Hi!
Please critique this! I want input! I want opinions! I need encouragement! Just one fan, pleeeeeeease!
Okey doke!
SPOILER ALERT: The writer of this fanfiction assumes that you have read all of the manga for Ranma 1/2. There will probably be references to everything.
I read this and thought you meant everything in the manga, not _everything_.
I'm making a point of this because there's a tiny little incompatability between anime and manga (other than some slight differences in temperament)
There are several plots in the Manga where Ranma require black, or almost black hair... it's mostly to do with his disguises. But anyhow. It's not all that important.
Note: To avoid confusion and hokey new names, Saotome Ranma will be referred to as follows. Female form = Ranma-chan. Male form = Ranma-kun. Remember "Ranko" is a GIRL'S name, and Ranma is anything but a girl, even when he does have breasts.
That's fine with me, but also, don't forget the slightly classier 'Onna-Ranma'
One thing on this though; could you please refer to Ranma-chan with feminine pronouns in narrative, at least with respect to physical actions, otherwise it gets rather confusing.
Whatever his gender identity is, he is physically female, so you ought to represent that in your writing.
As for pychological references and dialogue (internal or otherwise) - anything goes. Personally, I think this is a good way of subtley indicating how people think about Ranma, and a way of plotting and possible personality changes.
Also, I get the impresion that you're confident that Ranma's male gender identity is rock solid, I do think it's likely that after a few years of getting used to being a girl all the time, he'd get used to the idea and start refering to himself in the feminine form (though he would, of course, still much rather be male)
Personally I'm a fan of the 'Ranma accepts his female side as a part of himself' type fic, though I attribute this to my own somewhat androgenous self image.
Anyhow, that's that topic beaten to death.
Moving on - I find the use of incense to split Ranma... interesting and unique... but rather inappropriate. IIRC, incense was only ever used in the manga to mess with people's heads (like the one they used on Happy to get him to change Taro's name, or the one that made Akane fall asleep and act out her dreams).
Otherwise, your prose style is flawless (or at least of a sufficient quality to make finding faults nigh on impossible), though I did get the impression of some of your scene setting narrative being a little on the flowery side, IYKWIM - I think that's just a personal preference, though.
Thats it.
Ja ne,
-Alex "sanity on hiatus" Timiney
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