Weee. More DitR. That gets moved to the head of the C+C list:

The room was silent for a long minute,

As opposed to those short minutes, which are composed of sixty shorter
seconds.

I know what you meant. It's just be being sarcastic. :)

 until it was broken by the sound

of Motoko collapsing to the floor, eyes vacant.

Shinobu: Now's my chance to do some of those things to her that those
doujinshi fanboys keep depicting in their books on Love Hina.

"Erm," Ranma noised. "Uh, Tsuruko-sen--" He cut off, swallowing nervously

I'd crop the 'Erm, Ranma noised', and just lead off with 'Uh' and change
'he' to Ranma. That first part doesn't really add anything to the sentence.
And 'noised' is not a good verb choice there, IMO.

when the woman shot him a disapproving look. "Ah, that is, Tsuruko-chan,
I think someone should look at your sister to make sure she's okay."

"You are most correct," the woman agreed.

Tsuruko: Who would you recommend? That Su girl or Mutsumi?

Another moment of silent

silence

was born, briefly.

Coughing, Ranma said, "Er... I think that since everyone else is kind of
out of it at the moment, it should be me."

"I concur," the woman murmured.

Once more, silence reigned, though not for long.

"This would be a lot easier if you would let go of me."

"I imagine it would."

Heh. We finally get to the punchline. Forgot the state he was in. Nice work.

Ranma winced, squirming uncomfortably. "Um, Tsuruko-chan, could you
please let go of me so that I can make sure Motoko's okay?"

Pouting, the woman asked, "Why should I, when they haven't?"

Suu and Sarah's eyes sparkled brightly as they stared upwards at Ranma,
still clinging to his legs.

Sarah too? Why? Suu's the glompy one.

Rousing himself from the stunned silence that permeated the room, Keitaro
ambled to Motoko's side, and

drop comma

knelt, checking her pulse. "She's breathing
fine,"

Sarah: I can take care of that. Here's a plastic bag to fit over her head.

 he assured Ranma, still trapped in Tsuruko's embrace, with Suu

and Sarah clinging to a leg each. "Um, Aoyama-san, I don't think I can
carry her alone," he said, raising an eyebrow hopefully.

Sighing, the woman

women

 finally released Ranma, who quickly extracted himself

from the two girls,

My, I'll have to use that one in my next lemon. ^_^

and scrambled to Motoko's side. Lifting the girl in

his arms, he nodded his thanks to Keitaro. "Where to, Kanrinin?" he
asked dutifully.

Keitaro led the way, and the pair quickly left the room, Tsuruko
following close behind.

After reaching the girl's room, Ranma set her down, and Tsuruko tucked
her in. Keitaro stood respectfully near the door,

All the while trying to catch a flash of Motoko's panties, which he would
deny avidly.

while Ranma dashed to

hide behind him, peering at the sisters over his shoulder. Motoko roused
after a moment, and blinked. "Aneue?" she asked hesitantly, her voice
very small and frightened. "I had the most awful dream!"

"Whatever about, Motoko-chan?" Tsuruko asked, as her bird rustled its
wings on her shoulder.

"I dreamt that Oe's corruption had spread so far that even you fell under
his dark spell," Motoko murmured, shuddering.

heh. Cute.

"Aniki," Ranma supplied from his hiding spot behind Keitaro. "We worked
at your sister's dojo for a while."

"No!" Motoko shrieked, jumping to her feet, and fumbling for her sword.
"That cannot be! Oe, explain what you have done to my sister! At once!"

Hmm. Now why would she assume Kintaro is as horrible as Ranma? Or did they
have a policy of not letting men work there?

"I didn't do _anything_!" Ranma asserted, waving his hands before himself
defensively. "I was in charge of setting up practice dummies, leading
the youngest students in training, and Aniki

Would seperate into two sentences:

dummies and leading...training. Aniki...

since Kintaro's actions are different from the former two mentioned. It
might techincally be correct, but I think it works better seperate.

helped me maintain the

grounds! But I never did _anything_ to your sister."

Ranma; Kintaro, on the other hand, had his usual aphrodesica effect on the
women. I think they slept together a lot. The worst part was I had to clean
out their bedsheets afterwards.

"Such a pity," Tsuruko sighed. "But, he speaks the truth. Now,
Motoko-chan, have you summoned me here simply because you were
frightened of Ranma?"

"Frightened? Never! I fear no male," the girl asserted,

Obviously she's never seen a porno with Long Dong Silver. ^_^

shooting Ranma a

Here I think you can drop the 'asserted' and go with '...male." Mokoto shot
Ranma a dark look.' Again it sounds better to me, and you don't need to use
a verbal oriented verb. This is heavy dialogue now, and will cut down on
repeated 'said, shouted, asserted' type verbs.

dark look. "But... but... but Oe-san has secrets that I fear bring ill
tidings to the inn." She blinked, and smiled slightly, crossing her arms
over her chest. "Just this morning, some foul spawn infiltrated this
very inn, and stole all of the panties within."

The sound of wind blowing across the roof filled the room for a long
moment,

Hmm. More stretched out time. Of course a 'moment' isn't a specific measure,
so it's more appropriate here. :)

echoed only by a faint scream of rage from one of the lower

floors. "I should go," Keitaro decided abruptly, backing away. "Uh, if
you need me for anything, I'll be in my room."

"You can't leave me here alone!" Ranma hissed, a little too loudly. "I
mean, please, Kanrinin! I need you here!"

"Um... why?" Keitaro asked,

I agree with Kei-boy. He's as much a target as Ranma, and would be nothing
like a shield.

 looking nervously at the sword-bearing

sisterly duo, and then to Ranma, practically cowering behind him.

"I know why!" Mitsune announced gleefully, poking her head into the

doorway.

"You do? I mean, uh, yeah! She does!" Ranma encouraged, nodding quickly
at the woman. "She knows!"

"He doesn't want to you to leave him alone because you two are a couple,"
she asserted,

More 'asserted.' Seems to be the word of the day. ^_^

I'd put in more plain 'said's. I know they aren't as descriptive, but I
think in a lot of cases the emotion is conveyed in the dialogue and more
extravagent words are redundent.

winking at Keitaro.

Ranma's eyes remained in the same position,

One to the left and one to the right. it was all due to that damn 'Seeing
Fish Head Technique' his father had made him learn.

and his mouth opened

slightly. He seemed frozen that way for a long moment,

And yet another long moment. I do this a lot too. It was'solemn' for me in
the last chapter of Avenging I wrote. I'd nix this one.

and then said,

"Err...."

"Err..." Keitaro agreed.

heh

"What?" Motoko asked quietly, scratching her head.

and a cloud of white flakes fell. It was like a snowfall indoors. Obviously
someone needed to go an extra distance with their personal hygene.

 "Is _that_ why Oe-san

wanted to go to an all-girl's inn? Bah -- it makes sense now! All along
he was saying that I liked girls, when it was really just that he liked
boys!"

"Um..." Ranma defended himself.

I'd switch that around. 'Ranma defended himself with an, "Um..."

But that's just my preference. It's fine as is as well.

"No need to be shy, Kanrinin," Mitsune encouraged, winking again. "We
know all about your little date earlier tonight, and the... agreement
for Ranma's rent."

Tsuruko: Oh, then he must go both ways, for he and his brother paid their
rent the same way with me.

Motoko: Ack! (falls over dead)

"Uh?" Keitaro eloquently queried.

This one is okay since you're using an inappropriate adverb for humor.

"And you never have to worry about being treated differently by me," the
woman continued, unabated. "Even better, we can go shopping together all
the time, now!"

"Oh, joy," Ranma intoned, slumping.

"There are lots of benefits! You and Keitaro can probably trade clothes
-- you couldn't do that while you were seeing a girl, now could you?

Ranma: I have been known to do it on occasion, when I wanted something
really bad.

"Yes?" she asked, cocking her head to one side, blinking inquisitively.

"Yeah, you see, I'm, um, what's that word? _Not_ gay?"

Mistune: Unhomosexual is the word I think you're looking for.

^_^

Mitsune blinked, staring between Ranma, Keitaro, and then the completely
stunned Aoyama sisters. "Oh, dear," she murmured. "Are you sure?"

Ranma: Drop your pants and bend over, and I'll  show you how straight I am.

"Yes I am sure I'm _not_ gay!" Ranma bellowed, causing the woman to
flinch backwards. "Why the hell do you think I _am_?"

Mitsune: All those onna Ranma lemons, of course.

Ranma: Hey! I was young, and I really needed the money. Besides, it takes a
man very confident in his heterosexuality to sleep with another man.


Yes, I did rip that last half from 'This is Otakudom.' It's too perfect.

"Er... you saw me in my underwear and didn't try to take advantage of me?"

"I was a girl at the-- Oh, hells," Ranma growled, advancing on the woman,
grabbing her wrist, and then sweeping her into a fierce, searching kiss.

Mitsune: (after her breaks it off) Bah. If you call that kissing a woman,
you'd be better off becoming gay. Naru kisses me a lot better than that.

Everyone else: ....


Seriously, that is very direct for Ranma. I take it it's supposed to
indicate he's not as reserved as he once was?

Mitsune struggled for the first few seconds, but quickly eased into the
contact, purring deeply.

Which made Ranma think of a cat and immidiately ruined any enjoyement of it.

Keitaro blinked a few times, then covered his

nose with both hands and began to back away, while Tsuruko murmured,
"Oh, my," and placed a hand across Motoko's wide eyes.

True. He's about to lose points with Moto now.

After easily a minute, Ranma released the woman, who sagged against him
deliriously, giggling. "Shows what you know," he retorted.

"Oooh," Mitsune purred,

Again?

running a hand across his shoulder. "Educate me,

Ranma!"

"Oh, Ranma," Tsuruko piped up, waving her free hand at him. "I believe
you're interested in men, as well!"

What makes her say that?

"Okay," Keitaro said, shaking his head, hands still clamped across his
nose. "This time I'm really leaving."

Probably for the best. Naru might hit him for allowing a man to kiss her
lesbian lover, or some other silly reason.

"Uh-oh," Ranma mumbled, backing into a corner, as Keitaro marched out of
the room.

"You can hide behind me!" Mitsune suggested, winking at Ranma and
grinning widely.

Ranma; Yeah, your ass is pretty wide. I might fit.

Mitsune: My, now you've gone and done it. (Gives Ranma a Naru-like punch)

Sighing, Ranma hung his head in defeat. "Why me?" he moaned. "Um,
Tsuruko-chan, what happened was -- do you remember what I said about
Happosai?"

Tsuruko: That he was great in bed?

Ranma: No! I did not say that.

The woman's demeanor shifted instantly from the calm, playful grin with
eagerly watchful eyes, to a much more purposeful grin, with wiser eyes.
"I do, Ranma," she said regretfully.

I'd drop the 'regretfully'

"Has he returned to taint your life

once more?"

"Uh... yeah. I thought I saw the last of him when I...." He trailed off
clearing his throat uneasily, and staring at his feet.

"Left your old home," Tsuruko supplied, pursing her lips. "I hadn't
imagined your paths would cross again, either, but who can know the

future?"

Most Seers.

"I was kind of hoping you would, actually," Ranma said nervously. "Um...
can I talk to you for a few minutes, alone?"

"Of course," Tsuruko said, nodding.

***

Walking down the hall slowly, Keitaro shook his head. "What a strange
day," he murmured to himself. "They say with the good, comes the bad. No
one ever said, 'with Ranma, things get _really_ weird,' though."

Akane: I did, but you weren't around to hear it.

"'With a Ranma, things get really weird,'" Suu parroted at him, dropping
from a hidden handhold along the ceiling to cling to his back. "What's a
'strange'? Is it delicious?"

I think you meant 'weird'?

"I guess it could be," Keitaro said doubtfully. "But it's just a word
that means out of the ordinary. Why do you ask?"

"Hmm.... Naru said that Keitaro was strange,"

Strange again. Might want to change 'weird' to strange, if she is quoting
Naru

Still, it had reminded Keitaro of something important; he'd never gotten
around to telling Naru about his practice test score. Path set, he began
marching again, this time towards her room. Maybe strange things were
going on, but for once, his own luck was looking up. Other than the fact
that Mitsune had thought he was interested in Ranma, but he doubted any
damage had been done by that one wayward assessment.

Silly boy. You still haven't learned.

Smiling proudly, Keitaro double-checked to assure that his test result
was still in his pocket, and opened the door. He blinked twice, and
closed the door, then turned around, and clamped his hands over his nose
again. "Not inside!" he protested without thinking.

Hmm.

"It's not like it's a big deal," Naru said in annoyance, sliding the door
open and pulling him into her room.

"Ack!" Keitaro protested, closing his eyes. Naru was wearing nothing more
than a rather thin nightgown, nearly transparent, and a pair of white
cotton panties. "Um, Narusegawa, why aren't you wearing anything?"

"I'm wearing enough," she said simply.

hehehehe. Now this misunderstanding is paying dividends for a change.

Peeking through his fingers at her, and trying to allow himself to only
see her face, he asked, "Enough for what?" That question answered itself
quickly; she obviously knew how well he had done on the test, and wanted
to take the next step in their relationship.

Heh. Of course he would jump to that conclusion.

Interesting that Naru assumed he was gay rather than swinging both ways.

"No!" Naru yelled suddenly, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. "I
can't! I... go away, Keitaro! Leave me alone!"

That reaction should throw him.

"Eh... what?" Keitaro asked, backing towards the door quickly. "What's
wrong?"

"I thought... I thought...." She closed her eyes, shaking her head. "I
thought I was ready for it, but I can't hear it from you, Keitaro. Not
yet. Please leave!"

Heh. Now that's a good way to word it so he doesn't understand.

Her head drooping, the girl slid the door to her room shut, leaving
Keitaro alone in the hall.

Mutsumi suddenly poked her head from out of a closet. "If you're giving up
on him, does that mean I can have him?"

***

Motoko stood in the hallway outside her own room, arms crossed over her
chest. Not far away, leaning against the wall away from Motoko's room,

'opposite' instead of 'away' perhaps?

Mitsune fanned herself with a hand, face reddened slightly. "Are... are
you okay?" the kendoka hesitantly asked. "Oe has touched you against
your will -- I assure you that I am willing to do anything within my
power to remove him for his transgression."

Mitsune: Touch him and you die. Moon over him like you eventually do with
Kei boy, and you die.

"Against my will?" the woman mused, her blush fading. "Well, maybe at
first, but it was worth it. I don't want him to leave."

"But... but... but he kissed you! Without your permission!"

I'd combine that into one sentence.

 Motoko

protested, dropping her hands to her sides and balling her hands into
fists. "How can you simply allow that to happen?"

Mistune: Because I'm not gay?

Motoko: Oh, that would make sense, then.

Mitsune smiled, touching a finger to her lips and looking distant.
"'Stolen kisses are, a part of a sweet youth that, vanishes

think you'd be better off dropping the commas.

Hesitating, Motoko considered her choices. On the one hand,

On one hand,

"Oh?" Mitsune whispered, frowning. "Aren't you curious?"

"Of course I am! And you should not use up all of the good listening

places."

Mitsune smirked, and shifted her position. Motoko leant nearby, pressing
her ear to the door, and closing her eyes to concentrate. She extended
her senses, as her training had led her to, to detect the most hushed
nuances of the world around her. Specifically, the speech from the other
side of the door.

I'd drop all after 'Specifically.' We know why she's doing it. It's too
redundent.

"Can you make it out?" Mitsune breathed. "It's a bit too quiet."

Obligingly, Motoko repeated what she heard quietly, as Ranma's voice

asked:

"So, now that you know that, what should I do?"

"Hmm," Tsuruko mused. "It is a difficult decision to make, Ranma. But, at
the same, when you were younger, and

drop comma after 'younger'

 stayed at our dojo, you were never

one to seek guidance from any but your own brother."

"Well, Aniki's really smart about these things," Ranma said defensively.
As an afterthought, he added, "Most of the time, anyway."

Tsuruko giggled quietly. "Ranma, you would probably be wise to follow his
counsel, but he can not

cannot

"But life is like that, isn't it?" Ranma countered, calming himself.
"Okay, well, since I can't ask you for help, that must mean I already
know the answer." There was a moment of silence before Ranma spoke
again, as though reading from a page. "'When all else fails, follow your
heart, and give it your all.'"

"Is that good advice?"

Ranma; Hey, I wrote it down in the notebook, so it must be.

"I will, Ranma, but...."

Motoko grimaced, as the conversation dropped below her hearing level, and
pulled her ear from the door for a moment, pursing her lips as she
considered what to do next. The rushing sound of the door sliding open
startled her, and she froze, eyes opening cautiously. Mitsune stood by,
surprised, and only centimeters away from Motoko herself.

"Uh-oh," the woman whispered.

Which one? Should specifiy here.

Tsuruko stood inside the opened doorway, one eyebrow rising. "I would
advise more discretion in the future, Motoko-chan," Tsuruko said
cheerily. "If you're trying to hide your... preference... more subtlety
might be in order."

"Ack?" Motoko noised, wincing.

Ranma stood behind Tsuruko, and rolled his eyes. "My! Do try not to

Almost seems like Ranma should be talking. Make it more clear it's Tsuruko.

"My, my," Tsuruko murmured, shaking her head. "Such poor behavior,
Motoko. I expected better of you!" The woman began to smile again,
though it was much harsher than her normal, friendly smile. "Ranma, what
punishment do you think we should make her endure?"

Ranma: I was thinking of the sharkskin paddle you used to use on Kintaro and
me when we were naughty.

The man sighed, running a hand through his hair. "She's just a kid,
Tsuruko-chan. Let her off with a warning. I don't think she'll do it
again," he mumbled.

"I am _not_ a 'little kid', Oe!" she protested.

Ranma; Fine. Butt plug it is.

"My, my, my," Tsuruko murmured again, still shaking her head. "That was
not the proper way for you to address Ranma, Motoko-chan." She turned to
face Ranma, her smile softening. "Please, Ranma, she must be punished
for her poor behavior. What should her punishment be?"

The man blinked at Tsuruko in confusion for a moment before shrugging,
and saying, "Uh.... There's some shops in the town that are still open,
and since Happosai's been through here, I bet a few of the girls here
still need to get new... panties, and stuff. Mitsune dragged me along,
but why not just have Motoko take everyone else shopping?"

And pay for it.

Alone, once Haruka had come to retrieve Sarah, Keitaro lay on the floor
to his room, staring upwards at the ceiling blankly. More specifically,
at the hole in the ceiling, covered by a wooden board, and thanks to the
intervention of the repair crews that had been over the inn earlier,
marked off with tape. And thinking of that hole, he could only think of
the person who lived on the other side of it.

Now that has some serious sexual connotations to it. :)

Shaking his head, he rose, and paced across the floor before his desk for
a moment. He would have loved dearly to speak with Naru, but she needed
time alone, and this time, more easily than any other, he could respect
that. After all, she was preparing to take things to a new level in
whatever relationship they had, and that meant... all kinds of things,
really. Some of which Keitaro didn't want to think of, either.

Don't think you need that comma

Ranma stood down from his offensive stance, blinking in surprise.
"Kanrinin? What are you doing here?" he asked, scratching his head.

"Nothing," Keitaro assured him. "Just thought this would be a nice place
to relax for a bit and think."

Ranma; Obviously you were wrong.

"Oh, no, sorry about that. I get kind of lost when I focus on the Art,"
Ranma said, shaking his head, and climbing to the top of the roof.
Heaving a heavy sigh, he sat on the peak, looking down at the city
below, twinkling lights sparkling in the night. "It's a pretty view," he
allowed after a moment.

"I like it," Keitaro agreed, finding a spot to sit a short distance away,
admiring the same lights. "Um. You seem to really focus on your martial
arts."

That's what  Ranma said. :)

"I know what you mean," Keitaro mumbled, wishing he knew what Ranma was
hiding, but unwilling to pressure the man for more information. "I, uh,
can hardly see the stars at all from my parent's house."

Ranma made an absent noise

But if he was absent, how could be make noise? :)

, not looking at Keitaro.

Not wanting to upset Ranma, but still needing an answer, Keitaro asked,
"So, do you think you'll be able to win your fight?"

"Yes," Ranma replied at length. He paused

I'd dump, "Ranma...length. He...' and make it just 'Yes." Ranma paused...

"If everything were that easy, I'd just 'get into Toudai,'" Keitaro
grumped. He blinked again, remembering his test score. "But then...."
Keitaro's eyes widened in sudden alarm. "'In the blood'? Wait! Oe-san
said he was adopted!"

Don't bother the man with details, Kei boy.

***

Trudging along morosely ahead of her sister, Motoko held the various
shopping bags in front of her, wishing they would somehow conceal her
from the ever-watchful eyes of the pedestrians surrounding them. Shinobu
observed hesitantly, but Motoko was certain the girl was trying to mask
an amused smile. For her part, Suu seemed to take the entire thing in
stride,

Suu takes practically everything in stride.

"Well, Motoko-chan, if you behave like a child, you should dress as one,
as well," Tsuruko said serenely, one hand covering the smile that formed
as she spoke.

Heh. So the punishment wasn't so light after all.

Sniffling bravely, Motoko clutched the bags of clothing to herself more
tightly. The shoes were childish, with little stars and hearts all over
them, sparkly and multi-colored. The stockings came up to her calves,
hot pink and with a ruffle that ringed each of them neatly. Her shirt
was powder blue, emblazoned with a bright and cheerful 'Hello Kitty'
logo, though the pacifier on a chain, which hung from her neck, obscured
that.

Darn big pacifier.

 Beneath that, a matching blue skirt extended to just above her

knees, granting her the appearance of nothing more than an exceptionally
tall child. Shinobu looked more mature than she felt at the moment.

Actually she usually is. :)

Tsuruko had even taken her sword away, and as a result, she tried to
hide herself behind the packages she was bearing.

She continued to walk forward in silence, thankful that they were nearly
home. Peeking around the bags in her hands, she was relieved to see the
foot of the long staircase leading up to the Hinata-Sou, and the much
thinner crowds so close to the hilltop. Soon, she would be able to be
home, and put her own clothes back on, and promise her older sister that
whatever it was she had done,

Oh, Motoko knows. I don't think she's that petulant so as to deny it.

nowhere before all the girls, a spreading ring of dust radiating from
beneath his bicycle-tires' point of impact. He nodded to Shinobu and
Tsuruko, then frowned slightly at seeing Motoko. "Eh... I don't want to
know," he said before she could explain herself. "I'll be back in the
morning. Thanks for your advice, Tsuruko-sensei." The man stepped off of
his bike long enough to bow to the woman deeply.

"My, my," Tsuruko mused, smiling, despite

drop last comma

"Why didn't he laugh at me?" Motoko asked cautiously. "I... thought he
would find this punishment amusing."

"Perhaps he's not as wicked as you make him out to be," Tsuruko said,
slightly more sternly. "I am not doing this to you to be petty,

Tsuruko: Well, actually I am. But there are other reasons as well.

It was only lukewarm when decided

when she decided

 she didn't have enough time to wait for

it to heat up, and quickly washed herself, then dressing and heading

dressed and headed (I think)

She shook her head quickly, trying not to peek down Ranma's shirt too
much. But there was no padding there, and Shinobu shuddered, worrying
that she was becoming as perverted as everyone else.

Give in to the perverse. It's more fun, Shinobu-chan.

"I'm okay," she

said weakly. "Just... um... oh, it's nothing, Oe-san."

Ranma shrugged, standing up straight and yawning softly. "I bet I know
what you're thinking. But it's a curse -- I get to look good as a girl.
Which I'm not. It also makes most girls jealous of me. Not fun." She
reached out and ruffled Shinobu's hair unexpectedly. "Don't sweat it,
Shinobu-chan, you'll grow up to be a better woman than I could ever be."

Shinobu giggled in embarrassment, bowing her head. Ranma had seen right
to the heart of the matter,

Which was unusual. But even a poor marksman could hit a target if he kept on
shooting.

Taiso nodded, opening his mouth to say something, but cut off to look
upwards as a terrified shriek rang out. Ranma spun around and looked
skyward, squinting, while Suu held up a hand to shield her eyes and
joined her. Rolling off the edge of the roof in a writhing panic,
Keitaro bounced off of the awning on each floor before slamming directly
into Ranma, the pair then lying in a dazed heap.

Heh. Ouch.

"Oh," Ranma mumbled, scratching the back of her head nervously. "Uh...
you mean about the... uh... relationship between me and... um." She
sighed, wondering how far Mitsune had spread that story before shaking
her head. "Well, um, we've been through worse, so don't worry about it."

Like THAT'S going to make anything better.

"Oh, eh, Naru's a very nice girl," Keitaro said absently, rubbing at a
bruise and wincing. "She's really quite gentle."

"Compared to what?" Ranma asked incredulously.

Keitaro: I mean gentle on the inside. Outside she's as tough as nails.

"Just a bit tired. Stayed up late last night getting ready," Ranma
dismissed, glancing at Sarah as the little girl clung to one leg.

I can't remember why Sarah's so attached to him.

Ranma chuckled, shaking her head. "You're going to get really bored if
you don't let go, because I'm going to

pound you with boards." DB wanted him to say. :)

 bed." She paused, considering,

then frowned. "And Motoko-chan might get the wrong idea. Again."

Pouting, the little girl released Ranma's leg, crossing her arms over her
chest. "If I can't play with you, who can I play with?" she asked.

Ranma: I have a rabid pitbull you can play with. Make sure you play out in
the middle of busy intersections as well. Dont' worry. Pedestrains always
have the right of way, so go ahead and run out, the cars will stop for you.

Keitaro was growing increasingly frustrated with each passing minute. The
repair men were competent, and only really seemed to be marking out
areas that would need attention, excepting the men who had already dug
up the yard to expose the old inn's plumbing.

Which is probably connected to the Fountain of Youth, knowing some of the
bizzare things at the inn.

They measured, and

calculated, and eyed, and considered, but did no actual work.

Obviously union men.

"I'm sure I will enjoy my stay," she deferred, a smile playing about her
lips. "Motoko-chan is embarrassed, but I was wondering if you could show
us to the hotsprings that she has written to me about so often."

Keitaro raised an eyebrow, as Motoko flinched visibly, and began to creep
away from her older sister.

My, did the punishment continue throughout the night?

"With all the repair men about?" Tsuruko mused.

Motoko froze, blanching. "I had forgotten," she mumbled quietly.

Keitaro shook his head, only catching himself after a moment of thought.
"Motoko-chan, don't you have school today?" he queried.

"Some things are more important than school," Tsuruko noted coolly.

Like an education.

^_^

"But we are a school of swordsmanship! We do not fight with only bare

hands!"

"A true warrior uses any weapon that she may, Motoko-chan."

So Motoko pulled out a gun and shot her sister. "How's that?" she asked.

"Oe-san," Tsuruko corrected her gently. "Come along, Motoko-chan, this is
very important."

Sighing, the girl followed her sister, hopping idly over the stream, and
kneeling beneath a tree to watch the arena of combat. Piles of plywood,
roofing material, and pipes lay in neat stacks, remnants of the repair
crew that was just then meandering away from the site. Across the grassy
expanse, Shinobu and Suu sat on either side of Mitsune, who looked
around curiously.

Keitaro joined them after a moment, Sarah knocking him sprawling into one
of the craters from the morning battle until Haruka restrained the girl.

Eh? was he knocked into one crater, or did she do it lots of time?

***

Happosai coughed, pinned to the ground beneath Ranma's foot, only this
time the man had moved so fast that no eye could follow the movement
entirely. "Ranma is the victor," Tsuruko declared, snatching her
handkerchief from the air a hairsbreadth away from the grass. "Very
impressive, Oe-san. What was that move?"

"A part of the true Oe Ronin-Ryu," he said quietly. "I... I think."

"You... win," Happosai wheezed. "Now get off me!"

May, that was really easy. How did he do it?

"Well, as a master, you have the right to teach, Ranma," Happosai said,
grinning widely. "And I don't have to anymore! Nya-hahaha!" With that,
the old man bounced away, vanishing into the trees.

"I feel somehow... cheated," Ranma mumbled, scratching the back of his

head.

You probably were. I take it Happi was old and was concerned he'd die before
he could name a new heir.

Ranma stared at the sword in his hands for a long moment, then raised his
eyes to look at Motoko. "Train her?" he said quietly. "Why are you
asking me to do this, Tsuruko-sensei?"

"I can think of no greater person for the task, Oe-san," Tsuruko said,

"I'm also to lazy to do it anymore,' she added.

"I... I think that Oe-san is a good person," Shinobu said haltingly. "He
is... very responsible. I think we can trust him."

"This Ranma is mine," Suu said possessively, leaping at Ranma, and
clambering onto his shoulders. "I wanna keep him!"

Heh

"What about Narusegawa?" Ranma asked quietly, one hand running across the
hilt of Motoko's sword. "I... shouldn't she have a say in the matter?"

Mistune; She's the bitch in our relationship. I'll make her come around.

Thanks to Corwin for pre-suffering this for me. This was hammered out in
free time at work. Very difficult. "Oh, no, sir! Is very bad you fall
into spring of drown salaryman!"

drowned ^_^

Very nice work. I understand why you haven't had the time to do more of
this, with how busy you are. As to the chapter, overall very good. Happosai
resolution almost seemed anti-climatic, but I assume you wanted it that way.
The training of Motoko was something I did not expect. Naru's assumption
about Kei boy being gay probably shouldn't go on too long. If nothing else
Mitsune will figure out why she's moping and explain what's going on, since
her friend's in genuine misery. Since the kiss, it might be interesting to
see if Mitsune pursues Ranma. Good potential there as well. Looks like some
matters have been taken care of and more potentially interesting situaitons
are to come. Prose flowed well, except where I pointed it out. Working in
small bits makes getting an overall feel for a fic hard,though.

Looking forward eagerly to more.

D.B. Sommer

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