Hmmm, 

It seems I'm doing more and more public c&c,  probably because of the series used.  

Well, since DB reminded me that I had indeed posted the first chapter of 
this fic to the list, I thought I ought to send the second out! o.o; 

(Feh! Took you long enough.)

Note; there's no lime/lemon, but there is female nakedness in this 
chapter. It's not at all in a sexual context, however, but a medical one.


The Courtship of Kikyou
Summer

By Amanda Lever

Between the muggy heat and the hot summer rain, Inu-Yasha was fairly sure 
this was the worst summer ever. The clouds blotted out the sun, but the 
rain did not give one a cool shower; even when the sun was blocked, rain 
fell in hot, thick sheets from the clouds, providing no relief for the 
homeless hanyou

(nice imagery, I could almost feel the summer rains.)

(snip)

It wriggled in his hand, thick tail batting against his wrist, but he held 
it aloft triumphantly. So what if 'mighty barehanded fisherman' wasn't as 
impressive a title as Sesshoumaru's 'Lord of the Western Lands'; it kept 
food in his belly, where Sesshoumaru could hardly eat a lordship.

He tossed the fish to the others on the bank; they were small and it would 
take one or two more to satiate his hunger.

(Very nice characterization, showing Inu-yasha's earthy sense while subtly showing his awe and envy for his aniki)

For a moment, he didn't under stand why she wouldn't look at him; her

(understand)

gaze 
shyly averted. But as he felt his soaked fundoshi chill him slightly in 
the air, he realized she was probably uncomfortable with his near 
nakedness. He didn't understand why; all men, even half-demons, were built 
the same, weren't they?

(not really, some are more built than others ^_^)

(snip again!)

"Gotta eat," he replied with a snort as he finished dressing, before 
scrambling up onto one of the rocks to take a seat. "I didn't expect you 
to come out with a storm so close."

(I think it needs a pause somewhere, maybe a comma after 'come out'?)

"But that's why I'm here," she said. "We are not so near the coast that we 
must greatly fear typhoon, but still, the rainy season is fierce this 
year."

(typhoons, there are always more than one in a year)

She was coming to something he wouldn't like, he was sure of it.

"I was wondering if you might come to the temple while till the storming 
passes."

(suggest: "I was wondering if you might come to the temple and while away the storm." or "I was wondering if you might come to the temple and stay till the storm passes.")

That was not what he expected. He was so stunned he nearly slid from his 
seat, only catching himself leaning to far forward at the last moment. 

(suggest: only catching himself by leaning forward at the last moment.)

Finally, he found words. 

(Inu-yasha:  Of course it took a while, this is a forest not a library.)

(snip yet again)

�...Why?�

�Because you would be safer there. It would only be you, my sister, and I.�

For a moment, his mind completely skipped �my sister� and thought he was 
being asked for something entirely different! His cheeks burned as he 
replayed the request in his mind, but then he remembered: 

(IMVHO maybe you should replace the colon with an elipsis)

�Your sister?�

Kikyou nodded serenely, apparently not put off by his bewildered reactions.

�You have a sister?� he asked, hopping down from his perch to sit in the 
grass, crouching at her feet.

�Yes,� Kikyou replied as she kneeled down beside him. �My only blood 
relative, Kaede. She and I were given to the temple to be raised as miko 
when we were young.�

(This is a very confusing sentence IMHO, Maybe: She and I were given to the temple to be trained as miko when we get older?)

�Hmph.� Inu-Yasha tried to imagine what a sister of Kikyou must be like, 
but he couldn�t fathom it. He was nothing like Sesshoumaru, his elder 
brother, so why would this girl-child be anything like Kikyou? And what 
about Kikyou, anyway? What sort of sister was she?

�Are you good to your sister?� he asked.

Kikyou�s dark eyes flickered to his and she asked, ��Good to my sister�? 
What do you mean?�

Inu-Yasha flushed again, this time with guilt. He�d gone and compared 
Kikyou to Sesshoumaru in his heart! How could he have compared the kind, 
lovely miko to the cold-hearted youkai?

(maybe a little more emphasis on which youkai he was talking about, suggest: How could he have compared the kind, lovely miko to that cold-hearted youkai he calls 'brother'? )

...When had she become kind and lovely?!

Kikyou was still staring at him, confused as he looked everywhere but at 
her, shifting this way and that. When it became clear that Inu-Yasha was 
not going to answer her, she reached out to touch his cheek, garnering an 
instant reaction.  

(Spurt of blood from the nose?  No wait, that's Ryouga ^_^)

He froze on the spot, eyes wide and fixed on her. Again, his mouth was 
open, his ears turned forward, in complete shock. But he didn�t move, he 
didn�t even breathe.

(he's dead then?)

(more snippage)

She said his name again, and this time his mind focused. She was touching 
him, and she shouldn�t. He knew, at once, that the strange thing that made 
his heart clench, it was forbidden. 

(Suggest: He knew, at once, that the strange thing that made his heart clench...it was forbidden.)

(snip once more)

She left him and his cold fish, the storm getting closer. She�d have to 
boat across the lake; there were two small boats for the lake, and she�s 
probably used one to get across.

(suggest: and she had probably used one to get across.)

He found himself, despite his play at anger, hoping she made it across the 
lake alright.

But then he was determined to not care.

He gathered up his fish and headed away. The rocky hills were seeded with 
many caves and hiding places, and he�d claimed one overlooking the lake 
for his �den� while he was living here. Far enough from the village that 
the Shikon was not a constant temptation, and close enough to the lake 
that he could boat across if the whim took him at any time. There he began 
to prepare his fish as he heard the storm rumble over head. The mouth 

(overhead I think... not sure though)

was 
low, while there were natural vents for air above. He�d created a small 
nest for himself from the tanned hides of his prey, and while it was 
hardly luxury, it was home for now.

(you could expound the description of the cave by telling how it smells, Inu-yasha has a very sensitive nose, ne?)

It the raging thunder rolled over head; water gathered at the mouth of the 

(suggest:  The raging storm rolled above his den as he watched the rainwater fall outside the cave's mouth yet Inuyasha stayed warm...)

cave; it trickled down the vents in the roof and Inu-Yasha stayed warm 
with his cook fire and his fish, eating and trying to dispel the image of 
Kikyou, so angry, before she left.

Who cared if she was angry? She didn�t have the right to be so 
temperamental! He didn�t want her pity or her soft hand on his face...

(Yes you do, but like all Takahashi heroes you just deny it)

He snorted softly, and then shook off his thought, his eyes narrowing as 
he tossed the stick he�d been roasting his fish on into the fire. 

(suggest: as he tossed the stick he had used to roast his fish into the fire)

�Damn woman!� he shouted at the empty air. �I don�t need your damned pity!�

But it wasn�t pity, some tiny voice. She doesn�t look at you sadly.

(suggest: 'But it wasn�t pity,' some tiny voice inside him declared. 'She doesn�t look at you with sad eyes.')

His shouts died in his throat, and he slumped back against the furs he 
made his bed in. He folded his arms over the back of his head, and then 
found himself wondering if she made it across the lake in the storm.

It took at least half an hour to cross the lake. The storm had been raging 
that long, now, and had started right after she left. She�d been caught in 
it, certainly.

(Maybe you could lose some of the commas?)

Something cold settled in the pit of Inu-Yasha�s stomach, dispelling the 
contentment that had settled with his meal, and the anger that had 
followed.

Did she make it across? It would be simple enough to look; his cave 
overlooked the lake, he could look across the lake and see from one end to 
the other, so it was little effort to simply climb out of his warm furs 
and trot down to the damp opening of the cave and peer out, holding his 
hands over his eyes to shield them from the spray.

(Maybe you should separate his thoughts from his actions.)

He saw one boat at the dock still; bobbing wildly in the wind churned 
water. Sweeping his gaze over the waters, he wondered how far Kikyou made 
it in these winds, with the water so wild.

(I suggest changing the word 'water', you used it three times already)

(snip once more)

That cold spread from his belly; it reached icy fingers through his veins, 
his guts, chilling the air in his lungs and making his extremities tremble 
as it sucked the heat right out of them. 

(That cold 'feeling' spread... perhaps?)

(snip more)

(Overall, a very nice, waffy and very Inu-yasha/Kikyou fic.  It touched my heartstrings and made them thrum, almost as much as when reading the Kikyou resurection arc.  Keep writing,  I'm sure to keep reading.)

Jiro  

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