For a personal blooper, I sent a mini-review of this to the author,

wishing

him luck on the contest, and only now do I recognize that the results have
already taken place. Oops.

*grins* It happens.

     An amused smirk plays at the corners of my lips as I watch this
most seemingly unlikely of scenes unfold.  Priss stands in the center
of a flurry of activity, fidgeting nervously as a number of other >young
women fuss over every detail of her appearance.  An impressive
appearance it is, as well; those who have known Priss over the years
might double-take at seeing her now...

SLYIA: Who'd have thought she would actually want to MODEL the new line of
lingere we have at the store?

Heh.  Well, if her singing career went on the rocks, it *could* happen...

     Linna laughs.  "Oh, but Priss knows exactly what I mean, don't
you, Priss?" she counters, a sly look on her face.  It is another
jab... a joke that isn't a joke.  Certainly she is teasing Priss,
hoping for the reaction that her friend has so carefuly not shown...
and it is probably a bit of a poke at Nene as well.  It is also,
though, a way for Linna to express her own misgivings about the step

Here, Sylia's assurance of Linna's feelings feels omnipresent, which is
always a snag of first person POV.
"It is also, though..." --suggests-> "It is also, perhaps..."
Giving less of a certain foot to stand on. Of course, Sylia is the
calculated, confident one, so you could get away with it based on
characterization.

In this case, it's Sylia being Sylia.  She's very confident in her own
analysis.

that Priss is taking.  She has developed something of a cynical view >of
romance over her years of short-lived, transient relationships.  >Though
she never lacks for a boyfriend, one wonders if Linna has ever >had a

love.

NENE: Of course she does! Her Black and Decker!
SYLIA: *baps Nene*

Not going there...

     Likewise, Priss had once closed off her heart... though for
different reasons.  Now, though, she only gives her friend a wry >smile.
"I'm just ready for this to be over with.  I've never been >this nervous

in

my life."  It is an unusual admission from her... >this is someone who

has

spent most of her adult life and even some >time before that on stage,
baring her tempestuous soul for all to see >in her music, defying any and
all to challenge her, to tell her she
is wrong.  I wonder at such words from her, at the emotions it must

I'm not totally positive, but I think capitilization is needed after that
ellipse. Also, the end of that sentence reads awkwardly. Could be a
semi-colon or restructuring, depending on what you were trying to portray.

Well, it is Sylia's thoughts, and as such there is going to be some run-on.
Though Sylia is less prone to it than most people, I would think.  She
strikes me as the sort of person whose thoughts are impeccably organized
most of the time.

     With her words, images flash in my mind; I remember our first
meeting, a perfect example of the kind of start Priss is looking to
avoid.  I can still clearly see the look on her face as I stood over
her, having knocked the knife out of her hand, and offered her a >chance

to

do something productive with all her pent-up rage.  I >remember being
struck by the depth of her passion, even in furious >anger, and by the
force of her will.  These are still with her today, >the very
characteristics which have born her through seemingly >endless trial over
the years and which have made this day possible.

"trial" --should be-> "trials"

No, the sense here is of an ongoing process, not a series of events.  It has
to be
singular.

     I consider stopping for a moment to speak with him, then decide
better of it.  Doubtless he has heard quite enough already... >probably
more than he would like, considering his rather eclectic >collection of
groomsmen.  Between his partner Daley, who seems to be

"...his partner Daley,..." --should be-> "...his partner, Daley,..."

You have me there.  Don't know how I missed that with the number of times I
went over this...

enjoying entirely too many jokes at Leon's expense, one of Leon's >other

AD

Police friends, and the drummer from Priss' band, the >atmosphere in that
room must be something to behold.  Deciding to >spare Inspector

McNichol's

nerves, I simply greet him in passing and >continue on my way.

     Again my mind is drawn back to the beginning, this time to the
rules I laid down for the Knight Sabers when I first recruited each >of

the

members.  Priss was the only one of the three who did not >protest the
tenth rule... having just lost a love, she had no desire

And here I see the significance of the title. Until I read the header
closer, I originally thought this was a surprisingly quickly-finished
chapter from R.E. ^_^;;

Yes, this is indeed where the title comes from.

The reason for titling it as such is that I have considered writing a series
of stories based on each of the Regulations of the Knight Sabers.  Should I
ever do it, this one will obviously account for Rule Ten.

I intended to put a note to this effect in the author's notes, and forgot.

     She shrugs, an impossibly inelegant gesture for someone made to
look so majestic... but one that is inescapably Priss, regardless.
"I'm all right," she says.  "Don't know why I'm so nervous, though... >I
haven't been this wound up over something since my first concert." >She
looks down at herself.  "I feel... I don't know, I feel like all >of this
is too good for me, kinda.  Like someone is going to come in >here and

say

I don't belong or somethin'"

You can replace that first ellipse with a comma, unless it was a given
effect you were reaching for. Also, missing a period at the end of the

last sentence.

The ellipse was intentional... I wanted to capture the uncertainty in Priss'
voice as she
pauses, looking for words.

     I cannot help but smile at that.  "This is your day, Priss," I
remind her.  "You have waited for this, and fought for this, and >earned
this, and no one will take it from you.  Moments like this >only come
once... try to enjoy it while you have it."

     "Oh, I am, I am," she assures me, and there is a hint of
embarrassment in her voice.  "It's just... well, you know me, Sylia. >I
hate waitin'.  I just want to get on with it.  Besides, I'm afraid >to

move

in this dress and all... I'm not used to delicate stuff like
this."  More images come to mind, of Priss' misadventures--her
entanglements with Frederick's and Mason's minions; her battles with
the DD, Largo, and the Chang Group's mecha; her treatment of one >young
reporter's camera--and I have to allow myself a little smile.  >Is it any
wonder that she is unaccustomed to delicacy? "Don't get me >wrong," she
adds quickly, remembering who bought that dress for her, >"...it's
beautiful and all.  Nene keeps talking about how Leon will

I think...maybe an overuse of the ellipses. You might want to find a way

to

dull it down. Poor Priss sounds really, really nervous and aggitated. ^-^

She is.  Hence her inability to put her thoughts into words coherently...
and hence
the ellipses.

pass out when he sees me.  It's just... I'm not used to this kinda

thing."

     I nod knowingly, but before I can respond further Nene and >Linna
return, looking entirely cheerful and pleased with themselves. >A few

more

minutes of good-natured teasing and idle conversation >follow; Linna
mentions one of Leon's friends she met at the rehearsal >dinner, opening
herself up for a few quick verbal jabs from an >all-too-eager Priss.
Turnabout is fair play, I suppose.

     Nene takes the time to look herself over in the mirror once >more;
she seems satisified with her appearance, as she should... for >all that
this is a traditional wedding as the Western customs go, we >managed to
avoid the usually horrific bridesmaid's dresses that seem >to accompany
such events.  After all, if I must wear one, I will make >at least that
concession to my own sense of dignity.  They are

MACKIE: So you're going with the plum frilly teddies and thigh-high/garter

I

suggested, sis?

SYLIA: Of course not. They don't match the shoes. Find a cream color,
instead.

*whistles* Not going there, either...

simple, and certainly place us in no danger of overshadowing the

bride--if

such would even be possible, and in this case it certainly >is not--but

it

is an elegant simplicity, with a beauty of its own.

--------------
End

Well, as I said earlier, a beautiful, very well-done piece, Reeves-san.
Thanks for taking the time to share it with us. No I will go be a snoop

and

catch up on Sailor Gemini. ^-^

Thank you.  I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Hopefully I'll get something else written soon.  I've been... very stalled
of late, as events have kept me alternately too busy and too preoccupied to
write, but hopefully...

Anyway, thank you for the comments.

Douglas



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