Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Mon, 04 Nov 2002 07:41:14 -0600 Donald Lee Granberry
<noharness@mac.com> wrote:
I will leave you dangling with this one for a little while, because I
intend to let this story rest a while. In the mean time, I shall return to
work on _Comes the Cold Dragon_. It's high time that I put that one out of
my misery.
Thanks for the word on your plans. I hope you'll be able to show it to us
soon.
"Oh, you think not, {little sister : Little Sister}?" Nabiki asked as
[I don't know about this anymore. If I capitalize it, somebody grumps. If I
don't capitalize it, somebody else grumps.]
she gave Akane a
sidelong smirk. "Ranma _is_ ambitious and he loves to be loved. Pay him a
couple of compliments and he'll wriggle like a puppy. You know, Ranma,
adulation? The cheering crowds, the groups of drooling fanboys patting you
on the back after you win a fight, that sort of thing? As for me, I
positively _adore_ money. Come to think of it, I'm rather fond of power as
well--mostly because it makes it easier to bring in more money. Ranma-kun
and I could make one {hellish : hellacious} team if we ever set our minds to
it."
Akane and Ranko stared back and forth at Ranma and Nabiki, their
mouths agape with horror. Ranma felt a stab of pain. He hated admitting to a
flaw, but in this case, he dared not do otherwise. He could still feel warm
slipperiness of yakuza blood on his face and hands. He shuddered.
I would have expected Ranko to be part of the chorus. She's still close
enough to Ranma to know exactly how he feels.
[No, not quite. That's one of the reasons she's horrified by Ranma's
reaction.]
"Very well," Soun said. "We seem to have at least a partial plan of
action. Nabiki will look into containers. I suppose Cologne and I had best
start working with Ranma here to help him learn how to counter the Master's
techniques."
Why isn't Ranko being considered along with Ranma? She should be very
useful fighting Happosai; the old expose your breasts trick if nothing
else.
[I'll give ya three guesses and give you a pass on the first two if you get
'em wrong. Wait'll Ranko figures it out. She is going to be some kinda
pissed.]
"The Eye is almost certainly seeking someone like Ranma or Nabiki,"
Cologne said with a sad sigh. "Acquiring the two of them through Happosai
would make its century."
I didn't notice the focus shifting to Ranma and Nabiki.
[Okay. If more than one reader flags this as a problem, I'll see what I can
do to make matters a little more clear.]
He {wondered : wandered} around his pen taking his time finding and
savoring the
[I can't believe I got bit by that one again. Damn!]
food his keepers had hidden at ground level. He was careful to sit upright
on his hindquarters in true panda fashion each time he found a stash.
Finally it came time for the part that Genma had been looking forward to,
the daikon in the tree. Using his ample claws, he scaled the old sugi's
massive trunk until he could reach the bundle of daikon stashed in the
crotch of a limb. Rather than backing his way down to the ground to eat, the
way any normal panda would, Genma stayed right where he was and began
munching the crunchy tubers.
Ranma's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates before he finally
forced them shut. He {lied : lay} down again, or rather; most of him {lied :
lay} down
[Here I'm not so surprised. I always have trouble with this one. "Lay" never
sounds like a past tense verb to me, but M$-Word didn't like "laid" and as I
recall, you aren't supposed to use "laid" unless you have something in hand
which you lay down on something else. Iffen' it's you yourself what's layin'
down, then you lie down or---? Sometimes I really hate my own language.]
Thanks for the feedback, Michael.
Don.
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