Hi,
Just a few comments on characterisation and plot, here and there.
I don't recall seeing any particular spelling or grammar errors, anyway.

What if Ranma had parents who were (a little) more responsible? What if
the fateful training trip had not been meant to last ten years, but only

snip>

guy, and constantly be on your guard in the locker room. Try being
yourself, all the way, and have the teachers fail you on general
principles. Having to stay girl for four days a month, or not be able to
walk because of the pain...

This reads a bit like a teaser/synopsis, but I think something slightly more subtle would be better. One of the first comments I received on my own fic was 'its better to show than to tell', and I think thats applicable here. Don't tell us that his parents are more responsible and that he was cursed at age 6 - show us.

"I knew it, I just fuckin' knew it," a wet, (currently) female and

Given that he's grown up with more contact with his mother, don't you think he'd be less likely to use cuss words? Especially such a strong one?
(I'm not even sure if Nihongo has an equivilant word for 'fuck'... not one so versatile, anyway =)

obviously disgruntled Ranma muttered. "'The life of a Martial Artist is
fraught with peril.' Feh."

Ranma had been trudging along on the way to her new school - Furinkan
High, and how she'd wound up registered _there_ was a story in itself -
when he'd fallen foul of an old lady engaged in an old Shinto ritual -
cleaning the pavement by splashing water on it. This was nothing new -
she'd lived with being a water magnet for a long time, and knew there

Urk! too many '-'s. I can't keep track of the sentance structure,

"A goddess! A goddess has come to Furinkan. I would date with thee!" he
spouted, before Ranma put him back into the state she'd found him.
'Great. First guy I talk to is a total loon. Auspicious, ne? I'd better
find the office myself, before this moron wakes again.'

I don't buy it. In the manga, Kuno only becomes interested in Onna-Ranma after she beats him. I can't remember when he startd calling her 'his goddess in pigtails' but it's not immediate.
Given that, Kuno would start blurting out about goddesses on first sight. He might momentarily think that Akane had finally killed him and he was being greeted in heavan by an angel, or something, though (Kuno's crazy, not gay =) but I'm sure he'd regain whatever senses he has rather quickly (at least in realising he's still alive)

"The change itself is no big deal, to me," Ranma explained to the now
slack-jawed, but recovering, vice-principal. "I've lived with this since
I was a kid - I know the way everything works, no surprises. Having
periods is a nuisance, since I can't stay male - I've tried once, and
I'm not doing it again. The only really bad part is the damned trigger -
I keep getting splashed at the worst moments."

I know Ranma's a little different, having had a rather different upbringing, but I still don't see him casually talking about menstruation with a stranger...

Also, I think it would be more interesting if Ranma tried to play himself as a girl who turned into a boy... or at least pretend to be. I think if he played it that way, he'd get a little less stick - the girls would be /slightly/ more strusting, and the boy would be less eager to brand him a crossdresser... of course, if another Jusenkyo victem turns up, and the truth comes out, then he's in for a whole heap 'o' trouble - which is what you want for an interesting story, ne?

You could implement that change, if you wish, in the [continued conversation] bit.

[Continued conversation for a bit. Ranma decides to go public, and asks

sinp>

several slurs on Ranma's family. Tentative scene.]

Oh, and you might want to give the vice enough wisdom to have Ranma go public, but not tell all the details... perhaps.

With that, Ranma had finally had enough. Putting aside his empty bento,
he slowly got up. 'I just had to make enemies with the principal's kid
on the first day. Yessss!'

"So, Tatewaki of clan Kuno. Have you quite finished? Twice now, you've
stated your intention to perform carnal acts with me, and threatened me
with an obviously lethal weapon to make me comply. For my refusal, you
accuse me of sorcery, when I myself am the one bespelled, and you
besmirch the honor of me and my family. Had this been but a century ago,
you would be dead right now."

Again, I think you've made Ranma a little too... verbose. Obviously he wouldn't be nearly so coarse around the edges, if he grew up with his mother, but I don't see him loosing his ego, confidence or general foot-in-mouth-yness that would conflict with the way he's speaking here.
Of course, that's just my opinion...

The point of this story is to show Ranma's school year, the year that he
finally takes back his life from the curse, the year when he learns that
he _can_ be him/herself, without worrying what anyone else thinks. Hope
you'll like it...

Personally, I think it would have been more interesting to start off with Ranma's first day at school after being cursed, to see how 6 year-olds would cope with it... even if that part of the story was only brief. But hey, we'll see how it goes, ne?

Ja.

-Alex Timiney

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