On Mon, Oct 14, 2002 at 11:34:27PM -0700, Benjamin A. Oliver wrote:
After a long day of being dead, meeting deceased friends,
enemies, and ancestors he had no clue about, and then literally
fighting for his life through the fiery depths of hell, Darien
Shields thought a bit of relaxation was in order.
Fate had other plans, which is why he turned the corner and collided
with Serena.
Much like several of his acquaintances, who had just managed
to stumble out of a taxi and find their respective bedding, the
man slumped down upon his unmade mattress and went out like the
last wretched, soggy match in a desperately-needed mountain survival
kit.
A few hours later, a bony finger prodded him awake. "Unnnhhh!
Quit poking my eye...quit...stop..."
AWAKEN. I AM COME.
Ew, necrophilia.
"Fivemminutshhhheerrshumthin," Darien slurred, wrapping his
pillow around his head. "Wha?"
UNLESS YOU WISH TO DIE IN YOUR SLEEP.
Hey, it worked for Tuxy's grandpa, didn't it?
*Shhhick!*Shhhick!* Darien slowly, cautiously opened his eyes
when he heard the slow sharpening sounds of a whetstone against a
not-exactly-metal blade. "What?!" he asked, sitting up, just as his
pillow was cleaved in two.
TIME'S UP.
"GWAH!" the college student choked as his inborn Tuxedo Mask
reflexes forced him to roll away from another strike.
Tuxy senses tingling?
VERY LIVELY FOR A DEAD MAN, BUT...
The hooded figure suddenly paused when the city light from the
window illuminated Darien's face. Death's heavy tones grew slightly
annoyed. EH? WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK AGAIN?!
Darien gulped loudly. "I--I can't die! I just got back!"
I CAN SEE THAT, Death said, shaking his skull and turning away,
holding up his skeletal hands in a gesture of frustration. THIS IS
HIGHLY IRREGULAR. NOBODY WISHES TO STAY DEAD AS OF LATE.
"Gee, I wonder why," Darian started to say, before thinking better of
it.
"Yeah, know what you mean. I remember the good old days when
things like bullets and ki blasts used to kill people. Eh heh..."
I MUST SPEAK TO THE UNION ABOUT ALL THESE DO-OVERS...
"I fought for my life," Darien explained hastily, "against
impossible odds, and I won!"
Yeah, well, so did Arby and look what happened to him.
Death didn't seem to be paying attention anymore, caught up in
his own world-weariness. NOT LIKE IN THE OLD DAYS. I CAME KNOCKING
AND EVERYONE KNEW THEIR PLACE.
"I'm alive!" Darien added.
OH, CERTAINLY THEY COMPLAINED, BUT IN THE END, THEY REMAINED
THERE. He glared at the man with the blue fires glowing in his empty
sockets. NOT LIKE _YOU_.
Darien recoiled at the word 'you,' which had as much force and
weight to it as the dropped lid of a giant stone sarcophagus.
Not to mention the curse that usually was attached to such things.
Suddenly, the phone rang. Instinctively, Darien picked it up.
"Hello?" Then he frowned and looked at the clock. "Who are you and
what are you doing, calling at three o'clock in the morning?!" He
looked at his shoes, which were on the floor. "Uh, ten, why?" His
frown shifted into a scowl. "No, I'm NOT interested in buying a
new cellphone with a thousand minute calling plan!!!"
"Are you sure?" The salesman's tone was, as usual, sugary and
cheerful. "Thanks to our new partnership with Radio Shack, you can now
also call your friends who use Senshi communicators with our phones."
ALL'S WELL HERE, Death said, doing a particularly good job
of looming over the man. ALL'S WELL THAT ENDS WELL. HMM. ACTUALLY,
ALL'S WELL BECAUSE IT ENDS.
"Won't Shakespeare sue you for that or something?" Darian was feeling
somewhat desperate.
HE HAS TRANSGRESSED THE LAWS OF NATURE AND, IN DEFIANCE TO THE
GODS, RETURNED TO WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN HIS CAST-OFF MORTAL COIL.
"Er." Darien attempted to point out that one god hadn't felt
particularly defied, but the memories were still somewhat painful.
WOULD YOU PROMISE NOT TO COME BACK AFTER THAT?
"Well, only if Arby's not down there."
"I've had dreams and seen the future, though! I'm almost
completely convinced that I'm the Prince of the Earth, and I'm
supposed to live for thousands of years!"
WE HAVE GOOD PSYCHIATRISTS IN THE AFTERLIFE. FREUD, IN PARTICULAR,
KNOWS A LOT ABOUT DREAMS.
THAT'S A BIT TOO LONG AND INSPECIFIC. HOW ABOUT TWO HUNDRED?
"Well, you see," Darian stalled for time, before coming up with a
truly brilliant plan. "Since I'm a destined Prince and all, Sailor
Pluto would be upset if I died before I'm supposed to. So I couldn't
commit to any specific figure without her permission. I hope you don't
mind."
(A bit long-winded, and perhaps a bit too intelligent for him, but I'm
sure you can do SOMETHING with that.)
"Oh, fine!" Darien muttered, scrambling around for a pen and a
piece of paper.
Death positively beamed at this turn of events. HAVE TO MAKE
SURE OF THESE THINGS, YOU KNOW.
"Yeah, yeah," the aforementioned Mister Shields muttered, half
in relief, half in exasperation.
A few minutes and a signature later, Death grinned down at the
man before departing, and after that, Darien Shields never felt more
alive.
Meanwhile, the union had just passed another clause into the
bylaws... Seems that since mortals had these annoying tendancies of
being able to unilaterally cancel such contracts upon seeing the
light, they might as well get with the times.
In a cosmic way, Fate decided that anyone who fought against
their place in the grand scheme of things would be stopped,
preferrably in a painfully educating manner. The reason for this is
simple: if Destiny is toyed with too much, She might someday toss up
her arms, scream "Forget you all!" in frustration, and stalk away in
another direction, taking the Universe with Her.
Sounds like Skuld with not enough ice cream, to me.
Certainly, he had his quirks, Sailor Pluto considered, like the
curse and a few other minor problems problems, but she was certain
she could change him, given time. The curse could be cured, if it
came down to that. It wasn't like there was some mystic energy field
that made sure he kept it or anything.
Comedy wasn't very mystic at all, once you understood it properly.
The temporal explosion did not stop there. It ballooned to
the size of the solar system, then the galaxy, then a galactic cluster,
and on and on it went, accelerating and obliterating everything that
stood in its path.
One rather suspects that this is Sam's fault. The Man Upstairs won't
be too pleased. Unless the man upstairs is Xellos. Which would explain
a lot of things, really.
"Oye did!" Onto the keyboard hopped Arby the ArbyFish, who had
a little yellow halo above his head and a pair of cheesey plastic
wings strapped to his back. He grinned at the goddess, waved, and
exclaimed, "Oye'z ya new supa'voisa', Oye is!" He straighetened up
proudly as he presented his ID tag. "Bow before me, for Oye iz Root!"
He patted his chest. "Come on. Do ya duty!"
Oooh, UNIX jokes in a Cockney accent! You are my new hero, Ben!
Oh dear... I didn't really write all that, did I? ^_^;;;
There's no use denying it now.
Well, I've been looking for a spot to end the chapter and blow
up the future section of the story for quite some time now. I've
had it planned for years, but only now have I found a proper spot
to do it in.
So, ah, will the future un-blow-up anytime soon, or is that all the
longer that Crystal Tokyo lasts? (I was really wanting to see some of
Pluto and Ranma's married life. Perhaps in a side-story?)
Additionally, and I may or may not announce it officially, if
anyone wishes to write a section with Ranma and Sailor Pluto
"maintaining the status quo" in Crystal Tokyo, you're welcome
to do so, and if it's REALLY good, I'll include it on the site
and give you credit for it. ^_^
The interested reader wishes to point out that "maintaining the status
quo" can be interpreted in many different ways.
Ranma rubbed the back of her head and said, "Well, not me.
I won't need a dress, I'll, uh, need a tux--"
"I put my foot down, Ranma," Serenity retorted firmly. "You're
both getting the prettiest gowns in the realm for the ceremony, and
that's final!" She took both of them by the arm and cheerfully led
them outside. Her white wing-things nearly got caught in the door
when it closed behind them.
Ranma looked nervously at Setsuna. "I think we should break it
to her. I don't wanna hafta get fitted for no wedding dress!"
"We can tell her on the way," Setsuna replied encouragingly.
"I'm sure she'll understand."
...
Eventually, the queen half-understood. Which is why Ranma got married
dressed like a Wedding Peach version of Tux-boy.
I want more. But I also want more of the future section.... Almost
enough to write it myself. Except I'd need to draft an ArbyFish as an
assistant muse and you know how difficult THAT is.
Whee! Great job.