Okay, you were foolish enough to ask for more of this, and I'm having 
writers block on the new chapter of TOD.  Warning:  If this makes you go 
blind, you're reading the screen from way too close.  And it may get more 
citrusy.  Depends on my mood.
************************************************************************
(insert whichever disclaimer you want here.  Personally I like void where 
prohibited)
************************************************************************

Married, With Scouts

Chapter One: Don't you wish this was a dream?



Ranma woke from confused dreams to the stabbing light of daylight.  He 
groaned in misery as the sun burned through his cracked eyelids and set his 
brain to screaming.  He threw his arm over his eyes to block the light and 
tried to figure out where he was and why he felt so lousy.

There had been that fight with Shampoo, where he'd had to take away whatever 
magical potion she had decided to try and douse him with this week, then of 
course Akane had had to misunderstand that and had punted him to...

Where?

All he could remember was a fuzzy impression of crashing through a roof, 
yells of surprise, then Shampoo's potion bottle smashing under him.

He finally realized that part of the smell assaulting his nose was sake, and 
lots of it, and he finally noticed that he was female, and that someone was 
lying next to him, indeed, that several someone's were, and that they seemed 
to be rather naked, and that so was he.

He sat bolt upright, the immediately groaned as the action made his head 
feel like it was about to explode.  Several minutes passed before he could 
actually focus on the scene around him.

A girl with short blonde hair presently was sound asleep with her arms 
around his waist and her head resting on his leg.  Another girl with 
slightly wavy bluish green hair was curled against him to his side.  A third 
girl was curled up against his other with her head resting on his calf, this 
one with short  black hair.  Ranma's head had been resting on her thigh.

Scattered around the room was a veritable whirlwind of clothes, tossed 
hither and yon.  Glasses lay carelessly on the floor near bottles of 
champagne and sake.  Sexy underwear hung from the backs of chairs.

Ranma blinked in disbelief.  What had happened?  It looked like an... an..

Well to be blunt, it looked like an orgy had taken place with him as the 
centerpiece.   And from the bucket of nearly melted ice and the empty 
thermos next to the bed...

He was shaking his head in denial as the door to the room opened and a tall 
woman with long green hair entered, carrying a tray and a smile.

"Ah, you're awake!  Wonderful!  Let me wake up the others and then we can 
feed our husband a honeymoon breakfast."

Ranma blinked in terror at the word husband, and his eyes immediately went 
to the slightly oversized ring on his left hand, then to the matching ones 
on the other girls.

As the tall green haired girl set the tray down and started to try and wake 
the sleeping trio, all Ranma could think of was Shampoo's potion, and that 
Akane would NEVER forgive him for this.

* * * * *

The coffee was a blessing beyond anything he'd ever known, helping to clear 
his head from the effects of the hangover and contemplate his current 
situation, and turning him male.  The four girls were totally unsurprised at 
the change in his gender, or his fuzzy memories of the last several months.

"It's normal, love," the tall green haired girl said.  "You've been 
remembering more every day.  I'm glad now that you remember everything, you 
haven't forgotten us."

Ranma nodded.  He had remembered after the initial shock had worn off.  
Haruka, Hotaru, Setsuna and Michiru had been very worried about him since he 
had crashed through the roof they had just vanquished a villain on.  It had 
been love at first sight, for all of them, and yesterday, they had been 
married.

It had to have been Shampoo's potion, but the problem was while he now had 
his memories back, he was still married.  To all four of them.

Setsuna was giving him the eye.  "What is it, Ranma?  You look worried."

Ranma drained his coffee.  "Well, um, I don't know how to tell you all this, 
but before we met, um, well... I kinda already had a fianc�e, um, or three."

Haruka laughed as she nudged him in the ribs.  "You were already playing the 
field, huh Tiger?"

"I'm sure it wasn't like that Haruka," Michiru said.  "I'm sure Ranma had 
his reasons."

"Um," Ranma answered.  "Well, I was kinda forced into them.  Akane and I 
were promised since I we were born.  Then dad took me on a training trip to 
China, and I kinda ran afoul of this Amazon whose laws say she has to marry 
me since I beat her, then there's my friend Ukyo, who says my dad betrothed 
her to me when I was six."  He took another sip of the coffee.  "I guess I 
loved Akane, in some ways, but I just don't know what to do."

Setsuna snuggled her still naked body against his side.  "Well, I suppose we 
can see if we like her.  If you care for her, love, we can certainly see if 
she might be worthy of being another wife.  We have to look out for our 
husband, yes?"

Ranma was in the middle of kissing her when he suddenly realized how 
automatic the response had been to Setsuna's cuddle.  It had been the most 
natural thing in the world to kiss her.

It just emphasized just how powerful the potion had been.  Even realizing 
what had happened, he was still in love with the four girls too.  He 
couldn't bear the thought of life without any of them.

And Shampoo had been planning on using the potion on him while they were 
alone.

Funny, angry as he was about that, he couldn't make himself upset that it 
had caught his current wives instead.

* * * * *

The quiet moment lasted for a few eternities before chaos once more rose 
it's evil head, and the dining room wall exploded.

As the rubble settled Ranma heard two words he hated more than anything 
spoken once more.

"Ranma, Kill!"

Ranma shoved Setsuna out of the way and jumped in front of the others as a 
bonbori flashed out of the settling dust.  He caught the metal ball and 
stopped it cold, then intercepted the second as it followed close behind.  
He shouted, "Stop this, Shampoo!  If we have to fight, I'll meet you 
outside!"

The Amazon stopped in amazement.  "What?  You no try to run?  No try to hide 
fact betray wife?"  Large tear streaked purple eyes blinked at him.

"I didn't betray you Shampoo.  We were never married.  And no, I'm not 
running, nor will I let you hurt my wives either."  He held up a hand to 
Haruka, "No World Shakings either!  She's a human."

The blonde frowned.  "She just blew a hole in our house!"

Ranma sighed.  "I know, I know.  Let me speak to her."

Shampoo just stood and blinked.  "Shampoo not believe paper.  Shampoo know 
had be some trick."

Ranma nodded.  "Yep.  Yours."

Shampoo looked at him dumbfounded.  "How Ai Ren say such thing.  Shampoo 
search for lost Ranma after pervert girl kick."

"It was your potion that made this happen, Shampoo.  If you hadn't tried to 
douse me with it, none of this would have happened."

"Ayah.  Ai Ren not use marriage potion!"

"I didn't have much of a choice when it broke all over me."

The Amazon looked at the four girls, still naked, but holding a sword, a 
mirror, a long key shaped staff, and a glaive, and gave a heart broken wail 
as her bonbori dropped.  "Ai Ren is lost!  Marriage potion was for Shampoo!  
Now happiness stolen forever!"

Ranma folded his arms.  "You shouldn't have tried to use it on me.  You have 
only yourself to blame."

"Now Shampoo is doomed."  the purple haired girl said quietly.  "All can do 
now is kill self."  She stood and turned.  "Ai Ren not need worry about 
Shampoo any more.  Bie Lhao."

"What.  What the hell are you talking about, Shampoo?"

"Amazon Champion cannot be failure.  Granddaughter of Warleader cannot be 
less.  Shampoo Honor gone.  Only way save family shame is honorable death."

Ranma sighed.  "Great.  More problems on my head."

Hotaru looked pensive.  "Ranma, you can't just let her commit suicide."

Setsuna was looking at the Chinese girl more closely.  "You're Joketsuzoku, 
right?"

Shampoo shook her head.  "Shampoo is nothing anymore.  She have no honor, no 
home, no family."

Haruka sat down and grumped.  "Great.  She's a moper."  Michiru laid a hand 
on her shoulder.  "Be nice, love.  We don't know what she's been through."

"I know she's trying to steal our husband.  And he's softhearted enough to 
fall for it."

Hotaru shook her head.  "Haruka, we owe her for our happiness.  If it hadn't 
been for her, we wouldn't have our husband."

"We got caught in a spell she used to try and trap him!"

"Does it mean we love him any less?"  Michiru asked softly.  "Does it mean 
we want our happiness to be marred by such despair?"

Setsuna was still looking at the Amazon girl.  "Would you happen to be 
related to a girl named Cologne?  Looks a lot like you, with blue hair 
instead of purple?"

Shampoo blinked.  "Great Grandmother?  She no look like Shampoo.  She no 
want to see Shampoo after such failure."

"Great Grandmother?  It couldn't have been that long." Setsuna's brow 
wrinkled in thought.  "It wasn't that many years ago."

Haruka laughed.  "Right.  Setsuna, for you that could be centuries."

"I know I remember talking to her not that long ago.  We were discussing the 
Amazon laws.  I wish I could remember."

"Shampoo have one choice.  Honorable death."  She raised big tear-filled 
eyes to Ranma.  "Shampoo would have been good wife.  Have many strong babies 
for Ai Ren.  Daughter could have been Champion someday.  Now Shampoo have 
nothing."

Ranma, ever the man who couldn't stand to see a woman cry reached out a hand 
to Shampoo's shoulder.  "Maybe Setsuna's right.  Maybe there's a loophole in 
the laws.  Maybe Cologne knows something.  Look, I'll go with you to the old 
ghouls."

Shampoo looked at him in disbelief.  "Why Ai Ren care?  Only run from 
Shampoo before.  Thought would be happy to get rid of."

Ranma shrugged.  "I got you to thank for my wives.  Whatever the reason, I 
still love them.  I owe you is all.  Let's go see what the Ghoul has to 
say."

Shampoo's eyes fell as her shoulders slumped.  "As Ai Ren wishes.  Shampoo 
have nothing else to do."

Ranma sighed.  Why was his life never simple?

At least it couldn't get any worse...

* * * * *

One day, maybe, he'd finally learn not to say that, even to himself.

"You beat her in a challenge match in front of the entire tribe?"  Setsuna 
asked.  "By Amazon law you're already married, love.  No wonder she's so 
upset."

"But I ain't Amazon!"

"You agreed to abide by their laws when you challenged her, love.  You're 
stuck with the consequences."

"You mean that purple haired bimbo is already his wife!" Haruka scowled.  
"We have to share him with her?"

Michiru was looking over the still depressed girl sitting next to a rather 
stern looking Cologne.  "I don't know dear, she is awfully cute."

Hotaru grabbed a hold of Ranma's arm.  "We can't just let her kill herself, 
Ranma dear"

Ranma slumped to a chair and grumbled.  "Ya mean after all the stunts she 
tried to pull on me, I'm supposed to just forgive her?  And accept her as 
another wife?  She's taunted and teased me, insulted me, and tried to magick 
me into loving her!  And you're telling me she's my wife!"

Setsuna nodded.  "Yes."

"Setsuna love, you are the most hidebound old stick in the mud about some 
things."  Haruka muttered.

Setsuna nodded.  "Absolutely.  I am the Guardian of Time, and I've seen too 
many trends come and go.  While this current trend for monogamy is popular, 
multiple mates has always been the standard.  And marriage is a lifetime 
commitment."

"So I can't divorce her?"  Ranma complained.

Setsuna whacked him across the back of the head.  "Husband!  I'm ashamed of 
you!  How could you even contemplate doing something so dishonorable?"

Ranma picked himself up from the other side of the room.  "Geez, you hit 
harder than Akane!"

The front door of the Cat Cafe collapsed inwards with a loud boom.  A shadow 
blocked the door, one carrying a big mallet.

"Ranma Saotome!  You two timing jerk!  Die!" The mallet was raised to attack 
position

Ranma groaned.

* * * * *

Akane stormed into the cafe, completely ignoring the four girls in fuku.  
Her eyes were on Ranma in an absolute fury.

The sword cutting through her mallet got her attention though.

"I don't know who you are, little girl, but you have a beef with my husband, 
you got a beef with me." Haruka said, her sword jauntily held on her 
shoulder.

Akane looked at the stub of her mallet and blinked twice.  "HUSBAND???"

Haruka flashed her ring at the stunned girl.  "Yep.  We tied the knot with 
the stud muffin yesterday.  I'm getting kind of annoyed at all these 
interruptions to our honeymoon."

Ranma was still starting to stand and brace for another low earth orbit 
insertion.  "Um. Haruka, she's another one of my fianc�es."

"I'm your only fianc�e, you baka!"  Akane huffed.  "And where does she get 
off calling you husband!"

Ranma held up his hand.  "Because I am."

Akane stated to glow with a battle aura, but before she could launch an 
attack, a chain shot into the cafe and snared her waist.

"My darling Shampoo, forgive me for this, but I could not bear to see you so 
despondent over that wretch Saotome!"

"I'm not Shampoo you blind-"  There was the sound of water splashing as 
glass broke. "- and beautiful knight you!  Oh Mousse, I can't believe I 
never saw how noble and handsome you look, how manly!  Take me in your 
strong arms and bear me away from here!"

They poked their collective heads outside to see Mousse in a paralyzed 
stance against the wall while Akane was busy undressing him.  "A-A-Akane!  
Please!  I love Shampoo!"

"But you just expressed your love for me!  You rescued me from the awful 
fate that awaited me as Ranma's unwanted fianc�e!  Take me and love me 
forever, for my heart is forever bound to yours!"

Ranma looked over at his wives.  "Did I act like that?"

Haruka blushed.  "We all did, stud.  And hey, you're the first guy I ever 
liked.  Kinda fun with you, actually, though it took a potion to get me to 
admit it.  He's in for a real treat if that stuff is the same thing.  We 
didn't crawl out of bed for a week."

Mousse finally got free, wearing only his pants.  He sprinted away, chased 
by the amorous Akane.  Around the corner, there was a loud thunk as a 
telephone pole shuddered, then they watched Akane drag the unconscious 
Chinese boy off towards the dojo.

Ranma looked at Shampoo.  "You were going to douse me with that?"

"Love potion number nine meant for marriage night.  Shampoo was hoping she 
finally celebrate her marriage to Ai Ren."

"I told you we ain't married."

"Yes you are, husband.  By Amazon law, she's legally your wife.  You're 
disgracing her with your actions."  Setsuna insisted

"I am?"

"Yes, love.  Look.  Amazons are a matriarchal society, so a woman is a 
member of the ruling and warrior castes.  She's the Champion, which 
effectively make her a princess.  You are her legal husband, and you are 
refusing to acknowledge this.  She's here in Japan because she can't go home 
as a disgraced woman, and she can't marry anyone else.  For an analogy, it's 
like you got her pregnant.  All Cologne and Shampoo have been trying to do 
is get you to live up to your responsibility."

"What?"  Ranma blinked at Shampoo.  "Is that true?"

"Shampoo tell Ai Ren all this.  Why no listen to Shampoo when she say?"

Ranma set down on a chair.  "I thought you were just saying it to try and 
break up me and Akane."

"Shampoo just want Ai Ren.  She no kill pervert girl when have chance like 
should have because she no want make Ai Ren hate her."

"See husband.  She loves you too." Hotaru said gently as she leaned against 
Ranma.  "You can't just abandon her."

"And she is really cute."  Michiru added.

Shampoo gave him really big puppy dog eyes as she batted her lashes.

"Ah hell.  If Setsuna says you're already married stud muffin, than I guess 
I'm game."  She nudged the Amazon.  "Got anymore of that love juice?"

"Ah hell."  Ranma muttered.  "Like we need anymore of that kind of trouble."

Shampoo nodded her head.  "Maybe for Ai Ren.  Shampoo no need.  Shampoo just 
hope curse not cause problem."

Ranma paled.  "Oh yeah.  Um... Shampoo.  Better give me a dose and pray 
before you change."

"Curse?"  Setsuna asked.  The rest of the girls looked at the Amazon.

"Shampoo go back to village when fail kill girl Ranma, and fail marry male 
Ranma.  Great Grandmother not happy.  Take Jusenkyo re-train.  Shampoo fall 
in spring of drowned kitty."

"A kitty? How cute." Hotaru exclaimed.

"Um, sweetie." Haruka tapped her on the shoulder.  "I hate to burst your 
bubble Ho-chan, but remember what Ranma's reaction was to meeting Luna and 
Artemis?  And even Diana?"

Hotaru's face fell.  "Oh, yeah, he has a phobia."

Setsuna looked at her rather pale husband.  "Maybe dousing him with more 
love potion would be a solution."

Cologne sat a bottle on the table.  "Here you go Son-in-law."

Ranma looked at the bottle nervously.  "I can't believe I'm crazy enough to 
even contemplate this."

Cologne had the cafe cleared in a hurry, and locked down tightly, even 
replacing the fallen door.  In a few moments, Ranma was alone in the room 
with his wives and Shampoo.  She sat facing him eagerly watching Ranma's 
every move.

Ranma picked up the bottle.  "Well, here goes nothing."  He poured out 
glasses for each of his wives and himself.  They took them with half smiles 
as he toasted them.  "Here's to love conquering all."

They drank simultaneously as once more the front door shattered and another 
figure stepped in.  She grabbed the Amazon by her collar and started 
yelling.

"What did you do to my Ran-chan you crazy Amazon?  I just saw the paper and 
it had his wedding listed in it!"

She stopped as she realized Shampoo wasn't alone and looked up to see five 
pairs of eyes looking at her and Shampoo adoringly.

"Wow, they're both hot.  Is this another fianc�e you've been holding out on 
us stud?"  Haruka asked, undressing both girls with her eyes.

Ranma nodded.  "Oh yeah, it's my cute fianc�e, Ucchan."  He stepped forward 
and gave Ukyo a hug before linking arms with her and Shampoo.  "I've been 
dying to tell her how much I love her."

"You have?"  Ukyo gave him a startled look.

Setsuna nodded.  "I can see why.  She's as lovely as Shampoo."

Hotaru stepped behind Ukyo and wrapped her arms around the other girl.  "Oh, 
she's perfect.  Can we keep her too, Ranma love?"

The startled okonomiyaki chef stared.  "Um, what's going on?"

Shampoo looked over from where she was being undressed and kissed by Michiru 
and gave Ukyo a amused cat look.  "Ukyo barge in and join Shampoo as main 
course at orgy.  What think do?"

Ukyo blinked and said the only words that came to mind.  "Oh my."






*******************************************
The most preposterous motion that H. sapiens has ever dreamed up it that the 
Lord God of Creation, Shaper and Ruler of all the Universes, wants the 
saccharine adoration of His creatures, can be swayed by prayers, and becomes 
petulant if He does not receive this flattery. Yet this absurd fantasy, 
without a shred of evidence to bolster it, pays all the expenses of the 
oldest, largest and least productive industry in all history.
-- Lazarus Long --




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