--- Brian Randall <brian@azurite.org> wrote:

	"Full Moon wo Sagashite" (Searching for the Full
Moon) is copyright the Original Author and

associated

parties, none of which are myself.

	The original story would have been created by Arina
Tanemura -- the 
author of the manga.

Ah.  Thank you.

So I beg you - PLEASE C&C THIS FIC!  I

can

only improve with your help!

	No problem, always willing to try and help.

	My only word of advice is a reminder of our fabled
golden rule. The best 
way to GET C&C is to GIVE C&C. ;)

True - but I really don't like to C&C fics that I
don't LIKE.  It's okay to suggest improvements, but
not okay to totally and utterly diss something
someone's worked hard on... don't YOU think?  So
unless I can comment positively, I don't.

Unfortunately, I don't generally like Ranma fics, and
most of the list recently has been Ranma fics, and
I've been finding that I don't enjoy most of them.  I
mean no disrespect to the authors, they have clearly
worked hard and people do like the stories... but I am
not one of those people and they DON'T deserve to get
a note saying 'I hated this' for their efforts.

And that's why I haven't C&C'd much recently.

	I was charmed when she chose 'Full Moon' for her
stage name, like everyone else, but now, watching

her,

I'm not sure that she chose the right one. 

Perhaps

'Shooting Star' would have been more appropriate. 
Watching her, I am struck by a sense of

impermanence. 

/Remember,/ some little voice is whispering in my
soul.  /Never forget this moment, for it will

never

come again..../

	The first paragraph is not as powerful as this one,
in my opinion. Very 
neat, and I wouldn't suggest changing it.

Thank you.
 

	That must be why my heart is wrapping this song
around itself, a song of love lost yet faithful,
hopeful yet honest.  She called it 'Myself', yet

it

reaches into the heart of everyone who has ever

said

"Goodbye" to a lover.  A part of me can't believe

she

wrote it herself - she's far too innocent.  And

then I

look into her eyes, and I can believe it all too
easily.

	Ah, so he's in denial.... Well, it's not like the
situation was spelled 
out for him, so it'd make sense to ignore those
feelings.

The viewpoint character is actually Ooshige Masami,
Mitsuki's manager.  She's not in denial as much as
she's not privy to all the facts.

	I suspect she has had a serious illness - that

might

account for it.  She has the kind of wisdom those

who

have been close to death display, and the innocent
enjoyment in living that children and those who've
learnt to treasure Life show.  And her guardian is

a

doctor - how else would a child and a busy,

unrelated

professional adult get to know each other?

	Life -- intentionally capitalized? Not sure it's
needed.

I did capitalize it deliberately, because in this
context it's a valuable possession, as opposed to a
statement of existence, but you're right.  It is out
of place, and the implications shouldn't be made so
overt.  I'll change it.

	Mr. Takasu looks at me as the song closes, and
congratulates me as I congratulate him.  Looking

into

his eyes, I see no sign of this forboding that

grips

me.  I must be wrong.  But still, I can't shake of
this feeling, of watching a shooting star fall

across

the sky - delicate, desperate, beautiful... and

gone

long before its time.

	Hmmm.

Finish: 10:37 pm, 30/9/02

	Alrighty, then.

	That was pretty good for a one hour attempt.
Actually, that was damned good.

	It's a character piece, and I'll admit that it
involves a character I 
haven't seen in the series yet (something happens
EVERY time I sit down 
to watch this anime to distracts me from it ><) but
I think you've 
captured something in this work, and done it quite
well.

Thank you!  We meet Ooshige-san in the third episode
(entitled "Manager-san Arrives") and I like her a lot.
 She's very much an older-sister figure to Mitsuki and
she's a lot of fun. 

In this story I tried to show something I feel is
missing in the original story - the reaction of the
adults involved in her career to Mitsuki.  I hope I
managed to show that.

	So... good work! I'm certainly looking forward to
whatever you choose to 
write next.

Thank you for commenting.  

Best wishes,
Raye

=====
raye_j@yahoo.com
http://www.thejohnsens.com/index.html

"In the end, you're always by yourself.
That's the point."
   - Whistler, 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'

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