Suggested changes: {before : after}
On Wed, 2 Oct 2002 16:13:34 -0400 Sam Vilsmeier <syp104@email.psu.edu> wrote:
He clamped his eyes shut, and let {him : his} mind wander. What the hell was going
on? Slowly, through a clouded mind, he catalogued the factors of his current
state. His eyes were supersensitive. It took everyone a moment to adjust to
the light level when they woke up in the morning, but this was ridiculous.
He had no idea where he was or what he was doing here, but{: --}
And what the hell was this pressure on his chest. He slowly shifted his
body, and felt some form of weak restraint when he moved his arms. Suddenly,
the pressure shifted. Ranma's mind went into overdrive as the pressure moved
shifted its self. It was then he realized what it was.
There needs to be something after the 'but'. I assumed it was a sudden
shift in his thought process.
He was in bed with four people. Four naked people. Four very *female* naked
people. The {on his : one} on his chest was a small, cute, black haired girl in her
mid teens, fourteen... fifteen at best. The girl on his left was a beautiful
and had aquamarine hair. On his right was a healthy but tomboy-ish blond,
and there appeared to be a shock of dark green hair at the foot of the bed.
Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! He was the filling of a girl sandwich. No ifs,
{and : ands} or buts about it: Akane was going to *kill* him, slowly and painfully...
and if she didn't, Shampoo and Ukyo would finish the job.
The cute girl blushed and looked downwards, "Something {: is} poking me in the
hip..."
Her movement must have awakened the woman at his feet, because there was a
loud groan at the foot of the bed, and then a loud thud as she rolled off,
followed a {battery : series} of what sounded like curses in some strange gaijin
language.
Setsuna curse loudly as she hit the {ground : floor}. Today her chosen language was
Norse, and the reason was its colorful collection of insults and fowl words.
The Norse really knew how to express their opinion when things were not
going their way.
Unless she rolled out a window or door when she rolled off the bed.
So much for that theory. There was defiantly a man present. Girls just {didn'
t : didn't} smell like that.
She had too many secrets, and could not allow herself to become attached to
a 'mortal'. She had already watched everything she ever known and loved be
destroyed once, and she would be damned before she watched a husband slowly
rot away from old age while she stayed young. It was just not good for {ones : one's}
psychological health.
She shook her head then slowly wobbled to her feet, and took a look on the
bed. He was {inbed : between : in bed with} Michiru, Haruka, and even Hotaru?! She blinked twice then
exclaimed, "What the hell?!"