[FFML] Re: [Ranma][Dark][Lime] Akane Vicious

I'm a little too tired to give any in depth C&C but here are a few comments.

I got a good Thomas Harris type vibe from this. The intro reminds me a little of the beginning of Red Dragon for some reason (note that I've only seen the movies). It rings a little wrong for the intro to be a dream. Akane feels guilt in the dream, and while its not impossible to feel guilt in a dream it feels wrong. In fact the rest of the fic seems more like a dream than the intro because of this. You might even consider making the intro an epilogue and have the rest of the fic be the dream.

Thats another thing I found lacking in the fic. The ending was good, but I think it needed an epilogue. Like Ranma standing over Akane's grave next to all his other fiancees or something, or having it all be a dream, or at least revealing whether or not Akane died or was just knocked out and taken to prison or whatever. As it stands it seems unfinished.

Finally, though I'm not quite sure how you would fix it, the reaction to the deaths isn't quite natural. Its like "Damn Kodachi's dead...Hey check out this potato gun!" It's almost funny. If it's supposed to be funny then you should exagerate the characters' indifference, but if its not, Ranma at least would show more remorse I think than he does. This is a matter of characterization though, and that's a matter of opinion and pure speculation.

All this aside, I enjoyed the fic. I was wondering all the way through what Akane was going to do next. You really had me going with the Kodachi scene, and the bits with Shampoo were a pleasant surprise.

Thanks for sharing,
-W.B.R.

"An epilogue is more than a body count. An epilogue, in disguise of wrapping up the past, is really a way of warning us about the future."
-T.S. Garp fr. John Updike's The World According to Garp