##Better late than never, I suppose. But here it is, as promised. I'll
take this time out to mention two things:

1) Hotmail is something of a bitch when it comes to replying to mail
bigger than 30K.

2) One should not read a comedic Ranmafic while listening to Styx's
'Come Sail Away'. It does strange things to the mind.

##The following commentary not of the original author is merely
opinion to be used or not used at the original authors leisure.

Prelude

Heat washed over the land in palpable waves, riding violent winds that
kicked up swirls of sand across the endless desert. Visibility was less than
the length of a man's arm with the tempestuous winds blowing up the  loose
earth from the land. The various creatures that made their home in the sandy
wastes had long since learned to seek shelter from such powerful sandstorms;
those that hadn't learned had become extinct.


##And everyone familiar with the first season of Ranma is groaning in
mirth, at this point. ^_^


Yet despite conditions so hostile they could kill any species on the planet
in less than half an hour, a man strode through the center of the storm,
making his way across the expanse of desert, placing one foot in front of
the other. He was tall, a giant of seven feet, and his form was massive. His
legs were thick as small trees, and his arms and shoulders broad. It
appeared as though he could bear the weight of the world on his shoulders;
the mythical figure of Atlas given flesh.

*SNIP*

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


The Things We Wish For...
Chapter 6

Any and all C+C is appreciated. You can contact me at
sommer@3rdm.net

All of my fics are stored at the following:

Larry F's new address at:
http://www.rakhal.com/florestica/

Or R+C books at:
http://dbsommer.rcbooks.org

And also Angcobra is now storing all of my fics, at
http://dbsommer.web1000.com/dbsommer.html

Standard Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to any of the Ranma 1/2
characters. They belong to Takahashi and whomever she sold the rights to.

Last chapter was a bit more serious, so here we'll emphasize more humor. And
do remember, what happens within is done for humorous effect, not as some
kind of commentary on characters or their abilities.


AKANE: So that means that I really don't cook that terribly?
RANMA: He's an author, not a god.


Preface: What's happened before: Akane got her hands on a wish and used it
to wish her mother had never been in a car accident and was alive in the
present. Well, her mother wasn't in an accident, and is with them in the
present, there's only the slight complication that she was plucked out of
time at the ripe old age of seventeen...


RANMA: That's only old if you consider CLAMP's taste.
AKANE: Or R. Kelly's.
RANMA: Now who's hitting below the belt?


xxxxxxxxx

*SNIP*

Kasumi stopped crying out loud. She rubbed tears from her eyes with her
sleeve and sniffled, "Really, Mama?"

"Yes."

Kasumi stopped sniffling, and smiled beatifically at her mommy.

One of the nurses laughed and said, "Kids. They can be something else. I
can't wait to have one of my own."

Nabiki heard her mommy mumble something about having a spare at home so she
could give one to the nurse if she had her heart set on it. "What's a
spare?" Nabiki asked.


KACHIKO: Dolls that Rei Ayanami keeps around should her daredevil
career fall unexpectedly short.


Her mommy grimaced at the question. "It's nothing, dear. Now let's go in."

Nabiki felt frightened as she was led to 'The Bad Place That Made Big Sister
Kasumi Cry,' at least until a moment ago. Now the no longer crying girl was
sucking on a lollipop as though nothing had happened. Still, Nabiki felt
terrified, even if her mommy would be there to protect her from anything
bad, except the things that had made big sister Kasumi cry. After all, her
mommy had been with big sister and she had cried anyway. Miserably, Nabiki
said, "How come big sister Kasumi gets something and I don't?"

Her mommy stopped. "Well, fair is fair. What do you want? An apron like
Kasumi?"


NABIKI: Can I have an abortion? You always say you wanted one.


*SNIP*

"Deal." Her mommy held out her hand. Nabiki held hers out. Her mommy grabbed
the hand and pumped it up and down.

As she did so, Nabiki noticed a small white line on the middle knuckle. She
pointed to it with her free hand. "What's that?"


KACHIKO: A quaint reminder that it isn't polite to point, dear.
NABIKI: Eep.


Her mommy withdrew the hand and looked at it. For a moment, Nabiki thought
her mommy looked sad. "Just a memento of the past." Then the sad look was
gone and she looked normal. She held Nabiki's hand. "Now come along. The
doctor's just going to check you up, then you can get your icecream."

As Nabiki began walking down the corridor, hand-in-hand with her parent, she
looked up into her mommy's face, and her mommy smiled at her. It was that
special one that always made Nabiki feel better, even if she scraped her
knee and it hurt. It would chase away her fears when she was afraid of
sleeping alone at night. And if she was just feeling ordinary and her mommy
smiled like that, it always made Nabiki happy and warm inside because she
knew she was loved.

And then there was a loud noise coming from the halls. At first it
frightened her, but then something in Nabiki's memory came surging to the
forefront. Her mother and the doctor's office melted away as the word 'alarm
clock' became conceptualized.

Nabiki's eyes opened with a snap and she hit the alarm with far more force
than was necessary. She remembered the last moments of the dream, moments
she would have preferred to drift into the oblivion that all the other
dreams had traveled into.

Nabiki turned a baleful gaze at the wall, in the direction that Akane's room
lay. "You are not my mother," she snarled. And she would prove it to herself
today.


## Prose is very solid here. Grammar is pretty seamless, despite what
my silly word processor is talking about.


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

*SNIP*

Strumming the strings of his instrument, Soun began playing a soft melody
that came easily to his hands. It was a tune he had played for his wife when
they were still in the early romantic stages of their relationship. He began
to sing the song with the volume that accompanied the words.

"I can't get no sat-is-fac-tion!"


RANMA: Words cannot convey the utter horror and outrage I'm feeling.
AKANE: So you're going to beat them?
RANMA: Until they can sing it on key, yes.


Genma jostled his friend, making him hit a stray note. "Be careful,
Saotome," Soun warned.

"I saw the curtain in the window move," Genma said.

"Oh." Soun sang louder this time, knowing that Kachiko would swoon at the
serenade he was singing. It sang of the frustration in his soul at being
denied his rightful place at his wife's side. And by showing her his pain,
she would come to understand his suffering, take pity on him, and see him in
a new light.

"The window just went up, though she hasn't stuck her head out yet," Genma
informed him.

Soun sang louder, his heart beginning to fill at joy at finally inspiring
his wife to take notice of him.

"And I cry. CryAGH!-"

Cried out in pain, specifically, as a barbell connected solidly between his
eyes.

Sticking her head out the window, a bleary-eyed Kachiko shouted, "Whatever
you're doing to that cat, stop it now, you evil fiend!" and slammed the
window shut.

Genma looked down at the barbell shaped impression left on his fallen
friend's face. "Maybe she'll be more responsive to music in the evening.
Some folks just aren't morning people."


## Continued mistreatment of the Tendo patriarch: check.
I'd have tried some Jimmi Hendrix, myself, but I guess it's a
matter of preference. ^_^


xxxxxxxxxxxxx

*SNIP*

Kachiko rolled her eyes as Ranma grabbed her hand and made them rush to the
dojo. They came across Akane just as they were about to enter.

"What are you two up to?" Akane asked suspiciously, glaring at the way Ranma
was holding her mother's hand.


RANMA: She's gonna teach me some stuff she picked up from the Miroku
Ninja Clan. Says it will help me get better around girls.
AKANE: ... And you're naked because?
RANMA: All part of the training.


*SNIP*

Kachiko bowed again and profusely said, "Oh, thank you so very much for
being merciful."

Ranma laughed embarrassingly, causing Akane to roll her eyes exactly as her
mother had earlier. The act was so transparent it caused her to wince. She
couldn't believe Ranma was gullible enough to fall for it. Ryouga, perhaps,
but not Ranma. Yet her fianc� seemed to be eating up every word Kachiko
said. Part of Akane wanted to warn him, but another part made her remain
silent. As much as she wanted him to win, he had become cockier than usual
since that whole Saffron thing. Maybe being taken down a peg or two would be
for the best in the long run. And besides, it was hard for Akane to root
against her mother.


KACHIKO: Don't give that 'I'll take it easy' stuff. Who do you think
I am, Akane?
AKANE: I will not hold it against you if her arms are broken, Ranma.


*SNIP*

A feint! Ranma almost got his hand up despite the unexpected shift in the
direction of the Thunderfist attack. But Kachiko was deceptively fast. Ranma
only managed to brush the arm as the glowing fist impacted directly into his
open mouth, cutting off the rest of his mocking sentence.

For a moment, Ranma was surprised, despite the fact it was a chi attack, the
punch felt barely stronger than a normal blow. It wouldn't come close to
doing more than making him back off for a moment.

And then Kachiko unleashed the second half of the attack.

NARRATOR: Destroying the eastern lands as a result.
RANMA: HEY! This was just supposed to be sparring!
KACHIKO: What? That was light sparring.
RANMA: For Goku, maybe.

##The fanboy in me is screaming obscenities, but I myself can't seem
to stop feeling sorry for Ranma. The poor little patsy. ^_^


Xxxxxxxxxx

Akane's eyes bulged as she saw Kachiko's chi discharge directly into Ranma's
mouth. For a moment, he bulged up like a balloon, then shrank down to normal
proportions. Kachiko backed away, but held her no longer glowing fist ready
to unleash another blow. Ranma stood motionless. A small trail of blue
wafted up from his mouth as began teetering back and forth. Then his eyes
rolled into the back of his head as he fell over.


## "A small trail of blue wafted up from his mouth as began..."
--should be--
"A small trail of blue wafted up from his mouth as he began..."


Kachiko flashed a 'V' for victory sign to her daughter. "Lesson Number
Twenty of the Tendou School of Martial Arts: martial artists are never as
tough on the inside as they are on the outside, which makes the 'Turn Them
Inside Out Technique' particularly effective." Kachiko took on a more
flustered mien. "Unless of course they know that stupid Iron Stomach
Technique, in which case the attack will be reflected back to you and knock
you out. But how was I to know that bull dyke, Yumi, would have a counter to
my unstoppable attack? And it wasn't fair how she made me dress in a boy's
school uniform since I lost. And what's worse, everyone thought I looked
good as a boy. I hate perverted crossdressers." Kachiko sniffled slightly.


##... Indeed. ^_^;


Akane paid almost no attention to her mother as she rushed to Ranma's side.
She cradled his fallen form in her arms, then she shouted to Kachiko. "What
were you thinking?! You could have killed him!"

Kachiko waved her hand dismissively. "Get real. I've used that attack plenty
of times. You just have to know how to work it so it disrupts an opponent's
insides rather than causing them genuine harm. The only long term effect
should be a decrease in his appetite for a couple of days. I've never killed
anyone with it." She looked Ranma over more closely. "Um, he is still
breathing, isn't he?"

Ranma gurgled slightly, blue still coming out of his mouth.

"No thanks to you," Akane said.

"Hey, he's stronger than me. If I don't go all out right from the start, I
might lose," Kachiko countered.

"You tricked him," Akane accused.

Kachiko shrugged off the accusation. "If you can't overpower your opponent,
you'd darn well better outsmart him, or you lose." Seeing Ranma was starting
to fully rouse himself, Kachiko decided it would be best to leave, lest he
unreasonably lose his temper and do something she might regret later. She
exited the room without looking back.


## We've secretly replaced Kachiko Tendou with a disguised Lina Inverse.
Let's see if the audience notices the difference.


Akane shivered slightly. There were times when her mother reminded her of
Nabiki way too often.


KACHIKO: You mean the way I keep shoving things down people's throats?
RANMA: Wait, isn't that supposed to work in reverse?
AKANE/KACHIKO: Not if you want to keep breathing, no.


Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Nabiki applauded as Kachiko exited the dojo.

That made the time lost girl shoot her middle 'daughter' a suspicious glare.
"What's that for?"

"An impressive victory over a more powerful opponent. I can appreciate
someone using their head around here for a change, and the truth is, Ranma
tends to get too full of himself when it comes to martial arts."

Kachiko seemed delighted by the praise. "Thanks for the compliment. I didn't
think you had it in you."

"Oh, I enjoyed the outcome tremendously." Since Ranma is going to endlessly
harass you for a rematch until he kicks your tail, and you can only avoid
him for so long, but it'll be fun to watch you try to squirm out of it,
Nabiki wanted to say but couldn't. Best to allow Kachiko find out the hard
way.

"Hey, what's with the camera?"

Nabiki flinched. She had wanted to 'congratulate' her mother so badly that
she had forgotten to hide the camera. The pictures she had taken of Kachiko
warming up and beating Ranma would fetch a good price from Kunou, one that
would recoup some of the losses incurred from her mother's presence. But now
she had gotten sloppy, and her scheme was in jeopardy.

Thinking fast, Nabiki said, "It's a new one. I wanted to shoot something to
make sure it works right."

Kachiko chuckled. "My poor, sweet, silly daughter."

Nabiki's heart stepped a beat. How did her mother know she was lying?

Shaking her head sadly, Kachiko said, "The answer to all your woes is right
here."

"Um, it is?" Nabiki said, completely at a loss.

"Sure. I'm highly photogenic." Kachiko struck a sexy stance, pretending she
was blowing a kiss at Nabiki.

Nabiki was forced to blink three times before she could concentrate enough
to respond. "You're actually going to... voluntarily pose, for me?"

Kachiko changed her stance, giving Nabiki a coy, yet kittenish smile. "Sure.
You couldn't use a better model."

"What's the catch?"

Kachiko stopped posing and looked at her in confusion. "Catch? What catch
could there be in having your picture shot? Look, if you're going to be
whiny just because some money of yours got misplaced, I'll leave and you can
shoot some trees or something."

"No!" Nabiki was quick to say.

"Okay." Kachiko struck a 'playful' pose.

Nabiki began snapping away. She couldn't believe her luck. Sometimes good
things did come to the truly deserving. It was about time something went her
way, given how this intruder had managed to disrupt her life so easily.


##This is all going to blow up horribly in Nabiki's face, isn't it?
Or perhaps this is a bit of foreshadowing on a bigger piece of plot?


Xxxxxxxxxxxx

*SNIP*

Nabiki paused in front of the sheet. It was a warning issued from some group
called 'The CLAP', concerning some woman suspected of 'acts of perversion
involving young children.'

And then Nabiki's eyes settled on the hand drawn picture at the bottom
depicting the 'perpetrator'. "Excuse me, Sir?"

The man turned to Nabiki, looking at her through only one eye, the other
ringed in black and completely swollen shut. "Yes?"

Nabiki selected a picture from her collection. It was one of the 'tame'
photos of Kachiko, that was merely a head shot. Nabiki had decided to throw
it away since it wouldn't be able to fetch a good price, and she didn't want
to flood the Kunou Market too fast. She held it in front of the man. "This
wouldn't happen to be the girl you're looking for?"

The man tore the photo out of Nabiki's hands and managed a cyclopean glint
of evil at it. "Oh yes. That's the one. How did you get this?"


AKANE: Cyclops are evil?
RANMA: I always thought he was just a wussy, overgrown weeblo with
a penchant for winning staring contests.


"I shoot photos of people and happened to take one of her as she passed by,"
Nabiki lied.

The man continued staring evilly at the photograph. "Thanks a lot for your
help. This will make warning people about her easier. We'll remake the
posters right away." He all but ran down the street.

Nabiki smiled to herself. Some days, it was just too easy.

xxxxxxxxxxx

*SNIP*

Kachiko's face began twitching. "No one tells me who I'm interested in and
who I'm not." She turned to the crowd and said, "Hey everyone! Do you know
what Miss Hinako and a dick have in common? When they fill up with
something, they get really big, but when they shoot it off, they shrink back
down to their normal size."

Scandalized, Hinako turned a furious shade of red that made everyone
remotely near her back away. "How dare you compare me to male genitalia!
You're just jealous of my proportions because you're a little girl in
*every* sense of the word." Hinako crossed her arms under her ample bosom to
accentuate the point.


AKANE: I'm glad this conversation is taking place on a mature, adult
level.


Kachiko impossibly turned a darker shade of crimson. "Like anyone with an
inflatable bust has the right to comment on another woman's chest size!"

Hinako brought up her coin. "Do you have anything else to say before I drain
you so dry you won't have enough energy to want a man ever again?"


KACHIKO: Yeah. You really should give Anna Nicole Smith back her body.
I'm sure she misses it.
HINAKO: ... DIE.


*SNIP*

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Mo... err, Cousin, you have got to get a grip," Akane said,

The recovered Kachiko trembled in anger. "No way. That's twice she's
attacked me for no reason."

Akane said, "Well, it's over sort of a misunderstanding. She doesn't realize
that Dad's always been married to you and thinks he's still available. Maybe
I should explain things to her."

"I am NOT married to him, and that's besides the point," Kachiko snarled.
"No, it's too late to explain things. I have been wronged and need revenge."

"Exactly," Ranma said.

Kachiko unleashed an impish smile at the boy. "See? Even Ranma agrees with
me."

"No, I was agreeing with your reasoning since it applies to me too," Ranma
corrected. "I've been wronged twice, and I need revenge against you. I want
a rematch."

"That's the twentieth time you've bugged me about it since this morning! Let
it go!"

"No way! You ain't better than me. All you did was use another dirty trick.
You went against standard martial arts etiquette."

Kachiko stared at him. "What the heck are you talking about? What standard
martial arts etiquette?"


AKANE: According to Dragonball, stutter stupidly and get beat around
by someone stronger than you.
RANMA: Exactly.


*SNIP*

Ranma turned smug at the perceived compliment. "Anyway, the real problem is
you pretended you were going to use the exact same technique you did last
time, and acted like you were trying to outsmart me by saying you weren't
going to use the technique when you were. Except you really didn't use the
same move. What you were supposed to do was try to trick me by saying you
weren't going to use the same technique, and then really use it, since I had
a counter to it and had no intention of believing you in the first place,"
Ranma explained. "I mean you even gave it the same name. At least say
'Modified Roaring Thunderfist of Doom' or something."


RANMA: Waitaminute. You mumbled something about Iron Stomach
Being the counter to that technique.
KACHIKO: You mean you heard that?
RANMA: Yeah, I did. So why did it work against me when I have an
Iron Stomach?
KACHIKO: That's not possible...is it?
RANMA: Well, I have to, considering I have to eat Akane's slop all
The time-OMPH!
AKANE: Flattery will get you nowhere.


Kachiko looked at him quizzically. "And if I don't do that, you think of it
as cheating?"

Ranma considered the words. "Well, it is, sort of. I know if I said 'Kachuu
Tenshen Amaguriken' and used my 'Moko Takabisha' instead, everyone would
complain. What would you call it?"

'Learning' was what Kachiko wanted to say, but then it occurred to her that
Ranma grasping the concept of 'learning' might not be in her best interest.
Instead she said,  "So your primary complaint is, I didn't act in the same
predictable manner everyone else you've fought did, which is the real reason
you suffered a 'temporary disadvantage' today?"

"Yep." Ranma looked at her smugly.

Kachiko bowed before Ranma and said in a voice full of sincerity, "I'm
sorry. You're right. That was rude of me. I'll use the exact same attack
next time, and we'll see if you've come up with a decent counter. How's
that?"

Ranma nodded his head in agreement, then asked, "So we can have the rematch
tomorrow?"

"No."

Ranma tugged at her blouse like a little child asking a parent to buy them a
toy. "I want a rematch."

"You're not going to stop until I say yes, are you?"

"Rematch," he repeated.


KACHIKO: Sex.
RANMA: I have to get to class now. *runs*
KACHIKO: Hah. That got him.


The walls of resistance finally collapsed with an exasperated sigh. "Fine."

"Yes!" Ranma smiled openly. That nagging technique was nearly invincible
when wielded by someone with his relentless persistence. Or a five year old.

Seeing his satisfied state, Kachiko then added, "But only if you agree to go
out on a date with me."

"Deal," Ranma said quickly.

"Ranma," Akane growled out in a warning tone he was all too familiar with.

He held up his hands defensively, "Relax. I have no intention of losing.
I've learned from my mistakes and will be ready for everything, And once I
win, I don't have to go anywhere."

"Whoa! Hold on there," Kachiko interrupted. "Who said anything about me
having to win? I said I'd give you a rematch if you'd go out on a date with
me. I never put in any stipulation about winning."

That took Ranma aback. "Well of course you gotta win. Those are the stakes
in the fight. It ain't fair if you get to go out on a date with me even if I
lose."

Kachiko's eyes took on a knowing light. "Oh. Stakes. I see. You want
stakes?"

Ranma nodded his head. "You got it."

"Okay," Kachiko said. "If I win, I get a second date with you, and if you
win, you only have to go out with me once."

Ranma said, "All right! That'll... hey! I'd still have to go out on a date
with you, and maybe even two. That's worse than before."

"Not for me, and you're the one that wanted to fight for something. The
stakes are for one date. The second date you can think of as the entry fee
to the fight."

"No way!" Ranma said adamantly.

"No rematch then. But don't worry. I won't let anyone know I beat you.
Except maybe Tachi-chan, I bet he'll get a kick out of it since he does so
crappy against you."

"You can't tell Tachi-chan about..." Ranma's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
"Tachi-chan? When did Kunou become Tachi-chan?"

"Yesterday," Kachiko gushed as she envisioned a dashing Kunou reciting
poetry about her beauty while he swept her off her feet. He hadn't actually
done that yet, but she knew he would once they had a moment alone. "That's
the pet name I came up for him. I haven't come up with one for you yet.
You're a hard one to nail down."

"You shouldn't be so familiar with him," Akane said. "It'll only encourage
him."

"Yes, that would be the point behind pet nicknames. It's a sign of
affection," Kachiko said slowly, as though explaining something to a small
child.

"But you can't date him!" Akane insisted.

Kachiko shot Akane a dirty look. "Let's see. According to you, I can't date
Ranma or Tachi-chan. According to tall, saggy, and skanky, I can't date
Soun, not that I want to. Gee, I guess that leaves Mr. Saotome."

"He's married!" Akane said.

"Right," Kachiko confirmed. "So here's an idea. I'll date who I want, when I
want, and if you're really desperate, you can have sloppy seconds."

"Mom!"

"Enough," Kachiko growled. "I'm not in the mood for romance anyway. I want
to teach that vampiric brat a lesson. She's made me suffer a temporary
setback, and in my case it really is a temporary setback instead of an
inability to admit when I'm outclassed. I have to prove my superiority by
being the first one to beat her."

"Actually, I've beaten her before," Ranma said with no hint of modesty
whatsoever.

Kachiko shot him a suspicious glance. "You're just saying that, aren't you?"

Ranma shook his head. "Unlike you, I don't lie about who I beat and who I
didn't. I defeated her in front of the entire school. Just ask anyone."

Akane nodded in confirmation

Instantly, Kachiko had Ranma's hand held in hers and unleashed a starry-eyed
gaze upon him. "Oh great and powerful Ranma, please tell me how I would go
about defeating that mewling brat?"

"Can I have a rematch without the dates?"

"I'll seriously consider it," Kachiko promised.

Ranma nodded. "Okay, the first thing I did was ambush her from above. I hid
out on top of the lights in one of the hallways outside her classroom and
waited for her to pass by."

"Yes! I should have thought of that myself!" Kachiko released his hand and
bolted off.


## I swear I can hear the Benny Hill music in the background...
At this point, if you haven't already guessed it, I'm picking out small
threads here and there, but the chapter is overall pretty solid. The
most solid chapter thus far, I believe. I'll cut to the chase and
point out any further small nicks, then summarize.

*SNIP*


"I see how it is," Kachiko snarled.

"Umm, you do?"

Kachiko nodded. "You're not going to tell me since you were able to beat
her, and if I can't do the same, that makes you better than me in your mind.
Fine! You don't have to tell me. I'll figure out how to beat her on my own."

"No, I'm being serious. You need to grab her breast-"

"Ha!" Kachiko cut him off. "I know you and your kind. I thought you might be
different, but I see I was wrong, you pervert. You're exactly like every
other guy I met, and Yumi. You're just like every twisted manga artist out
there."

"What are you talking about?" Ranma asked.


KACHIKO: CLAMP, mostly. And Akamatsu.


*SNIP*

Ranma cringed, he had to think fast, otherwise the rumors of him being both


## "Ranma cringed, he had to think..."
--should be--
"Ranma cringed; he had to think..."
Or you could switch the comma for a period, whichever works better.


gay, as well as wanting to see some hot lesbian action, would run rampant
throughout the school and then he'd never get any measure of peace. He'd
have to say something, even if it was a lie, just to get them to back off
and defuse the situation. "It's not that I'm gay, it's just that erotic
lesbian action doesn't turn me on because... um, because, because..."

*SNIP*

(CONTINUED)

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