Gary Ee wrote:

Yep, I'm at it again. Just a little shortfic meant to amuse

Failed Experiments in Magical Girl Creations

A twisted little spamfic written to kill time.

Sailor Pluto: I'm not sure I appreciate that. DEAD SCREAM!

DB: Hah! You cannot scream if you are already dead. Therefore there was no
such attack you just tried to shoot me with. It was all in your mind.

neighborhood group. Since the members of the group always went out

drinking

after a meeting, that left Kasumi plenty of time to do chores without

anyone

getting in the way.

Especially since Akane tended to zone off everytime she heard the Hymn to
Hastur.

Not familiar with that one.

there was less of it, but there were always complications. Like if she

had

to go out and it rained and she hadn't brought along an umbrella.

Everyone

tended to stare, although she always got the best prices from the male
vendors when haggling over wares. It was probably because they felt

sorry

for her since she had no undergarments to wear. It was nice to know

people

could be so sympathetic.

And after that those vendors all went to the shrines to pray for
forgiveness. Thinking of your mother like that is very, very bad.

Bah. I don't think of Kasumi in mother like terms at all. :)

heavens. It shone like a star as it raced through the sky, heading

straight

for the Tendou backyard. Kasumi merely stood there as the ball stopped

less

than a meter from her head.

 And then the light went off and the furry sidekick falls flat on his

face.

Heh. Not quite that humorous.

shear through steel. And the large, salivating maw with disportionately

huge

fangs. Actually it didn't look much like a teddy bear at all, except the
fact it was an animal of some kind and it was the right size for one.

Plus the little tag off its foot that read "My Little Pony".

Urk! Major flashback there.

"Actually that's my name," it clarified.

"Its was supposed to be "Macgregor" but Dad was horrible at spelling."

Cute.

Saliva dripped from the creature's mouth as it snarled out, "You are the

one

I am seeking."

You would make the most tasty cordon bleu.

Nah. No devouring members of the cast in this one.

"Me?" Kasumi asked. That was a surprise. No one came to see her, except

for

door-to-door salesmen.

And the occassional psychotic Ryo Muhoshin. And that nice silly doctor.

And

that fine young man who everyone kept calling "Prince Harry" although she
was sure the Emperor's children were all very young and Japanese.

Snicker.

Kasumi smiled beatifically. "That's very nice of you to offer. How is it

you

intend to do that, though?"

Hold out your hand and repeat after me, "In brightest day, in darkest
night........"

Kasumi: But the ring doesn't work against yellow? Does that mean someone
could dress as a giant banana and I would be powerless? Well that just plain
sucks.

"By bestowing upon you magical powers far beyond those of your ilk."

"You mean make me a magical girl?"

"You got it."

"I'm not going to become one of the Venus Five am I?"

"Hell no, I wouldn't touch those losers with a seven foot pole. Well,

maybe

if they asked really nicely........."

Hmm. Must see that one of these days. If nothing else, I can figure a way
out to parody it. Still want to do a Three Sexy Ninja Girls/La Blue Girl
xover one of these days.

"Why me?" Kasumi asked. "Is it because I am the reincarnation of great

and

mighty queen from the past and I -as well as my also reincarnated

comrades-

are destined to bring a reign of peace to Earth the likes of which have
never been seen?"

"Now you're being just plain silly."

"Sorry, I read it in a newspaper once."

Close.

"Bah! Younger girls would not be able to use the powers I will give you
either wisely or effectively. You have been chosen because you have the
highest potential to accept the power and use it to the greatest of
abilities. There is also the fact that your yard was directly below the
entry portal to this realm and you're the first person I saw. I heard

your

wish about seeking power to make right the world, so I have come forth

to

give the ability to do so unto you."

That phrasing sounds almost......Biblical.

Aye, verily. Twas meant to.

'That's very kind of you."

Brackgaugh shrugged. "What can I say? It's my job."

"Pays peanuts but the fringe benefits rock my world. Sometimes literally."

Heh

"Even better!" Brackgaugh laughed hard, then summoned a small mirrored

ball

of energy in his hands. He let it float up in front of Kasumi's eyes.

"Grab

onto it and receive the power you so richly deserve."

What, no henshin phrase? That's a slight against tradition! :P

Oops. Good point. Added 'Unto Me The Great Power!' she has to say.

Kasumi felt her body changing. She became several centimeters taller,

and

felt her mass increase tremendously. Her body become larger, all of the
additional mass it well-defined muscle backed by even more strength than
even they should have given her. Her hair grew and became a thick tawny
mess, like Brackgaugh's was. And her bust grew to very impressive
proportions.

"Why am I wearing a chainmail bikini?"

"This is a Western production, comes with the territory Toots."

Nah. We're going with updated leather ensemble.

revealing increasing amounts of flesh as the line continued its path
downward past her stomach. It only stopped a handful of centimeters

above

her crotch, forming a giant 'V' of flesh in the middle of her body. From

the

way the wind caressed her back, she could feel it was in a similar, near
indecent state.

And then it was over. Kasumi the magical girl stood revealed before the
world.

Emphasis on the world "revealed".

Yep. Intentional there.

Kasumi's tongue played over something that was slightly different about

her

mouth. "I seem to have fangs."

"They aren't as cute as mine, but they'll do."

Oww, I can imagine the hickeys.

I'd rather not.

Brackgaugh scoffed. "None of that fuku crap for my Magical Girl. We're

going

with something that cries out, 'When I say you're going to end up

punished,

you end up punished'. It goes  great with a name like Magical Girl
Bloodmaker. Fear, not Love is the message we're sending."

Actually its "Tough Love".

Bloody tough, all right.

Brackgaugh scowled. "Nope. I'm dead set on the name. It'll give you the
psychological edge when you tear into your opponents."

"But I sound more like some medical institution! Everyone makes their own
blood!"

"Good point."

"I'd rather be known as Magical Girl Megadeath."

"You know Toots, I just knew you were the right babe for the job."

Heh. Not quite the direction I wanted to go, else this wouldn't have been
labeled a failed experiment. :)

Giving up on the name change, Kasumi turned her attention to her weapon.
"And this appears to be a sword. A very unpleasant looking one. I don't
suppose you could give me a wand instead. Preferably something with a

heart

on the top?"

"How about a heart-shaped lightsaber?"

"Maa, kawaii! This one's a keeper."

Heh.

Kasumi picked up a finger-shaped piece of stone from the yard and ran it
along the blade. It was sliced in two more easily than a hot knife

through

butter. "It's very sharp."

"The better to disembowel with, my dear."

Not to mention decapitation, *dis*arming, hacking off of miscellaneous
appendages.

But disemboweling is messier.

magical animal sidekicks, I'm giving you all of your most awesome

attacks

right off. First there's 'Bloodstorm Fire'. That makes your opponents

blood

boil in their veins. It comes shooing out of them as well."

I believe that there are quite a few spells in the fantasy genre that do
that. Tunnels & Trolls' "Hellbomb Burst" comes to mind. The Tremere from
Vampire also have a path effect similar to this. "Cauldron of Blood" I
believe.

Never played those games. D+D and RIFTS only.

"Certainly. Not all of your opponents have blood, so the attack would be
useless against them. So when not using your sword, you can always fall

back

to 'Laser Wire Tornado.' It's an attack which will send mono-molecular

laser

wire out to slice and dice the opposition into tiny pieces."

I sense Bubblegum Crisis' influence behind this.

Nah. It's a common weapon to show up anymore.

Kasumi became significantly less thrilled than she had been earlier.

"Are

there any attacks involving love?"

"The Ultra-kawaii Love Supershock, they drop dead from the saccharine

right

away. It involves the entire season of Magical Project S crammed into a

ten

second montage."

No, we're not going for an attack that evil.

"'Erotic Ecstasy Release'. With a whip of psionic energy to the head,

you

can over-stimulate all of an opponent's pleasure spots simultaneously,
triggering an orgasm that literally blows their mind."

Well, if there is a good way to go, that just might be it. ^^

Kasumi agrees.

"'Heartburster Mixer'. With it, you can make an opponent's heart burst

in

their chest. Very effective, but draining."

Why bother when making the little blood vessels in their brain burst will
net you more mileage for less energy?
Er, just forget I said that one okay? ^^

Because I needed an attack that involved a heart for the punchline to work.
:)

Brackgaugh grinned lasciviously, a visage made frightening by his fangs.
"Why settle for one true love? With your powers, you can claim as many

men

as you want. You can make your own personal harem of love slaves. Hell,

with

your added stamina and proportions, you'll probably need at least

three."

Bad Id, bad! No biscuit!

'Sex Machine' is one of the side benefits he didn't get a chance to mention
to taking the job.

For just a moment, a vision came to Kasumi: one involving Ranma, Ryouga,

and

Mousse clad only in tiny loincloths, collars with chains leading to her
hand, and serving her on hand and foot while she lounged on silken

pillows.

But then she remembered what her mother had told her about having such
dreams, when a young Kasumi mentioned it to her...

Luckily for her, Mrs Tendo was (presumably) nothing like Nodoka in that
regard.

Nope, as we are about to learn.

"Do you ever want a man?" her mother asked.

"I'm flexible but yes, a husband sounds good."

Heh.

"Someday, when I get older," Kasumi said.

"Then don't ever, ever, ever, mention that again. Get it out of your

mind

now, or you'll never get a man. I guarantee they'll all run for it."

Actually there *are* guys out there that would just love to be her boytoy.
Although saner ones would hightail it, yeah.

True, but she's not considering those right now.

Kasumi shook her head. "While tempting, I don't think that would be for

the

best."

"I would be a lonely girl if I needed at least three virile men to please

me

at any one time."

Hence the need for a harem.

Brackgaugh shrugged. "Hey, have to change with the times. Hearts and

love

are out. Sex and violence is in."

And how right he is............

Yep. I'm waiting for the next magical girl show to use that bent.

Brackgaugh shook his head. "No thanks, but I appreciate the offer. I'm

off

to find someone else that might be interested in eviscerating their

enemies

and sending their body parts to hell." He flew off, completely

downtrodden

at his failure.

Well, it was his first whack at the job right? No one usually gets
everything right off the bat.

True.

to

have sagged from their proper height, and were instead much lower.

And then Kasumi looked down at herself. "Oh dear."

I guess he forgot to take all those powers back.

Yep. And he forgot to tell her how to revert to her true form.

Ranma stomped his father in the head. "Quit telling me about perverted
stuff! I don't want to think about Mom like that!"

"Especially not since you two made that 'training video' for me. I mean,
'Love-making Saotome Ryu' is fine and all but didja have to use yourselves
as the demonstrators?"

The Old Saotome School of Marital Arts gag, eh? :)

"Good point."

Akane shook her head sadly at the duo. "Honestly, Ranma. Kasumi feels

like

changing her lifestyle a little and you act like it's something

sinister."

"I mean, the heavy metal, the necrophilia, raw meat and fascination with
Weapons of Grevious Bodily Harm, its all just a phase that every girl goes
through. You oughtta see Nabiki-oneechan when she was running around with
that biker gang."

Nabiki's eyes took on a faraway look as she took a trip down memory lane.
"Yeah, I was Queen Bitch of the Road for years."

All of the men present wisely edged away from anyone without a

Y-chromosome.

Yes, probably for the best.

Ranma: Hey Kasumi, didja see Pop around? He missed our morning spar.


Nabiki: Moo, moo, moooooo! (Translation: Don't do it Kasumi!)

Kasumi: I'd never eat another human being but animals are fair game and I
*get* SO *HUNGRY*............

Nabiki: Moo, moo, mooo, moo! (I hereby commend my soul to Kami-sama)

Kasumi: <Unearthly glint in her eyes> Kami-sama's not here
Nabiki-chan................

You're just a sick little monkey, aren'tcha? :)

"Well, if you need any help, just ask. I'll be more than happy to...
convince them not to bother you any more."

"Nah, they all cleaned out after some Magical Girl kicked their asses."

Kasumi nodded once, happy that Brackgaugh found someone that would fulfil
his mission of love, justice and buckets of blood.

Heh. True. I guess it would signal that.

Ranma warned, "You shouldn't mess with them. Youma are nasty creatures

that

have terrible powers and absorbs people's life force and stuff."

"Bah, they're about as dangerous as giant dust bunnies." Kasumi scoffed,

and

went back to ripping her side of meat to shreds."

"Now those Shikma on the other hand have absolutely no manners."

True.

Ranma considered that. "You know something, if I didn't know better, I'd
swear you become some psychotic magical girl or something."

Kasumi laughed and playfully slapped Ranma across the back, an easy feat
with her larger armspan. She easily slammed his face into the table,

burying

it there. "You're so silly, Ranma."

"The wrath of the Kami would pale before this!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The next day the Japanese people found themselves rebuilding their capital
which had been utterly levelled in a strike so devastating that it had

left

practically no survivors. The darnest thing was that they found this
ordinary housewife cuddling what looked like a mutant armadillo asleep in
the wreckage.

Hehehehe. Nice little spamfic of your own. Especially nice touch with the
names.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Not meant to be anything other than a cheap laugh. Hope it worked.

Yes it did and it was quite a cute one too.

Cool. Glad you liked it. Thanks for the entertaining comments. They were
most enjoyable to read.

D.B. Sommer

             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'