Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Tue, 22 Oct 2002 14:31:15 -0400 "L.S McGill" <lsmcgill@hotmail.com>
wrote:
Akane {woke : got up : arose} at dawn after a night of sleeplessness. She'd tried to rest, but
worry over today's events had insured that sleep had eluded her.
It wasn't that she particularly dreaded the betrothal, or even Shan Pu, but
it was still a step in her life she wasn't sure she was ready for. She'd
just started to admit to herself that that she was bi, and now, not a week
later, she was to be engaged to another girl. . . a real girl, one who
stayed female full time.
Since she didn't sleep, she couldn't wake.
Kasumi looked out the kitchen window at the faint sound of laughter. She'd
gotten up early to make a lunch to take along on the long ride to China, and
wasn't expecting anyone up for another hour.
Won't they need a couple meals? They are going to the further half of
China, I'd expect that to take long enough to reach dinner, even flying
most of the way. A helicopter would take much longer than a jet.
Kasumi smiled to herself. This morning was starting off on such wonderful
note. . .
Pity, really, she had no way of knowing what the future held. . .
A mercy more like.
"Ah. Well I suppose family obligations must be met. Which of her family is
to be betrothed?"
Sasuke had hoped he wouldn't ask that question. "Um. {Hers : She is}."
"Hers" would be a reasonable answer to "Whose betrothal is it?"
Ke Lun watched Kuno get up from {were : where} Akane had kicked him when he'd tried to
glomp her and nodded. "So I see."
Shan Pu was waiting in the village{, :} and waved enthusiastically at the party.
Ranma and Akane looked a little nervous, but it was Zhu Shu the kawaii
Amazon hugged as they entered.
Ke Lun sighed. "Very well. I cannot force you to break a promise. I will
inform Har Spra to expect you." She fixed Zhu Shu with a glare. "And you
will {report to : meet : visit : see} her, Zhu Shu. She will give you much information that will
help you on Lan Tao."
Zhu Shu smiled grimly. "I am Clan Dragon, Musk Warrior. We are speed."
The boys smile faltered slightly as Zhu Shu struck. "You are her. . ." he
said as he blocked her thrust, then {reposted : riposted}.
"This is not good." Zhu Shu muttered. The Amazons were making a brave fight,
but they were sorely outnumbered, and even the aid of the Nerima crew wasn't
preventing the slow advance of the black clad troops. The Amazons had lost
too many of {the : their} best warriors to the cursed water.
"It's the attack of the kawaii bunny girls." A dryly amused voice said from
beside him. He turned to see an equally naked Nabiki standing next to him,
also with rabbit ears and a bunny tail.
She is the right one to make that observation.
"Yes, Mr. {Tendo : Saotome}, you went too far, even for martial arts training!" Kasumi
chided.
Ke Lun sighed. "I cannot command you not to do this, Zhu Shu, anymore than I
can command you not to accompany us tomorrow. I am honored to call you great{: -}
granddaughter, but I do not rule you. But please, for the love I have for
you, be careful. I want to see both {yours : your} and {Shampoos : Shan Pu's} children's children
some day; I cannot do that if you throw your life away in a misguided effort
not to endanger us."
"Yes, Master. But my spies confirm that they have taken the secondary bait.
They will come here tomorrow. Everything is prepared for them. She will not
escape a second time." The shadowy figure in his scrying mirror said.
Xi'an Chi nodded. "{There had better not be : She had better not}. She has begun to access some of
those cursed Senshi powers, though she doesn't know how to control them. I
curse the day Serenity gave her those swords. They have more tricks to them
than ten thousand magicians. Do not allow the seals on the trap to be broken
once she has been caught or she may find a way of slipping free."
I think the previous phrasing is a leftover response to different statement
in an earlier draft.