Subject: [FFML] [C&C][fic][Original][R.5/SM/AMG]TOD:The Dragon's Child:B2C1:A Fall of Cherry Blossoms
From: Michael A Chase
Date: 10/18/2002, 12:58 AM
To: ffml@anifics.com, "L.S McGill" <lsmcgill@hotmail.com>


Suggested changes: {before : after}

On Thu, 17 Oct 2002 14:00:37 -0400 "L.S McGill" <lsmcgill@hotmail.com>
wrote:

At present, the woman sitting at the screen was herself worthy of a second 
look.  The leather harness she wore almost gave her the appearence of wings, 
the wide straps that curved around her shoulders supporting two trailing 
peices that curved on the floor under her.  The black halter top and bikini 
{bottoms ; bottom} under the leather emphasized the curves and sexuality of her 
feminine form, displaying her figure to excellent advantage.  Her hair was 
raven black, with almost auburn highlights, the short cropped pixie cut of 
the front blending into a long thick ponytail that vanished into the seat 
behind her.   The blue diamond shaped tattoos on her forehead and cheeks 
glinted softly as the light from the monitor played over her beautiful face.

She probably wouldn't like you implying that she has a big ass.

And since Skuld had gone to Earth too, she was stuck de-bugging.  She sighed 
as she got up from the screen, her long black hair clinging to the seat back 
for a second before she went to the closet and dug out one of Skuld's 
hammers.{:
:} She hefted it a few times, a small grin on her face as she mentally 
plastered Urd's face on a bug.  Stress relief time!

//Please desist, Goddess Peorth.  You do not possess the required clearance. 
{  :}Further attempts to access will force me to notify my creators of your 
efforts.//

He deserved better than a woman who could only feel passion with another 
woman.

I think she's underestimating Ranma's ability to cope.  Especially since
everyone knows her preferences and limitations going into the relationship.
It kind of reminds me of the song "Do You Love Me" in Fiddler on the Roof;
there's more to love than passionate sex.

That sensation faded the further away they were from each other, but never 
fully.  Ying Ying had felt every blow her aunt had delivered to her upon the 
discovery of what Zhu Shu had done, and she had gone to tell Shi what his 
daughter was doing.   Even when Ying Ying's parents had moved to another 
village, that link had remined.  She had felt Ying Ying's despair, her hope 
crumbling, her growing despondancy, and finally, her death.  She had felt 
nothing then until she had awoken in her bed looking up at the strange 
woman's face and her grandfather.  There had been a signifigant look that 
had passed between the woman and her grandfather before she had left, never 
to return.{:
}
It was strange.  For the first time since she had begun to build her wall 
against the grief she had been overwhelmed with following Ying Ying's death, 
she had been able to think of their days together without the pounding surge 
of loss that had howled outside the wall for so long.  She still felt her 
loss keenly, but the wild undercurrent that had sought to drag her to her 
doom for so long had lessened.

"Rei-chan, I love her to the point I nearly destroyed both of us.  I would 
have forsaken everything for her sake, except loyalty. In the end, I could 
not betray a friend.  I love her, Rei-chan, but I love Ranma too, so I held 
her away, for his sake and the love that he and Akane share, {anad : and} that I 
hope they will come to share with my blood-sister.  I held her away, and 
Ranma, and Shan Pu. . . Three times. Rei-chan, three loves, three offers of 
happiness I knew to be a lie. For their sakes. . . I had no choice."

"The eyes of a Dragon see only truth." Rei quoted. "{How�s : How is : How's} that a curse?"

Then she had spent time with Zhu Shu, and had come to realize it was just 
Zhu Shu's way.  She had no expectations of anyone, and desired none of the 
male attention she got, yet could not escape either.  She cared for her 
friends unconditionally, regardless of who they were, and when she was 
teaching, she asked for no {more : less} than their best, because she would give no 
less herself. . . .

"Yet one dragon loved shall never die. . ." Zhu Shu finished as Rei's voice 
trailed off. "My father would sing me to sleep with that song when 
nightmares woke me as a child. . . before he. . . before he and mother died. 
It has never failed to comfort me with a sense of the {Dragons : Dragon's} presence, even 
here so far from home. I have never heard it from anyone before. . . How 
come you to know it?"

Zhu Shu blinked, then gave her a tired smile, her green eyes lighting. 
"Rei-chan. . . you should have known I would never have done that." She 
stepped forward to give her a hug. "I may be your {Sensei : sensei}, but I am also, and 
always your friend."

Rei smiled. "Hey, {Mina-chan�s : Mina-chan's} latest Sailor-V movie is premiering today. You 
wanna go?"

Shan Pu put her hands on her hips.  "Is Amazon way! Warriors are direct! 
Akane is {Fianc�e : fianc�e} like Ranma."

Shan Pu sat down at the table and sighed. "Great-grandmother tell Shan Pu 
should win Akane's heart first, or be much jealousy. . . Shan Pu thought was 
being good {Fianc�e : fianc�e}.  Shan Pu want be good {Fianc�e : fianc�e}."

The traces of Zhu Shu's memories of her travels with the Amazon showed her 
how passionate Shan Pu could be.  The Amazon had made her interest in her 
blood-sister obvious, but had been accepting of the fact that Zhu Shu had 
felt it neccessary to put off her original proposal.  She had been a warm 
and cuddly sleeping companion, but had never pushed for anything else.  She 
had sparred with Zhu Shu and spent hours talking about how much she was 
looking forward to finding Ranma so they could be happy together.  She had 
always been bright and cheery, and no matter how frustrated she had gotten 
at Ranma's eluding them, she had never had an unkind word for her 
blood-sister.  She could change moods in a second, but there was no way to 
doubt that once she had given her heart, she had no {reserves : reservations} about it.

She certainly had had no {reserves : reservations} about showing her affection.  Only 
Kasumi's hand on her shoulder had kept her from jumping up and booting the 
Amazon into orbit when she had locked lips with Ranma following the 
ceremony.  Only the fact that the startled boy had tried to fight the 
relentless kiss had reassured her somewhat that Ranma was just as 
uncomfortable with Shan Pu.  He'd failed to get out of the kiss though, and 
somewhere after minute five, Akane had decided she really was in need of 
that cup of sake.

Shan Pu nodded and bowed before stepping onto the mat and assuming a stance. 
{  :}Akane took the chance to study her for a long moment.  She really was 
beautiful, easily a match for Zhu Shu, but she had a hardness Zhu Shu 
lacked.  Her muscles were more defined, and her moves spoke of a lot of 
power carefully controlled.  Her large breasts swayed slightly with her 
breath, their nipples partially erect.  Akane took in her stance, her eyes 
following up long legs to the tangle of violet curls, then up to meet Shan 
Pu's eyes.  The small bell ornaments in Shan Pu's purple hair chimed softly 
in time with the ones in Akane's braid as their eyes held each other, 
searching.  There was silence as for a long second neither girl moved, then 
they simultaneously attacked.

Akane launched herself, her body spinning as her blade arched towards Shan 
Pu, then reversing her spin as the blade was intercepted. Shan Pu threw 
herself into an aerial cartwheel over the blade and launched an attack at 
Akane's extended arm. Akane's whirl carried her arm out of the way as both 
blades circled towards where Shan Pu's legs would {impact : land : hit}.

All Ranma could see was that all traces of the awkward tomboy he'd fought on 
his first day at the Tendo's was gone.  Akane's style had merged with Zhu 
Shu's grace and fluidness to give her a kinesthetic all her own.  She moved 
with all the lethal grace of a tigress, right down to the lashing tail of 
her braid.  To him, she had never seemed more beautiful.
And Shan Pu. . .  He'd never had a chance to appreciate how skilled she was. 
{  :}He'd taken advantage of her tiredness to get in a quick power shot that 
had knocked her off the challenge pole.  Now, watching her fighting Akane, 
he realized he might have had an entirely different kind of match had she 
not just won several challenges in a row.  He still would have beaten her, 
he was confident, but he would have been in bad shape afterwards. . . and 
seeing her in this light, he was struck by how beautiful she was as well. . 
.

The wizard growled.  "I should have guessed.  She always was partial to the 
bitch."  He steepled his fingers.  "I have things I must see to here, but I 
think we should not let our nuisance free to enjoy herself.  Especially with 
a {Scout : Senshi}."{:
}
Mara nodded.  "I agree.  I have an imp I can send to annoy them.  Anything 
more will alert the goddess watching over her to my meddling."

It threw into bold relief just how lackadaisical her training in Martial 
Arts had been in comparison.  Yes, her dad had taught her everything he had 
known, had made her the best {Martial : martial} artist in Furinkan, but he had never 
pushed her.{:
}
No.  To be fair, she had never made him push her.  She had never had the all 
consuming drive to be the best that had driven Ranma and Shan Pu.  She could 
have spent years training and never have caught up to them.

She'd been forced into this engagement, even if by her own actions. She'd 
been deliberately corrupted by Zhu Shu to make her {amiable : amenable} to the idea of a 
female lover, even if she did love Zhu Shu too much to really be angry about 
it. She'd been manipulated by the old ghoul Shan Pu called her 
Great-grandmother into begging for her life. . .

Ami nodded. "Exactly. For this one instant, it appears Zhu Shu existed only 
as magical energy." She ran ahead a few frames to Zhu Shu's elf form and the 
traces reappeared, but even Usagi's usually unobservant eyes could see the 
difference.

I thought it was a dragon or half-dragon form.

"They were going to see the new Sailor V movie and then to dinner at the 
{Ginza : ginza}." Makoto supplied.

Zhu Shu watched as Rei jumped to the roof of the next building and 
reflecting on the sudden fire the kiss had seemed to ignite.  Whatever she 
and Rei eventually might become, there was no denying there was a chemistry 
there.{:
}
Another roar sounded, and she decided to follow Rei and watch her student in 
action.  It was just to study how she fought and see how she could improve 
her training class, it certainly wasn't because she wanted to watch the 
beautiful Senshi in action in that really short skirt.  Not at all.

I guess there are limits to her self-honesty.

The imp continued laughing as the energy washed over it without effect . So 
all of its lures were coming to play. The teacher had to be close. It 
shrugged off the effects of a Lightning Dragon as it smiled. "So good of you 
all to come my little {Sailorscouts : Sailors : Senshi : Sailor Senshi}." It waited as the five girls surrounded 
it. "Now my pet!"

Rei screamed in denial as Zhu Shu {impacted : hit} the rubble with a sickening thud, 
and scrambled in her direction heedless of her own wounds and bruises.

It seems to me that this might have been a better place to end Book 1.

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