Suggested changes {before : after}
On Fri, 18 Oct 2002 21:36:15 -0500 Donald Lee Granberry
<noharness@mac.com> wrote:
"I'm ... I'm fine," Akane said, her embarrassment evident in her
voice. "I...I was just thinking about Happosai leading Ranma off into that
storm, that's all. I guess I'm a little tired."
Nice save.
"I am become Akane!"
This unexpected shout was followed by the sounds of breaking pottery.
Nabiki? Akane thought. What the devil?
"Destroyer of Kitchens!" Nabiki shouted. Then came another series of
crashes.
I hadn't realized before how much this part overlaps the previous chapters.
It's a great line though.
"Meet you at the sentou?"
"You bet, Sugar," Ukyou said with a grin and another grunt. "Meet me
{at the bathhouse : there} somewhere around nine in the morning. I could use an eight
hour soak in the furo to go with my nervous breakdown."
"soak in the furo" is enough of a hint of what a sentou is.
"She even lost her interest in men--something that would be hard for
you to believe if you had known her back then. She was completely boy-crazy
{: before} Ranma and his dad showed up. Now she treats them all like cattle."
"Ukyou has this crazy idea about how to promote the doujou, Dad,"
Akane answered, sounding aggravated. "You'd never go for it."
You spelled it dojo a few paragraphs earlier.
Oblivious to his daughter's protests, Soun continued, "Then have you
all pose here on these rocks around the koi pond. Then with a little magic
out of Nabiki's camera, wa-lah! We'll have our very own Vallejo style
posters to promote our school! No one will be able to tell that the pictures
were taken right here!"
If they are promoting the dojo, having it in the pictures would be an
advantage.
Kasumi needed help to get up onto her feet. The lines of worry and
fatigue creasing {Kasume's : Kasumi's face} tore at Akane's heart.