Heya Jiro! Here's some...
Disclaimer: The characters appearing in this work of
fiction belong to and were created by the great
Mangaka Rumiko Takahashi-sama. No copyright
infringement was intended by this work
I never knew my father, truth be told I barely
remember my mother.
This doesn't flow- use a semi-colon, perhaps.
Oh I remember how she looks,
smells, sounds and feels like well enough, I know
that she loved me enough to take care of me despite
me being a hanyou... but other than that, I barely
knew her nor can I remember anything else other than
her crying most of the time.
Technical: Oh should be followed by a comma, IMHO.
Saaa... I think she was stronger. I think she would
have had sad eyes- but crying? Would a dai youkai
really love a woman like that?
Oyaji must have loved her though, enough to use one
of his own fangs to forge the Tetsusaiga.
loved her, though, enough
And I always thought that was P A I N F U L....
I also wondered why it was supposed to defend her?
She'd be dead before IY mastered it, most likely!
Just random musing...
So why
the hell didn't he stick around till I grew up? Was
he so sick of how weak I was that he huffed and
left, taking time out to kill himself in grief over
having such a pathetic child? I don't know really,
I'm not even sure I want to know. Oyaji was Oyaji,
the Dai-youkai who terrorized the humans yet fell in
love with one.
Standard child reaction to death!
I used to hate that about him, thinking it to be his
greatest weakness, believing that he shouldn't have
acted that way. Yet in the end, I understood, when
I fell for Kikyou.
*g*
I wanted to be better than my father, to be the
perfect Dai-youkai, the scourge of humanity, the
bane of every spiritualist, bouzo or miko there ever
was.
I might use a colon and then list here.
I want people to cringe upon hearing my name
and quake in fear each time they crossed my domain,
just so I could be more like Oyaji. But meeting
Kikyou changed all that, her quiet words changed my
world view, my beliefs and my dreams. I actually
looked forward to being a human, living, loving,
growing old and having children with Kikyou by my
side. I thought that life wasn't so bad. But then
she died and I got sealed forever and locked with me
were the dreams given light by the woman I loved.
given light? I'd reword, maybe?
I got unsealed by Kagome, Kikyou's reincarnation,
and the old dreams came unfettered as well. I
thought that being a Dai-Youkai, even just an
ordinary Youkai would protect me from falling for
someone like Kikyou again. Yet Kagome still reached
within me and slowly freed the dreams that got
entombed with Kikyou. She used my miko's old beaten
paths to the inner depths of my soul, the place only
Kikyou could reach. I find myself dreaming the new
dreams yet again as well as understanding Oyaji,
little by little.
hmmm... i might strengthen the father tie to the end?
or maybe not.
Author's notes: My dad's still alive but I could
never understand him, I had an enormous argument
with him over something very petty and it wounded me
greatly, I found myself writing this piece as a
suture.
*HUGS* Parents just don't understand sometimes.
Overall: Nice short, you might want to experiment with
a little more "complex" punctuation for dramatic
effect.
~Aishuu, who is crawling off to bed three hours later
than she should be!
=====
Sing what you can't say
Forget what you can't play
Hasten to drown into beautiful eyes
Walk within my poetry, this dying music...
My loveletter to nobody
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Quicksilver/
http://www.midnightrevolution.org/quicksilver/
__________________________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
Y! Web Hosting - Let the expert host your web site
http://webhosting.yahoo.com/
.---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
| Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
| Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
| Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject |
`---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'