After a long day of being dead, meeting deceased friends,
enemies, and ancestors he had no clue about, and then literally
fighting for his life through the fiery depths of hell, Darien
Shields thought a bit of relaxation was in order.

Fate had other plans, which is why he turned the corner and collided
with Serena.

More or less. They had a nice battle and Tuxy got to use his new
axe. ^_^

	Much like several of his acquaintances, who had just managed
to stumble out of a taxi and find their respective bedding, the
man slumped down upon his unmade mattress and went out like the
last wretched, soggy match in a desperately-needed mountain survival
kit.

	A few hours later, a bony finger prodded him awake. "Unnnhhh!
Quit poking my eye...quit...stop..."

	AWAKEN. I AM COME.

Ew, necrophilia.

I guess that would count for any girl that went after Darien,
at this point. :)

	"Fivemminutshhhheerrshumthin," Darien slurred, wrapping his
pillow around his head. "Wha?"

	UNLESS YOU WISH TO DIE IN YOUR SLEEP.

Hey, it worked for Tuxy's grandpa, didn't it?

Heh. Yeah, he got all the peaceful times. Every generation
after that has needed to fight more and more and more...

	*Shhhick!*Shhhick!* Darien slowly, cautiously opened his eyes
when he heard the slow sharpening sounds of a whetstone against a
not-exactly-metal blade. "What?!" he asked, sitting up, just as his
pillow was cleaved in two.

	TIME'S UP.

	"GWAH!" the college student choked as his inborn Tuxedo Mask
reflexes forced him to roll away from another strike.

Tuxy senses tingling?

If you want to put it like that, yes. ^_-

	VERY LIVELY FOR A DEAD MAN, BUT...

	The hooded figure suddenly paused when the city light from the
window illuminated Darien's face. Death's heavy tones grew slightly
annoyed. EH? WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK AGAIN?!

	Darien gulped loudly. "I--I can't die! I just got back!"

	I CAN SEE THAT, Death said, shaking his skull and turning away,
holding up his skeletal hands in a gesture of frustration. THIS IS
HIGHLY IRREGULAR. NOBODY WISHES TO STAY DEAD AS OF LATE.

"Gee, I wonder why," Darian started to say, before thinking better of
it.

Hmm... I think I can use that one.


	I CAN SEE THAT, Death said, shaking his skull and turning away,
holding up his skeletal hands in a gesture of frustration. THIS IS
HIGHLY IRREGULAR. NOBODY WISHES TO STAY DEAD AS OF LATE.

	"Gee, I wonder why," Darien muttered to himself.

	HIGHLY IRREGULAR, YOU KNOW.

	"Yeah, know what you mean. I remember the good old days when
things like bullets and ki blasts used to kill people. Eh heh..."

Yup! I can use it. ^_^

	"Yeah, know what you mean. I remember the good old days when
things like bullets and ki blasts used to kill people. Eh heh..."

	I MUST SPEAK TO THE UNION ABOUT ALL THESE DO-OVERS...

	"I fought for my life," Darien explained hastily, "against
impossible odds, and I won!"

Yeah, well, so did Arby and look what happened to him.

Arby did something... Arby-ish and switched sides before the battle
was over. Bruce got back safe n' sound, though.

Don't worry. Nothing keeps Arby down for long. He'll just get
bored one day and pop up to bug Luna once more.

	OH, CERTAINLY THEY COMPLAINED, BUT IN THE END, THEY REMAINED
THERE. He glared at the man with the blue fires glowing in his empty
sockets. NOT LIKE _YOU_.

	Darien recoiled at the word 'you,' which had as much force and
weight to it as the dropped lid of a giant stone sarcophagus.

Not to mention the curse that usually was attached to such things.

Hmm... Could work...

	Darien recoiled at the word 'you,' which had as much force and
weight to it as the dropped lid of a giant stone sarcophagus,
including the curse typically attached to such things.

Works good! I approve.

	Suddenly, the phone rang. Instinctively, Darien picked it up.
"Hello?" Then he frowned and looked at the clock. "Who are you and
what are you doing, calling at three o'clock in the morning?!" He
looked at his shoes, which were on the floor. "Uh, ten, why?" His
frown shifted into a scowl. "No, I'm NOT interested in buying a
new cellphone with a thousand minute calling plan!!!"

"Are you sure?" The salesman's tone was, as usual, sugary and
cheerful. "Thanks to our new partnership with Radio Shack, you can now
also call your friends who use Senshi communicators with our phones."

Even better!

	Suddenly, the phone rang. Instinctively, Darien picked it up.
"Hello?" Then he frowned and looked at the clock. "Who are you and
what are you doing, calling at three o'clock in the morning?!" He
looked at his shoes, which were on the floor. "Uh, ten, why?" His
frown shifted into a scowl. "No, I'm NOT interested in buying a
new cellphone with a thousand minute calling plan!!!"

	"Are you sure?" The salesman's tone was, as usual, sugary and
cheerful. "Thanks to our new partnership with Radio Shack, you can
now also call your friends who use Senshi communicators with our
phones."

	Darien curled his lips in drowsy confusion. "Wha--?!"

	"But, if you're not interested right now, we'll call back in
an hour."

	*Click!*

	"Huh. Huh? What was that all about?!" The receiver nearly broke
when the college student slammed it back down on the hook. "I signed
up with one company and the rest are already hounding me! Senshi
communicators? Have they been spying on me?"

	Death rubbed his chin, making an odd scraping sound. THE PHONE
COMPANY, EH? THEY NEVER LEAVE ME ALONE, EITHER.

	In the next moment, the phone started ringing again. Darien
snatched it up and shouted, "WHAT?!"

And later...

	A few minutes and a signature later, Death grinned down at the
man before departing, and after that, Darien Shields never felt more
alive.

	At least, until the phone company called back.

	ALL'S WELL HERE, Death said, doing a particularly good job
of looming over the man. ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL. HMM. ACTUALLY,
ALL'S WELL BECAUSE IT ENDS.

"Won't Shakespeare sue you for that or something?" Darian was feeling
somewhat desperate.

Hmmm... Yeah! Good!

	ALL'S WELL HERE, Death said, doing a particularly good job
of looming over the man. ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL. HMM. ACTUALLY,
ALL'S WELL BECAUSE IT ENDS.

	Feeling somewhat desperate, Darien covered up the phone and
asked, "Won't Shakespeare sue you for that or something?"

	Death shook his head. NO, HIM AND I GO WAY BACK. HE ACTUALLY
WENT PEACEFULLY. HMM, MAYBE IT WAS BECAUSE HIS LAST PLAY DIDN'T TURN
OUT SO WELL.

	"Darien! That's good to hear," Terra replied brightly. "How
did the battle with all the other Sailor Scouts go?"

	HE HAS TRANSGRESSED THE LAWS OF NATURE AND, IN DEFIANCE TO THE
GODS, RETURNED TO WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN HIS CAST-OFF MORTAL COIL.

"Er." Darien attempted to point out that one god hadn't felt
particularly defied, but the memories were still somewhat painful.

Could work...

	Kasumi nodded. "Oh, very nice! And what is your business with
Mister Shields?"

	HE HAS TRANSGRESSED THE LAWS OF NATURE AND, IN DEFIANCE TO THE
GODS, RETURNED TO WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN HIS CAST-OFF MORTAL COIL.

	"Urk!" Darien, shaking his head and wildly waving his arms,
attempted to point out that one god hadn't felt particularly defied.
However, since the memories were still somewhat painful, he couldn't
quite put it into words.

	Kasumi held her hand to her face in concern. "Oh my..."

Yup! It does.

	WOULD YOU PROMISE NOT TO COME BACK AFTER THAT?

"Well, only if Arby's not down there."

	Darien threw up his hands. "Uh, sure! I mean, I would have
lived a long, full life and everything. What more would there be to
do after that?"

	ARE YOU SURE?

	"Well, only if Arby's not still up there when I have to go."

	GOOD. I EXPECT YOU TO ABIDE BY THE TERMS OF THIS AGREEMENT IN
FORTY YEARS. WILL YOU?

^_^

	"I've had dreams and seen the future, though! I'm almost
completely convinced that I'm the Prince of the Earth, and I'm
supposed to live for thousands of years!"

WE HAVE GOOD PSYCHIATRISTS IN THE AFTERLIFE. FREUD, IN PARTICULAR,
KNOWS A LOT ABOUT DREAMS.

Hmm...

	MOST PEOPLE DON'T GET THIS SORT OF OFFER. I SUGGEST YOU TAKE
IT.

	"I've had dreams and seen the future, though! I'm almost
completely convinced that I'm the Prince of the Earth, and I'm
supposed to live for thousands of years!"

	WE HAVE GOOD PSYCHIATRISTS IN THE AFTERLIFE. FREUD, IN
PARTICULAR, KNOWS A LOT ABOUT DREAMS.

	"Freud?! That guy thought using heroin was a good way to
quit smoking marijuana!"

	YES, RATHER INCONVENIENT, THAT.

	"I'm really supposed to be a prince, or a king in the future,
aren't I?"

	WELL, TECHNICALLY. I HEAR DESTINY'S THINKING OF TURNING IN HER
RESIGNATION, SO I WOULDN'T REALLY COUNT ON IT AT THIS POINT.

	"Good, it isn't a delusion," Darien whispered to himself
before adding, "So, I'll need a _lot_ more time than just forty
years!"

It's a little more of a stretch, but do you think it fits?

	THAT'S A BIT TOO LONG AND INSPECIFIC. HOW ABOUT TWO HUNDRED?

"Well, you see," Darian stalled for time, before coming up with a
truly brilliant plan. "Since I'm a destined Prince and all, Sailor
Pluto would be upset if I died before I'm supposed to. So I couldn't
commit to any specific figure without her permission. I hope you don't
mind."
(A bit long-winded, and perhaps a bit too intelligent for him, but I'm
sure you can do SOMETHING with that.)

Oh, of course. (Assim-il-ate! Assim-il-ate! ^_^)

	"Well, you see," Darian stalled for time, before stretching his
faded past-life memories to their limit in an effort to come up with
a truly brilliant plan. "Since I'm a destined Prince and all, Sailor
whatshername, the Time Senshi, would be... um, upset if I died before
I'm supposed to. So I couldn't commit to any specific figure without
her permission. I hope you don't mind."

	YOU'RE NOT GETTING OUT OF IT THAT EASILY, TUX-BOY. TWO HUNDRED
YEARS IS TOO LONG FOR A HUMAN, BUT I'M OFFERING IT TO YOU ANYWAY.

	Darien nearly choked. "Oh, come on! For Pete's sake, that
wouldn't even get me through the Great Ice that's supposed to happen!
Four thousand, and not a century less!"

	THAT'S TOO MUCH, EVEN FOR ONE OF YOU STUCK-UP PRINCES. FIVE
HUNDRED YEARS.

It works. ^_^

	"Yeah, yeah," the aforementioned Mister Shields muttered, half
in relief, half in exasperation.

	A few minutes and a signature later, Death grinned down at the
man before departing, and after that, Darien Shields never felt more
alive.

Meanwhile, the union had just passed another clause into the
bylaws... Seems that since mortals had these annoying tendancies of
being able to unilaterally cancel such contracts upon seeing the
light, they might as well get with the times.

This one doesn't quite fit... But I'll keep it in mind for the next
chapter. ^_^

	In a cosmic way, Fate decided that anyone who fought against
their place in the grand scheme of things would be stopped,
preferrably in a painfully educating manner. The reason for this is
simple: if Destiny is toyed with too much, She might someday toss up
her arms, scream "Forget you all!" in frustration, and stalk away in
another direction, taking the Universe with Her.

Sounds like Skuld with not enough ice cream, to me.

Maybe those three goddesses and Destiny work in the same department.
^_^

	Certainly, he had his quirks, Sailor Pluto considered, like the
curse and a few other minor problems problems, but she was certain
she could change him, given time. The curse could be cured, if it
came down to that. It wasn't like there was some mystic energy field
that made sure he kept it or anything.

Comedy wasn't very mystic at all, once you understood it properly.

That's what it's all about! If the curse were gone, all we'd have is
a show or manga about martial artists powering up. Toriyama's already
got that one covered. ^_-

	The temporal explosion did not stop there. It ballooned to
the size of the solar system, then the galaxy, then a galactic cluster,
and on and on it went, accelerating and obliterating everything that
stood in its path.

One rather suspects that this is Sam's fault. The Man Upstairs won't
be too pleased. Unless the man upstairs is Xellos. Which would explain
a lot of things, really.

The man upstairs knows what he's doing.

...

It's weird, wild, and convoluted, but it'll all work out. ^_^

Sam... plays a part in The Plan.

	"Oye did!" Onto the keyboard hopped Arby the ArbyFish, who had
a little yellow halo above his head and a pair of cheesey plastic
wings strapped to his back. He grinned at the goddess, waved, and
exclaimed, "Oye'z ya new supa'voisa', Oye is!" He straighetened up
proudly as he presented his ID tag. "Bow before me, for Oye iz Root!"
He patted his chest. "Come on. Do ya duty!"

Oooh, UNIX jokes in a Cockney accent! You are my new hero, Ben!

Two of my brothers and lots of my friends are programmers. It kinda
rubs off on ya. ^_^

Oh dear... I didn't really write all that, did I? ^_^;;;

There's no use denying it now.

Too true, too true... I mean, after 800k of it, that's pretty
hard evidence against me. ^_^

Well, I've been looking for a spot to end the chapter and blow
up the future section of the story for quite some time now. I've
had it planned for years, but only now have I found a proper spot
to do it in.

So, ah, will the future un-blow-up anytime soon, or is that all the
longer that Crystal Tokyo lasts? (I was really wanting to see some of
Pluto and Ranma's married life. Perhaps in a side-story?)

Side stories! Yes, I'll need a few of those. I'm afraid I don't
really know how to handle the Ranma/Setsuna interactions properly,
so I'm going to open it up to the FFML in general, either in the
form of a request, or a contest. (Winner gets to decide how the
relationship goes!)

As for the future un-blowing-up soon... Well, it got kinda totalled.
It'd take a lot to fix it, even with Ranma and Setsuna working on it.

Additionally, and I may or may not announce it officially, if
anyone wishes to write a section with Ranma and Sailor Pluto
"maintaining the status quo" in Crystal Tokyo, you're welcome
to do so, and if it's REALLY good, I'll include it on the site
and give you credit for it. ^_^

The interested reader wishes to point out that "maintaining the status
quo" can be interpreted in many different ways.

Indeed, and like I said, it'd be kind of rough for me to handle
right, so within a few days, I'll post either a public request or
contest for side stories with Ranma and Setsuna "maintaining the
status quo" in Crystal Tokyo. There will be plenty to utilize or
ignore, plot-wise, including but not limited to:

Ranma/Setsuna dates...

The Little Big Book of Insanely Powerful and Really Idiotic Martial Arts
techniques...

The rest of the Ranma cast snatching Doc Brown's Delorian and coming
to crash the party...

And anything else anybody wants to cram into a doomed timeline. ^_^

Six Flags Over Armageddon, even.

	"I put my foot down, Ranma," Serenity retorted firmly. "You're
both getting the prettiest gowns in the realm for the ceremony, and
that's final!" She took both of them by the arm and cheerfully led
them outside. Her white wing-things nearly got caught in the door
when it closed behind them.

	Ranma looked nervously at Setsuna. "I think we should break it
to her. I don't wanna hafta get fitted for no wedding dress!"

	"We can tell her on the way," Setsuna replied encouragingly.
"I'm sure she'll understand."

...

Eventually, the queen half-understood. Which is why Ranma got married
dressed like a Wedding Peach version of Tux-boy.

Now THAT's a funny image. Anybody in the mood to draw it? ^_^

	Setsuna thought about that for a second, then nodded. "Oh,
yes. It falls outside the Time Gate's Fair Use policy, but I've
learned that some rules are meant to be broken." She giggled
maniacally. "I've already broken about a third of them by bringing
you here in the first place, but it's not like the Universe is
going to blow up or anything because of it." She paused to glower
for a second. "Besides, Destiny _owes_ me. Big time."

...

	Eventually, the queen half-understood, which is why Ranma got
married dressed like a Wedding Peach version of Tux-boy.

---

I want more. But I also want more of the future section.... Almost
enough to write it myself. Except I'd need to draft an ArbyFish as an
assistant muse and you know how difficult THAT is.

Green ones will work odd jobs if you ask nicely. ^_^

Whee! Great job.

Thanks for the commentary! It was quite useful.

As for the side stories... It'd take me a while to come up with
one, m'self, but I'll make a public request within a few days,
once I think of the proper and most effective way to ask it.

Thanks again!

----------------------
Benjamin A Oliver
boliver@U.Arizona.EDU
http://rakhal.com/florestica/ben-oliver/index.html

        "We are the Bored. Lower your shields and surrender your fics.
         We will add your standup and slapstick comedy to our own.
         Your humor will adapt to make us laugh.
         Resistance is and always has been: Futile."


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