I must say that your writing was very excellent, and aside from one mistake I caught somewhere near the beginning (now I can't find it), your writing is a testament to self-editing. (Or, at the very least, getting it looked at before the FFML gets it.)

I found most of the minor characters rather bland and pointless, especially Genma and Soun. Although I realize they were intended for humor, I personally do not find that type of exaggeration particularly funny. Also, Nodoka, Akane, Nabiki and the male-Ranma all more or less seemed rather uninteresting. Of course, I find odd things interesting.

Additionally, one point that I felt was weak was where Ranma-chan talks to the group, and then whispers into Akane's ear. I think that her addressing the group reduces the tension, and I myself would just have Ranma whisper to Akane and leave. Given that she only seems to care about Akane, why should she talk to the rest of the people, who she abandons completely for Akane's happiness? Once again, this is more of my personal preference, and may indicate my inability to grasp some element of the story.

Also, one point that seemed odd was how worried she was about the curse, as she didn't think the curse was *that bad* in the Canon. Perhaps this is the result of being trapped a girl? It seems that her attitude is rather changed from the Canon, and I'm not sure you really addressed the matter. Perhaps I'm missing some level of your work.

It seems that the characters' motivations are often spelled out, and I personally feel that this creates the characters as one-dimensional and contrived, as if you were cutting out all their personalities and leaving only what you were explaining.

That being said, your language is strong and the ending is deeply touching, and of course, very well done.



             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'