Now Pet Shop of Horrors fanfiction? Interesting.

Everyone sees me as this sunless abyss of emotional void, just as they see

you to be a delicate flutter of fragile warmth. But I have to wonder whose
heart really beats colder; mine, or yours?

That which we share . . . what is it called?

Herpes?

"You were . . . locking eyes with Ethan."

The other girls around them all gasped, scandalized and yet excited as

they looked around eagerly. "Ethan Close?

Heh. Nice name selection.

 Where?!"

But the boy was no longer in sight.

"Damn! He didn't even stay to talk to us, what an introvert."

"The 'cheekbones on a stick' who always wear black . . ."

"The loner guy who had

had or has?

". . . Oh, right!" The other girls were immediately reminded of their most

pressing concern at hand. "Susanna almost had us sidetracked there. As, we
were saying, those obnoxious St. Maria girls are gonna be at Heman's party
tonight. Knowing them, they'd be flaunting their Prada gears again. If you
don't want to get upstaged by those hussies, you'd better come shopping with
us after school."

Sigh. Any excuse to shop.

"I don't know . . ." Naomi glanced away, pointed disinterest masked but by

a thin veil of civil courtesy. "I'm a little tired. I might not be going."

"Naomi! It's your own boyfriend's party!"

"Aren't you worried that Heman would get seduced by one of those snobbish

bitches?"

At that, Naomi chuckled, its sound as sweet as it was coolly dismissive.

"Heman isn't my boyfriend. He asked me out and I went; one date, that's
all."

Naomo: Although I did sleep with him five times since then. But they weren't
dates.

The other girls were all visibly startled by her statement. Perhaps amused

by their expression,

expressions

The sunset stained everything red with its blood-crimson.

Down an empty street he walked, black clad figure desolate as a desert

mirage.

"You walk fast for a boy of such sedated appearance,"

Turning around at the nectar-sweet voice,

Hmm. Overdoing it a bit with the descriptions


he was greeted with the sight of Naomi standing right behind him, looking as
serene as she was delicate.

"I had problem

had a problem

She was the only one at school to know about their constant meeting ups

rendezvous (sp?) would be a better choice of word

 after school.

Naomi Cage, school waif, and Ethan Close, school weirdo . . .

Upon close inspection, perhaps it wasn't as outlandish as it first seems.

seemed.

Despite being a loner, Ethan does

You're changing tenses.

possess a sort of edgy appeal: the overt lankiness and the too-long legs,
the pointy-chin and the too-high cheekbones, the eyes and posturing that
radiated something coolly intense: an intriguing depth that made him stand
out from among his crude, common peers (a quality he shared with Naomi) . .
..

Had he been a character in a book, the readers will probably be intrigued

by him.

Argh! No breaking the fourth wall, please

Up above the once scarlet sky dimmed up, casting everything under a

grayish tone.

It was underneath this new light that Ethan's shockingly pale complexion

was truly brought out.

Ashen, almost barrenly so, the boy's complexion, combined with his

dramatic thinness, betrayed his made him appear almost like death
incarnated.

And here I think 'incarnate' is better

"It's . . . a pet shop," Naomi spoke slowly and mockingly, "in case you

haven't read the sign out the store front?"

"I thought you got enticed by him into taking drugs or something!" Susanna

said, agitatedly. "I mean what kind of wacko goes into a pet shop to pet a
pet of all things?!

....

The redhead growled at her friend's look. "I care because I care about

you, Naomi! What are you thinking, hanging around with that kind of guy? One
look at him and you could tell he's on drugs! And that freaky, dark shop . .
.. just what kinda pet shop is immersed in total darkness? I mean, the
customers can barely see the goods, if those reptile thingies could be
called goods. And-and, you! You're gullible enough to be alone with the guy
in that sinister place, and . . . and . . ."

You have captured the ambiance of the Pet Shop of Horrors.

Susanna protested. "H-Hey! Don't change the subject! I've said it before

and I'll say it again: it's not good for you to hang around that kind of-"

"Susanna," the brunette spoke with steel underneath her soft voice. "Ethan

isn't the dangerous one in our relationship."

The snake is. :)

"One single date, which you hidden-cam-ed for the sole purpose of boasting

to your football buddies."

need a line break

"That . . . but . . . it's just a guy thing!"

Heh. He can't recover from that one.

"I only got a C in Bio, so admittedly I don't know much about animals. But

.. . ." Susanna gestured wildly all around the dark room in outrage. "Just
what kind of freaking monsters need to be kept under in the dark all the
time?!"

"The most pathetic kind," Ethan replied without turning around as he

walked on ahead through the darkness. "The different and the misunderstood
that hid in dark corners, forever fearing the light since attacks so often
came along with it."

Susanna's lips tensed. "No riddles, please."

actually that was pretty  straightforward.

"How?" Susanna couldn't help but ask.

"She sees the invertebrate as an aquatic queen getting waited on by her

subjects the crown fishes."

Heh. cute

"The man himself," Ethan smiled indulgently as he sat himself beside what

appeared to be a slender albino youth all dressed in red the color of his
irises. "What brings you by? Just last month you sold all the eggs back to
the shop since Vanessa is scared of caterpillars."

Nathanael sighed. "She's been having seconds

second

At that, the boys both looked up at Susanna, who looked a picture of

girlish outrage.

"That kind of cowardly woman would just leave a guy cause her bitch

friends don't approve is truly . . . awful!" She slapped her hands onto the
albino youth's shoulder. "Forget about her; for sure there will be other
girls that can see beyond the narrow views of the world!"

Heh. She certainly is inspired.

Ethan handed her a canned ice tea, which she took with slightly shivering

hands.

. . . keeping beautiful insects bearing her namesake, tormenting himself

with their bittersweet memories; alone

The girl who keeps mantises, the boy who keeps butterflies . . .

This place is as much of a pet shop as it is a meeting place of the

empty-hearted.

Nice touch.

Into the trap I went, a trap by the name of 'allure' . . .

Hmm.

"Most people gets unnerved by the shop's various . . . commodities," Ethan

tried to explain. "And see that you look kind of dainty, I thought-"

She chuckled then, the sound of which cut of his sentence.

"Appearance is a deceptive thing," she said, smiling at him with narrowed

eyes. "You, who work with these exotic creatures, should know that better
than anyone."

Ethan couldn't/wouldn't retort: Naomi raised a good point (not to mention

that teasing smile on her face made his heart pound).

Hmm. That's quite the admission of emotion on his part. I think I'd drop it.

"Then you should've realized that Naomi has been purposely hiding me in

the dark all the while, and that I let her. Now what do you think that
implied?" Finishing his drink, he tossed the can into the trash bin. "Can't
you see? I have no means of being a danger to your best friend, because she
is the one in control in this relationship."

"That's . . ." Susanna ran a rough hand through her red locks. "If what

you just said is true, then it's even more outrageous! Why in the world is a
guy like you surrendering all this control to that little twig of a girl?!"

"Because given the right bait, even the smartest of creatures will

knowingly succumb to entrapment."

Heh. Too true.

"Well . . . Naomi," Susanna licked her dried lips. "It's nice to know that

you are really under no danger being with this seedy-looking guy. In fact,
you obviously have no problem in controlling him, so much that he'd even
allowed himself to be hidden in the dark like some random pet in this
freaking store. So I guess . . ." she turned on her heel. "I guess it's time
for me to leave!"

Heh. It seems Susanna is stronger than Naomi after all.

Story copyrighted by its original author (yes, Azure A. Blue is a pen

name).

No!

Nice touch, although I wouldn't be surprised if Naomi underestimates
Susanna. Even spiders at the center of the web cannot control forces capable
of rending silken strands asunder.  ^_^

Very good moody piece. I enjoyed it. Prose flowed well and quickly. Nice
work.

D.B. Sommer

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