A short comment for a short read:

I find that this is much more in tune, in my opinion,
with the OAV series and manages to do those
characterizations very, very well, except for
Belldandy. I always saw Belldandy in manga and series
alike to be much more self-sufficient that you portray
her as in this section. I would suggest that you at
least have her show some hesitation before running to
Keichi like that. Just think about the way she shows
her affection to him in the series and the manga.
She's always, to put it bluntly, the proper Japanese
woman (or goddess, as teh case may be). I'd try maybe,
as it may even have more of an impact that way, having
her silently walk up to him and just take his hand in
hers and bow, apologizing, and have -him- take -her-
in his arms, though she may resist a bit, and then
have her sleep.

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