Ver very very cool story.
I'll admit that of the stories you're crossing over, I only know Ranma
and a little of IY, but if you introduce the others well enough, that
won't matter.
I've no complaints about spelling, grammar, punctuation, or formatting,
but there are a few story points which seem a bit odd -- not so bad that
they destroy my suspention of disbelief, but they're not quite right.
If I remember right, Genma and Soun played shogi, and only shogi; they
did not play Go. Give a reason why they are playing Go; perhaps they
only began playing it after someone gifted them with a board and
stones? That would also explain why they aren't very good at it.
Sounma's ability to visualize a whole Go board seems amazing -- but
considering how poor my own visualization skills are (I think almost
entirely in words, not pictures), I can't tell if this means that he
will be a genius at Go, or not. To be able to visualize enough of the
future of a game to know who will win, though, sounds very hard. (His
beating Ranma signifies nothing -- after all, if he's only practiced
against Genma and Sound, he might not be very good himself :))
The high pay for Ranma's modelling job *ought* to set off alarm bells;
perhaps the money has blinded them to the danger?
How much of their problems with insurance are real, due to the condition
of the Dojo, and how much is because of those manipulators? And either
way, wouldn't they have asked Nabiki to look into *somehow* getting them
lower rates?
Why haven't Ranma & co tried to fix the Dojo themselves? Or if they
*must* hire builders to do it, they should be able to get a mortgage.
Just reading the paper to look for jobs sounds a bit too sedate for
Ranma -- I would have expected him to go out and around Tokyo *looking*
for something to do. Ranma's *good* at thinking up ideas to make things
work in unusual ways, if it involves martial arts. I've seen one fic
where Ryu Kumon got a job with a construction company, as a demolitions
expert, using the Yamasenken to knock down old buildings -- Ranma could
do the same, if he thinks of it. He could try out for the Olympics (not
a *steady* income from that, but you get sponsors). He could become a
bodyguard. There're many money earning opportunities for someone of his
skills, if he tries thinking of them.
And who says that training has to happen *in* the dojo? There are
various wilderness type areas not especially far from Nerima in the R.5
universe -- would one of these be suitable? How hard would it be to
train people in a public park? Or rather, what legal obstacles would
there be? As another possibility, he could hire on as an instructor in
someone else's dojo -- it might be slightly embarrasing to have to do
that, but it might pay better than teaching such tiny classes at home.
//// Ok, I found a *small* number of typos:
Ranam stared in apprehension at the giant face of the Sony
^^
ma
life. It was frightening. Regular paychecks . . . benefits . . .
^
extra space here
Maybe a few others, but far fewer than many people's fics.