Finally getting around to something of a shorter review queue... But anway, 
the following words not of the original author are to be used or not used at 
the original author's leisure.

Note; there's no lime/lemon, but there is female nakedness in this
chapter. It's not at all in a sexual context, however, but a medical >one.

Don't think the medical warning is necessary. Also, you'll want to include 
the disclaimer at some point before or after your story. ^-^

The Courtship of Kikyou
Summer

By Amanda Lever

Between the muggy heat and the hot summer rain, Inu-Yasha was fairly >sure 
this was the worst summer ever. The clouds blotted out the sun, >but the 
rain did not give one a cool shower; even when the sun was >blocked, rain 
fell in hot, thick sheets from the clouds, providing no >relief for the 
homeless hanyou

Period after "hanyou" needed.

Inu-Yasha stood waist-deep in cool water, finding it helped abate the
heat�s affects. He had stripped down to his fundoshi to allow his >sodden 
clothing to dry after the last rain storm. This was pointless, >perhaps, as 
clouds again loomed on the horizon, but at least the cool >water felt good 
compared to the heat, and his fire-rat clothing would >dry quickly.

And it served another purpose: while his clothes dried, he could fish >for 
his dinner.

Inu-Yasha was like any other predator; standing still like the crane,
watching the water. His breathing was so steady, so even, it moved >with 
the wind rushing against the water, making it lap against his >bare belly 
in time with the rise and fall of his chest.

Crane wouldn't have been the first thing in my mind when thinking of river 
predators, but I don't think Inu-Yasha could be compared to an otter or 
othersuch. *shrugs*

And then, much like the white crane, he struck!

Don't really need the exclimation point. The fact that it's a seperate line 
all on its own lends it the impact needed for story flow.

A clawed hand darted out and he felt a scaled body slide against his >palm 
-- where a mortal man would have lost the fish, Inu-Yasha had >extra grip; 
his claws, turned with their points toward his palm, >became a deadly trap 
for the poor fish that would become his supper.

It wriggled in his hand, thick tail batting against his wrist, but he >held 
it aloft triumphantly. So what if 'mighty barehanded fisherman' >wasn't as 
impressive a title as Sesshoumaru's 'Lord of the Western >Lands'; it kept 
food in his belly, where Sesshoumaru could hardly eat >a lordship.

Hehe. I wonder if this Sesshoumaru would try, though. Inviting the emperor 
and his court over for dinner, and suddenly there's a new, rather plump, 
monarch rulling over Japan.

He tossed the fish to the others on the bank; they were small and it >would 
take one or two more to satiate his hunger.

Once two more fish were caught in the same manner -- waiting eyes, >darting 
hands, splashing water, triumphant hanyou -- he began to >slosh back to the 
bank, eager to dry off and not feel the mud under >his toe claws.

However, he hadn't expected to see the woman on the banks.

He stopped there, up to his thighs in water, soaked and holding a >fish in 
one hand.

Kikyou, on the other hand, was dry and impeccable as always, a broad
bamboo hat covering her head, held steady by one hand.

"Inu-Yasha," she greeted gently, her eyes finding his before demurely
turning away.

"Kikyou," he answered with far less confidence then he had felt >seconds 
ago, tossing fish to the bank.

For a moment, he didn't under stand why she wouldn't look at him; her >gaze 
shyly averted. But as he felt his soaked fundoshi chill him >slightly in 
the air, he realized she was probably uncomfortable with >his near 
nakedness. He didn't understand why; all men, even >half-demons, were built 
the same, weren't they?

Ah, the ever innocent protagonist. It plays out very well, to my eyes. Not 
exactly the brash character that I've seen in a few manga and one anime 
episode, but the similarity is there.

He continued to plow through the water, heedless of the truth of her
discomfort, and then to where his clothes were on the bank. He ducked
behind the rock to change his clothing, the wet fundoshi discarded to >dry 
where it couldn't be seen.

Her voice echoed over the rocks, gentle as always. "I see you have >kept 
yourself busy, Inu-Yasha."

"Gotta eat," he replied with a snort as he finished dressing, before
scrambling up onto one of the rocks to take a seat. "I didn't expect >you 
to come out with a storm so close."

"But that's why I'm here," she said. "We are not so near the coast >that we 
must greatly fear typhoon, but still, the rainy season is >fierce this 
year."

She was coming to something he wouldn't like, he was sure of it.

"I was wondering if you might come to the temple while till the >storming 
passes."

Confusing bit, here.
--suggest--
"I was wondering if you might come to the temple until the storming passes?"

I gathered that "storming" was used intentionally. I've never actually SEEN 
the word before, so unless it was a typo... New Vocabulary Word for me. ^-^

That was not what he expected. He was so stunned he nearly slid from >his 
seat, only catching himself leaning to far forward at the last >moment.

Finally, he found words.

"Did you just ask me to come and stay at the temple?" he couldn't >manage 
to find the proper level of shock to convey.

"Yes," she said simply.

He stared at her with open bafflement; his eyes wide, his mouth >agape, his 
ears cocked forward.

�...Why?�

Here is a slight impasse. You've begun using smart quotes, which I'd have to 
highly recommend not using. They don't translate well in some web formats, 
and as is, it was a bit of an eye catch from the straight quotes used thus 
far in the story.

�Because you would be safer there. It would only be you, my sister, >and 
I.�

For a moment, his mind completely skipped �my sister� and thought he >was 
being asked for something entirely different! His cheeks burned >as he 
replayed the request in his mind, but then he remembered:

I can see why you would want the exclimation point here, so I'll leave that 
one to you. It will, I think, take some readers off-guard concerning the 
story flow, but it does serve its purpose.

And I can see our hero is not as dense as Rumiko-sama would like her 
audience to believe. ^-^

�Your sister?�

Kikyou nodded serenely, apparently not put off by his bewildered 

reactions.

�You have a sister?� he asked, hopping down from his perch to sit in >the 
grass, crouching at her feet.

�Yes,� Kikyou replied as she kneeled down beside him. �My only blood
relative, Kaede. She and I were given to the temple to be raised as >miko 
when we were young.�

�Hmph.� Inu-Yasha tried to imagine what a sister of Kikyou must be >like, 
but he couldn�t fathom it. He was nothing like Sesshoumaru, his >elder 
brother, so why would this girl-child be anything like Kikyou? >And what 
about Kikyou, anyway? What sort of sister was she?

�Are you good to your sister?� he asked.

Kikyou�s dark eyes flickered to his and she asked, ��Good to my >sister�? 
What do you mean?�

Inu-Yasha flushed again, this time with guilt. He�d gone and compared
Kikyou to Sesshoumaru in his heart! How could he have compared the >kind, 
lovely miko to the cold-hearted youkai?

...When had she become kind and lovely?!

Kikyou was still staring at him, confused as he looked everywhere but >at 
her, shifting this way and that. When it became clear that >Inu-Yasha was 
not going to answer her, she reached out to touch his >cheek, garnering an 
instant reaction.

He froze on the spot, eyes wide and fixed on her. Again, his mouth >was 
open, his ears turned forward, in complete shock. But he didn�t >move, he 
didn�t even breathe.

She was touching him again.

She hadn�t dared to do so since her hand had brushed his months ago >at the 
day of the planting ceremony, he�d not let her get close >enough until now. 
He�d been on his guard against that spasm in his >chest that occurred 
whenever she was near.

But it was there again, stronger then ever.

Her fingers were warm and slightly rough from handling her bow, the
fletching of her arrows. When he dared to take a breath, he found >they 
smelt slightly of old incense, and that indefinable thing that >sang 
Kikyou, Kikyou, Kikyou, when she trespassed in the woods he�d >claimed.

No one had touched him so tenderly in his life. Her callused thumb
caressed over his cheekbone in a way he was certain was intentional, >and 
caused heat to flood his face. His heart clenched again and for a >moment, 
he wasn�t sure if he was looking into her eyes or into the >night sky.

�Inu-Yasha?� her voice penetrated the haze, and he blinked his eyes,
staring into her own. She was so close; he could smell that sweetness >that 
was her, and it was stronger then the water, or the wood, or the >fish 
getting cold on the bank. That subtle thing, incense and >medicinal herbs, 
arrows and her skin, the fingers so rough compared >to the soft curve of 
her face.

... Wow. He's really got it for her. How sweet... *snicker*
*SNIP*

Kikyou�s breathing was soft, even under the protective cap of the >boat, 
and the cold water that had once offered relief now numbed his >limbs. 
Still he worked, lungs burning, muscles screaming for relief.

When he finally saw the bank, he took a gulp of breath, covered >Kikyou�s 
mouth and nose with his hand, and dove beneath the water >again, carrying 
her with him. A moment later, they surface and he >plowed up the bank, 
carrying her with him, shifting her weight in his >arms.

surface --should be-- surfaced

He didn�t grab his haori from the docks; he was too busy hefting the >women 
in his arms up the hill toward the cave; the fire still burned, >though it 
had gotten low, and the space was still warm. He laid her >down on soft 
earth beneath the ceiling of stone and pondered her pale >form.

For a moment, he didn�t know what to do.

Then he realized he had to get her out of those wet clothes. He did >not 
hesitate at first, opening her kimomo and carefully drawing her >limbs free 
of it, but when he found her torso wrap, he didn�t know >what to make of 
it. Of course she�d wrap and bind her breasts, like >any woman, but�

He found where they tied, and propped her body in his arms; his shook >from 
the cold and the wet, but he ignored it, removing it in haste. >It was only 
once she was laid back down that he stopped and looked at >her.

I think...and em-dash would work better there.
"He found where they tied, and propped her body in his arms--his shook from 
the cold and the wet, but he ignored it--removing it in haste."

Don't hold me on it, I'm acutally just learning to use the darn things. 
^_^;;

He�d never seen a woman bared.

He swallowed down the wild confusion that welled up within him at the
sight of her nudity, and then continued in his work. If she froze in >those 
wet clothes, she�d die. If she died, he�d die with her.

�Kikyou,� he breathed, �Kikyou, Kikyou.� Her name was called gently,
through chattering teeth, and he finished with her clothes without >another 
pause. The rest of her was just as fascinating and mysterious >as the 
first, but there was a wrongness to seeing her inert body as >anything 
other then damaged. He couldn�t admire her beauty when she >was nearly 
drowned and frozen to death in the cold waters of the >lake. He wrung out 
her hair, and he hung up her clothing, but still, >she was pale as death.

"... anything other then..." --should be-- "... anything other than..."

Once he had wrapped her body in the furs did he take care of his own, >wet 
clothing. He stripped to bareness himself, hanging up his >clothes, and 
stoked the fire   and then sat beside the bed of furs,

Extra space between "fire" and your conjunction. ^_^

taking Kikyou�s arm between his hands and rubbing the flesh, hoping >her 
blood would flow, her skin would warm. He saw color begin to >return to her 
flesh, and took hope.

He was still, however, freezing. Parts of him shriveled, the rest of >him 
shook. Finally, he gave in. Kikyou would simply have to share her
nakedness, warmth and the bed of furs with her savior.

He thanked whatever gods watched over hanyou as he burrowed into the >furs, 
drawing her slowly warming body against his, that she�d not >brought her 
bow and arrows when she�d come to see him.

Indeed. *chuckle*

Then, with her nestled against his side, one arm around her, he >allowed 
exhaustion to claim him, dragging him down beneath the dark, >dreaming of 
miko suspended in the water, floating, floating...

He would have been content to float forever, had the warmth of his >bed not 
begun to move. He woke to an elbow jabbing him in the side, >the furs 
sliding down his chest as his companion in warmth began to >rouse.

Kikyou groaned softly, her voice thick with drowsiness, and she tried >to 
free her arms from the heavy layers. However, she was unprepared >to see 
Inu-Yasha propping himself up besides her, as she gasped >sharply, dark 
eyes focusing in on his.

�Inu-Yasha?�

�Shh. You�re alright,� he said as gently as he could. �I saw your >boat 
capsized, and I went out after you.�

"went out after you" would work better. Cuts on overuse of pronouns.

Her hands smoothed over the furs, listening despite her confusion. >Then 
she realized that she felt skin against her own, it seemed, for >she 
stilled when she felt Inu-Yasha�s bare flesh against her arm.

�My clothes,� she whispered numbly.

�They�re drying with mine.�

�With yours?�

�Yeah.�

Inu-Yasha watched as she focused in on him a few seconds more, her >cheeks 
flushing suddenly, before she again sank into unconsciousness.

He blinked.

That had not been an expected reaction, but it wasn�t as bad as it >could 
have been, he supposed.

He stayed beside her a while longer, enjoying the feel of her body >beside 
his. It was nice; just soft enough, and finally warm. Allowing >himself to 
doze, he stayed near her for some time longer, as the >steady drip of rain 
and the crackle of the fire kept them company.

However, Inu-Yasha knew he couldn�t lay idle forever; there was a >fire to 
be tended, their clothes to be dried. While Kikyou still >slept, he dragged 
himself free grudgingly. He staggered over to check >his clothes; the 
fire-rat skins always dried quickly, and his other >clothes seemed dry 
enough, so he dressed while he could. Kikyou�s >clothes were also nicely 
dried, but he allowed them to remain hanging >till she woke. There was some 
fish left; he set that to cooking over >the fire, and put more kindling on 
it, to keep it going.

The fish were done cooking when Kikyou moved next.

He rose from his seat as she stirred. Her eyes opened again, finding >his.

�Inu-Yasha?�

�Hey.� He wondered if they�d have a repeat of the last time.

It seemed unlikely, as she grabbed her blankets and tugged them >closer 
around her body.

�My clothes,� she murmured, �are they dry?�

�They are now,� Inu-Yasha replied, getting up to fetch them. She took >them 
in hand gently, and sat up slowly, holding the fire-warmed cloth >to her 
chest.

�Can you turn around? Till I bid you otherwise?�

He blinked, not understanding at first, but then shrugged, and went >back 
to the fire, leaving his back to the miko. He heard the rustle >of 
clothing, the shift of the furs. She was dressing herself, he >gathered, 
but didn�t want him to see. What was the point? He�d >already seen her 
naked.

�So you saved my life,� she murmured.

"So you saved my life," --should be-- "So, you saved my life,"

He wanted to see her face, read her expression. Her sound and scent >said 
so much, but he wanted to see it, too. See the awe dawn in her >eyes, the 
feeling of security settle there.

�Are you�� What was the word? �Decent?�

�Yes,� she finally said, and rose as he turned too look at her. Her
clothing was rumpled and stained from it�s long soak and it�s time >near 
the fire, but she was still Kikyou.

�You can stay until the storm passes,� Inu-Yasha offered slowly.

�Pity, Inu-Yasha?� Kikyou asked him, as she moved to join him by the >fire. 
He felt his heart clench, again, as she came within reach of >his hands.

She was warm and soft, he knew that now. And he wanted to feel that >again, 
that security he had with her body there, warming against his, >that sweet 
heat that sank into his bones and kept him warm even >though his body was 
wet and tired.

�No,� he said, after a moment�s hesitation. �I don�t pity you at >all.�

She smiled again, without sadness, and reached up to touch his cheek
again, and he bent down under its touch.

... She seems to enjoy having a puppy around, it seems. ^_^;

When she spoke again, he barely heard he words. Her voice was pure >magic, 
he decided. Was it a holy spell she wove, to bind him with the >gentle 
tones of her voice?

�Do you love me, Inu-Yasha?�

�I don�t know what love is,� he whispered in a rush, his hands >finding her 
arms, as she stepped in nearer to him.

�Could you learn?� she asked. Her face eclipsed his view, its pale >circle 
blotting out everything.

�Will you teach me?� he asked. Was that his voice, so small and >timid?

�If you�ll let me,� she replied

period after replied.

His voice hitched in his chest, but then she was on her toes, her >hand 
sliding from his cheek into his hair, his hands were sliding >over her 
arms, to her back, holding her like he�d never held anyone >before, clumsy 
and unsure. But she was guiding him to her, like he >was as simply bent to 
her purpose as one of her arrows was cocked and >drawn.

The kiss was small, sweet, and chaste, but it set his blood to >racing. The 
clench around his heart tightened, and then shattered >with the force of 
it�s wild tattoo. What had been caged was released, >and he didn�t even 
realize it.

Forbidden, he realized, at the lake side. It was forbidden.

Love.

Love was the forbidden thing.

For who, indeed, would love a hanyou?

He broke away with sudden fear, his eyes wild and bright. His heart
wouldn�t start pounding; he almost feared that it would break free of >his 
ribs, shatter him here and now. With a startled thrust of his >arms, he 
drove her back from him, gulping down air into his hungry >lungs as he 
staggered backward.

�Inu-Yasha!� she cried out, reaching for him, but he wouldn�t let her
close. Another touch, another spell, he�d be undone, undone and what >would 
be left of him?

I find myself having to stop and ask, seeing as I'm not as familiar with 
Inu-Yasha as I might be. Is there a serious reason behind love being 
forbidden to him, or is it Inu-Yasha being innocent?

�No!� he cried hoarsely. �No! You�re� you�re human! This is� this is >some 
foul trick!� he denied her, watching it shatter her hope, the >face that 
had just been the entirety of his world crumbling before >his eyes. �A 
trick! You can�t love me! Hanyou cannot be loved by a� a >miko! No one 
loves hanyou! NO ONE!�

He said nothing more, then, and turned to flee. His toe claws bit >into the 
earth as his feet pushed him forward, turning and jumping >down the ledge 
to the lower level of his cave. He bolted out into the >rain, and ran 
blindly.

He didn�t know where he was going. He just knew he had to get away. >Away 

>from that thing she was offering, that he couldn�t have.

How could a miko teach a hanyou to love?

How could anyone?

This...was even better than the first time through. Almost every word is 
placed to weave a very vivid tapestry, even to the eyes of someone not 
familiar with the picture at hand. You have Inu-Yasha, innocent and brash 
half-demon (correct?) who is becoming smitten by the local shrine maiden. 
Now I know I'm missing some pieces of the puzzle, something I will remedy 
today, but that doesn't matter here. Not really much happens in this 
chapter, but it's simply so vivid that it becomes easy to be drawn in. 
Doesn't hurt that it's WAFF, either.

Okay, enough ego-flattery from me. I'll be looking out for the next 
installment. Thank you for sharing this, and I hope my comments help.

- Kenji M. (nexuspost@Hotmail.com)

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