Watching a Shooting Star

by Raye Johnsen
raye_j@yahoo.com

*****

	"Full Moon wo Sagashite" (Searching for the Full
Moon) is copyright the Original Author and associated
parties, none of which are myself.
	Author's Note: This fic is written as a combination
celebration/anniversary fic.  On my birthday this
year, which is in the first week of October, I will
celebrate my fifth anniversary as a fanfic author.  I
trust that, in the past five years, I have improved as
a writer!  However, I get a strong feeling that I'm
almost completely unnoticed.  I don't get C&C, hardly
anyone has linked to my webpage, and I'm not on
anyone's list of recommended authors.  I can only
conclude that this is because I'm not that good a
writer.  So I beg you - PLEASE C&C THIS FIC!  I can
only improve with your help!

*****

Start: 9:40 pm, 30/9/02

	I stand back and watch as Mitsuki-chan is singing. 
Under the lights, her hair is even brighter and her
porcelain skin is even paler.  Her voice is that of an
angel, pure and clear.  It's hard to believe she's a
human, and not some ethereal being.

	I was charmed when she chose 'Full Moon' for her
stage name, like everyone else, but now, watching her,
I'm not sure that she chose the right one.  Perhaps
'Shooting Star' would have been more appropriate. 
Watching her, I am struck by a sense of impermanence. 
/Remember,/ some little voice is whispering in my
soul.  /Never forget this moment, for it will never
come again..../

	I'm being silly, of course.  As a fallen idol myself,
I know only too well how fragile idols can be.  I
failed; I know how easy it is to fail.  As a manager,
I've learned how hard it is to get an idol to the top
and I've learned how hard it is to keep her there. 
This moment, the debut of a young idol who has what it
takes to make it to the top, is a rare moment, one to
be savoured and appreciated.  This is Full Moon's
debut and it will never come again, and a part of me
is reacting to that.  That must be it.

	That must be why my heart is wrapping this song
around itself, a song of love lost yet faithful,
hopeful yet honest.  She called it 'Myself', yet it
reaches into the heart of everyone who has ever said
"Goodbye" to a lover.  A part of me can't believe she
wrote it herself - she's far too innocent.  And then I
look into her eyes, and I can believe it all too
easily.

	I only met her four weeks ago, and already I feel as
if I have known her all my life.  She's both innocent
and wise, and I don't know why.

	I suspect she has had a serious illness - that might
account for it.  She has the kind of wisdom those who
have been close to death display, and the innocent
enjoyment in living that children and those who've
learnt to treasure Life show.  And her guardian is a
doctor - how else would a child and a busy, unrelated
professional adult get to know each other?

	My cheeks heat as I remember.  That afternoon was so
confusing, but I still feel embarrassed as I remember
how I realized that Dr. Wakaouji was Wakaouji-kun, the
pop idol of my youth and the Prince Charming in all my
teenaged dreams, and badgered an autograph out of him.
 It must be over ten years since his band broke up,
and his ward's manager is *still* a fangirl.

	Still... I'm glad I did it.  It's as if a part of
myself is now satisfied.  The teenage crush has been
completed and is now laid to rest.

	Mitsuki is singing the final verse, and I can feel
the mood of the crowd.  Their hearts are soothed by
her rich voice, their souls enfolded in her lyrics. 
She's managed to touch them, and they in turn will
embrace her.

	And yet... and yet... something about her whispers to
me of impermanence.  Of sand falling in an hourglass. 
Of a flash of lightning that's gone almost before it's
seen.

	Mr. Takasu looks at me as the song closes, and
congratulates me as I congratulate him.  Looking into
his eyes, I see no sign of this forboding that grips
me.  I must be wrong.  But still, I can't shake of
this feeling, of watching a shooting star fall across
the sky - delicate, desperate, beautiful... and gone
long before its time.

Finish: 10:37 pm, 30/9/02

=====
raye_j@yahoo.com
http://www.thejohnsens.com/index.html

"In the end, you're always by yourself.
That's the point."
   - Whistler, 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'

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