Allyn Yonge <allynyonge0000@netscape.net> wrote:

Garry Kleppe, Prince of the Punctuation Pixies,
and Grandee of the Grammar Gnomes for
taking a LOT of time with my stories.

That explains all those people who yell "Gnome!" when I walk into a bar.
:p

In this chapter, unless there's something that hasn't come up in
previous ones, I'll just list punctuation corrections and such below,
and you can refer back for the explanations.

     Akane listened to the soft even breathing coming

soft, even

     Onna-Ranma's eyes snapped open as Akane's foot
hit the first stair and the transformed martial-artist stared

martial artist

into the darkness.

You may want a scene break or skipped line here. I got confused at first
by the sudden jump cut to the dojo.

     After a few preliminary stretches to loosen her
shoulders and waist, Akane took a deep breath, trying to
center herself

AKANE: There. Got it. Ah. No. Wait. I'm still an inch or two closer to
the north wall. Darn.

     _This_ was her home, her world.  Reaching down
she tightened her brace  and limped over to a wooden-man

wooden man

     Gritting her teeth Akane settled into a Mountain
Bear stance, trying to ignore the flickers of pain that
radiated from her knee, like ants pouring from an anthill
that's been kicked over.  Even with the brace and the

that had been kicked over. (IMO)

modification's she'd made in her stance to accommodate

modifications

     Akane's left hand snapped out, grabbed one of the
wooden-man's oak limbs in an Eagle-claw grip, and twisted.

wooden man's

     *Hey, Nabiki. Why didn't you buy that blouse. It
looked really good on you.  And you could use some new
stuff.

stuff.*

     *I'm not a clothes horse like you Kimeko. I like a

you, Kimeko.

more simple, understated look.

look.*

     Again!

     Like a living machine her arm shot out, clawed
fingers struck unfeeling wood with bone bruising force.

out. Clawed fingers struck
(or)
out; clawed fingers struck
(or)
out, clawed fingers striking

bone-bruising

     *Coach, do I really have to fight that freak!*

Suggest: freak?!*

     Akane's lips were drawn back from her teeth in an
unconscious snarl, as she focused entirely on her wooden
nemesis. Sweat soaked her gi. It ran into her eyes and
angrily she shook her head, unwilling to take time to wipe
her face. Sweat made her hands slick.  Akane made more
and more mistakes.


     *A martial artist defends the defenseless* . . .

AKANE: So I'm only supposed to defend people who are defenseless?

SOUN: That is correct.

AKANE: But if I defend someone, aren't they no longer defenseless? And
wouldn't I therefore have to stop defending them?

SOUN: Life is indeed a difficult road to travel.

     "Yeah," Ranma ran his hands down her leg, and it

"Yeah."

     "I'll go with you," Akane started to get up, and the

you."

world spun crazily, the court-yard going red, then black as
the moonlight drained away to the sounds of the oceans
roar.
"It's a martial artists duty." is what Akane wanted to say,

artist's duty,"

but all that came out was a pitiful moan as she seemed to
crumple in on herself.

RANMA: But I'm not defenseless.

     "I know why Pop likes your family," Ranma sighed,
watching Akane's face turn the colour of rice bran as she

arms. "You're

     "K . . .Kami-sama couldn't make your father look
good." Akane whispered, just as he started to feel for her

good,"

pulse.

Isn't "Kami-sama" as a single entity an OMG thing? Aren't the kami
multiple entities in actual Japanese mythology?

     "Yeah? Well, you Tendou's are doin' a pretty good

Tendous

     Carrying her to her room Ranma plotted out the

room, Ranma

next few weeks. With 'Ranko' working on the inside, pretty
soon he'd know more about Akane than the Tendou's did

Tendous

     *Bastards* Ukyou crouched in the shadows,

*Bastards.*

UKYO: Those bastards! They killed Genny!

RANMA: And you object to that?

UKYO: It was MY job!

watching the Tendou compound. From his vantage points

vantage point
(unless she's moving around or something)

I still think "he" for Ukyo from his own POV (or that of the omniscient
narrator) is cheating. Unless it turns out that "he" actually *is* a he
in this continuity, of course.

     He loosened the giant spatula in it's scabbard and

its

     Shaking off the nightmare images that often made
dreaming  indistinguishable from  waking moments he sped

Suggest: dreams indistinguishable from waking moments
(the comparison is not quite on equal footing the way you've got it, it
seems to me)

through the night, his lips drawn back in a foam flecked

foam-flecked

     Ten years!

     It ended----

UKYO: --on December thirty-first.

     Ranma would get off the train when it stopped, but
Chin would board the Windy. Ranma grinned to himself.
He'd let Ukyou get _just_ close enough to see that he'd
disguised himself as Chin before he lost him on board. . .
then, a quick splash of cold water, a dark wig, and he'd
stroll off the boat. Very obviously female and of no interest
to Kuonji Ukyou.

RANMA: Funny how I never needed a dark wig in the manga.

       Kuonji couldn't possibly finish searching the
"Windy" before she reached Hong Kong. After that . . .
Ukyou'd have to decided to stick with the ship for the entire

have to decide to

tour, or get off in Hong Kong. And he wouldn't know
whether to look for Saotome Ranma, or Chin Akazara (who
was in Shanghai at the moment and would be surprised to
learn he was sailing on the Norwegian Wind) or someone

So Chin's a real person whose name Ranma borrowed, not a made-up alias?
Wasn't clear in the above.

else.  With luck it would be weeks, maybe months before
Ukyoui gave up and returned to Japan. And before then he
and Pop would have converted the Tendou's assets to hard

Tendous'

     "Yeah, a few nights flat on your back under a
specialist." one of the club members muttered, causing a

specialist,"

     "I said, that if you wear out your  iinazuke

You've misspelled "fiance".

'resting'," The slender girl drawled suggestively "me and

             ^                                    ^
No caps on "the" here, and you need a comma after "suggestively".

some of the girls will be glad to assist." She was delighted
at the slight tinge of pink that crawled up their normally
unflappable Captain's neck.

captain's

(capitalize it only when used as a name)

     Two years of lectures on'Discipline, Dedication and

                              ^^
Missing a space.

Devotion', daily training that would have broken an
Imperial Marine, and stories about warrior nuns (and
monks) who devoted their lives to their 'Art', had given the
team a regional championship and taken them to fifth-place
nationally.

Need to take out that last comma. As written, I had to wonder why there
*were* regional championships and national rankings for warrior nuns and
monks. ^_^;;

SOUN: Well, I do like to embellish these tales to make them more
dramatic. I mean, if Hollywood can do it....

Also, no hyphen in "fifth place" here since you're using it as a noun
rather than an adjective. "I can prove we won fifth place. Look. Right
over there is our fifth-place trophy."

     But Akane's single-minded intensity, tremendous
strength and repulsive (to most of them) knee-brace had

strength, and

     "Alright Choe," Akane checked the younger girls

"All right, Choe."

girl's

position on the weight bench, deciding to take refuge in
routine. "I want you to do eleven repetitions each: bicep
curl, dual overhead extension, tricep extension and finish

tricep extension, and

     "No," Akane disagreed, "Stick with eight kilograms

disagreed, "stick
(or)
disagreed. "Stick

to start.  You want to build slowly to your threshold. And
you don't want to get over bulky," she grinned at the other

over-bulky." She

girl, "like me." Akane patted her stomach, oblivious to how

girl. "Like

     "Yes Captain." Choe gripped the rubber coated

"Yes,

     Looking around, Akane decided the rest of the club
was productively occupied and finally turned to Ranko, who
had been silently trailing her. "Sorry to keep you waiting,
but some of the girls don't do their weight training if I don't
keep after them."

RANMA: Why should you be sorry? Wasn't that the whole point?

AKANE: Huh?

RANMA: You said it was wait training, right?

     A couple of swimmers, working with a Nautilus
machine, stuck out their tongues at Akane while a Sachiko,

while Sachiko,
(Presumably there is only one Sachiko, at least in this context. :P)

     Sachiko almost dropped her barbell."Did Akane-

                                         ^^
Spacing.

senpai just _smile_!" she hissed to her spotter.

_smile_?!"

     "That's twice, this morning," the other girl

twice this morning,"

muttered, "maybe they've finally put an emotion-chip in th'

muttered. "Maybe

("Maybe" would start a new sentence if you wrote the dialog by itself.)

emotion chip

Borg."

IIRC, it was Data who lacked emotion until he got the chip. The Borg's
big thing was to assimilate people, so Data would probably fit better
for Akane, though of course it might just be that these ladies don't
know the show too well. :)

     Ignorant of the swirl of muted conversation she'd
started, Akane lead Ranko on a tour of the swim-club

led
(past tense)

     "That's Okay, I don't mind waiting." Onna-Ranma

okay,
(no caps)

     "Whatever you want." Ranko answered, innocently.

want,"

     "Okay by me." The smaller girl answered serenely.

me," the

     "Then you're better than I am," Akane headed for

am." Akane

the pool area, "because I'm hopeless in the shorter

area. "Because

distances." Standing at the edge of the pool Akane removed
her brace and did a few stretches. "Do you want to call it?"

RANMA: Heads. No, make it tails!

     Ranko stood with her toes hanging over the edge of
the water and rotated slightly at the waist.  "That's Okay,"

okay."

she glanced at the discarded brace, "I'll give you a head

She

brace. "I'll

start."

     Akane turned to the petite redhead, a bland almost

bland, almost

sleepy expression on her face. "That's awfully nice of you,"

you.

she grabbed Ranko by the back of the neck and the seat of

She

her one-piece, "but as a guest, you should go _first_." With

one-piece. "But

     *She's a damn machine!* Onna-Ranma watched

I'd just use "Ranma" (do we really need to be reminded of his current
gender every paragraph?) but that's just me.

     "Huh?" Ranko blinked back to reality. "Oh, I knew
when I was beaten."Ranko gave the other girl a friendly

                  ^^
Spacing.

smile, the one Ranma practiced everyday in a mirror.
*dammit, I could 'a beat her if I was a guy* Ranko watched

*Dammit,

guy.*

Akane cross the pool toward her with two powerful strokes.
*Girls can't do nuthin'* Onna-Ranma thought disgustedly,

nuthin',*

The pronoun avoidance is getting a little hard not to notice. ^_^ Though
given the shifting POV, I really can't come up with a better solution,
other than maybe combining sentences together so you don't need as many
references.

     "How 'bout a hundred meters, next time."Onna-

time," (and space after)

     "Only if you give me a ninety meter handicap,"
Akane retorted with a grin.

RANMA: But you've already got a--

AKANE: Don't remind me!

     Ranko gave her a narrow eyed look. "That don't . . .

narrow-eyed

     "Seems more than fair, to _me_."Akane laughed.

                                      ^^
Spacing.

     Ranko opened her mouth to reply, but a sudden
crash from the exercise room, followed by feminine screams

Either add a comma after "screams" or take out the one after "room".

      Most of the swimming club, about fifteen girls in
swim-suits and sweats, were being crowded into the corner
by half-again their number of greasy punks in pin-stripped
suits, while a few more of their number amused themselves
by various acts of vandalism.

PUNK #1: You've got a nice swimming pool here, haven't you, Captain.

PUNK #2: We wouldn't want anything to happen to it, would we, Captain.

AKANE: Nope. I'm stopping this scene, as it's far too silly.

     *Aww, crap* Onna-Ranma thought disgustedly.

crap,*

*not these little shits again.*

disgustedly. *Not
(or)
disgustedly, *not

     Akane limped forward, ignoring the Sokiaya
wannabe's, until she stood between them and her club

wannabes,

     "Please?" A tall, muscular boy, mocked. "Now ain't
that polite." several of his friends sniggered at his mimicry.
"You tell 'em Goro!" One of his friends shouted.

'em, Goro!" one

     "We're through for the day," Akane said pacifically,
her nostrils flaring infinitesimally.  "so everyone shower and

infinitesimally, "so
(or)
infinitesimally.  "So

change before the first bell." She looked at Choe, who was
holding the edge of a towel against her bleeding nose. "Go
on to the nurse now. I'll let your teacher know where you
are."

AKANE: And you might want to mention to the principal that these
gentlemen assaulted you.

CHOE: Oh, they didn't.

AKANE: Huh?

CHOE: It just happens to my nose sometimes, when I see a boy with really
large--

AKANE: All right, I don't think I need to hear this.

     "Nurse?"  Goro's lips drew back in a sneer. "She
don't need a nurse, she needs a veterinarian." Choe flushed
miserably as the rest of the boys laughed.

     "We don't want any trouble," Akane said in a tone
so  neutral that Ranko felt a chill. "so why don't we all just

chill, "so
(or)
chill. "So

go to class. I'll clean this up later."

     "You don't want no trouble?"   A glob of spittle hit
Akane's cheek with an audible sound. "You _got_ trouble!"
Goro sneered.

Two sneers in three paragraphs. Typical Yonge villain. ^_^;;;

      There was a moment of horrified silence, then
Akane took the edge of a towel and wiped her cheek.
"Everyone run along now, the first bell is about to ring."

"Everyone, run

ring,"

She said quietly. "And you go to the nurse, Choe."

she

     "I . . .I'm alright," Choe began a little nervously. "I
don't----"

     "You shut your mouth," Goro's aim was improving.

mouth." Goro's

"you dirty Korean!" The blob of mucous hit between

"You

Choe's eyes with a splat.

CHOE: I just showered!

GORO: You... you clean Korean!

     * Sha Ji Neou Tao* Onna-Ranma noted the finger

*Sha

Tao.*

     "I think you owe Choe-san an apology." Akane said

apology,"

softly. Goro's knees hit the tiles with an audible crack as his
forehead slammed into the ground at Choe's feet, proving
the adage; 'if you grab them by the throat, their hearts and

adage: 'If

minds will follow.'

AKANE: Or not, but does it really matter?

     "Uhhhh . . .you might want to loosen your grip a
bit,"  Ranko remarked, "I think you're crushing his little

remarked.

     "That's enough." Goro's flood of words stopped as
if they'd been axed. "Now, I think you owe Choe-san for a
new shirt." Goro would have reached for his wallet, if his
body hadn't been numb below the collar bone. Akane
seemed to realized his problem and thoughtfully removed
his wallet for him, along with the pocket, pant-leg and a few
centimeters of skin, all of which parted like rotten tissue as
she simply grabbed a fist-full of tailored Itallian suit and

Italian

      "This should take care of it," Akane plucked a wad

it."

of bills from the wallet, "and I think Goro would like to get

wallet. "And

     "It would be nice of you to clean up this mess,"

mess."

Akane glanced at the rest of the boys, still  speaking in a
mild conversational tone, "If you've got time that is?" As

tone.

     "Thank you," Akane let Goro drop from her fingers

you."

     Maybe this girl stuff wasn't too bad, onna-Ranma
thought trotting down the stairs at the end of the day. Guys

thought,

     "Faith isn't going to keep Kunou from killing you,
you stupid girl!" Nabiki was rapidly losing it. "You haven't
done any serious Kenjutsu in two years, and that bastard
_sleeps_ with a sword."

KUNO: Not true. I'll have you know that that relationship is still in
the "heavy petting" stage.

     "I think Kunou sees himself in that role," Akane
murmured. "I've always wanted to be Tomoe Gozen."

     "She DIED!" Nabiki screeched, just as they passed
Onna-Ranma's hiding place.

AKANE: Yeah, but like the saying goes, Tomoe is another day.

     "You are _so_ pig-headed," Nabiki's voice faded in
the distance. "you just wait until I get hold of Kasumi. You

distance. "You

      *Well, damn,* Onna-Ranma stepped from her

damn.*

hiding place, a hard look on her face. *that idiot's gonna

*That

screw up my meal ticket.* Onna-Ranma fiddled with her
pig-tail in an unconscious mannerism that Genma hadn't
been able to completely eradicate even with years of a rattan
cane. *Now if I were a right-wing arse-hole, where would I
be, right now?*

*sigh* This is just dying for a quip, but alas, such would be too
topical/political for the list.... *grumble*

     At first, he'd intended to simply find some hot
water, find Kunou and shove that stick of his so far up his
bung-hole he'd look like a unicorn. But then he remembered

RANMA: Huh huh huh huh huh huh huh Kuno's a wuss.

("Bunghole" strikes me as too Beavis-and-Buttheadish, but again maybe
that's just me.)

     *There he is.* Onna-Ranma watched Kunou,
surrounded by his entourage, step onto the fourth floor
landing and she started trotting up the steps toward him.
Just looking at the arrogant Samurai-wannabe reinforced his
initial impression that Kunou was a sneaky, ruthless son-of-
a-bitch who would use any underhanded trick to win.

     *Wonder if he's related to Pop?*

RANMA: Have we mentioned yet that the Genma in this universe is evil?

KUNO: I believe once or twice, yes.

     Tokuyama Hiroshi, Kunou's sub-lieutenant, was
watching a basket full of puppies wrestling under Ranko's
shirt, when the perky little girl smiled at him and took a
deep breath.

KUNO: Puppies? Cute, defenseless little PUPPIES?! I must slowly torture
them to death for the sheer enjoyment! Nya ha ha!

HIROSHI: It's just a visual metaphor.

KUNO: Oh.

HIROSHI: All I get to do in this fic is ogle women from afar, I suppose.

KUNO: That's all you ever get to do anyhow.

     Two severely taxed buttons failed with an audible
pop as the sudden release of tension bounced them off
Hiroshi's head. Unencumbered by support garments
Ranko's 'goodies' made a break for freedom, Hiroshi

freedom. Hiroshi

     "I'm sorry to hear Ranko is sick," Akane said the
next day. She looked up at Ranma who was doing flips
along the fence-top, "maybe I should fix her something nice

fence-top. "Maybe

     "Not if you want her to recover." Nabiki muttered,

recover,"

     "What?" Akane glanced toward Nabiki, "Did you

Nabiki. "Did

     "Ummm . . .that's really nice, Akane" Ranma

Akane," Ranma

     "What did you say, Nabiki?" Akane's turned her

Akane turned

     "I said, it's probably best not to disturb her." Nabiki

her,

     "It's going to be a little strange, not seeing Kunou at
school." Akane thought out loud.

school," Akane

     "Nabiki," Akane frowned at her sister, "Kunou-

"Nabiki."

sister.

     "He's not the little boy you played samurai and
shogun with, he's a vicious right-wing bastard and I'm only
sorry he didn't break his----" she stopped at the hurt look in

She

Akane's eyes. "Okay, I'm sorry. Maybe he just rubs me the
wrong way." her lips twisted sourly, then relaxed. "He's

Her

probably not so bad." But her eyes said she didn't believe it.

NABIKI: My ears are still noncommital on the subject, and my nose is
prepared to take your word. But my eyebrows definitely think you're full
of crap.

AKANE: Is that true?

NABIKI: Yup, and you'd better face it.

     "Showoff." Akane muttered, smiling involuntarily as

"Showoff,"

     "I ain't sure, but it's probably gonna be a month or
so at least, before he figures out how we sca---- uhhhh . . .
figures out Pop and me never left Japan." He fiddled with
his pigtail, "heck he might never figure it out."

pigtail. "Heck,

     "There's a meeting of class presidents this
morning,"Akane informed Ranma, "to decide where to go

morning," Akane

     Leaning back against a tree several hours later,
Ranma folded his hands comfortably across his stomach and
sighed. Life was good. The guys weren't as appreciative of
Ranma as they were of Ranko ( thank Kami-sama) but the

(thank

     "Uhhh . . .thanks Akane," Ranma looked wistfully at

thanks, Akane."

the contents of the colourful bento, "but I'm really full.

bento. "But

     *Thank you Kami-sama*, Nabiki thought in heart-

*Thank you,

     "Oh . . .well, if you're sure," Akane held Ranma's

sure."

IMO, you need more of a twist to wring comedy out of Akane's cooking.
Just saying in effect "oh boy, is it ever bad" doesn't do much; we all
*know* it's bad. Maybe have someone who's expecting it to be good, or is
forced to pretend that it's good, or at least some goofier excuses.
You've written some good comedy fics in the past (the one that comes to
mind is that Akane-as-Ranma story) so I fully expect you can do better
than this.

     "Excuse me," a masculine voice, low and husky,
came from beneath the tightly woven straw covering, "but
I'm looking for Saotome Ranma." The steel rings topping
his staff jingled merrily as he walked forward. " I was told

"I

     "Uh . . .! " Ranma tried to implement 'Rule Six', but
too late. The Monk seemed to feel the hesitation was
admission enough.

RANMA: Rule Six: There is to be absolutely ** NO ** rule six.

     "Awwww----crapcrapcrapcrap!" Fuming he tore off

Fuming, he

     "What's your problem? I don't even know you!"

Saotome,"

     "My name is _DEATH_!" His staff spun once and
thirty inches of razor-sharp steel slid from concealment and
locked into place.

AKANE: It's a Mr. Death? He's here about the reaping?

     Caught completely flat-footed, Akane watched the
slim blade shoot straight for her jugular, before the world
spun crazily and she found herself in the branches of a tree;
waiting for her stomach to catch up.

tree, waiting

     " . . . 'My name is Akane' . . ." Ranma yelled,
shaking his  iinazuke like a rag-doll. "Are you CRAZY!"

You misspelled "fiancee".

CRAZY?!"

     "Are you saying I'm stupid!" Akane pushed away

stupid?!"

     "Of course not!" A little vein began throbbing in his
forehead. "you're not smart enough to be stupid, you

"You're

     "The justice of heaven is slow but sure," the monk

RANMA: Sorry, but I guess you missed the casting call. We've already
*got* a Kuno in this fic.

MONK: I'm his secret identity, buffoon.

(Actually, I'd guess that this is this universe's Ryoga, but I could
certainly be wrong.)

thundered from below, "flee not from the righteous anger of

below. "Flee

     "Are you nuts!" Forgetting about Akane, Ranma

nuts?!"

     "I am justice," The monk stepped back from the tree

justice."

and stared up at the two martial artists from behind the
featureless mask of his tangai. "I am mercy," he linked

mercy." He

hands, fingers writhing in a complicated pattern, like a
basket of snakes, "I am honor," stomping his feet, he started

honor." Stomping

     "Don't ask me," Akane leaned over the branch,

me."

holding onto Ranma for support, "he's your friend."

support. "He's

     "He knew your name. And Uncle Genma's." Akane
pointed out.

Genma's,"

     The powerful mantra, like an invisible silk garrote,
began to squeeze the life from the two martial artists.
Clawing at the invisible death around her throat, Akane
gouged bloody furrows in her flesh, desperate for air. As
blackness closed in, she could see Ranma in even more
desperate straights, his tongue already black and protruding.

straits,

     "Na Mwou San Man Dwou Mu Twou Nan----"The

the

     "Swou nang nan," the monk's voice was sounding a

nan." The

      The monk jackknifed with a shriek of pain as Akane
staggered up behind him and  compressed the last three
vertebrae of his spine with a foot-ball style kick that lifted

football-style

     "Jerk!" She croaked, kicking him in the side of the

she

head, just for insurance. She caught a movement out of the

head just for

     "One and Two and Three and Four and . . ." Fifteen!
You did 'five' compressions if you had someone else to
breath, otherwise it was 'fifteen and two' "Five and Six and

AKANE: Why must these Cribbage rules be so complicated?!

breathe,

two.'

     *One . . .Two . . .* she was starting to get a little

AKANE: ...FIVE!

RANMA: Three, sir!

AKANE: Ma'am!

She

dizzy, trying to be heart and lungs for another person.
*Breath. Please breath.*

*Breathe. Please breathe.*
("breath" is the noun, "breathe" the verb.)

     "Aaaaaa!" Akane jumped back so quickly she fell
backwards in the dirt. "You jerk!" She rasped, sounding like

she

     "Yeee," she squeaked. Clearing her throat Akane

throat, Akane

tried again. "Y . . .yeah. But only after Nabiki----" she

She

suddenly remembered her sister and twisted to look over
her shoulder to see Nabiki leaning dazedly against a tree.
"Are you Okay?" She grated. "What happened? How did

okay?"

     "Heh," Nabiki pasted a cocky grin on her face as she

"Heh."

tried to rise to her feet,  "Tendou Nabiki, Mistress of the

feet.

     "Only Nabiki." Akane sighed. "What are we going
to do about him?" She jerked her head toward the monk,
only to find he had staggered to his feet and was limping
away. "Hey you!" she croaked , sounding like a frog with a

"Hey, you!"

croaked, sounding
(extraneous space)

Well, I very much liked the beginning of this installment. Akane's
introspection scene in the dojo was a nice glimpse into her character,
and the emotion came across well. Also, leading Ukyo away was a good
showcase for Ranma's ability as a con artist.

I wasn't quite so happy with the middle, however -- most notably the
Goro scene, which seemed like a case of "make the readers hate the
character so they'll cheer when he gets his butt kicked." It's hard to
put into words exactly what bugs me about this sort of thing. It engages
the emotions, which is good, but at least in my case, tends to leave the
higher brain functions cold. The inherent message seems to be that there
are good people and bad people, and all the former have to do to make
everything right is to beat the crap out of the latter. Your mileage may
vary, and I know this view is very prevalent in popular culture, but
personally, I find it a very simpleminded way of looking at things,
probably a good part of what lets someone like Goro rationalize to
himself what he does.

Again, the above is all just my own opinion; others may differ, but I
happen to be the one writing this C&C. :P  I think that if you're going
to use Goro and Kuno, it would help to give them more of a motivation,
both in the long-term (e.g. why do they fear Koreans?) and the
short-term (e.g. why barge into Akane's gym at this particular time?)

Anyhow, I will say that I liked the ending battle with the
as-yet-unidentified Monk. True, he's yet another foe with no
compunctions about attacking a probable innocent bystander, but his mode
of attack was a change from the usual, he was powerful enough to yield a
suspenseful battle scene, and Nabsy's way of countering him was quite
clever.

Overall, I'm enjoying the series, as always. Another one down, some more
to go. :)


Gary Kleppe
http://www.garykleppe.org/comics.html

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