longer wallow in self pity, it gives you no
right to violate me," Rei said coldly. "I suppose staring at my naked
body in the mirror wasn't enough for you."
    She knew! "You knew? Why didn't you say anything?"
    Rei's cheeks turned the color of cherries in an instant, and her
rage vanished. Her eyes darted to the floor, then to the bed - anywhere
other than looking at him. "Well..." she began, finally looking up at
him without moving her head. "Actually... nobody's ever stared at me
like that before."
    "Seriously?" asked Shinji, genuinely surprised. "You've got a great
body!" He quickly shut up before he could swallow his foot, but once
again, Rei didn't seem to notice his faux pas.
    "I think our classmates don't notice me because I'm always so quiet
at school," she said. "I've never exactly been the outgoing type. And I
really don't have much to offer."
    "Well, I think you're special!" blurted Shinji. "And besides, how
many guys really worry about personality? I'm sure they're all checking
you out when you don't notice!"
    Rei was so stunned and exasperated that it blew away every other
emotion she'd felt. "Are you trying to make me feel better?" she asked.
    That caught Shinji off guard. "Huh?"
    "You sit there and tell me I have a great body and no personality,
and that's supposed to be a compliment? I'm insulted!"
    "I didn't mean it like that!" Shinji said quickly. "I meant *I*
thought you had a great body, and you USED to have no personality, and
everybody... I'm not making things any better, am I?"
    Rei giggled. "That's all right. It's cute when you fumble like
that."
    Shinji staggered mentally as her remark caught him off-guard yet
again. "Cute?" This was definitely a side of Rei he wasn't used to
seeing! What was she getting at?
    "Haven't you figured it out yet?" Rei hinted.
    "Figured what out? You're not making any sense!"
    In response, Rei leaned close to Shinji and wrapped her arms lightly
around his shoulders, pulling him down to her level. Shinji meekly went
along with her, wondering what she was planning as she moved closer and
closer, until her nose bumped into his. "I have something to tell you,
Shinji Ikari," she said, her voice so light and airy that he almost
thought he was imagining it. It was all beginning to feel like a crazy
dream anyway, intimidating enough to be a nightmare, but he swallowed
and did his level best to keep breathing normally.
    "What is it?" he asked, quite sure that he didn't want to know.
    "I liked it," she whispered.
    "Liked what?" he managed to get out before her mouth covered his.
The passion of this kiss more than made up for his earlier failed
attempt, and Shinji found himself responding even before he'd figured
out what was happening. He lost his balance and fell on his back,
pulling Rei with him as their lips never lost contact for a second. His
underwear tented - well, it was more like a teepee. A teepee with an
elephant sitting on the main pole... it was rather uncomfortable down
there with her weight on top of his -
    He was poking her. She had to be feeling it. As soon as he realized
it, he pushed her away, hoping to relieve the weight on his own
sensitive parts and avoid embarrassing himself further. But Rei was
smiling as she obligingly climbed off him. "Men are pigs," she said
jovially.
    "Me?" Shinji shot back defensively. "But you were the one who -!"
    "I wasn't accusing you of anything," replied Rei. "It was just a
simple statement of fact. Men are pigs, and you're a man. There's
nothing wrong with the way you think. It may seem embarrassing to you,
but if you could see into the minds of other men, you'd see that their
thoughts are just as disgusting as yours. So there's nothing to be
ashamed of."
    Well, he sure was blushing fit to shame a beet. She, Rei Ayanami,
was hitting on him, Shinji Ikari! He rolled away from her, not looking
where he was going as he fell right off the bed and landed in a heap on
the floor. "I can't do this! This isn't me!"
    "This is you, Shinji," Rei asserted as she climbed off the bed to
sit beside him on the floor. "And this is me. This is us. We are who we
are, and we want what we want."
    "But what about Asuka?" Shinji asked in a half-panic.
    Rei frowned deeply. "Asuka is gone. If you continue to want her, you
will only bring yourself pain. You must find something else to want, to
replace that which you cannot have." She let her hand come to rest on
his. "I will always be here for you."
    Shinji pulled his hand away. "I'm not worthy of you, Rei."
    "Let me be the judge of that."
    Typical female logic. "I mean, I'm not ready for you. I... need to
be alone."
    "You came here to talk to me," Rei reminded him. "You have done
that. You are free to leave any time you wish."
    Shinji abruptly stood up. "I'm going, then. I'll see you in school
tomorrow, Ayanami." He left the room without looking back.
    Rei waited until she heard the front door open and close before
raising her hand to her lips as if feeling his kiss for the first time.
She smiled behind her hand. "The old Shinji would never have been able
to leave so suddenly. Yet he still struggles with his newfound sense of
self-worth. I, too, have a great deal to learn about dealing with my new
emotions." She stood up and brushed off her skirt. "Perhaps we are both
merely confused and alone, even in each other's company." It was
frustrating, and yet strangely satisfying, to have him push her away
like that. Things were definitely going to get interesting in the near
future...
*************************************************

NEON REVELATIONS EVANGELION
EPISODE 1: HOMECOMING

*************************************************
    Asuka sighed heavily as she stepped out of the airport, setting foot
on German soil for the first time in nearly a year. Ian, the limo
driver, put his hand on her shoulder as he picked up one of her
suitcases with the other hand. "It's good to be home, yes?" he asked in
soft German.
    "Thanks," Asuka replied perfunctorily, grabbing a box to put in the
expansive trunk. Most of her possessions had been shipped by the only
company that still carried parcels after the Second Impact, care of
NERV, so she had carried only the bare essentials with her. Five boxes,
three suitcases, four garment bags, and a portable makeup kit would be
just enough to survive on for the three days until the rest of her stuff
arrived. But there was one thing her new apartment would be unable to
provide no matter how full she packed it. "Do you know if there are any
other kids my age in the building where I'll be staying?" she asked Ian
casually.
    Ian stared at her as if she'd asked if anyone in the area knew
German. "Of course, Miss Asuka! You're staying in the girls' dormitory
at the Hoffnung School!"
    "Really? A dorm?" She dropped the box into the trunk and pulled the
piece of paper with her new address on it from her pocket. It was just a
street address with an apartment number and a box number for mail.
Well... it COULD be a dorm... "I guess I won't be alone, then."
    "It's not a very big school," Ian continued. "It was built only a
few years ago, mostly with large funding from GEHIRN."
    Asuka hummed thoughtfully. "I never thought NERV was interested in
education."
    "The school isn't the reason the facility was funded," said Ian.
"It's more of a training ground for future Evangelion pilots. I was told
you came from a similar facility in Japan, no?"
    "Future Eva pilots?" Asuka had to restrain her laughter. "I hope
they kept their noses in the books. The Evas are being dismantled, and
they're shutting down NERV." Her brow creased as she realized what she
was saying. "You ARE from NERV, right?"
    Ian laughed out loud. "Of course, Miss Asuka! Your father asked me
to take you to your room!"
    "My father?" Nobody had mentioned that her father was involved with
her recall to Germany! Then again, she hadn't exactly kept in touch with
him since her mother's death. If she was going to be seeing him again,
it might be a good idea for find out a bit about him. "So, what's my
father like?"
    Ian shook his head. "It's not really my place to say," he
apologized. "It's not wise to talk about one's employer, especially not
at NERV."
    Asuka nearly lost her grip on the box she was carrying. "Employer?
You mean my dad is your boss?"
    Ian grabbed the box and shoved it into what little space remained in
the trunk. "Your father is the Director of Operations for the German
branch of NERV. Didn't you know that?"
    Asuka shook her head. "I haven't seen him since my mother...."
Suddenly, she was too short of breath to finish her sentence. Ian's
friendliness had made her feel safe enough that the old memories had
come back in a rush, surfacing into her conscious before she could
remember why she had buried them.
    Ian rested his hand on her shoulder again as he pushed the trunk
closed with the other. "We'd best hurry, Miss Asuka. They're waiting for
you."
    Asuka nodded wordlessly as Ian stepped around to the driver's side
door. A shiver ran through her body even though she didn't feel the
least bit cold. The other thought that had just surfaced, the
realization that she would never see her friends from Japan again, made
her distant past hurt all the more. Sure, Instrumentality had made
everyone else's lives better, and had even given her back the voice she
had lost; but while everyone else learned to accept the problems of
their pasts, she had kept hers buried so deep
inside that even Instrumentality hadn't been able to touch them. Now she
wished she had accepted the change as everyone else had. Even Shinji,
the great coward....
    "He's not the coward," Asuka said aloud. "I am." She opened the limo
door and climbed into the plush interior of the car, wishing not for the
first time that she could summon the strength to end it all.
*************************************************
    "SURPRISE!" fifty female voices chorused as Asuka opened the door to
her new room with the hand that wasn't keeping her heaviest box balanced
on her knee. She fell on her butt at the sound, and the box landed right
on top of her chest. She strained to push it aside so that she could
breathe, but a swarm of hands lifted it away and carried it into the
room while a single pair helped her to sit up.
    "Are you all right, Asuka?" asked the girl behind her. "We didn't
mean to frighten you!"
    Asuka pretended to ignore the girl while she caught her breath, then
whirled on her in fury. "What the hell was that all about? You could
have killed me!"
    The girl blushed and laughed nervously as she backed away from
Asuka's looming temper. "I'm sorry about that..." she said again. "We
wanted you to feel welcome. You're a big hero to all of us."
    Asuka perked up instantly. "A hero? Me?"
    "Of course!" the girl replied with eased nerves. "You've actually
piloted Eva, and fought the Angel! We all want to be just like you,
Asuka!"
    "Yes!" the girls crowded in Asuka's doorway agreed. "We want to be
just like you! A real pilot! We want to save the world too!"
    Asuka sighed. "It's not going to be that easy, girls.... You see -"
    "We can do it!" shouted an enthusiastic voice from Asuka's room. A
ginger-haired girl pushed her way to the front of the crowd. "We've been
training for years to be expert pilots like you!"
    A deep blush covered Asuka's face. Not only was she about to crush
these girls' dreams by telling them that they'd never be pilots, but
they had made an idol of her without realizing that she could no longer
pilot an Eva at all. The last time she'd tried, the controls had frozen
and she'd been completely paralyzed while another pilot was forced to
fight one of the most dangerous Angels alone. Fortunately, with NERV
closing down, she'd never have to reveal the embarrassing truth to her
new dormmates.
    "Perhaps later you can tell us what it's like to pilot a real Eva,"
the girl behind Asuka proposed. "But first, let us help you move in."
    "Yeah," Asuka agreed readily. "Later."
    The girl stood up and helped Asuka to her feet. "It's so great that
you're finally here!" she announced. "My name is Elaine Straut. I've
always wanted to meet you!"
    Asuka looked Elaine over from head to toe. The girl's short dirty
blonde hair seemed to wave as if in a breeze even in the still air of
the dormitory corridor, and her eyes sparkled with the thrill of an
excitement that Asuka knew only too well. Even in the dully-colored
casual dress she was wearing, Elaine looked ready for action - as long
as it was more fun than it was dangerous. "You organized this little
one-room heart attack?" Asuka guessed.
    Elaine nodded. "We pictured the great hero as more of a party-goer.
Did we miss the mark?"
    Asuka started to reply in the affirmative, but another glance at the
faces in her doorway made her reconsider. She was going to be spending a
long time with these girls from now on, and if she didn't make some
effort to get along, it would be like Japan all over again... only
without Shinji. And who knew? Maybe they'd end up becoming good friends.
    "I like a good party as much as the next girl," she replied. Then,
as if reconsidering, she lowered her voice and continued. "Are there any
cute guys around here?"
    A smile slowly crossed Elaine's face. "Only enough to fill the
building next door."
*************************************************
    Asuka felt a giddy smile spreading across her face as she took
another sip of beer. This party wasn't turning out to be as bad as she'd
expected. There was plenty of good food, including some that she hadn't
tasted in months; dozens of people eager to hear her stories of fighting
Angels; and of course, the Germans seemed to be rather lax in their
regulation of underage drinking. In fact, Asuka had nearly had to search
out a dictionary to look up "underage drinking" in German, because she'd
never heard anyone use the phrase. Tonight, she had found out why, as
the resident assistant herself had made the first beer run of the
evening. By now, nobody was sure exactly where the beer was coming from
anymore, but nobody cared as long as it kept coming.
    "Tell us the one about the volcano again!" shouted a slurred voice
from the back of the room.
    "No, not that one!" whined a girl up front. "She had to be saved by
that Shinji kid. I wanna hear the underwater battle one! That fight was
all Asuka!"
    "Tell us a new one!" added a third voice. "You've got to have more
stories than that!"
    Asuka threw up her hands for quiet, inadvertently spilling the rest
of her beer. "Guys, guys! Haven't you had enough yet? I should save some
for later!"
    "NO!" chorused the entire room with enough force to knock Asuka off
her feet. Her back hit a table, and she upended the entire piece of
furniture, dumping several mugs of beer and plates of various gooey
foods all over herself. For some reason, this struck her as amusing, and
she began to laugh even as the rest of the room fell silent.
    A strong pair of hands grabbed her by the shoulders of her stained
blouse and hauled her off the floor. "Come on, let's get you out of
here."
    "Okay," said Asuka, letting the boy support her weight as her legs
went through the clumsy motions of walking. The room was spinning so
much that she couldn't even tell which direction she was going - her
rescuer might well be leading her straight into a wall for all she knew.
But before long, the colors got darker and the air got colder, and she
guessed that she was outside. She was ready to fall down and go to
sleep, but the hands kept holding her up until she heard the soft squish
of grass under her feet. Finally, she was laid carefully down on her
back, easing the dizziness just a bit.
    The boy sat down next to her. "How are you feeling?" he asked.
    Sick. Very sick. "My head hurts," she moaned. A shudder shook her
entire body.
    "You've never drunk that much beer before, have you?"
    "Was my first time," she replied. Perhaps it had been too much. But
Misato had always made it look so easy, chugging the stuff like it was
water....
    "Your first time? No wonder you're feeling so ill. It'll be even
worse in the morning."
    Worse? She was that far from turning her head and throwing up
already. How could she possibly feel any worse? She had to ask what he
meant by that. "Uuuuuuuuuugh...."
    "Do you need me to bring you some water? Or perhaps a bucket?"
    "No thanBLEAAAAAAARGH!" At least she HAD managed to turn her head
away from him in time. Throwing up on someone would have been a great
way to make a first impression. Not that she was doing much better as it
was.
    As she lay in the grass beside a puddle of everything she'd eaten at
the party, she felt a hand rubbing her back lightly. "How do you feel
now?" the boy asked.
    "A bit better," she replied, rolling over so that she could look at
him for the first time. Her vision was still blurry, but when she
squinted, she could almost make out the face framed by the
shoulder-length blond hair. "You're kinda cute."
    "Is that you talking, or the beer?" he joked.
    "The beer's on the ground behind me," said Asuka. For some reason,
it had seemed wittier before she'd said it. "I guess this must look
pretty bad."
    He shrugged. "It happens to everyone their first time, I think. Half
the students in that room are probably going to be just as sick when
they get back to their rooms, if not sooner."
    "But they all looked up to me," Asuka pointed out. "What kind of
hero pukes her guts up from a couple mugs of beer?"
    "The type of guts that gives you the courage to fight Angel and the
type of guts that can handle large amounts of alcohol are two entirely
different things," he told her. "Perhaps you won't be allowed to drink
as much at the next party, but I'm sure they haven't lost any respect
for your heroism."
    Asuka's heart sank, for a reason that had nothing to do with the
beer. "I'm not really a hero, you know. I can't even pilot an Eva
anymore."
    The boy fell silent for a long time, leading Asuka to wonder whether
she'd totally screwed up this time. But he did continue after a pause
that was far too long for comfort. "What happened? Were you demoted?"
    "Demoted?" repeated Asuka, confused. "No! I just can't make it move.
The last time I got in my Eva, it just stood there no matter what I
tried to get it to do. The last Angel I fought did... something to my
brain... something horrible...." She had to stop as a splitting headache
came on, one which likely had nothing to do with the beer. The mere
memory of the mental rape she had suffered was enough to bring back all
the pain of that encounter; the realistic memories of what had happened
to her mother....
    "My god, are you feeling all right?" asked the boy, picking up on
Asuka's mental state.
    Asuka forced herself to take a deep breath. That had been a sobering
sensation. "Yeah, I'm fine."
    "What's wrong?" he asked, not willing to let her bury her problems
any deeper.
    Asuka shook her head, inducing a slight dizziness. "Just something
I'd rather not talk about."
    "I see," he said understandingly. "Well, I won't force you to talk
about it, then. Just remember that you're one of us now. Any time you
need a friend, any one of us will be happy to do whatever we can."
    "Thanks, -" An awkward pause filled the gap where the boy's name
would have gone, if Asuka had known it. "What's your name?"
    "Georg Hunter," he replied. "I'm in room 12 of the men's dorm."
    "Is that an invitation?" Asuka asked slyly. She was feeling a little
open tonight; the thought that it was the effects of the alcohol
naturally failed to occur to her. "I've gotta warn you, it'll be my
first time."
    "No, no! Certainly nothing like that!" he protested, waving his
hands. "I really don't even know you!"
    "Oh," said Asuka, disappointed. "Well, I AM the great hero who
piloted Evangelion Unit 02."
    "I mean the real you," Georg elaborated. "Sure, I've heard the war
stories, but that doesn't tell me anything about who Asuka Langley
Soryuu really is. After all, we're all going to have war stories before
long. I want to be friends with Asuka the girl, not Asuka the Eva
pilot."
    "Asuka the Eva pilot is dead," affirmed Asuka. "Her mother's dead,
and her father might as well be dead for all I care."
    "It sounds like you have some issues to work out," said Georg. "I
think you'd better get to bed now, Asuka."
    "Oh, but I'm just getting to know you!" complained Asuka.
    "You'll thank me for this in the morning," said Georg, standing up
to help Asuka to her feet.
    Asuka leaned heavily on Georg, unable to keep her balance on her
own. "Whatever. You sure you don't want to join me?"
    "I would love to join you," Georg obliged her. "But it wouldn't be
right. I think we should wait until we really know each other... and
we're both sober."
    "Sobriety can bite my ass," snapped Asuka. "Damn gentlemen and their
gentlemanlinessness...."
    "Come on," he urged her, starting toward her room and carefully
leading her along. "I'm sure we'll become very good friends in due time,
but for now, you need sleep more than sex."
    "Sleep can bite my sex," Asuka mumbled, even less coherent now that
she was on her feet.
    "Sure it can," Georg said obligingly. "We'll just get you back to
your room and you can do all the biting you want."
    Asuka tried to speak again, but couldn't manage a single
comprehensible word for the rest of the trip. Georg supported her as
much as she needed as he walked her back to her room, almost surprised
at how much he enjoyed the job he had undertaken. It was surprising that
none of the other males in the room had tried to lend a hand to help
Asuka out, but as Asuka herself had noted, they had probably expected
her to handle her alcohol a bit better than this.
    Still, he thought as they rounded the corner that brought the girls'
dormitory into view, it would be nice to get to know her all over again
once she was sober.
*************************************************
*************************************************
    Gendo Ikari's critical eye examined the creature that lay naked on
the ship's deck, shivering as it gasped for breath through the slotted
gills in its throat. Its resemblance to a human was vague at best. It
had arms and legs like a human, but its feet were much wider, and its
toes and fingers were webbed. Its body was covered with scales whose
color could have passed for a very dark flesh tone. It had no
discernable shoulders or waist, giving its torso the rough shape of a
fish. But its face, despite being stretched across the conical front of
its body, had distinct humanlike qualities, particularly in the eyes.
Those eyes looked up at the humans on the deck as if it knew that they
had cast the net that had captured it, that they understood its pain but
did nothing to aid it, and that they had the power to return it to the
ocean whence it had come and yet would not.
    "What should we do with it, Commander?" asked Ritsuko. "It won't
survive long this way."
    "Put it in the salt water tank," replied Gendo. "Keep an eye on it,
and try to figure out what it eats."
    "And our original objective?" asked Ritsuko.
    Gendo pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "We'll keep
looking. It's out here, somewhere. This creature is proof of that."
    "And what will we do when we find it?"
    Finally, Gendo turned to face Ritsuko, staring down at her through
his sunglasses as impassively as ever. "We won't know that until we find
it, Dr. Akagi. Right now, all we can do is prove its existence by
bringing it directly to SEELE. They must know that the need for
Evangelion is far from over."
    Ritsuko hummed thoughtfully. "And our role in the process?"
    "Much greater than we originally suspected," agreed Gendo. "The
additional measures we've been planning may need to be set into motion a
bit earlier than we anticipated."
    Ritsuko smiled slyly. "Good thing we were prepared."
    "I hope our preparations are adequate," said Gendo. He stepped
around the deckhands who were lifting the fish-man into a wheeled
aquarium for transportation to the water tank and placed his hands on
the ship's rail to stare out over the ocean's tranquil surface. "A great
storm is coming to these waters. The time of humanity's true test is at
hand."

--------------------------------------------------

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girlie character like Leia, C3PO, or Luke Skywalker.

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